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Location: In the Fast Lane
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2/02, 4/05, 2/07, 11/09, and EDD 12/25/11
There is coersion here. Two boys, one a brother. Your SIL's five year old would not expect her brother to put her into a situation that is not good for her.
Her son needs to be told that it isn't cool to side with his friends to bully his sister. That isn't the rule in their family. Brothers and sisters protect each other, even with friends.
And the fact that her brother was there and it IS a problem will cause her to be confused.
This is IMPORTANT. Maybe more important than with the five year old in some ways because it bespeaks of incorrect thought processing in a child on the brink of puberty. It needs to be addressed. OR maybe have SIL's DH address it with him.
Clear the air between the two of them. Family before friends. That they need to be able to trust each other.
Yes, they need to talk to the parents of the boy, too. But I am more concerned with the dynamic between the siblings here.
She needs to tell the boys parents - she can say "I was a bit embarrased so I didn't bring it up, but after I've thought about it, I think you should know - - your son had asked my dd to take her clothes off. The kids were all in there together, and I view my son as responsible as yours. I've had a talk with my kids about appropriate behavior and keeping themselves covered."
The parents need to know because
(a) they need to be aware that he's curious and on the alert for signs of abuse to make sure it is just curiosity
(b) they have a 3 year old daughter and they need to make sure that he's supervised appropriate around her for a while
(c) it sounds like he needs a 'facts of life' discussion if he hasn't had one - and by that I mean a discussion about 'private parts', appropriate curiosity and behavior and, of course, the differences between boys and girls.
Katreena, 39 year old Alaskan Mama to 1 and 1
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