My five year old dd has recently been experimenting with lying.
I know it is a developmental thing but what do I do about it? I find that she lies about stuff and I don't know how to always tell what is the truth and what is a lie. How do I discipline?
Help me experienced mothers!!!
It's totally normal, and IMO doesn't need to be disciplined for. We sometimes said in a laughing way "that isn't true" or something to that effect. They are just learning the power of words and making them think they are bad for it isn't right IMO. They stop once they understand reality vs fantasy.
often it only takes a look and ds1 will fess up and we will move on. we don't dwell on it. he is rather precocious (in general and compared to his siblings...although don't tell them)...so we had a discussion when he was still rather young and said that he should ALWAYS tell us the truth and that he will NEVER be in trouble for speaking out the truth, and that even if there are consequences for negative action that we will always love him and we will always be happier that he told us what really happened. i think a lot of kids lie to make things easier or more fun for them, but that they do feel conflicted. if your child believes that telling the truth will reap positive consequences either for herself or others she might be disinclined to lie.....???
I'm not too worried about it at this point. I think it's normal. But it does get tiring sometimes wondering what has really happened or what she's done.
With my DSD, when she lied at age 5 it was to get something(stay up later, treats, video-game time, etc.) so I'd let her know that the lie (little or big) was bad. If she lied again she'd have to go to her room. I was never mad, just firm. I explained how even little lies can hurt her, and how it makes other people feel bad.
I've found, the hardest part in teaching a 5 year old what's right & wrong is how they perceive others who don't necessarily follow "your rules".
Well.........
My 5 year old is doing this all the time. About stuff she knows I know she is lying about even! It is so frustrating. When she does it I make sure we have eye contact and I will say"when you are ready to tell me the truth I will be waiting in----"
It works, she sits there, stews in it for a moment, comes to me and confesses.
I love it, it works for us.
Nope but I have a four year old who does! LOL I don't discipline her about it...I just ask her if she is telling the truth to which she will smile and then tell me what really happened!
Fortunately for me, my DS1 gives it away when he lies. He can't look at me. So, I say Uh-huh in a certain way...Then he smiles and tells me the truth....
No, but my 3 year old daughter has started. Gosh, I am frustrated too! I notice that I set myself up for a lie. I mean, I ask her a question that I know she does not want to answer, so I have to be careful about that.
Thanks everyone. I do know it is a phase (outgrown around 19, right?) But, she does it so much. I try to keep my patience. And I don't call her a liar anymore. That is such a harsh word and I never should have used it. Anyways...thanks for your ideas.
Here's another thank you. I came here to post about this subject. I'd been re-thinking my stance on lying, after hearing some other mom saying "Lying is a serious offense. You've got to nip that one in the bud right away." She's a spanker, btw.
I've always said, "Ah, it's a phase. I don't take it personally." But then I wondered if I should be more strict about it? Am I blowing it?
Thanks for reassuring me I'm handling it right. Dd is 8 y.o. I don't ask her if she did something if I already know she didn't. Example: brushing teeth. I just tell her to go do it again. When she protests that she already did it, I just insist and say, "Well you must have missed a lot."
I've talked with her about how it's important to tell the truth, so people can trust her. Society would fall apart if everybody lied all the time. But she's rather blunt sometimes. So I finally told her white lies are necessary sometimes. I don't think honesty is the best policy all the time. I told her it's better to tell Grandma she wasn't hungry then to say she didn't like the eggplant casserole.
Originally posted by kindmomma Well.........
My 5 year old is doing this all the time. About stuff she knows I know she is lying about even! It is so frustrating. When she does it I make sure we have eye contact and I will say"when you are ready to tell me the truth I will be waiting in----"
It works, she sits there, stews in it for a moment, comes to me and confesses.
I love it, it works for us.
Kindmomma, I love that idea. DD is not yet 5 but tends to lie about things, too, usually to avoid responsibility or because she knows she has done something wrong. I find it very frustrating, too, because these days it is hard to know when she is telling the truth (except for those really obvious lies, of course). I'm going to try your method - I have a feeling it will work really well!
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