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Street Smart Rules

721 views 10 replies 6 participants last post by  Charles Baudelaire 
#1 ·
Hey all, my once 'stay as close to momma' 3 y/o has all of a sudden grown some wings and has become independant. All through her babyhood and toddlerhood she has stuck right by me, was very shy, I never had to worry. Now however she is always walking off alone, starting to ask about strangers, answering the phone etc.

I really would like to brush up on some safety rules that are appropriate for a 3y/o so we can start teaching her about what is safe and not safe. Do talking about these things frighten little ones?

Any resources you can reccomend? Books/websites/your own rules?

TIA
 
#2 ·
Read "Protecting The Gift" by Gavin DeBecker.

Honestly, though, you can't expect a three-year-old to take any responsibility for her own safety. It's fine to teach her rules (and the book addresses how to keep children safe without scaring them), but you can't assume that she will follow them. It's fine to tell your child that she needs to stay where you can see her - actually, I always tell my child to stay where SHE can see ME, because she's not a very good judge of whether or not I can see her - but you can't expect them to keep an eye on themselves.

Something from the book I always remember is that the author says that if you wouldn't do it with your wallet, don't do it with your child.

To give you an idea, my dd is 4 1/2 and I still ask her come into the public bathroom stall with me, and if she doesn't want to come in, she has to stand where I can see her feet. She also knows that it is fine to talk to strangers (talking to strangers is actually an important skill) as long as I am right next to her.

Read the book, really!
 
#3 ·
We're working on that, too.


We're in an urban area, so that may make a difference, but some are universal, I guess.

Have two sound-bites from our "playground rules," which we go over on the walk to the playground ...

1. Stay in the playground.
2. Don't talk to anyone outside the fence of the playground.

Want to make them really sound-bites, easy to remember for them and easy to remember for me (okay, I'm not that old, but still ...)

Looking forward to the rest of this thread ...

 
#4 ·
I also recommend Protecting the Gift, great book.
What I think is appropriate for little ones is to teach them that if they are ever lost or separated, to find a GROUP of people (ie a family) or a WOMAN preferably with a child/ren.(NOT a policemna/security guard/person in uniform) Teach them their full name, phone number and address as well. I think that most of us about those "tests" that talkshows have doen on children's stranger-danger skills. Don't try to teach them not to talk to strangers, it doesn't work. I would emphasize that they need to tell you when they are going somewhere though.
 
#5 ·
So far so good! Thanks everyone.

I really am looking for things like teaching her her full name, phone number, address, things like that.

I have been lately pointing out police cars and explaining that they are here to help us and if we ever need help you can talk to them but I have been doing that just more as conversation to get the ball rolling and didn't really know where I was going with it...knowing that I didn't want her to think that just anyone in a uniform is approachable.

Why do you not teach them to go to police officers? Is it because they can be confused by different uniforms, not knowing the difference? Please tell!

I love the idea of telling her to find a group of people or a mommy if she is in trouble.

I am going to look at the library for the above mentioned book.

Ok, keep them coming!
 
#6 ·
Second or third on Protecting the Gift. I had to return it to the library before I finished it but it was getting good. It's scary initially but push on through. He really doesn't advocate being overly protective just really paying attention to your own instincts and helping your child do the same so when the time comes for them to do stuff on their own they have the skills to protect themselves.

I have three year old, too, and we've started to talk about what to do if he got lost (ask a Mommy for help). I don't dwell on it because of course it's a pretty scary concept for him and not likely to happen at this age. He won't read the book Franklin Gets Lost anymore but that's how we got the conversation started. We also have a book called The Midnight Tow Truck where this boy gets into a tow truck with the driver and rides around picking up cars and trucks. It's supposed to be "magical" but I always interject comments about what the boy should have done (he should have asked his Mommy/Daddy before leaving the house, he shouldn't have gotten into the truck without asking his Mommy/Daddy, etc.). I think stories are a good way to bring this information home to little kids. It's not so abstract, ya know? And not as scary because it's happening to somebody else.
 
#7 ·
Try making up a song to teach their address and phone number- it really helps!
The reason that you don't want to teach them to just go to a police officer is because to a small child, any uniform can look like a police officer, especially security guards. Do you realize how many serial killers have been security guards? Plus, most guards are men, and a single man is the LAST person you want a lost child to go to for help- they are the most likely to be a predator.
 
#8 ·
To add to khrisday's reply about uniformed guards, yep, lots of ex-cons become security guards. Son of Sam was a security guard. So was the guy who kidnapped and sexually abused Steven Traynor (they made a movie out of that story).

Telling your child to find "another mommy" or at least a woman to ask for help if he/she is lost is a smart idea because, according to DeBecker:

- if your child chooses someone herself, the odds make it nearly impossible that she will CHOOSE a dangerous predator, but if she waits for someone to approach her, it is much more likely that the person will have harmful intent. Predators seek out kids who look vulnerable. (This goes for adults, too - if your car breaks down in a parking lot, you're better off asking someone for help than accepting help from someone who offers it unasked.).

- Nearly 100% of sexual predators are straight males.

- A woman, especially a mom, is much more likely to stick with the child until his parents are found, while a man is less likely to "commit" and will more likely deliver the child to a store manager or security guard and let them handle the situation.

A good thing to teach when kids get older is that you'll never send someone else to get them at school woithout telling them first, unless there is an emergency, and in that case you should have a code word, so that the friend or neighbor you do send can say "higglety-pop" and your child knows that you sent them. Change the word once a month and keep it a family secret.
 
#9 ·
I'd like to fourth the recommendation for the DeBecker book.

One of the things he said that stuck with me the most was the fact that most people most of the time are mostly OK, which means that if your child chooses someone completely at random, the odds are in his favor.

The odds, though, are radically NOT in his favor if a stranger chooses him , KWIM?

Pregnant women, old women, women with children or toddlers, women with other women, even teenage girls head the list. Old men, men working in stores, men with women, and LAST OF ALL, single men, are at the bottom of the list.

I'd do "test runs." Tell your child in advance that you'll have a friend or acquaintance phone your house and see what info. he can get out of your child. Then you can discuss what info. to give and what to say. You might also try having the friend or acquaintance see if he or she can get your child in his or her car (Believe me, this needs to be a VERY GOOD FRIEND, for obvious reasons) and then discuss why or how this situation could have been avoided.

I think it's crucial to do "test runs": real life is never as neat as it is in your head or in practice.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!
 
#10 ·
No offense Charles, but I think that is way beyond the comprehension of a 3 year old. That's why at this age you can't let them out of your sight long enough for somebody to convince them to get into a car and they shouldn't be answering the phone.

As the mother of a 3 year old I just am not ready to explain to my son WHY he shouldn't go with someone without asking me first. Like the original poster, I am introducing these concepts in little bits so he can digest them slowly. Am I just chickening out and avoiding the big issues?
 
#11 ·
Sorry -- you know your child best. I don't have a 3-yo yet, so I'm really not *sure* what's beyond their comprehension or not yet. However, my advice stands ...just implement it when it would work for you.

Maybe make it into a game. Go to the mall and point out "safe" people --maybe only one or two kinds at first (e.g., mommies, old ladies) and play "Who would you ask?" ("Okay, ds -- if you were lost, who would you ask for help?") and have him essentially "profile" the people in the mall. Then next time, you could do 2 more types, and so on and so on.

I don't know if you're chickening out. I don't think you need to go into graphic detail about what can happen. Perhaps if you just said something like, "It's dangerous to go with someone you don't know. They may not be a nice person. They might hurt you." Yeah, it's an uncomfortable fact to deal with, but I'd rather have them know (within reason) that not everyone is a good person.

Good luck, and hey -- use it if it works. You know your kid better than I do!!!!
 
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