May '04 babes are growing up to be CHILDREN. - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-11-2007, 10:20 AM
 
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MJ do you see your ddddc?
I just noticed! 'Twasn't there last night before I went to bed, I'm sure!

: nothing like a DDDDC to brighten your bleary-eyed morning :

HF, when I was pg with Ethan, Caitlyn was SURE he was a boy. I asked her how she knew, and she said (very matter-of-factly), "I can see his penises."

EL your mom sounds very much like mine in some regards. She has *her* idea of how things will go, and she's not really able to change her program to meet the actual situation. And yeah, at least she mopped the kitchen floor. (Of course, I have issues with my mom such that when she mops my kitchen floor I take it personally, like she thought it was too dirty to walk on anymore. Ah, the neverending cycle of relationship issues...)

The only tornado I ever saw was right there in ABQ, and wow was that scary. And on your new pet.

Nugget we just had our first-ever ballet recital as well. At least C went on twice, but it was rough! Get there 45 minutes early, wait 15 minutes into the show, bawl so you can't see anything anyway, wait another hour, watch the second 3-minute routine. Then we weren't supposed to leave early, but there were stll at least another hour of performances, and it was already 8:30. We sprung C from backstage and made our escape. It was good, she had a great time, but I was so : with the organizers. Sigh.

Lisa
Renae
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Old 06-11-2007, 10:28 AM
 
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Renae, we crossposted. Not surprising, since it takes me 35 minutes to post a few lines of text these days!

Ugh and . Allison is mega-whiny these days, and I've basically started ignoring it. I tell her I can't understand what she wants (which is true) and that if she can talk nicely to me I'll be more than happy to help her, feed her, play with her, whatever. And the meltdowns... patience testers, for sure. When I'm feeling the rage boiling up inside I start chanting "She is three and I am thirty." (I'm older than thirty, but I like the way that sounds.

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Old 06-11-2007, 10:32 AM
 
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OK, Miss PostyPants over here, because for two posts now I've forgotten my initial issue - is it terrible for us NOT to have a party for Allison? Her birthday is tomorrow, and we have... um... nothing. She doesn't need anything present-wise, she can't tell us anything she wants or is interested in (we have waaaaay too much carp in this house). We could have a few people over for something mellow next weekend, but when I asked her what she would like, she said she'd rather go to the zoo than have a party. So, do I call a couple of her friends and invite them to join us? Or do I just let it go, and make a cake tomorrow and call it done?

One last thought - new annoying behavior - when she does something not OK (sitting on her brother for instance), and I ask her not to do whatever it is, she looks at me and yells, "But I'm NOT." :
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Old 06-11-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Miss Juice View Post
One last thought - new annoying behavior - when she does something not OK (sitting on her brother for instance), and I ask her not to do whatever it is, she looks at me and yells, "But I'm NOT." :

Oh MAN, that would drive me ! Hahaha. But as you know, I am already being driven by my child. *grin* Thanks for the thoughts, Juice! I try to do that "He is three and I am thirty(one! )" And well, sometimes it works, and other times... So yeah.

As for the party, goodness, don't feel bad about not giving her a party! If she just wants to go to the zoo, rock on! Less work for you!
I have already been thinking of next year, and maybe not giving a party, but waiting till he's 5 or something. I have plenty of time to think about it, but yeah.
Parties can be fun, but not if no one wants one!

Good luck and happy birthday to Allison! Heehee!

Okay, so he's still watching TV : I have no idea what to do today. I gotta vaccuum at some point...*sigh* No motivation. I suck.
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Old 06-11-2007, 02:37 PM
 
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we didn't do a party for isaac this year and he was fine with it. he wanted to go to chuck e cheese and i debated about inviting a couple of friends but didn't. one of our grownup friends who we call 'uncle' came. and grandma

happy belated 'happy big 3!' wishes to mr. marek i hope he had fun with his grandparents this weekend!

renae - sending hugs your way. i don't have any advice about getting rowan to go places. isaac loves to go places and actually if we *don't* go anywhere he starts getting housecrazy and acting out. i did too much activity last week trying to keep him entertained and i realized i'm not going to feel better if i don't stay off my feet. i spent the whole weekend sitting down pretty much. i still feel like my pelvic floor is completely crushed.

but yeah once they get into a frenzy there is no reasoning with them. isaac has gotten really 'comfortable' with grandma because she has been here for over a week now so he's started being a lot more bratty with her (rather than good behavior when he doesn't know someone really well). he's being RUDE and i'm really working on his tone of voice. 'you can't talk to grandma like that - please ask nicely or say no thank you' that kind of thing.


he pooped yesterday! on his little potty when he woke up from nap. phew! and then a few hours later he had a totally runny accident in his pants and was really upset. and we stocked up on pears and pear juice.

the boobies are feeling better. i think i just forgot the phase where if you don't nurse with regular frequency they turn into boulders. the last year of nursing isaac i really didn't have that anymore even though there was milk. the boulder boobs hurt!

ebin is doing well and my sister in law arrives tomorrow. i'm going to a babywearing class at zenana tonight. my first trip to zenana...i'm excited to see it. (a spa for pregnant and postpartum ladies)
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Old 06-11-2007, 02:52 PM
 
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i'm back. did you miss me? maybe just a teensy bit?

so i have a three year old now, too. i was very nostalgic the past week or so thinking back to three years ago in the final days of that first pregnancy and the whole laboring for a night and a day and another night and a part of the next day. also starting a new tradition with this birthday of writing a letter to the boy(s) and saving it in a box to give them when they turn 21 so they have memories of this year and writings from me. gotta get on that letter now...

my little babe is a crawling MACHINE now! everywhere! nothing is safe: the recycling is particularly fascinating. and the air vents on the floor. and the magnets on the fridge. everything, i tell ya.

bill had to drive up to seattle today for a meeting at the The Evil Empire, and then i have a meeting that i guess i will be dragging both boys to tonight since bill won't be home until after 7 and then he has a hockey game at 820. interesting day, it should be...

renae: marek is "afraid" of a lot of stuff, too. and tv is on way too much around here, too. he requested it last week, and once i obliged but the other time i didn't. we found other things to do. more

just rediscovered "raising your spirited child" by mary sheedy kurcinka and realized, ummm, yeah, i have on of those. i wouldn't have considered marek a spirited child when he was a babe, especially in comparison to mcsb's lily and my friend's son D. but he totally is now. must purchase book. hmmm... powell's run?

ok, off to chiro. bill had an appt scheduled this morning but had to cancel it so i called up and am going instead.

rescuing my slightly frustrated babe from under the kitchen table now... :

~claudia

p.s. the cutest thing ever: marek says "mom, i think stefan is just frustrated because he can't reach his toy."
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Old 06-11-2007, 04:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just here to give out some hugs. : Renae and : Lisa.

I actually have my act together this year wrt Fathers Day, so I'm going to go work on that.
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Old 06-11-2007, 05:09 PM
 
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Renae---C and Rowan are totally in a groove. Maybe we should plan an aquarium meetup so they can swap notes on how unfair the world is. I've actually gotten used to the background noise of whine in the last week or so. : We've been trying to give the behavior less and less attention (though DH is a nag and will engage her) Basically, I state something once or twice and put in the "earplugs" so to speak. The other night at dinner she flipped because the annie's m&c had "milk" in it....i.e. cheese sauce. meal over! Especially funny since we eat so much of it here that I buy it in bulk at costco, but whatever! And then she screamed and hollered and carried on (still in her chair at the table mind you--her choice) for twenty minutes while we ate and shouted " I....want....vanillla....pudding....." over and over and over. Um, yeah, fun times! Despite all her other issues, I'm labeling this all as totally three. She seems to be playing with her power/authority/control over things. She's also not eating as much and she pretty much will eat anything usually. I could go on, but yeah, I have a newly three year old who is just "off" right now. And in between it all charming. Oy.



EL--how frustrating! So the snake is a pet? I have a fear of all things wiggly--eeps!

Well darn weather forecasters...it's 3pm and still no rain so we could have done sesame place after all. DH said if he's not too busy he might take off Thursday and we'll go then. Maybe a trip to the pool after naps if it's still sunny.

Still no luck on the tricycle front. Got the fold and go one at target, but had to return as it was too small. Went to toys rus and tried a couple, but she really needs one with a push bar and they didn't have any of the kettler ones in the store. May just wind up buying online I guess.

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Old 06-11-2007, 10:35 PM
 
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2 quick things - A *loves* her snake, which is a stuffed animal from the Des Moines Zoo. She wants a new one for her birthday.

Also, DH wonders why I wander around the house saying, "Oh, carp." Or, more likely, "CARP!!!"
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Old 06-11-2007, 11:52 PM
 
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Juice has totally not noticed her ddddc. Dang if I'll be doin' that again.

:

TC I missed you!!!! Glad to hear an update. oops...gotta run...sol is "all done" with the bath.
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Old 06-12-2007, 12:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by elsanne View Post
Juice has totally not noticed her ddddc. Dang if I'll be doin' that again.
Whaaaah? I refer you to the first post on this page.
Quote:
nothing like a DDDDC to brighten your bleary-eyed morning
you made my day! I just didn't know it was you.
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Old 06-12-2007, 01:45 PM
 
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Thanks for the guys. I am trying to decide if I should go to MI tonight or wait until the weekend or not at all. I decided last night that I would decide this morning thinking it would all be clearer in the daylight...alas, not really. Choices are: Tonight because my dad is giving up and I am afraid to wait; this weekend because it will be quite a difficult week for Alison to juggle both girls (it's also the last week or school for her) and our friends leave this weekend; or not at all because I can't change anything by going and I am mostly at peace with his death - I do have a lingering fear that I will regret not going primarily because I think my dad wants me to, and I know my mom does, but also because I can't really believe this is happening.

So, I have been reading along the last few weeks. I just don't have any energy to use to post responses and be a good friend. There are several of you that I am thinking about regularly right now because you have tough stuff going on. So don't think I don't love you!
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Old 06-12-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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Big Lisa.

Do you want my vote/thoughts on the matter? Go now. I think you may regret not having that final goodbye. I know you seem to be at peace, but this is a decision that will stay with you forever. And while it will be tough on Alison, I think she would wholeheartedly support you in this. There are times when you have to rely on your partner, and I think this would be one of those times. I hope you don't mind my unsolicited advice.
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Old 06-12-2007, 02:46 PM
 
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That's what I was going to say, too.

When we knew my grandfather was passing, I took my then 2-yr old and my 6-mo pregnant self across 5 states to say goodbye and to be there for my mom. It was hard. But I was so glad to have had that last visit.

Lisa.
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Old 06-12-2007, 03:10 PM
 
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Lisa--you're in my thoughts!

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Old 06-12-2007, 03:14 PM
 
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Lisa- go! You may never get this opportunity again. We call them partners because we are in a partnership- sometimes one has to fill in so the other can take care of life's speedbumps. I would go. But that's just unsolicited advice from me. Either way, you have big hugs from us this week.

Renae- When I read your long post, the thing that just jumped out at me is that Rowan is seeking boundaries. He is at that place where he's learning where he has control in this world, and he's testing the water to see how far his control lies in his relationship with his parents. Clearly, he has a lot of control over you, but he's not entirely sure where the limits are and he's learning how to gain more and more control. The lentil has been trying that same sort of screaming/protesting thing with us, telling us he hates doing things he has always enjoyed in the past. There are times when I'll let him go through the screaming process (remember his 1 hour tantrum at the supermarket a few weeks back?) but I am always going to make sure we end up doing what we set out to do. We hate to do things that aggravate the screaming, that's for sure. But at the same time, we can't do what he wants to do every day, all day long. If the lentil had his way, we'd sit and watch Little Einsteins all day, every day, with periodic breaks for Annie's Shells and White Cheese. (and only that particular type of mac n cheese.) But at three he needs to get out, play, learn how to make new friends, and explore nature. But we're learning to not fear the screaming, and force him to do what we need to do. He's also learning about having priviledges revoked for bad behavior, and although that's a hard pill to swallow, it can sometimes get us where he wants to go. So my longwinded message is to try to remember that you're the boss in this relationship because you really do know what's best for your son. Right now he needs to get out, socialize, experience life, and have a mom who's confident and in control. It's a pretty scary world out there, and he can't possibly control everything, and that's probably pretty frightening for him.

This is all coming from a parenting philosophy that advocates a certain amount of control. I'm not saying we need to beat our kids or live rigid lives, I'm just suggesting that kids want someone to guide them through their days. I had pretty flexible parents growing up, and after their divorce they gave up parenting all together. I remember craving order and rules, because living without rules meant that everything was totally arbitrary. What might get me ice cream one night would get me a spanking the next (so to speak) and it was a very confusing time. I believe rules help kids define their world, give them a sense of security, and help them feel safe and nurtured. If your parenting philosophy is less interested in rules, than this advice is totally bogus. But I couldn't help but throw that out there.

Mom is still here- actually she's at a job interview at this very moment. Nervous for her. Things have been a little tense because she's so wrapped up in her own life that she misses out on my needs. I was on the verge of tears yesterday, but sweets came back from his long weekend last night and we're starting to rally. My mom needs serious limits too, and I'm always trying new ways to negotiate things with her. At first I thought I wasn't being clear in my expectations because she wasn't helping where I needed help. So I told her how I needed her to help me the next morning, with specific examples. And what did she do? She slept in, woke up five minutes before we were to leave, and was totally, frustratingly useless. And she made us late. So I gave up yesterday, and it actually went better without me expecting her to help at all. I know she wants to help, but she doesn't hear when I'm asking for help. It's so freaking frustrating.

Our snake is doing quite well, at least. He likes worms. :
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Old 06-12-2007, 05:46 PM
 
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finishing lunch and eating yet more leftover birthday cake...

happy birthday to the last mmf: MissJuice's A!

renae: limit testing as elola wrote sure sounds like a lot of what rowan is doing. our marek is doing a lot of the same. bought that book i mentioned the other day: raising your spirited child. have yet to crack it open but after this morning, boy, i sure do need to.

tok both boys to my monthly doula support network meeting last night as it was a volunteering and working meeting for the gentle birth world congress that's happening here in portland at the end of september. marek was his usual hesitant self at first (lots of "mom, i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed you." "i'm right here, marek." "but i neeeeeeeeeeeeeed you, mom." what does he actually need? they both did really, really wel, actually. stefan was on my back almost the whole time because he's in the throes of separation issues right now. but it was all good, really. stefan was asleep by the time i drove three blocks, but i drove around for an extra 20 minutes after the 35 minute drive home to get marek to fall asleep because that was easier and quicker than having to go through the whole going to the potty, getting dressed for bed, reading books, asking for countless drinks of water and laying in bed for many minutes with him while he falls asleep.

worrying about stefan and his weight again. he looks skinnier, but maybe that's just because he's gotten longer. must measure his length and head again so i can stop worrying about his almost complete lack of weight gain this past month. also wish his darn teeth would just come in so he would get some relief and also so i can feel better about giving him more food-food. he did gag and spit up after a rice puff got stuck in his little throat the other day, though, and that freaked me and bill both out a bit.

must finish eating cake before S wakes from nap... toodles, poodles! (a la mcSb)

~claudia
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Old 06-12-2007, 05:50 PM
 
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Lisa - I too vote for you to go. Have you said your final goodbye? Because in my limited experience it is valuable. And the memorials afterwards are the period at the end of the sentence of your dad's life. It is closure. If you feel like you need to go then you should. It may not be only for your closure, it may be for someone else.

When MIL was here she held on for two days after everyone thought she would give up. She died right as J was falling asleep. The night before both kids had slept fitfully and restlessly. It is my honest belief that MIL knew this and wanted to spare my kids any pain and she hung on till they were asleep and would not notice the bustling of the hospice workers and the crematorium pickup. She did not want them to realize that when the soul escapes you are left with simply a thing.

I don't know what I am trying to say with that story but there it is.
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Old 06-12-2007, 05:56 PM
 
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Claudia--perhaps all that newfound mobility, plus height growth?? Sorry you're worrying though! The doula meeting sounds fun! Reminds me I need to email my doula after my mw appt tomorrow and get her her deposit.

EL--ack on the mama drama. I have very, very low expectations of my mother and she never disappoints! : I like what you said re: control/boundaries/etc.

I had to run to the doctor's this morning to get an inhaler and C was a wild child in the waiting room/exam room. She's usually quiet as a mouse in public, but not so today. Wowza. And then CVS afterwards was doubly fun. So glad I had them both strapped in the double stroller for containment at least! Have to take E back to the docs at 5ish. Her fever was back up towards 103. TG DH is coming home early to stay with C so we don't have to have a repeat. Especially not when we have to sit in the sick germy, sick waiting room. Both of them are taking long naps at least.

Signed both girls up for swim lessons at the Y last night. I hadn't seen the listing before but they had an adapted class for 3+ so I did that for C because I think she'd be lost in the regular 3-5yr old class. She needs lots o' repetition. Trying to find our summer groove/schedule somehow.

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Old 06-12-2007, 05:56 PM
 
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also meant to send s to lisa. you should go tonight. it will be hard for alison this week, but she knows that there is only one end to a person's life. /unsolicited advice

~claudia
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Old 06-12-2007, 08:25 PM
 
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EL took all my thoughts with regards to your post, Renae. You had me thinking about control and rules and how to navigate that difficult territory with a 3yo. Alison is ace at this - she is a middle school teacher with an early childhood development degree after all. A lot of what you are describing is the same stuff I struggle more with than Alison does (it takes me 20 minutes to get out of the house with eleanor when it'll take her 2 minutes). Maybe there is parenting class that would be helpful - here there is a great parenting program with age specific classes that I sometime think would be helpful to me. Just a thought.

I am thinking I will go to Michigan in a day or two because the news today is that my dad is coming home for hospice care tomorrow rather than stay at the hospital. He's stable and alert and my mom would like help in a few days to get organized rather than during the transition. I will keep you all posted and I appreciate your thoughts.

okay, off to bathe - something I can't recall the last time I did :
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:18 PM
 
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Oh my goodness.

Hugs to you, Lisa. I am glad things are clearer now. I'm sorry you are going through this and am watching your graceful process with admiration and respect.

Claudia, Happy Birthday to your first! Been thinking about you.

Same to you, Miss fresh Juicy juice. Except to your second.

Emmalola, your mama's behavior sounds difficult and frustrating. I think it is hilarious you appropriated a wild snake for a pet. I did that when I was in middle school, with a few worm snakes we found in the woods. Lasted about a week before my mom made me get rid of 'em.

Heather- Hope E feels better and YOU, too! Was the inhaler for you?

Renae - Lily is doing a lot of the same. I find it extremely difficult to follow through with limit-setting. I feel it is important and agree for the most part with emmalola. It is hard for me to find a balance between respectful, parent-led limit-setting and the distasteful idea of "punishment." I think I have a complex. DH is too hard on her (for my tastes), yet I resort to things like bribes when my patience wears thin. Which I don't like, but I don't know what else to do. The main problem is that we don't have time to think about this stuff and create a unified plan for dealing with what is, I truly believe, normal 3-year-old stuff (that drives me absolutely BONKERS because I am already stressed to my limit with other stuff in life right now).

I finished my big paper and had one of big exams today. Blah. One more biggie tomorrow and I am done, oh plus a bunch of excruciating data entry that I have been avoiding all quarter. Also must start thinking about packing for this 2-month trip that is happening in 2 days. O. M. G.

I need a nap. Like a 24-hour nap.

Sarah
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Old 06-13-2007, 03:21 AM
 
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OK, I just got back froma board meeting for preschool. It ended early (10PM)

3 yo are the worst. Even J does these things and N asked me why she is being so difficult. And J is so mellow and easy going. This is causing major sibliing issues because J is not willing to just go along with N anymore, only she would if it weren't for some preprogramed 3yo thing that is occuring. Instead she resists whatever N suggest, and she is not used to compromising at all with J (though she is great at it with others) and then J will hit N. This all started june 1st. Yes, exactly 1 day after turning 3!

I don't think that both parents have to parent the same. We are different people and we can have different techniques. Not that I would call what DH does a technique but :
I do think that it is important to be a united front in the moment and to back each other up in the moment and work out any dissagreement later. DH is very good about this and even if I am being totally unreasonable he will back me up. We often discuss later and realize that I could and should have handled something better. I am not very good at not taking over for him when he is supposed to be in control so that is something I need to be working on.

and when the above fails - yell really loud!

kidding
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Old 06-13-2007, 02:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Random replies (ISP was down yesterday)....

Lisa, I'm glad you're going to get out there to say good-bye to your dad. I agree with everything that has been said. This is a difficult time, to say the least.... I've been thinking of you and will continue.

The 3 thing/difficult age/setting boundaries/agreeing with partner about parenting... doing a lot of nodding my head, but not necessarily about Z (T was a *much* more difficult 3 yr old, to be perfectly frank... I think Z got his "difficult" stage in a little younger, more like 2). I also have to use different techniques with Z than I did with T, so I hope everyone is remembering the proverbial grain of salt. I guess the thing that helped me the most with T was getting out (ironically) when he was driving me crazy. I think I've told you guys about our "going for a trike ride" technique. When Z was a little baby, some days, I think we'd go for 5 or more rides around the block. He would just be going crazy, and it seemed to focus him a bit (and focus me). And the nap. And making sure he got enough to eat. He is *still* such a creature of habit. Otherwise, just . I agree about the whole limits things. With T and setting limits, sometimes, I'd just have to remind myself (over and over and over): "This is developmentally appropriate! This is developmentally appropriate! This is how he's learning limits!" And I can say that now, at almost 6, he "gets" limits really well, does really great with them at school. (Conversely, when he has no limits--ie, with my mom--he's so d@amned good at working the situation.)

Have I mentioned that I have cracks all the way around both nipples from L and teething? :

Gonna try to reconstruct and time-stamp-edit yesterday's blog post...
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Old 06-13-2007, 04:05 PM
 
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OMG, you guys are still around? WOW!!! I belonged to the May 04 Due Date Club and kinda lost touch after I had Lukas. I didn't even go on MDC much and am now active in the Oct and Nov DD Club. This is the first time in ys I checked teh Toddler Forum again.
I even remember some names...WOW!
I guess a littel update is overdue: Lukas just turned 3 and is a very active, very energetic and dramatic child. He fight with and imitates his older brother as much as he can. Since he's such a handful he was sure to be our last child but I recently lost a whoooole bunch of weight and apparently the diaphragm didn't fit anymore. So #3 is due end of October :

It's so great I found you guys again, will keep posting along
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Old 06-13-2007, 04:40 PM
 
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Annika, I remember you! Congrats on your newest! Many of us have had subsequent muffins as well...several still baking in the oven as we speak...

TOTALLY EFFIN EXCITED LADIES BECAUSE I am going to purchase (most likely, it's still not a done deal) a Toyota RAV 4! 1998! I am so psyched. Just today it's all goin' down so I am just beside myself.

Thanks, Uncle Sam! Yeah baby! Head of household two dependents!!!! Single motherhood pays off for once!
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:31 PM
 
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reading along and i've been wanting to post. i should be heading for my nap right now (oh precious window of opportunity!!)

hugs and thoughts for lisa xoooox. i'm glad you are going.

it is good to hear the 'limits' talk for me. i'm a super softie by nature with the 'won't he just want to be good because he wants to?' thoughts. but after my mom and dh were both telling me our dear isaac was walking all over me i had to change my approach. and it has definitely paid off. part of it was working with doug to decide what was ok. what was not. how we handled tantrums. what we set for the rules. and he is consequently a much more pleasant child now. and wow he listens sometimes! :

babo calls.
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Old 06-14-2007, 12:04 AM
 
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I am leaving tonight and will be back next week - I feel I should tell you all this even though it's not exactly unusual for me to have a week pass between posts. Thank you all for your thoughts and good wishes...it really does help and matters a lot to me.
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Old 06-14-2007, 12:09 AM
 
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Lisa. Thinking of you and your family.
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Old 06-14-2007, 12:10 AM
 
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lisa: peace and love and lots of MMF hugs to you... for your father

~claudia
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