Sister leaving 2 little ones for 3 weeks!! - Page 6 - Mothering Forums
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#151 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:44 AM
 
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My parents would leave me with random stranger babysitters from a very young age and I'm kinda damaged. I was really promiscuous and didn't protect myself from getting close with random stranger people. I don't know!?!?

It could happen.
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#152 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:46 AM
 
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I searched for tickets for next month for one adult, one 3 year-old, and an 18 month old in lap. It came to $2695.20 per person for a total of $5390.40. Do you have that much just...laying around? Like most military families, we don't at the moment.


umm...i think this is where a loan would come in...

Of course the three weeks isn't just about needing a break. It's about her and her husband needing to see each other, because their hearts ache when they are apart. Maybe she thinks this will help them stay strong through this deployment. Maybe she thinks spending this quality time with their grandparents will be good for the children. Maybe she just wants to spend some time alone with her husband.

yeah maybe she does, just like those kids want to see their daddy!


Okay, so if I was a single mommy supporting kids by myself, and I had to go on a business trip, I'd fork over the money for myself to travel, plus my kids, plus my friends and pay the hotel fee for all of us rather than just myself. Because three weeks without me would be so hellish even though they are used to being away from me in daycare. What about my imaginary friend's job and her kids? Or is this friend childless and jobless?

i said WHAT I WOULD DO...i guess you missed that part, i have one child...so i would bring one friend not that much extra expense...one room double beds, drive there, etc.



You can go to Korea, if you have the $3000 a pop for a few plane tickets. Do you? If so, great for you! Not everyone is so fortunate. Nevertheless, it is still a hostile place that not everyone wants to take their kids to visit.

no i do not, dh is trying to get his disability, and i am about to start watching a newborn, but i like i said before i would take myself to the bank or a friend for a loan....


This isn't a question of abuse or murder, and making that comparison is just... ridiculous.


maybe so...but hey it's the only comparison that hasn't been made on this thread!and if you read the whole thread you might have seen where it was being talked about!

*ftr* i have only been saying what i would do, and i am not sure why what i would do is such a big debate!
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#153 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:52 AM
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Originally Posted by CaraNicole View Post
umm...i think this is where a loan would come in...
You don't know anything about her financial situation. She's a military wife who goes to school (forgot what it said, but I thought it said everyday) and works PT.

Plus she's 23-not very many 23yos have great credit to just walk into a bank and say "Yeah, I'd like some money for me and my kids to visit my husband. Around $9k should do it. Great then!"
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#154 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by emma_goldman View Post
My parents would leave me with random stranger babysitters from a very young age and I'm kinda damaged. I was really promiscuous and didn't protect myself from getting close with random stranger people. I don't know!?!?

It could happen.


But being left with random strangers is completely different than being left with loving grandparents.
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#155 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 01:58 AM
 
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We're talking about a daycare center they are going to attend regularly and a visit with grandparents, not random strange babysitters.

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umm...i think this is where a loan would come in...
laughup

For one, personal loans are incredibly difficult to acquire, even for those with good credit. Credit cards are easy enough to obtain, but only if you have a good credit score and a high enough income will you get a limit high enough to enable you to spend in excess of $5390.40. Moreover, it would take months or years to pay that off at the usual 21% interest rate, so you'd be paying for those three weeks for a good long while. I hate when people just say, oh, if you don't have the money, just charge it! I get that all the time from my family when they want me to buy something I don't need or come visit them. It's a stupid thing to do unless you absolutely have to, and not everyone has the ability to do it. I learned the hard way how dumb it is to whip out a credit card, how difficult it is to secure a loan with low income much less a high debt to income ratio, and how hard it is to pay off a high balance at a high interest rate. We're still learning that lesson. I think the OP's sister is rather intelligent to avoid that situation. And maybe, like us, she learned the hard way too and is still learning. She may very well have student loans if she's going to school, which could make it hard for her to get credit for $5500 or so much less to afford to pay it back.

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yeah maybe she does just like those kids want to see there daddy!
I bet they do, but that's the price you pay to serve your country: lots of sacrifice. Most military families can't afford one ticket to Korea, much less two or three. The money ain't that great.

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i said WHAT I WOULD DO...i guess you missed that part, i have one child...so i would bring one friend not that much extra expense...one room double beds, drive there, etc.
Not everyone has that option.

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no i do not, dh is trying to get his disability, and i am about to start watching a newborn, but i like i said before i would take myself to the bank or a friend for a loan....
I don't have a friend or family member that could loan me $5500. What if the bank said no? You probably just wouldn't go then, right? Same here, but that's me. That doesn't mean the OP is wrong to do otherwise. Perhaps the OP, like me, doesn't have a friend or family member to give her the money. Perhaps she put this trip on her credit card and reached her limit just to buy this ticket? Spending $3000 usually pushes a family's budget, especially when they are lower-ranking military. Perhaps they are already in debt and can't rack up anymore? There does come a point when people stop giving you money.

There's going to be a big debate anytime someone is called selfish, dumb, immature, and not a real parent for leaving their children with loving grandparents for 3 weeks while they fly 10 hours all the way to Korea, shelling out an excess of three grand, to see their deployed husband who is all alone in a foreign country. And when that act is compared to abuse and murder.

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#156 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:00 AM
 
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But being left with random strangers is completely different than being left with loving grandparents.
Yeah, but what if the kids don't know them? And being suddenly parented by grandparents could be shocking to the sensitive child.

I know my grandparents are beloved by my DC, but they're not *close*. My DC is still kinda scared of grandpa...
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#157 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:00 AM
 
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I just HAVE to post this....to vent or whatever! I just cannot fathom doing this myself!!

My sister is 23 and has a 3 yr old son and 18 mo. dd. It seems like my sister and brother-in-law wanted kids early and now that they have them, they're too immature to quit acting like dumb kids and like a real Mommy and Daddy. I don't know...

My brother-in-law is in Korea for one year and my sister is leaving on the 24th to go visit him for two weeks. She's going to leave her two kids with his parents!! The worst part is, to make the "drop-off" easier, she's taking them to meet her father-in-law 4 days early so that it falls on the weekend! So now by the time they are there for 4 days, my sister is in Korea for two weeks and gets back to get them, the kids will be at their grandparents house for 3 weeks w/o Mommy or Daddy!!! I just cannot fathom doing this to my kids! 3 weeks is WAY too long! My nephew--3 yo-- had a VERY rough time with the transition to his Daddy being gone when he went to Korea in May. He's been acting up like crazy lately and I don't think my sister knows how to deal with him or discipline him lovingly so I think he's running amuck and I'm afraid for what this three week separation is going to do to him now! The kids are not going to be able to understand that in 21 days Mommy will be back...that she just went on a long vacation without them!!

Also, this was their first week in a brand new day care full-time instead of part-time...don't even get me started on this issue!! My sister goes to school every morning from 8-11 or 12 so the kids were in daycare for the mornings after their Daddy left. Now she switched them to a different day care for all day so that she can have more time to do whatever...she's a massage therapist and wants to build her clientell...but also now she can go to the gym by herself, go grocery shopping by herself, etc. etc. It just seems so crazily selfish to me! I just could not do it! I'm not trying to undermine the hardship she is going thru, with her hubbie deployed for a year, basically being a single parent for a whole year, etc...but it seems to me there has got to be other ways to deal with it and get some "alone" time to keep her sanity. It just makes me feel like she is NOT ready to drop her own priorities to be a M-O-M-M-Y. It seems so selfish and immature to me!

I just really feel that it is my calling to be a Mom and that being one is THE single most important job on the earth! I am willing to forsake myself for my kids' comfort, etc. She's just not doing that and I can't see where she's coming from.

I should stop now...what do you all think?? I'm sad for my nephew and niece!



i'm pretty much done w/this thread but fron what i get the op is just worried about her niece and nephew! i would think with an ap board the rest of us would be too...she gave her opinion and i gave mine and i guess not wanting to be away from your kids is just not cool around here!

peace...
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#158 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:02 AM
 
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I do see that she's "just worried," though I don't think there is any reason to be.

I also see where she called her sister and her husband dumb kids, selfish, immature, not real parents, etc. for making this decision.

It looks to me like they are in daycare so she can get her education and try to build a business--for school and for work. Plenty of children are in daycare full-time, even the children of many of the attachment parents here on MDC. It's not harmful in and of itself. It's just not what I would do unless I had to.

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#159 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:06 AM
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Cara-I can have fun with bolding the OP too. Lets go!

(I'll just snip though)


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She's just not doing that and I can't see where she's coming from.

I should stop now...what do you all think??
Hmmm...so I guess she didn't want to know our thoughts or have things explained from different possible perspectives? : Yeah.

This wasn't worded as a support only thread. She asked. We answered.
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#160 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:07 AM
 
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I don't even get why anyone is arguing about this. She's not selling them on the black market. She's leaving them with their grandparents for three weeks. To see her husband who is in a dangerous area thousands of miles away for months and months. I mean how nice for everyone who controls their environments so perfectly they never have to deal with complications, but not everyone is as uh, a great of a planner as you apparently are.
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#161 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:08 AM
 
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We're talking about a daycare center they are going to attend regularly and a visit with grandparents, not random strange babysitters.

actually of you would READ the first post, you would of caught where they just started a NEW daycare, and they are MEETING their father in law 4 days early...


Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">umm...i think this is where a loan would come in... </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
laughup

For one, personal loans are incredibly difficult to acquire, even for those with good credit. Credit cards are easy enough to obtain, but only if you have a good credit score and a high enough income will you get a limit high enough to enable you to spend in excess of $5390.40. Moreover, it would take months or years to pay that off at the usual 21% interest rate, so you'd be paying for those three weeks for a good long while. I hate when people just say, oh, if you don't have the money, just charge it! I get that all the time from my family when they want me to buy something I don't need or come visit them. It's a stupid thing to do unless you absolutely have to, and not everyone has the ability to do it. I learned the hard way how dumb it is to whip out a credit card, how difficult it is to secure a loan with low income much less a high debt to income ratio, and how hard it is to pay off a high balance at a high interest rate. We're still learning that lesson. I think the OP's sister is rather intelligent to avoid that situation. And maybe, like us, she learned the hard way too and is still learning. She may very well have student loans if she's going to school, which could make it hard for her to get credit for $5500 or so much less to afford to pay it back.


i'm not even going to respond to this...i do not need a lesson in banking tyvm!


Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">yeah maybe she does just like those kids want to see there daddy! </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
I bet they do, but that's the price you pay to serve your country: lots of sacrifice. Most military families can't afford one ticket to Korea, much less two or three. The money ain't that great.

hmm...mom can't sacrifice to? what is good for the goose is good for the gander....


Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">i said WHAT I WOULD DO...i guess you missed that part, i have one child...so i would bring one friend not that much extra expense...one room double beds, drive there, etc. </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Not everyone has that option.


if you have a friend you have the option...case closed


Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">no i do not, dh is trying to get his disability, and i am about to start watching a newborn, but i like i said before i would take myself to the bank or a friend for a loan.... </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
I don't have a friend or family member that could loan me $5500. What if the bank said no? You probably just wouldn't go then, right? Same here, but that's me. That doesn't mean the OP is wrong to do otherwise. Perhaps the OP, like me, doesn't have a friend or family member to give her the money. Perhaps she put this trip on her credit card and reached her limit just to buy this ticket? Spending $3000 usually pushes a family's budget, especially when they are lower-ranking military. Perhaps they are already in debt and can't rack up anymore? There does come a point when people stop giving you money.

There's going to be a big debate anytime someone is called selfish, dumb, immature, and not a real parent for leaving their children with loving grandparents for 3 weeks while they fly 10 hours all the way to Korea, shelling out an excess of three grand, to see their deployed husband who is all alone in a foreign country. And when that act is compared to abuse and murder.


please read this whole thread before you keep posting, you jumped in and missed ALOT... well if it doesn't get pulled anyways...
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#162 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:14 AM
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Originally Posted by CaraNicole View Post
if you have a friend you have the option...case closed
Serious question--where are you coming from?!? Case closed?

I have a few friends, and this would NOT be an option. My friends are all mothers and/or work FT and/or are not people I'd trust my kid with for any length of time over 30min.

You are a very lucky, privileged person, and this shows in your posts. I hope you are thankful of this every single night. I really do.
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#163 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:15 AM
 
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actually of you would READ the first post, you would of caught where they just started a NEW daycare, and they are MEETING their father in law 4 days early...
Where did she say that they were meeting the grandparents for the first time? I believe that she meant that her sister and the grandpa were meeting four days before she left to exchange the children and not that the children were meeting the grandparents for the first time.
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#164 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:15 AM
 
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Cara-I can have fun with bolding the OP too. Lets go!

(I'll just snip though)




Hmmm...so I guess she didn't want to know our thoughts or have things explained from different possible perspectives? : Yeah.

This wasn't worded as a support only thread. She asked. We answered.

true...remind me to never ever post "what do you think here"
i posted what i thought in the beginning of this thread and it was a big deal b/c i said *I* wouldn't leave my child for three weeks...it was turned into a huge debate and i'm kinda lost on what the debate is now...

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I don't even get why anyone is arguing about this. She's not selling them on the black market. She's leaving them with their grandparents for three weeks. To see her husband who is in a dangerous area thousands of miles away for months and months. I mean how nice for everyone who controls their environments so perfectly they never have to deal with complications, but not everyone is as uh, a great of a planner as you apparently are.

b/c we don't have anything better to do tonight... i'm glad you think i'm such a great planner!
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#165 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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Serious question--where are you coming from?!? Case closed?

I have a few friends, and this would NOT be an option. My friends are all mothers and/or work FT and/or are not people I'd trust my kid with for any length of time over 30min.

You are a very lucky, privileged person, and this shows in your posts. I hope you are thankful of this every single night. I really do.
i may be wrong, and i sure wouldn't want to accuse, but i'm just reading snark out of that post...

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Where did she say that they were meeting the grandparents for the first time? I believe that she meant that her sister and the grandpa were meeting four days before she left to exchange the children and not that the children were meeting the grandparents for the first time.
i could of read this wrong but please read for yourself...

"My brother-in-law is in Korea for one year and my sister is leaving on the 24th to go visit him for two weeks. She's going to leave her two kids with his parents!! The worst part is, to make the "drop-off" easier, she's taking them to meet her father-in-law 4 days early so that it falls on the weekend"

if someone has a better reason for the 4 days early than meeting the fil please explain it to me...
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#166 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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actually of you would READ the first post, you would of caught where they just started a NEW daycare, and they are MEETING their father in law 4 days early...
I did catch that. Again, we are talking about a daycare center that they will now be attending regularly and a visit with loving grandparents. That the daycare is new doesn't mean they are being left with random strange babysitters, and that they are meeting their GRANDFATHER four days before the mother leaves doesn't mean that either.

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hmm...mom can't sacrifice to? what is good for the goose is good for the gander....
Are you serious???

She is sacrificing! She's sacrificing 3 weeks with her children. She's spending 2 weeks shy of a year without her husband. She's raising two children by herself, holding down the fort alone. She's keeping the house clean, managing the finances, doing all the errands, paying all the bills--all by herself. You have no idea what military spouses sacrifice while their husbands are deployed! And if you did you wouldn't be up at arms about her spending 2 weeks in Korea with her husband and leaving her children with their grandparents for 3 weeks.

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if you have a friend you have the option...case closed
No, you don't have that option just because you have a friend. Maybe all of your friends have jobs and can't take off work. Maybe they all have children. Maybe you have several children and can't afford to pay for travel, food and lodging for yourself, all of the children, your friend (and perhaps her children), etc. Maybe you send your kids to public school, and it's the middle of the school year. Maybe you homeschool, but you don't have any home schooling friends. And maybe you don't want them to miss 3 weeks of lessons. Having a friend doesn't necessarily mean you'd have that option.

I did read this thread, and nothing in it makes my points about the OP sister's potential ability to spend money on a plane ticket any less valid.

And if you don't have the $5000 to go to Korea then you're no better of a planner than the OP's sister, apparently!

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#167 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:30 AM
 
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if someone has a better reason for the 4 days early than meeting the fil please explain it to me...
This is what it sounded like to me: Rather than drop them off at their her father-in-law/their grandfather's house and leave immediately, she is going to spend 4 days there with them until they are used to being there. Or, she is going to let them stay there alone for 4 days while she is still in the country in case she's needed. Or heck, maybe this is the only time she can arrange to travel down there to take them there. She wasn't very clear. She didn't say this was their first time ever meeting their grandfather--just that she was taking them there 4 days before her plane leaves to make it easier.

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#168 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:30 AM
 
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true...remind me to never ever post "what do you think here"
And it only took you 5 months to figure it out! I WISH I had been such a quick learner.

And just so I don't come off as a total smart ass, I guess I should comment on the thread topic.

I don't think I would/could leave my kids for that long, but that's me. The OP's sister is in a situation that is sooooooo far from any kind of normal situation, I feel like judging her is a bit out of my league.

I also feel that in the big picture, kids know if they are loved or not and a few weeks with their grandparents will not necessarily "damage" them.

I guess what it comes down to is a risk/benefit analysis. How badly does she need the time with her DP? Will her leaving the kids damage them more than her marriage will be damaged if she goes without seeing him for a year? Yes, they are little and need their mama, but they also need their parents to stay married. IMO, that's important, too.
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#169 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:32 AM
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i may be wrong, and i sure wouldn't want to accuse, but i'm just reading snark out of that post...
You are wrong. I honestly do think that you're lucky and privileged and that you should be thankful for all the options you have available to you. I mean that 100%.

Unfortunately, however, I do feel that people's personal lifestyle and experiences have colored their views of other situations with a somewhat rosey (yet at the same time, so black and white) hue. That's not snarky at all, it's the truth, put as simply and gently as I can.
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#170 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:43 AM
 
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It seems there's a lot of personal agenda going on that will get this thread shut down.
And it couldn't happen a moment too soon... :

Love how these threads bring out the best, most compassionate and constructive side of our community. I will say it's impressive how deep people can dig in their heels and how tightly they can cling to their righteousness.
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#171 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 02:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post
I did catch that. Again, we are talking about a daycare center that they will now be attending regularly and a visit with loving grandparents. That the daycare is new doesn't mean they are being left with random strange babysitters, and that they are meeting their GRANDFATHER four days before the mother leaves doesn't mean that either.
so being in a new day care for about a week is long enough to make you secure? i'm glad some kids can adjust to an all new day care center that fast...my cousins daughter who is almost 4 still isn't over her day care teacher leaving A. Year. AGO.

Are you serious???

She is sacrificing! She's sacrificing 3 weeks with her children. She's spending 2 weeks shy of a year without her husband. She's raising two children by herself, holding down the fort alone. She's keeping the house clean, managing the finances, doing all the errands, paying all the bills--all by herself. You have no idea what military spouses sacrifice while their husbands are deployed! And if you did you wouldn't be up at arms about her spending 2 weeks in Korea with her husband and leaving her children with their grandparents for 3 weeks.

i'm half way serious...and really annoyed i posted in this thread that i would NOT leave my child for that long...just couldn't do it...and somehow that has been spun into this fun convo with you...


No, you don't have that option just because you have a friend. Maybe all of your friends have jobs and can't take off work. Maybe they all have children. Maybe you have several children and can't afford to pay for travel, food and lodging for yourself, all of the children, your friend (and perhaps her children), etc. Maybe you send your kids to public school, and it's the middle of the school year. Maybe you homeschool, but you don't have any home schooling friends. And maybe you don't want them to miss 3 weeks of lessons. Having a friend doesn't necessarily mean you'd have that option.

so am i to assume that because a couple of my friends could do this they are... jobless, childless? actually the friends who could have all of the above...i have one kid, not in school so when i said it was what *I* would do that what i ment...b/c it's what *I* would do and all...

I did read this thread, and nothing in it makes my points about the OP sister's potential ability to spend money on a plane ticket any less valid.

And if you don't have the $5000 to go to Korea then you're no better of a planner than the OP's sister, apparently!
please tell me what you are talking about? how is this relevent?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamameg View Post
And it only took you 5 months to figure it out! I WISH I had been such a quick learner.

And just so I don't come off as a total smart ass, I guess I should comment on the thread topic.

I don't think I would/could leave my kids for that long, but that's me. The OP's sister is in a situation that is sooooooo far from any kind of normal situation, I feel like judging her is a bit out of my league.

I also feel that in the big picture, kids know if they are loved or not and a few weeks with their grandparents will not necessarily "damage" them.

I guess what it comes down to is a risk/benefit analysis. How badly does she need the time with her DP? Will her leaving the kids damage them more than her marriage will be damaged if she goes without seeing him for a year? Yes, they are little and need their mama, but they also need their parents to stay married. IMO, that's important, too.

be very very careful my first post started out like yours and look where i am now....
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#172 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 03:03 AM
 
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so being in a new day care for about a week is long enough to make you secure? i'm glad some kids can adjust to an all new day care center that fast...my cousins daughter who is almost 4 still isn't over her day care teacher leaving A. Year. AGO.
That's your cousin's daughter. It's not relevant to the situation of other people and other kids with completely different lives and personalities.

I don't see what their security with regards to daycare has to do with the situation of staying with their grandparents for three weeks, but no, I don't think a change in daycare shatters a child's security in their parents and the world completely. It hasn't happened any of the times I've got new clients or had clients go to a new provider.

Quote:
i'm half way serious...and really annoyed i posted in this thread that i would NOT leave my child for that long...just couldn't do it...and somehow that has been spun into this fun convo with you...
This fun convo is the result of your implying that the OP's sister isn't sacrificing, too, because she's going to Korea for 2 weeks, amongst other things and that she could/should have spent the $5000 on plane tickets and however much more on passports and whatnot so that she could take her kids to a hostile country, even if it meant borrowing money she can't pay back. Your acting as though because you could or would do something, others could or should is another contributing factor. Even if you're only half-serious about the comment related to the OP's sister's sacrifice, it shows a clear lack of understanding for what military spouses with children go through while thier husband's are deployed.

Quote:
so am i to assume that because a couple of my friends could do this they are... jobless, childless? actually the friends who could have all of the above...i have one kid, not in school so when i said it was what *I* would do that what i ment...b/c it's what *I* would do and all...
No, you are to NOT assume that because a couple of your friends could or would do this that everyone has a couple of friends who could or would do this. You didn't just say it's what you would do; you also said "if you have a friend, you can do it, case closed." If it ever does happen, you have fun making your friend lose money by taking off of work, making your kids and hers miss school, paying for travel and lodging for your kid and her and her kids, and shacking everyone up in a hotel for 3 weeks! I'll pass! No matter what you want to believe is plausible not everyone has the ability to take their kids with them every time they go somewhere!

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#173 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 03:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moonfirefaery View Post
That's your cousin's daughter. It's not relevant to the situation of other people and other kids with completely different lives and personalities.

I don't see what their security with regards to daycare has to do with the situation of staying with their grandparents for three weeks, but no, I don't think a change in daycare shatters a child's security in their parents and the world completely. It hasn't happened any of the times I've got new clients or had clients go to a new provider.

apply that same logic to what you just said...it is bad b/c they went from 1/2 day care where they know everyone to, full daycare where they are "new" and do not know anyone...


This fun convo is the result of your implying that the OP's sister isn't sacrificing, too, because she's going to Korea for 2 weeks, amongst other things and that she could/should have spent the $5000 on plane tickets and however much more on passports and whatnot so that she could take her kids to a hostile country, even if it meant borrowing money she can't pay back. Your acting as though because you could or would do something, others could or should is another contributing factor.

actually i don't really care anymore what the op's sis does... i said what i would do and was hassled about it, first it was the battle of the best mother...then more drama...oh yeah and more... i am going to make this as clear as possible....


IF I WERE THE OP'S SIS, MY KID WOULD GO WITH ME NO MATTER WHAT OR I WOULDN'T GO... that is my opinion...i'm glad i have wasted so much of my night on this... that is all i was trying to say but now i'm off in la la land and have no idea what the debate is this time...


No, you are to NOT assume that because a couple of your friends could or would do this that everyone has a couple of friends who could or would do this. You didn't just say it's what you would do; you also said "if you have a friend, you can do it, case closed." If it ever does happen, you have fun making your friend lose money by taking off of work, making your kids and hers miss school, paying for travel and lodging for your kid and her and her kids, and shacking everyone up in a hotel for 3 weeks! I'll pass!

i said if you were me...b/c i was talking about what i would do again you had a friend case closed.... you didn't get my last post forget it...
anyways i'm going outside to smoke, if this thread isn't pulled and you have more to say i'll reply to you but i am sick of this stupid debate...
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#174 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 03:59 AM
 
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i've had the chance to cool down...i'm sorry if i offended anyone, this thread has spun out of control and i can't believe i let myself get this mad about something on the 'net... once again i offer my apology if i offended you...
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#175 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 04:48 AM
 
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WHERE is Happy Becky???? So much confusion; she could clarify facts for us.

It is so interesting to me what 10 years time can do to your opinions. A very good friend of mine took a 10 day trip to France with her dp about ten years ago. At the time her dd was just a baby - nine months old maybe? Dd stayed home with gramma - who lived in the same town and baby saw a lot. Believe they stayed in the dd's house. Mom and dad called every day.

Then I was horrified, because France isn't going anywhere and their child was young. I still think it was too long, and would have been better if the child was old enough to understand that they were going and would be back.

But... now I really understand how hard it is to keep a marriage strong long term. And it is clearly in the child's best interest for the parents to spend some time on their connection too. I know I neglected my dp's needs and wants when our first dd was young. I was so focused on her - not balanced even a little bit.

Being a parent is hard work. Being married is hard work. The OP's sister is 23 with two young children and a deployed dp. And going to school and starting a business. Sounds like she is doing an amazing job. No judgment from me!
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#176 of 176 Old 07-18-2007, 04:53 AM
 
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I'm closing this thread, it appears that everything that could have possibly been said, has

"Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen." Ralph Marston

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