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need book suggestions for sibling dynamics

453 views 1 reply 2 participants last post by  journeymom 
#1 ·
I've read "siblings w/o rivalry" twice now, and am getting ready to read it again.

Other than that, are there any good books out there for coping with fighting siblings? It seems to be the one thing that sends me right over the edge of sanity these days.

They either love each other devotedly, or seem to be out to kill each other. One extreme or the other -- and *so* much intensity.
 
#2 ·
Well, I can sympathize.

I'm currently in a parenting class called "Positive Discipline" based on the book of the same name by Jane Nelsen. We just went over sibling rivalry a little bit in the last lesson. The teacher gave us the 3 B's to remember:

Leave them in the same Boat. (Don't take sides.)

Grin and Bear it. (Stay there where you can observe, but don't say a word or interfere.)

Beat it. (If you're going to get out of control and start spanking or yelling, leave the room.)

I think Jane Nelsen must say more about this somewhere (the above is just what the teacher provided), because there are a lot of unanswered questions.

How do I not take sides when it's obvious that the 8 y.o. is more sophisticated than the 4 y.o. and the 4 y.o. can't defend himself?

What ARE the kids supposed to be doing while they're in the same boat and I'm sitting there bearing it?

In "Kids are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso, she defines tattling and advises parents to discurage it. When Becky comes running to mom to complain that Jason is up on the chain link fence next to the mean dog's yard, regardless of Becky's bratty motivation, that's not tattling because she's letting Mom know that Jason's in danger. But if Jason whines to Mom that Becky's picking her nose again, that's tattling. Or something like that.

In any case, keep reminding yourself, "I love them all. I love them all. I love them all..."
 
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