Another month, another baby for the May '04 Mamas! ;) - Page 11 - Mothering Forums

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#301 of 441 Old 08-15-2007, 10:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TurboClaudia View Post
it's the slightly condescending way he looks at me and makes passive aggressive comments about my actual singing voice and when i hit a note slightly sharp or flat or don't remeber a phrase or a word or make it up instead.


I just hate the way couples start to do this to each other, instead of like at the beginning, when you could do no wrong in his eyes...
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#302 of 441 Old 08-15-2007, 10:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I came here specifically to ask: Emmalola, how are you doing? I know you'll be telling us if anything baby-wise is going on, just thinking of you as you near your time... :
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#303 of 441 Old 08-15-2007, 10:49 PM
 
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Let the stalking commence! Especially as you said you'd been having some painful contractions...

keep us posted!
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#304 of 441 Old 08-16-2007, 02:57 AM
 
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Whew, just read 5 pages.

EL- yes indeed you MUST report. Stalking May Mamas need to know.

Renae- oh my gosh I had SO much fun reading your post about your fangirlyness. Totally made my day to share in your joy. Tee hee. I love that gushy crush feeling.

KK- hope the whole fam is over it soon.

TC- I am glad you are able to hold on to the happy feeling that singing gave you. I hope you will be able to sign for joy around others again some day. I remember telling my mom not to sing along with her Beattle's albums in middle school because she didn't sound "cool" enough, and now L sometimes asks me to stop singing if he doesn't like the song. Blech on people squashing each others' joy! I just tell L that it's my turn to sing, and he has to wait until I'm done with the song. So there. (sticking out tongue).

I'm sure there are other important things happening, but I've plum fergot 'em.

Did I mention that lil 6 mo W is CRAWLING? Comando style, but starting to rock on hands and knees. L didn't crawl till almost 10 months, so this whole "normal" baby thing is totally exciting for me. And W LOVES solid foods. I keep thinking I'm feeding him too much for his solid meals, and then I remember that it's ok to let him follow his own hunger signals. He's only been on solids for 2 weeks, and he already had a not-much-breastmilk poop tonight, full of bananas and applesauce/rice cereal. Crazy!!!

I feel like I've missed important stuff that needs replying to- sorry if I have!

Goodnight, all.
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#305 of 441 Old 08-16-2007, 03:02 AM
 
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Stalk stalk stalk...

Sorry I've been MIA, folks. Lots of crazy stuff going on around here. I loved catching up with all of you. Lots of thoughts going out to Heather and C, and of course everyone else with the highs and lows of life going on.

We just landed in the middle of a huge thing: the guy who owns the crappy manufactured home next to us decided to offer to sell it to us. Which we OF COURSE want to do (immediate rental property, with tenants we screen, then eventual empty lot next door with huge garden and chickens, goats, maybe a guest yurt!) but it means major money figuring out and talk talk talking with the bank, our potential investors (i.e., parents), etc. Plus the whirlwind of being home after two months away, clogged bathtub, unpacking, paying overdue bills our housesitter forgot to send us, DH deciding Sunday afternoon would be a good time to knock a hole in the front exterior wall and start installing a window we don't have yet, etc., etc. Sheesh. Can't a jet-lagged mama get a little rest?!

ANYWAY. I'm happy to have these things to worry about instead of being in school, at least for another month. The summer weather is awesome and I'm really enjoying being home. Nothing like a crappy summer away to make you appreciate your own home.

So now I guess I should start thinking about my own deep dark secret, for when it's my turn...

Sarah
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#306 of 441 Old 08-16-2007, 10:32 AM
 
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Hi Sarah! I'm so glad you're back! All that stuff really does sound like a whirlwind...whew...but how exciting about the new property adjacent to yours! Yay!

Fern, I can't believe lil W is 6 months old, let alone crawling! THat is totally early, too! Awwww!

Wakey wakey here with coffee and children making mess.

Talk to me about manners, mama, because I had some rather harsh feedback from a friend about Sol never saying hello or goodbye. So yes, we've begun mega-emphasis on the matter but Viet thinks it's less than unimportant, that in fact it's detrimental, in his mind because we are forcing her to express something she does not feel, that in time she'll start to do it with our example--I dunno. I kind of like conforming to society, it gets me things. Viet doesn't feel the same way, and he doesn't have many friends! lol
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#307 of 441 Old 08-16-2007, 12:18 PM
 
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Quickie here- off to an acupuncture appt...

Elsanne- the lentil is also shy about saying hello and goodbye, especially to random strangers who want to make the monkey dance. I figure he's just a little shy, which is totally normal. I don't want to force him to perform for people- that's just not a value I have, so I don't do more than encourage him to say hello to people he should be polite to (elders, relatives, me).

I'm still here. No uterine activity in the past few days, although last night we did finally get down to having a little prostaglandin action for the first time in weeks. It turns out sweets thinks his sperm is so powerful he was deliberately staying away. men. :

Gotta go get stuck! c'mon, baby!
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#308 of 441 Old 08-16-2007, 02:33 PM
 
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Els---C doesn't like doing the hello or goodbye thing either. The most I do is talk to her now and again before situations where I'd like her to try and explain the why of it, but whatever happens happens. I also give her the option of just doing a quick wave if she doesn't want to say anything.

Sarah---missed you guys! Sorry the summer sitch was such a pitb. House stuff sounds very, very promising!! Can we come live next door??

Finally got C's V(ideo)EEG scheduled for next Monday/Tuesday and maybe longer at the hospital. Luckily, MIL should be available to watch E during the day. Hope something helpful comes of this!

Starting vitamins not as hard as I thought and not too many side effects so everything crossed!

Emmalola--so excited for the newest little one!!

ferny---wowza!! crawling??? Sounds like he is doing pretty awesome. I marvel at the differences in the girls in the different areas. Now that they're older, E's advanced play skills really seem to help C where she lags. Go, W, go!! When do all L's school changes happen? Job stuff? *hugs*

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#309 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 12:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Els: In a way, I think Viet's right. I don't like the idea of forcing them against their natures, either. But... I *do* think it's perfectly fine to talk to them about other people's *feelings*, explain that we like to say things like hello, good-bye, thank you, and I'm sorry because it makes people feel better. If they're actually saying the right thing for the right reason, it's better, no? I really worked on this with T when he was around this age, and I think it made a big difference (probably helps that he's kind of sensitive).

Heath, I really hope the test goes well *and* that your mil helps out the way she *should*.
Uh oh, sweets has SPERM. OF. STEEEL!!!! :
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#310 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 12:50 AM
 
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Uh oh, sweets has SPERM. OF. STEEEL!!!! :
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#311 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 01:15 AM
 
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Re: manners (hi & bye), Mia is resisting it a lot right now, and I think it has to do with her struggling with transitions. She particularly doesn't like saying goodbye to my mom after she has spent time with her, and I think it's because she doesn't want her to leave. Same with going to bed. If she doesn't want to go to bed, she resists saying goodnight to anyone. John sort of tries to force her to say it, but I am more in the ignore it camp. I think she's just a little kid and it's her way of asserting control in a situation where she doesn't like what is happening. I also don't like forcing her to express affection (hugs, kisses, etc) because I think that sends a bad message, particularly to girls, that they are required to be affectionate even if they dont' want to be. And of course, John is down with that line of thinking. That's Daddy's Little Girl, after all. We don't have the problem much with strangers, and I certainly would never force her to talk to someone she doesn't know. In fact, I am fond of a healthy amount of fear of strangers. Not a paranoia of them, but just enough apprehension that she'd prefer to stay close to mama and not say anything. I'd prefer that to a having a child who would talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere. That would make me nervous.

Okay, cutting this short because I'm starving and a beautiful meal of homegrown corn and tomatoes is awaiting me. I LOVE summer produce!

Oh, and I gave an update on my more personal stuff on the YG. Shameless solicitation for hugs. :
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#312 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 03:49 AM
 
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Megan:

Sarahbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee- So glad you're back!

Els- I think what I would do about the hello/goodbye sitch would be determined by _why_ said kiddo wasn't saying it. If I could figure that out.

EL- whew! thanks for the baby-stalker update. I can relax for a lil bit.

HF- has C had to stay overnight in the hospital before? I can't remember. L stayed 3 days to get the tube in at 20 months old. I would imagine it would be a bit easier at 3 years old- since she has the vocabulary to understand a bit more of what's going on. I hope she has a little bit of fun at the novelty, in the midst of all the harder stuff going on. L LOVED the toys, and walking around the halls, (and having visits from the PDX May Mamas and kiddos!). Wow. That brings back memories. I hope the visit produces some GOOD memories for C.

I just paid bills, and didn't pay them late. It's a record for the summer.

oh- almost forgot to add: work sitch- totally up in the air. After a very bad experience today introducing W to one of my possible new co-workers (he doesn't like breeders and says he shouldn't have to hear a crying baby at work), I'm thinking about leaving the company altogether and going back to substitute teaching, and hiring a part-time nanny. Maybe maybe.

L's starting new school/ new teacher in 2 weeks.
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#313 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 11:08 AM
 
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Thanks for the input on the manners, guys. I have a hard time with this and struggle with my feelings of "less-than" around this wonderful woman. She is amazing and is my former boss and friend of VSA Designs--
In retrospect, I wonder if I don't trip some kind of mama-guilt in her unconsciously because of how I'm doing it vs. how she's doing it (she CIO, nanny at very young age, all day every day 'cause mama's BUSY, all that stuff). It REALLY hurt when she said that, although she is not evil at heart. The way she put it was what stung: something like "when it comes to who you want your kid hanging out with, I don't want X hanging out with kids who don't say hello and goodbye and have manners."

ouuuuuch.

So, taking a little distance from that relationship, obviously.

Harder still because she is the reason why I was able to work from home, she hooked me up with my newest job, etc...I "owe" her a lot, I feel like.
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#314 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 12:02 PM
 
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Okay, so maybe I am unreasonably defensive of Elsanne today, but what the F*%%^K is that? It makes total sense to me that a CIO, nanny-all-the-time type mom would want her kid to be a polite, unobtrusive, child-robot and therefore only hang out with other such children because to have to actually deal with real children, with real functioning brains and hearts would be too damn much WORK. For goodness sake - that comment says a whole LOT more about her and her kid than it does Sol.

For what it's worth, we remind Eleanor to say hello and goodbye and then just shrug at the other person if she doesn’t. We don’t speak for her or require her to speak (and certainly NO forced hugs and kisses, if she ain’t feeling it, she ain’t doing it) Eleanor is much better with actual statements like “thank you for coming to my house to play today” than she is with a simple “hello”. We figure, she sees us doing it and she knows what the words mean. She’ll use them as tools to social well-being in time if she wants to.
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#315 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 12:10 PM
 
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Yes... I am defensive of our MMF too. I think said offender should be put in a timeout herself for having such lack of etiquette! :
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#316 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 12:32 PM
 
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I shall have to observe if my kids say hello and goodbye. Hello I think they do, but sometimes J is shy. Goodbye only if someone is leaving us I think. They are fairly good at please and thank you though sometimes need a gentle reminder.
Anyway, if this suddenly seems like a real glaring omission in Sols life you could gently remind her if she wants to say hello, goodbye. I wonder though if this person makes a point of saying hello to Sol. Maybe if they don't acknowledge her first she doesn't feel important enough in their world to create her own wave in it.
And as for mama insecurity, I get my own fair share of that, but once I see where it is coming from or whatever, I can compartmentalize it again.
:
I have some particular issues in that respect but I don't feel up to laying them out right now. Maybe later, as I would rather stick my head iin the sand and go find an ostrich at the zoo today:
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#317 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 12:33 PM
 
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megan: finally read your update over at the yg late, late, late last night. oh mama, my heart is breaking for you and i don't know what else to say other than believe in yourself and i love you as much as a may mama can love another may mama she's known for three years but never met 'cause she lives in a city far, far away (ok, not that far from us pdx-ers, but not just hop in the car down the street). i can't think of anything authetic and profound and possibly meaningful to share, so i will lamely offer my s and :hags.

els: meant to sound off about the manners thing. with more info about this mama who commented, i'm going to say, ummm... dude, she's three. and i wouldn't want our child hanging out with kids who are FORCED to say hello and goodbye and have manners or kids who are puppy-dogged into saying hello and goodbye and have manners or guilt-tripped or coerced or bribed into saying things they don't mean and don't have any idea what they mean. hrumph and hurmph (initially i wanted to type HRUmph but it came out as HURmph and that sounded better so i put them both).

marek being the hesitant and sometimes shy one he is tends to stare at his feet when in new situations or even in familiar ones with friends, so i have taken to speaking for him in manners situations, like saying thank you for handing him that toy to play with, or can i have a sticker please or whatever. sometimes if i have the opportunity and he's paying attention to me, i explain a little further and say things like "when we see our friends again after a long time, the kind thing to do is say hello because we are happy to see them," or "when someone hands us a toy because they are done playing with it and now you can take a turn, the kind thing to do is to say thank you." i borrowed this phrase from a friend of mine (also my chiropractor) and i use it a lot when explaining why we do some manners things.

kk: hope you are feeling better soon and the sickies pass at your house really, really soon.

jacquie: thinking of you and your sweet little annie...

elola: thinking of you and sending you lots of labor vibes when you are ready for them...

sarah-bee: exciting and stressful stuff for you! welcome back to pdx-land! sorry the summer thing sucked in maine.

fiddley: i miss talking to you. i hope you get the work sitch figured out soon.

thinking of jstar in cali...

and how are you this morning, renae? bill just "had" to tell me something important the other day, and it ended up being that "there's some new band with the lead singer of afi, black something, it's like techno something," and i interrupted him and said it's blaqk audio and i know this because one of our may mamas is a huge fan and went to a listening party and he said, yeah, that's it and that's why i wanted to tell you, for her. huh? : as if the quintessential thirtysomething fangirl wouldn't already know this... :

okay, squeaky babe.

i've been in a totally rotten parenting mood lately, yelling entirely too much, utilizing tv entirely too much, blah. must do things differently and soon. i think the root cause is feeling angry and disconnected from bill. haven't been able to schedule another appt with my therapist since early june, and now i want to schedule an appt with her, an appt for a pedi and an appt for a haircut and camouflage... yeah, like any of this is going to happen in the next week. i feel bad for spending significant monies on these things.

because...

we signed the papers!!! closing is tuesday!!! (we won't get the keys until friday because we wouldn't be there anyway and the couple that is living there isn't able to move into their new place until next saturday) oh, and speaking of the couple that lives there, we met them yesterday, at their request but we were excited to meet them, and they are the nicest and most interesting people and they are the original owners and are selling it because they live more than half the year in barcelona teaching english at the university to students who will be teaching english. they are leaving us a photo journal of when the house was built and showed us some of the really special design elements of the house, like a custom design light fixture the builder made and two contemporary stained glass windows a local artist made. we are so excited! i've been reserving the excitement until everything was more official and now it is! yay!

whew, must coax marek to eat breakfast and find something for stefan to eat, too...

~claudia
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#318 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 12:38 PM
 
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x-posted with 3 other may mamas???!!!??? what's THAT about???!!!???
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#319 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 01:19 PM
 
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Morning, Mamas!

Meg, I wrote you on the YG.

Re: "manners:"

Quote:
Originally Posted by A&L+1 View Post
For what it's worth, we remind Eleanor to say hello and goodbye and then just shrug at the other person if she doesn’t. We don’t speak for her or require her to speak (and certainly NO forced hugs and kisses, if she ain’t feeling it, she ain’t doing it)
: (except for the speak for her part).

Lily is pretty good about it. I do often ask her "Can you say goodbye?" Or "Let's tell him thank you" or similar, but if she doesn't want to (which is not that often), I say it for her (not in an "exasperated mama demeaning my child" way, but a modeling sort of way). And we do talk about it occasionally, out of the context of the actual situation, particularly if it's been a hard day with lots of shyness or rudeness or whatever.

Fiddle, sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Hope the job issue resolves soon. I can't believe W is 6 months! Wowee.

My new challenge with Lily is...hitting. Yes, hitting. This is a child who has never hit, never been violent, watches no TV and honestly, I don't know where it's coming from. I would say it's because of the big transitions this summer, but I really don't know. It started while we were at camp. Sometimes it's a "Hey, you're not paying attention to me" kind of hit (so some fault is mine) and sometimes, I'd say usually, it's because we've said no to something and she doesn't like that. Of course it happens more when she's tired or overwhelmed. I am at somewhat of a loss. DH tends to force her to say sorry, and if it happens more than once, he takes her aside and speaks to her, quietly but forcefully, that it is not acceptable. He's getting more than a little irritated, and so am I. Is this just a 3-year-old thing?

Gotta go - family waking up.

Sarah
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#320 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 02:22 PM
 
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Sarah--C did that a couple months ago and it has passed so I don't even recall that we did anything per se than the "that's NOT okay" response. Perhaps she's at a developmental point where her emotions are outpacing her verbal expression of them? Hope life settles back down for you all and you have a super cool month of relaxation before school starts again.

TC: that is awesome about the owners and getting to find out more about the house. sorry about the disconnect w/ bill. *hugs*


Without anything on the "to do" list today---I forgot how long the morning til naptime can be! : tgif!

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#321 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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oh and elsanne....holy moly does she have some nerve! loved lisa's take on the situation.

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#322 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 03:08 PM
 
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TC- heck yeah, I'll take those laboring vibes now. We're ALL READY. (said with emphasis for the peanut to hear). We're so ready, I'm out the door to go get my freaking oil changed at jiffy lube. bring it on, baby! And hooray on the house! I'm so excited for you.

sarah- the lentil hits occasionally. Not so much now- now he's into throwing, which is almost as frustrating. But we've had to do time-outs for hitting. We take a pretty strong stance on hitting and throwing- they definitely earn him a time-out, without pause. After a time-out, he really doesn't do the behavior again for a loooong time. When I say time-out, I physically take him away from the situation and sit with him for a minute or so while he screams and I'm silent. I tell him we're having a time out for hitting before we sit, and when we get up I repeat that we had a time-out for hitting. We repeat that hitting is not allowed, ever. Throwing is a little more difficult because it's hard to get really upset if he throws paper or something small, you know? Now that I'm thinking about it, I can't remember the last time the lentil hit someone, so I guess the time-out lesson worked. Famous last words, right? Anyway, my point is that we have a zero-tolerance policy for hitting and it seems to have worked. In fact, that's about the only discipline thing that we do that has worked.

elsanne- that lady is wack. and apparently she doesn't know beans about three year olds. freak.

Oh, and in the past three days the lentil has figured out yet another way to drive me completely, completely insane. For awhile he would do this thing- "Mom, can we...." over and over for about 20 minutes, never finishing his thought, and leaving me hostage to his question. Now he's replaced that with "why?" as in
"Eat your breakfast please."
"Why?"
"because you need energy for school today."
"Why?"
"because it's important to be strong and food makes you strong."
"Why?"
"Because your body needs food to grow and think."
"Why?"
"Because the metabolic pathways of a three year old are....." etc. And this will inevitably end with a "Why?" because he's not listening in the first place. I know it's a necessary developmental stage, but it's making me INSANE! : I hate resorting to "Because I said so" but that seems to be the only way to stop the cycle. GAH!
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#323 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 03:29 PM
 
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EL - wow, you do sound ready!

re: hitting and the like. We also do timeouts but only if Eleanor hurts someone (hitting, kicking the cat, picking up sister by her head when told not to touch said sister). In general, I don't like the idea of withholding attention to gain compliance (which is what I think timeouts basically are), but when it comes to hurting others with a child that has not developed much in the way of empathy, well, it worked for us.

Re:throwing. We have a no throwing anything but balls rule and a child who likes rules. If it's a paper airplane, she comes and asks if it can be "throwded". I am not sure that is replicable to other kids.

Rehy? Have you tried, "Why do you think?" or "Why do you ask?"
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#324 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 05:45 PM
 
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Rehy? Have you tried, "Why do you think?" or "Why do you ask?"
:

laboring vibes comin' atcha, elola... and a :dusy (because that's what i typed at first and it reminded me of kk's :hag and it really is a dusy/doozy when it comes along )

~claudia
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#325 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 07:11 PM
 
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THanks for the feedback, mamas, it echoes what I've been hearing around and yeah, she's just got her "thing" and places great emphasis on it. Whatevah. I was especially honored to be the protectee by Lisa, thanks for that: : I really miss having a partner who does that "protective" thing. I feel so very all alone, woman warrior, rah rah rah, too much of the time and just want to be the damsel in distress sometimes, yknow?
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#326 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 07:16 PM
 
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Els, anytime you need a knight in shining armor you can count on me.



Hey, have you all done a personality type indicator type thingee before? I am an INTJ, what are you?

INTJs are introspective, analytical, determined persons with natural leadership ability. Being reserved, they prefer to stay in the background while leading. Strategic, knowledgable and adaptable, INTJs are talented in bringing ideas from conception to reality. They expect perfection from themselves as well as others and are comfortable with the leadership of another so long as they are competent. INTJs can also be described as decisive, open-minded, self-confident, attentive, theoretical and pragmatic.


http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/
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#327 of 441 Old 08-17-2007, 07:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I should reply to more people, but I must go play a game with T:

Just wanted to say that L (though 2 yrs younger than *your* L MCSB ) has been hitting a lot lately, too (I even blogged about it). What I neglected to say in my blog post is that it strikes me as being so ridiculous that whenever she does it, we just start singing, "Mean baby, mean baby, mean baby, mean baby, MEAN BABY!" (Believe me, there's a catchy tune that goes with it.) So I obviously have nothing of value to share with you about hitting... :

Thinking of many more of you, *will* write more sensibly and supportively (?? is that a word??) later.
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#328 of 441 Old 08-18-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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It sounds like Lily is having a hard time expressing what is buggin her in that moment. Maybe she is tired and can't come up with the words, yet as a 3yo is realizing that she can have desires in the world and sometimes gets them and wants to influence that more (typical 3yo stuff expressed poorly by 30yo). Maybe help her by refelcting what she is feeling -you seem frustrated, you wanted ice cream... Not that you have to give in, but then follow up with hitting hurts, use your words say "I am frustrated blah blah blah". This is what I have been trying to do lately but Julia only hits her sister. With Naomi I would usually just say hitting hurts, I don't like it when you hit and if you hit me I no longer want to ...(whatever we were doing at that time) and then change activities, not really ignoring her perse but not really paying attention to her. That worked too. Julia needs above method because her older sister can't bear to not play with her

I am ENFP and forget the implications of that. Generally though E's speak before thinking and are masters of the monologue!
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#329 of 441 Old 08-18-2007, 02:07 AM
 
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nuggets: last time i checked, i was ENFP, too. i like keirsey's descriptions of the types best: here's the ENFP Champion. the parts about striving for authenticity and searching out the "truths" are particularly resonant with me.

bill and i are IM'ing from kitchen (me) to 30 feet away home office (bill)... ahh, brings back memories of our first summer together...

~claudia
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#330 of 441 Old 08-18-2007, 03:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TurboClaudia View Post
bill and i are IM'ing from kitchen (me) to 30 feet away home office (bill)... ahh, brings back memories of our first summer together...

~claudia
Cute!

I'm an ESFJ... it seems to fit me.
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