I do not understand what my dd says: tantrum - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 4 Old 02-27-2002, 12:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
Natashka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: California
Posts: 155
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
She is almost 4, very verbal but with a funny, "private", self-made language. Sometimes I do not understand what she says; she repeats hundreds (literally) times, in tears. Best strategy so far has been ignoring; she gradually calms down, asks to nurse and falls asleep, or, just changes topic. If I try to guide her to telling me about it in different words, I just fire her misery.

It sure doesn't sit right with me to ignore her but what should I do?

My dh and I have been using her words, under some criticism from family members, who I begin to think, might have had a point...
Natashka is offline  
#2 of 4 Old 02-27-2002, 12:58 AM
 
Sofiamomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Putting boobs in babies' mouths!
Posts: 1,354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dd (5) does the same thing with the private, made-up language. It is quite clever and complex when she gets going. I've always thought she was very creative, imaginative, and intelligent to do that, so I don't want to stifle it or her. That said, I find it terribly annoying when she talks to me in it and expects me to understand her. I guess some part of me feels it is disrespectful to talk to someone in a language they do not share. I think the response on my part may be somewhat irrational. After all, she is probably just trying to get me to play a game with her, join her in her world, etc. I find that very difficult. Lots of moms on here talk about playing with their children, but I don't do it very well. I do try and am learning, but find that many of the other adults she is close to, do it gladly and willingly so I cut myself some slack. Anyway, I am off an a tangent! What I do is explain to dd that I think she is very funny, clever, etc. and it is good to use her imagination, but that I don't like it and not everyone likes everything, so she can play those games with people who enjoy them, or when she is playing by herself. I do sometimes hear her dolls and toys "talking" to each other in a made-up language.

I don't know if that helps. It is kind of a different situation, but maybe your dd would be able to differentiate times when she can use her language in games and play, and times when she needs to communicate with you in a language you both understand. Of course, you would probably have to talk to her about it when she is not in the middle of a tantrum!

SMC to Sophia, age 15, and Eleanor, age 9, and mother hen to too many nursing students to count!

Sofiamomma is offline  
#3 of 4 Old 02-27-2002, 08:08 AM
 
Ms. Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: MotheringDotCommune
Posts: 22,427
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your feeling frustrated because you can't talk to her during the tantrum and you feel your ignoring her. I can see where your comming from. But, if she's getting upset when you try to be a part of the trantrum, maybe she's telling you see needs a few moments to rage and be done with it.

I don't think your ignoring her, but if you feel you need to say something, maybe you could say "I'll be X when you need me, I love you" and leave her alone (not necessarily leaving the room).

It's hard, you don't want your daughter to feel alone when she's so upset. However, you said she comes to you when she's done. I think she knows your there for her when she needs you.
Ms. Mom is offline  
#4 of 4 Old 03-06-2002, 06:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
Natashka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: California
Posts: 155
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've found both replies so helpful. I have since let myself be there but not actively participating during a tantrum, no tantrums since!

Sofiamommy, my situation is actually quite similar. Her private language is very creative; and I cannot yet get myself to play with her enough.
Natashka is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off