Sister leaving 2 little ones for 3 weeks!! - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 10:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by thismama View Post
I don't get the clapping. I think there are some very basic errors of logic in the post you quoted.

Should I tell you that if you made the choice to be married when you had children, you should never pass any judgment on anything, ever?

Please. The logic does not hold up. We all make judgments, and we make life choices based on our judgments.

The sheer duh factor astounds. :
Where's the illogic? She stated that what's right for one family or one child or one mother is not necessarily right for another. That some people may believe that Choice A is absolutely positively wrong, but that doesn't mean it truly is. People can go around saying a WOHM has absolutely positively made the wrong choice, and they may truly believe it is wrong, but, in reality, it may not be wrong for another person, and may even be right for some families. People may think that being a single mother is absolutely positively wrong, but that doesn't mean it truly is, and may be the RIGHT choice for someone else. Child X might have issues with being left with someone other than mom at age 3. Child Y might have no issues with it. And Child Z might not be ready to be left with someone other than mom until age 7 or 8. Each mother, each family, each child is different, which is what dragonflyblue stated. Why try to push every mother and every child into the same neat little box?

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#122 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 11:07 PM
 
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I just don't see the problem here. I don't know why this makes them immature, dumb, selfish or not real parents. Mothering is important, but the relationship between two parents is important too and so is the well-being of both parents.

I do home daycare to keep DS out of daycare, because I'd rather him be home with me. I don't, however, think there's anything wrong with putting a child in daycare. If I did, then I wouldn't do daycare, because I wouldn't be able to work with the parents at all. I do think a parent should try to find quality daycare and stick with it, not shuffle their kids around, and I don't think kids thrive spending 51+ hours or some crazy amount of time in daycare. But in and of itself daycare just doesn't bother me. I use the daycare facility at my gym now and again, 2 hours at a time. I have my friend babysit so DH and I can go on dates. I have the right to exercise and stay in good shape, to have mommy time to myself, and to spend time alone with my DH. It doesn't negatively affect my child. He enjoys playing with other kids and hardly notices I'm gone.

I also don't see the harm in being seperated from mama for 3 weeks, if they are used to seperation, weaned, able to talk to mama on the phone, etc. I don't see anything selfish or immature about leaving your children with their loving grandparents to go visit a deployed DH who is alone in a foreign country. I wouldn't do it, as DS has yet to spend a night away from me and probably couldn't handle it at this point. I feel a very strong desire to be near him (he completes me!). He hasn't spent much time with his grandparents, because we're stationed away from them. If I did go visit DH during a deployment I would bring DS, and if I couldn't, then I probably just wouldn't go. But that is me, at this point in our life. If DS was used to being away from me, knew his grandparents better, and if I couldn't afford to bring him, I'd have no problem leaving him with his grandparents for 3 weeks.

Even if it was a cruise I'd see no problem with it. I have a neice and nephew, ages 3 and 1, and they were left with their grandparents while their parents went on a cruise. I didn't think much of it at all. I think married couples have the right to spend time alone together, to do adult things from time to time. They made sure the kids were well cared for, and these kids are used to staying with grandma, love grandma, etc. They weren't harmed by it that I could tell. Neice understood that mama was coming back, and when BIL was deployed, she knew he was coming back then, too.

Even my son knows his dad is coming back when he leaves. He has been deployed or TDY'd several times. DS knows he's coming back. When he comes back he remembers him and is surprised. He talks to him on the phone when he's gone. It's the same as if he went to work. DS knows he's coming home at the end of the day.

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#123 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 11:24 PM
 
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Where's the illogic? She stated that what's right for one family or one child or one mother is not necessarily right for another.
She basically said "All choices are equal." And she created an example of that by highlighting a choice I have made that some would disagree with, implying that I should never disagree with somebody else's choices because some disagree with mine.

I find it ironic the judgment demonstrated in a post about non-judgment, via the poster's choice to highlight my status as a single mama for use as example.

I am no less at liberty to judge anyone else's choices than a married mother. Unless you judge that being unmarried is somehow worse.

I find the implication otherwise to be highly insulting.
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#124 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 11:27 PM
 
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She basically said "All choices are equal." And she created an example of that by highlighting a choice I have made that some would disagree with, implying that I should never disagree with somebody else's choices because some disagree with mine.

I find it ironic the judgment demonstrated in a post about non-judgment, via the poster's choice to highlight my status as a single mama for use as example.

I am no less at liberty to judge anyone else's choices than a married mother. Unless you judge that being unmarried is somehow worse.

I find the implication otherwise to be highly insulting.
I'm not saying all choices are equal. I'm saying that it is up to each family to choose what is best for them.

Afterall, who is better suited to make those coices? An outsider or the people actually involved?

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#125 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 11:30 PM
 
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I'm not saying all choices are equal. I'm saying that it is up to each family to choose what is best for them.
To an extent that is true. However there is much grey area here. Some things are patently not allowed, they are illegal. Some things are strongly frowned upon. Other things are frowned upon by some, considered fine by others.

I agree that there is much vicious judgment toward mothers. However I think leaving young children for three weeks is something that will negatively impact them, straight up.

I don't think all mothering decisions should be off limits to outsiders. This is one that I consider worthy of having a (negative) opinion of.

As I said, YMMV.
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#126 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 11:34 PM
 
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Obviously there are things that are illegal and even harmful. What is illegal is black and white. What's harmful sometimes is, but not always. Some things are harmful to some but not to others. This is the kind of situation where an individual decision must be made considering the good of the family as a whole.

What about those mothers who have to be deployed for 12 months, particularly single ones? What about a mother who has to go away for a 3 week business trip?

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#127 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 11:38 PM
 
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Obviously there are things that are illegal and even harmful. What is illegal is black and white. What's harmful sometimes is, but not always. Some things are harmful to some but not to others.
And still other things are not illegal, but pretty generally harmful across the board.

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This is the kind of situation where an individual decision must be made considering the good of the family as a whole.
Why can mama not take the kids with her? : That is IMO the correct solution.


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What about those mothers who have to be deployed for 12 months, particularly single ones? What about a mother who has to go away for a 3 week business trip?
I think those situations cause equal harm.
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#128 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 11:41 PM
 
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From the OP:

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Originally Posted by Happy Becky View Post
I My nephew--3 yo-- had a VERY rough time with the transition to his Daddy being gone when he went to Korea in May. He's been acting up like crazy lately and I don't think my sister knows how to deal with him or discipline him lovingly so I think he's running amuck and I'm afraid for what this three week separation is going to do to him now! The kids are not going to be able to understand that in 21 days Mommy will be back...
I totally agree.
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#129 of 176 Old 07-17-2007, 11:56 PM
 
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But you have a loving partner to trade off with if need be. Is there never a time you feel the need to be out by yourself to just get something done? Ever a need for some time to just breathe? My guess if you ever have those times your partner takes care of the kids. The OP's sister doesn't have that and on top of that she's most likely missing and worrying about her partner. DS is with me all day (we unschool too) but I'm not sure I'd make it if I was facing a year without time by myself to run errands after I'd completed my own schooling and tried to find some clients.
Yes, I do have a loving partner NOW. My husband is not the father of my first son though and I have been a single mother in the past, while a full-time college student (my child was with a babysitter while I was in class 18 hours a week, so I guess I did get some time to "just breathe" if you consider college a break [which I do, actually, as a SAHM now] except I was home all summer). I've been a single mom on welfare. I still would not have considered leaving a toddler for 3 weeks.
A break is one thing. Sure, get a babysitter and go see a movie or read a book or hang out with your friends a couple hours a week. We could all use that. But full-time daycare by choice and a 3 week separation is beyond needing a break.
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#130 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:02 AM
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Why can mama not take the kids with her? : That is IMO the correct solution.
That was already discussed. It's VERY expensive, passports are needed (and not very easily obtained nowadays, it takes longer, more paperwork and red tape, etc), and it may not even be allowed since Korea is a hostile zone.
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#131 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:03 AM
 
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That was already discussed. It's VERY expensive, passports are needed (and not very easily obtained nowadays, it takes longer, more paperwork and red tape, etc), and it may not even be allowed since Korea is a hostile zone.
Oh, that sucks.

Here I could get an emergency passport for my daughter in less than a week.

The 18 month old would fly free. The 3 year old would get a child's fare.

I know nothing about the 'hostile zone' bit though.
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#132 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:14 AM
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Yeah, there's no childs fare (you pay per seat-no matter the age or size of the person occupying it), and I'm almost positive that an 18mo would need their own seat as well. Someone said that for one adult round trip to Korea was $3k. With 2 kids it'd be $9k. And that's not including the extras (passports, food, lodging, transportation from home to airport and from airport to base, if there's a weather difference-the clothing, etc).

It's really a freaking shame the way the military discounts families, including children, in so many ways.
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#133 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:15 AM
 
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In an ideal world, families would not be separated for such extended periods of time. In an ideal world, families would have a wide circle of friends, family, and community in which everyone felt loved, valued, and secure.

Until the OP's sister finds herself in such a perfect world, a world in which saving her marriage and the intactness of her whole family is a non-issue, she has to make the best choices she can with the limited tools she has available.
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#134 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:16 AM
 
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Where does it say that she has to save her marriage? I must have missed that.
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#135 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:20 AM
 
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Just as it is a gut feeling and natural assumption on your part that this act has the inherent potential to damage her young children, I have a gut feeling and natural assumption that two people who are married with a family who are forced by circumstance to spend an entire year apart would put a slight strain on one's familial and marital relationship, to put it mildly.

Slightly OT... but everytime I see your name, thismama, I often think of changing mine to thatmama. LOL
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#136 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:21 AM
 
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FTR, I agree it has the potential to damage her young children. I also agree it has the potential to "not". It is quite possible that it is in her and her family's best interest for her to take this trip and keep her marriage healthy and her sanity intact.
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#137 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:25 AM
 
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Just as it is a gut feeling and natural assumption on your part that this act has the inherent potential to damage her young children, I have a gut feeling and natural assumption that two people who are married with a family who are forced by circumstance to spend an entire year apart would put a slight strain on one's familial and marital relationship, to put it mildly.
Yeah, I can see that.

I still think three weeks is too long. Did he have to take the job? What other options existed? Did they plan for her to leave the children for three weeks from the beginning?

These are the things I would be thinking about if I were making that decision. And I just can't see myself ever coming to the same conclusions as the OP's sister and BIL.

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Slightly OT... but everytime I see your name, thismama, I often think of changing mine to thatmama. LOL
Go for it!
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#138 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:25 AM
 
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FTR, I agree it has the potential to damage her young children. I also agree it has the potential to "not". It is quite possible that it is in her and her family's best interest for her to take this trip and keep her marriage healthy and her sanity intact.
Sanity can be kept intact in other ways. I'm a single mama, I know how it is. I don't need three weeks away from my child to keep my sanity.
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#139 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:47 AM
 
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Did he have to take the job? What other options existed? Did they plan for her to leave the children for three weeks from the beginning?
Oh, right, because they're in the happy-clappy military (maybe you missed that part) where you get to tell them where you want to go and if it's going to be a problem for your family, well, no biggie, we'll just skip that nasty old nuclear thingamabob going on over there in Korea. No daddies need to go there, we have plenty of volunteers!

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Sanity can be kept intact in other ways. I'm a single mama, I know how it is. I don't need three weeks away from my child to keep my sanity.
Could you twist this a little more? Seriously? Not even the Worst Sister On Earth said she's taking this trip for her sanity. She's taking it to see her husband, who is far away in a crappy situation and maybe needs his wife as much as she needs him.

Maybe she wouldn't be so stressed if she quit work and got welfare.
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#140 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:50 AM
 
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Her DH is military. He is deployed. You don't have much of a choice after you enlist. You go where they send you, when they send you.

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#141 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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Oh, right, because they're in the happy-clappy military (maybe you missed that part) where you get to tell them where you want to go and if it's going to be a problem for your family, well, no biggie, we'll just skip that nasty old nuclear thingamabob going on over there in Korea. No daddies need to go there, we have plenty of volunteers!
Well, I wouldn't join the military or marry anyone who did.

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Could you twist this a little more? Seriously? Not even the Worst Sister On Earth said she's taking this trip for her sanity. She's taking it to see her husband, who is far away in a crappy situation and maybe needs his wife as much as she needs him.
I was responding to someone else who talked about sanity. That's why it's good to actually read the thread.

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Maybe she wouldn't be so stressed if she quit work and got welfare.
Hell, I agree. Better on the dole than in the military. WAY better.

*******

I'm gonna duck out here. Honestly I see that this is a complex situation, and the mama is making a tough decision. I don't argue with that. I don't think it is black and white. I'm not even arguing that she shouldn't go, although I am stating quite clearly that *I* wouldn't go. Me and she are different things.

The only clear judgment I am making is that IMO such a long separation will be harmful to such young children.

Maybe it's worth it in her situation, maybe it is not. That I cannot say. But IMO it is harmful, without question.

Good night. :
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#142 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:55 AM
 
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Well, I wouldn't join the military or marry anyone who did.



I was responding to someone else who talked about sanity. That's why it's good to actually read the thread.



Hell, I agree. Better on the dole than in the military. WAY better.

*******

I'm gonna duck out here. Honestly I see that this is a complex situation, and the mama is making a tough decision. I don't argue with that. I don't think it is black and white. I'm not even arguing that she shouldn't go, although I am stating quite clearly that *I* wouldn't go. Me and she are different things.

The only clear judgment I am making is that IMO such a long separation will be harmful to such young children.

Maybe it's worth it in her situation, maybe it is not. That I cannot say. But IMO it is harmful, without question.

Good night. :

Harmful to whom and in whose opinion?

While you are entitled to your beliefs, beliefs are not facts. You know your child. You are best equipped to make life choices for her. Same goes for this other mama...

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#143 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 12:58 AM
 
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Harmful to whom and in whose opinion?

While you are entitled to your beliefs, beliefs are not facts. You know your child. You are best equipped to make life choices for her. Same goes for this other mama...
Harmful to the children, in my opinion. How is that not obvious? :

Very true that my beliefs are not facts, as your beliefs are not facts. We are having a discussion about our opinions. On a discussion board. An ATTACHMENT PARENTING discussion board, although that doesn't seem to matter much in this conversation.

I didn't say I was best equipped to make life choices for this mother. In fact in this post you just quoted, I said the opposite. As I said above, it is really good to actually *read* what people are saying before you respond.

My judgment here is this, and only this: I believe it is harmful to young children when they must endure a long separation from their primary attachment figure. Whatever the reason.

I can't believe that is being so hotly debated here on MDC.

Hope I have clarified to your satisfaction. I'm feeling pretty done here.
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#144 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:17 AM
 
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Being seperated from your parents for 3 weeks isn't harmful across the board for every single child in every single family. You don't know her kids so you don't know how this is going to affect them.

What's correct isn't our choice to make but hers. A plane ticket to Korea costs a LOT. Two or three cost even more. When my DH was facing potentional deployment there, I looked up the cost of tickets for me and my child. There was no way we could afford a ticket, much less two. I don't know how I'd make it through a 10-12 hour flight with a 2 year-old sitting by me, much less with a 3 year-old and an 18-month old. I don't know how I'd keep them entertained, keep them from driving everyone else including me crazy, etc. It takes time to obtain passports, which also cost money. International travel may even require vaccination for the children. Maybe she doesn't want to take her kids to Korea, because of issues about the country or the base? There is a reason it is an unaccompanied tour. Maybe she wants to spend some time with her husband? Who knows?

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I think those situations cause equal harm.
I bet that makes those single working mommies and military mommies with SAHDs for husbands feel REAL good! I don't think my child has been harmed from being away from his father for a month or more at a time a few times a year. They have a pretty good relationship, and those who know DS feel he is quite well adjusted.

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Here I could get an emergency passport for my daughter in less than a week.
Good for you! But I couldn't get one in less than a week. I probably couldn't even pay for one at the moment. Maybe this woman can't either.

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The 18 month old would fly free. The 3 year old would get a child's fare.
Not on EVERY airline and not on those flying out to Korea. Moreover, buying just ONE ticket to Korea will cost you enough. Buying TWO still costs a LOT of money even if they offer a 'child's fare,' which most international flights don't. The 18 month old would have to sit in mama's lap during the ENTIRE flight if that was allowed, and that is a LLLLOOONNNGGGG flight. Not everyone can have an 18 month old sit in their lap for 10-12 hours, and not everyone can buy a ticket to Korea, or two, or three. Flying with my DS for 2 hours is a pain in the @$$ and leaves me exhausted. I can't imagine flying for five times that with DS+1 all by myself.

Why does this have to be an issue of saving her marriage or not? It will help keep her marriage strong through the deployment. That's just as important. I visitted DH during his 4 month deployment, and even though it was a short deployment, I think that time was very good for us as a couple and as a family. I was able to bring my son because it was a domestic deployment (but not a TDY for some strange reason). There are ways of maintaining contact, but there is no substitute for real physical closeness. One year is a lot longer to go without a hug than 3 weeks.

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Well, I wouldn't join the military or marry anyone who did.
I said that too until I fell in love with a boy who had already signed up to go to basic training a few months after we began dating. The military made a man of him and has enabled him to provide a damn good life for us. I rather enjoy owning my own home and vehicle, the security of knowing that the paycheck will always come twice a month, having food on my table, knowing that my DH is getting a free college education and training that will enable him to make an even more wonderful life for us when he's done with the military, etc. I wasn't counting on falling in love when we started dating, but we did--and I don't regret it.

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Better on the dole than in the military. WAY better.
I'll tell my husband you said that. I'm sure it will make his time away from his family and his long hours at work seem so appreciated. Just so you know, you enlist for a certain time period, and you can't just suddenly get out because you don't want to go on a deployment. You don't get out until the jig is up.

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An ATTACHMENT PARENTING discussion board, although that doesn't seem to matter much in this conversation.
So people who are in the military or have spouses in the military can't be proper attachment parents? I thought AP was more of a general philosphy than a set of strict guidelines. I guess I'm just not crunchy enough. Because my husband is in the military.

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#145 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:24 AM
 
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My judgment here is this, and only this: I believe it is harmful to young children when they must endure a long separation from their primary attachment figure. Whatever the reason.

I can't believe that is being so hotly debated here on MDC.

Hope I have clarified to your satisfaction. I'm feeling pretty done here.
ITA. I would think that most people who practice attachment parenting would be concerned about a scenario like the one the op posted about, regardless of the situation at hand. I know that I would be concerned for the kids and how they would respond to such a lengthy separation and at such a young age. I would be concerned about possible trauma from such a separation and personally could never physically be separated from my child without having some severe problems myself (I think I would be physically ill, actually). The OP is obviously practicing attachment parenting with her children, thus, this sort of thing concerns her...as it should. But most people do not practice AP, and it's obvious that her sister doesn't. So, I guess it comes down to this: Does the OP have the right to be concerned for the welfare of her niece and nephew? I say yes, absolutely. Does she have any say in the matter whatsoever? No.
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#146 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hottmama View Post
Yes, I do have a loving partner NOW. My husband is not the father of my first son though and I have been a single mother in the past, while a full-time college student (my child was with a babysitter while I was in class 18 hours a week, so I guess I did get some time to "just breathe" if you consider college a break [which I do, actually, as a SAHM now] except I was home all summer). I've been a single mom on welfare. I still would not have considered leaving a toddler for 3 weeks.
A break is one thing. Sure, get a babysitter and go see a movie or read a book or hang out with your friends a couple hours a week. We could all use that. But full-time daycare by choice and a 3 week separation is beyond needing a break.
ita




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Where does it say that she has to save her marriage? I must have missed that.
it was never said just assumed...



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Originally Posted by MadWorldSonnet View Post
That was already discussed. It's VERY expensive, passports are needed (and not very easily obtained nowadays, it takes longer, more paperwork and red tape, etc), and it may not even be allowed since Korea is a hostile zone.
true i looked it up, it's expensive but according to my dp "i would suggest they eat some top ramen for awhile b/c it's not fair that he isn't getting to see his kids, and the kids aren't seeing him"


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Originally Posted by thismama View Post
And still other things are not illegal, but pretty generally harmful across the board.



Why can mama not take the kids with her? : That is IMO the correct solution.

i know when i first posted i was the first one to suggest this and then the debate began ....da dum da


I think those situations cause equal harm.



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Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post
Obviously there are things that are illegal and even harmful. What is illegal is black and white. What's harmful sometimes is, but not always. Some things are harmful to some but not to others. This is the kind of situation where an individual decision must be made considering the good of the family as a whole.

What about those mothers who have to be deployed for 12 months, particularly single ones? What about a mother who has to go away for a 3 week business trip?
umm...if you go away for a three week trip i would think you would call a trusted friend to stay at the hotel w/your kids while you did what you had to do...that's what i would do...i am totally against leaving a child for three weeks i don't care what it's for (i know someone is going to have a great what if post for this )




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Originally Posted by lalaland42 View Post
That is definitely true and if the mom was leaving for 3 weeks so she could go on a celebrity cruise, I would be with the OP. But no, she is going to visit her DH who is deployed in Korea for a year. Sometimes moms need to make choices that suck and IMO this is one of those times.

What struck me most about the OP was how she talked about how horrible her sister is for using daycare to run errands but she never once mentioned going over to help her out. Or helping her in some other way. Her sister has 2 small children, is starting a business to support her family and her husband is overseas. She needs family support right now.

people have just assumed the worst about the op not offering help...just as they have assumed the worst about those mom who don't like to leave their dc... may the op has offered help and the sis refused it!




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Originally Posted by Kirsten View Post
i'm begging this time please quote one person in this thread who has said "i'm better blah blah blah" i keep seeing people refering to it but no one is hitting "quote" i'm happy you spelled it out, i couldn't figure out why eveyone was getting their knickers in a twist....i must have missed those threads b/c i've never seen moms getting told they "don't love their kids as much" imo that is an awful thing to say...

I'm not sure I've ever seen "I love my kids more than you do because you use high school sitters and I don't." Or "I'm a better mom than you are because I've never been away from my kids for longer than five minutes and they are 14, 11 and 7."

It is inferred. Read between the lines and it is really very clear. There are people here who think they are better than I am because they homeschool and I don't. Or they EBF or cosleep or any number of other things. Moms who had c-sections are sometimes assumed not to have done their research by those of us who homebirth. Different opinions on discipline, circ, vax, on and on and on.

It is just human nature. We do what we think is best, and tend to look down on (in whatever subtle, nicely put way) others who didn't do that.

Saying "I would never" and "it would harm them" IS judging. We all judge.[/quote]

why is "i would never" judging and not just making a simple statement about yourself? ex. i would never eat clumpy milk! am i judging milk?reading between the lines and getting offened is your choice imo. i say what i think and try to make it VERY CLEAR in fact most of this post has been so debatable b/c people have read between the lines and got their knickers in a twist!


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Originally Posted by DragonflyBlue View Post
I'm not saying all choices are equal. I'm saying that it is up to each family to choose what is best for them.

Afterall, who is better suited to make those coices? An outsider or the people actually involved?

some familys choose to abuse/kill their kids, they think it is ok...outsiders step in and throw them in jail...so in some cases outsiders are necessary!



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Originally Posted by thismama View Post
To an extent that is true. However there is much grey area here. Some things are patently not allowed, they are illegal. Some things are strongly frowned upon. Other things are frowned upon by some, considered fine by others.

I agree that there is much vicious judgment toward mothers. However I think leaving young children for three weeks is something that will negatively impact them, straight up.

I don't think all mothering decisions should be off limits to outsiders. This is one that I consider worthy of having a (negative) opinion of.

As I said, YMMV.

bolded ITA




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Originally Posted by thismama View Post
From the OP:



I totally agree.

yeah this is why i started my reply to this topic...i was worried about the kids based on what the op said!


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Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Oh, that sucks.

Here I could get an emergency passport for my daughter in less than a week.

The 18 month old would fly free. The 3 year old would get a child's fare.

I know nothing about the 'hostile zone' bit though.
me either according to expedia i CAN go to korea and they didn't tell me jack about it being a hostile zone or restricted!


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Originally Posted by candiland View Post
In an ideal world, families would not be separated for such extended periods of time. In an ideal world, families would have a wide circle of friends, family, and community in which everyone felt loved, valued, and secure.

Until the OP's sister finds herself in such a perfect world, a world in which saving her marriage and the intactness of her whole family is a non-issue, she has to make the best choices she can with the limited tools she has available.
where is saving her marriage anywhere in this thread? i am under the impression it is just assumed!



Quote:
Originally Posted by thismama View Post
Sanity can be kept intact in other ways. I'm a single mama, I know how it is. I don't need three weeks away from my child to keep my sanity.
can i use this?
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#147 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:31 AM
 
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It seems there's a lot of personal agenda going on that will get this thread shut down. I'm not sure how helpful that will be to the OP or her sister.
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#148 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by glorified_rice View Post
The OP is obviously practicing attachment parenting with her children, thus, this sort of thing concerns her...as it should. But most people do not practice AP, and it's obvious that her sister doesn't.
Just wondering - why do you assume that the sister is not practising AP? Because she wants to see her husband and has made arrancegemts for her children to stay with their grandparents who will probably lavish them with tons of attention while their mom is visiting their dad?
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#149 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:31 AM
 
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I searched for tickets for next month for one adult, one 3 year-old, and an 18 month old in lap. It came to $2695.20 per person for a total of $5390.40. Do you have that much just...laying around? Like most military families, we don't at the moment.

Of course the three weeks isn't just about needing a break. It's about her and her husband needing to see each other, because their hearts ache when they are apart. Maybe she thinks this will help them stay strong through this deployment. Maybe she thinks spending this quality time with their grandparents will be good for the children. Maybe she just wants to spend some time alone with her husband.

Quote:
if you go away for a three week trip i would think you would call a trusted friend to stay at the hotel w/your kids while you did what you had to do..
Okay, so if I was a single mommy supporting kids by myself, and I had to go on a business trip, I'd fork over the money for myself to travel, plus my kids, plus my friends and pay the hotel fee for all of us rather than just myself. Because three weeks without me would be so hellish even though they are used to being away from me in daycare. What about my imaginary friend's job and her kids? Or is this friend childless and jobless?

Quote:
me either according to expedia i CAN go to korea and they didn't tell me jack about it being a hostile zone or restricted!
You can go to Korea, if you have the $3000 a pop for a few plane tickets. Do you? If so, great for you! Not everyone is so fortunate. Nevertheless, it is still a hostile place that not everyone wants to take their kids to visit.

Quote:
some familys choose to abuse/kill their kids, they think it is ok...outsiders step in and throw them in jail...so in some cases outsiders are necessary!
This isn't a question of abuse or murder, and making that comparison is just... ridiculous.

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#150 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by TCMoulton View Post
Just wondering - why do you assume that the sister is not practising AP? Because she wants to see her husband and has made arrancegemts for her children to stay with their grandparents who will probably lavish them with tons of attention while their mom is visiting their dad?
I'm not even going to answer this.
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...64/ai_12338076
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