4 year old peeing her pants - Mothering Forums
The Childhood Years > 4 year old peeing her pants
Jaimep's Avatar Jaimep 11:13 AM 08-01-2007
Hey ladies.

I could really use some help. My 4 year old DD has started peeing her pants again. She has been potty trained for almost a year now and hasn't rarely had any accidents since that time. She NORMALLY takes herself to the potty, is even staring to wipe herself after a pee.

This last week she started having accidents. One day she had 3. She doesn't try to make it to the bathroom. Simply sits where she is and wets herself. I was concerned about a UTI. So I treated her with cranberry and natural things. I told her she had a bug and we were going to pee it out. She liked that idea. So we did that for like 5 days.

The only other thing going on is that she turned 4 on the 26th, last thursday. She had been "a dog named Didi" for about 4-6 months. We had talked about how on her birthday it might be a good time to turn back into Gioia, a young lady. So I talked to her about this after the peeing was going on and told her that she could be both a dog and a girl. I thought maybe it was stress and control issue that she was peeing her pants.

Well then Saturday and Sunday she didn't pee her pants. YEAH!! Yesterday however she had an "accident" and then today I asked her to pee when she woke up and she said she didn't have to. Then about 20 mins later she is sitting at the table and just starts peeing on her chair.

GOSH DANG IT!! It is definately mental and not a physical problem. What do I do???? I am all out of ideas. The times when she is playing with a toy and does it, I tell her she loses the toy if she is going to pee her pants. I am reminding her constantly all day to go.

Oh and she does not have accidents at night. It is deliberate during the day.

Terrilein's Avatar Terrilein 11:49 AM 08-01-2007
My dd had tons of accidents when she was 4 (still does at 6 actually). Part of it is/was being too intensively involved in play. She wouldn't notice the urge until it was way too late. She also had a UTI once when I thought she was just regressing (her dad and I had separated and we moved in later with my DH). I took her to the ped to check it out and he diagnosed her with a urinary infection.
So, if your dd's accidents are getting better, then maybe it's nothing. But I'd have a ped take a look to make sure nothing's wrong.
pinecone's Avatar pinecone 12:55 PM 08-01-2007
We went through the exact same thing at about the same age. In my opinion, it is a control issue. My DD (now 5) wants to keep playing or doing whatever and doesn't want to go potty. and then she'd have an accident. Oddly, it didn't happen at school or other places, but when we were together either at home or out she didn't want me to suggest a potty break, or to say "I see you wiggling, perhaps you should use the bathroom." Because always she would say "no" and then have an accident. It drove me crazy!

All I can say is, it gets better.
HeidiAnn67's Avatar HeidiAnn67 01:45 PM 08-01-2007
My 4 year old son started having the same issues (only when he was at the end of being 3). It really was that he was just so involved in what he was doing he wouldn't go. Even now, he'll show signs of needing to go (the crotch grab and wiggle) and still insist he doesn't have to go. I make him go anyway. And he always pees, even when he insists he doesn't have to.

You know the old saying "choose your battles" well, for me this is one I chose (and I rarely choose any, I'm very laid back about most things) because I don't want him peeing all over the place.
emmasmommy's Avatar emmasmommy 02:12 PM 08-01-2007
We had the same issues off and on with my dd for the entire year that she was 4. She would NOT listen to us when we knew she had to go, but wouldn't, and then would run to the bathroom at the last minute and usually not make it. She would be good for a while, and then start again. She turned 5 2 weeks ago, and hasn't had an accident since. She told me that her new rule was no more accidents, and she's done it. I think with her it really was a control issue, and there was nothing we could have done about it, she needed to decide when she was ready (unfortunately). She potty-trained the same way, for months and months we tried to get her to use the potty, and then one day right before she turned 3, she decided it was time to use the potty and that was it.
chfriend's Avatar chfriend 02:20 PM 08-01-2007
Little kids have accidents. Ask around, lots of your friends had accidents when they were in kindergarten and first grade, so a lot older than barely 4.

Punishing her by removing her toy isn't going to make her stop having accidents, but it might confuse her since her toy isn't causing her to urinate.

Accidents happen. The bigger deal you make about them, the more likely to cause anxiety in your child and a cycle of them happening again.

My philosophy is "It's just pee." No more of a problem to wipe up than any other kind of spill.
momuveight2B's Avatar momuveight2B 02:32 PM 08-01-2007
My kids have all done this at one time or another. Currently four year old dd is having accidents. I try not to get involved because she is really very competent about handling it herself. What usually happens is she waits till the last second feels herself start to wet then will run and put the rest in the toilet. She will change her underpants and put the wet ones in the laundry. If it gets on anything she gets a rag and the cleaner and we clean it up.

I don't want her to be sneaky because nothing is worse than finding soiled underpants under the bed a week later KWIM. So I do try to treat it like anything else that gets spilled and teach them how to be responsible for getting it cleaned up but they are not in any kind of trouble.

One of our girls was really controlling about using the restroom when suggested. We were at an amusement park one time and I knew she had to be desperate but she insisted she didn't have to go. We all got in line for an attraction, got right to where the doors open to go in and she lost control of her bladder. She was rather miserable sitting in wet pants during the show, and then went to the bathroom to clean up. That was the last accident she ever had and she remembers it really well at age 14.

Kids are all different but one thing I have found is that it is their issue and they have to be allowed to make some mistakes and learn on their own without any other consequences. The more we try to control the more we prolong the learning process.
Terrilein's Avatar Terrilein 02:37 PM 08-01-2007
OH, I just remembered another funny thing. DD got to the point with the control thingy that she thought she could indefinitely hold her pee! It was really funny. She'd be doing the wiggle, but would say she could hold it when it was so obvious she was going to explode.