I took my 7 and 8 year old boys to a food court in a large complex and when my 7 year old, Gio, said that he had to go to he bathroom, I didn't think twice about telling him to come into the ladies room with me. I couldn't just leave my 8 year old at the table in such a big public place so I had him come, too, thinking that he could just sit on the couch in the ladies lounge while Gio went to the bathroom. The security guard turned us away and told me that Gio had to go to the men's room.
Had it been empty, or if there were another parent with a child in there I would've said yes, but I didn't feel comfortable with him at an open urinal in there with strange men. I didn't plan to go into the stall with him, I just wanted to be in there to protect him or discipline him if he played around and to keep him from touching anything icky
I ended up taking him waaaaaaay across the complex to a less populated area to go to the men's room alone, and he pee-pee danced all the way there.
Looking back, I'm wondering if I were hovering. Is 7 old enough to go to the men's room alone? When do you stop taking your kid to the bathroom?
I don't know. I remember going someplace with my cousin when he was about 5 or 6 and he insisted on using the men's room alone, which I wasn't the slightest bit comfortable with. His mother (who didn't come along for the trip) allowed it, and there was no stopping him anyway when he darted into the men's room.
DS is now almost 6 and I still won't let him into the men's room alone- not that he wants to go. He still wants company in the home bathroom when he goes (though I discourage that!!!)
7 or 8 is the weird transition age. I'm comfortable leaving kids home alone for short periods of time at 9 or 10, and a 5yo is little enough for the men's room.
It's so much easier when there's a man or older boy available to take little boys to the men's room!
I let dd go to the bathroom by herself in most public places, as long as I can see the entrance to the bathroom. She's five.
I would let ds use the men's room at that age too, if he turns out to be as responsible as she is.
I don't think there should be a cutoff age because I don't think bathrooms should be segregated by sex, but as long as they are, I think parents should respect their kids' comfort levels (within reason). I would not have crossed the mall with a seven year old who had to pee; that does strike me as hovering (not to mention inconvenient).
I have let my 7.5 yr old use a men's room without me once a few weeks ago and I stood right outside and called to him often. It was nervewracking and I am not likely to do it again anytime in the near future. I might if I check to make sure the bathroom is empty and stand outside the door, but it will be a loooong time before I just let him go.
I also live in the middle of Los Angeles, so that probably colors my opinion.
I don't know. My ds is 7.5 and has Asperger's Syndrome. I am NOT comfortable letting him go by himself in a place like the mall or whatever. Church is one thing, we know everyone there! But someplace like a mall? Ehh....
The security guard can suck my butt -- my kids' safety comes before his job or, honestly, the comfort of other ppl. Maybe I feel this way because of the autism, I don't really know. But I am NOT comfortable letting him go alone. Heck, the kid got hit by a CAR this week just being in our apt complex parking lot feet away from me. (Thread in tao, guy was backing up and neither he nor I saw ds, ds didn't notice the car moving.) I am not taking chances on his safety. He goes to the bathroom WITH me and he enters parking lots WITH me from now on.
Oh, the other day we went to a fast food place that we frequent and ds took off. I thought to the bathroom or the game area (small place)but when I went to check on him he wasn't there. I opened the men's room door and yelled for him. (Again, small.) I don't care if someone was in there, I needed to find my child. As it turns out, he was outside waiting for dh to arrive.
I would have told the guard "ok I'll take him into the men's room, but I will be going in with him." And I would!
There is no law specifying that you have to send your child into a restroom alone. Kids have differing capabilities. And public restrooms can be dangerous places, can be used as pickup places and plenty of children have been accosted in them. My child's safety comes BEFORE anyone's "comfort level". I would take that to the management if necessary.
Matthew Cecchi was 9 when he was murdered in a public restroom while his grandma waited outside. At some point, kids can go by themselves. But public restrooms are isolated; they are not low-risk areas for children to be alone.
My DS is 7.5 and he uses the men's room by himself, he refuses to go with me to the ladies. In a restaurant (we don't go to fast food restaurants, so this is generally a more upmarket, non-franchise place), I let him go by himself, otherwise I hover outside waiting for him.
I avoid the situation altogether by using the family bathrooms. Typically, they have the changing table and sink area and a bathroom stall, so it's a non-issue for us. Even if it's all one room, we're ok with it.
Although I have no qualms whatsoever about taking my ds, 8, into the ladies with me. He recently asked me how come he always had to go to the girl's bathroom and I told him that it's because I'm not allowed in the men's room. We've had talks about strangers and I told him I would rather he be a bit embarassed by going into the ladies' than be somewhere that he might not be safe on his own.
I suppose I really only have a few more years (if that) before he starts really asking to go by himself, and we'll have to cross that bridge when we get there.
My DS will be 6 next week and still goes in the ladies' room with me when DH isn't with us. A security guard shouldn't be able to decide where your kid goes to the bathroom, and man, what a liability for him/the company if the child got kidnapped or something while in the men's room alone! Unlikely scenario, I know, but it could happen.
Originally Posted by chicagomom
But public restrooms are isolated; they are not low-risk areas for children to be alone.
Yep. About 1.5 yrs ago I had DD2 (infant at the time) and DD1 at Costco. DD1 had to go to the bathroom. I took them both in the big women's restroom. Another customer in that restroom pointed out the family restroom to me which is located closer to the food court area. She told me it's easier to accompany a kid into the family restroom than the big one with all the stalls. And that is true since there's a bit more privacy. She also told me how dangerous it can be for kids to go alone into public restrooms. I hadn't really thought of it before then. DD1 was only 3 at the time, so she wouldn't have been going alone anyway. But now that she's 5.5 I keep her advice in mind. I know we mamas can often get defensive or offended when strangers offer advice about our kids. But this time I was glad for the woman's input.
Here's a question for you: how many women do you know who would be offended/uncomfortable with a mom bringing her 7-8 year-old boy into the ladies' room? I can't imagine anyone complaining! I side with the poster who would have defied the security guard and taken DS into the ladies' with me.
Now I haven't let DH take our DD into a mens' room for years. Filthy and urinals - need I say more?
Lucky for us, we do live in the suburbs, and there's almost always a family restroom handy.
in the OP's situation i probably would have sent both boys into the mensroom together but i think moms and kids should be allowed to use whatever bathroom they want.
i have let my 5 year old go into the mens bathroom alone
:. once when there was a huge line at the womens and no line at the mens and he really had to go. once, just because he wanted to and i don't want him to be scared to try to do things on his own. that being said, i stood right by the door and told him not to wash his hands, just pee and come right out. if he was taking too long i would have no problem going in there to make sure everything was okay.
With 7 & 8yo boys, I would've sent them in together. I have 7yo and 6yo boys, and this is what I do. I started when they were 6 & 5yo I think. We've talked about stranger danger, what to do if there are problems, etc. Perhaps it's naive of me, but I believe that 2 boys together are less of a target than a lone child.
My ds is 6, and has been asking to do this. I do not feel safe. I have him open the door with me right there and he peeks in to see if he sees anyone. If not, I poke my head in and call out "hello." If no one answers, I let him go in (as if a pedophile is going to call back "I'm here" -- just thought of that, now I don't even like this). I stay right by the door. I have a friend with a son the same age, but he's very tall and she gets dirty looks all the time. Too bad, I'm not going to take a chance until he's maybe 8 or so.
I thought about sending them in there together, but while they're very book smart, well behaved kids, they're not very mature. The two of them in there together would've undoubtably ended in a sink stuffed with toilet paper and water overflowing to see what would happen or a skating competition on a wet floor. One at a time, no trouble, even though there is safety in numbers.
Originally Posted by theretohere
I haven't hit this stage yet, but it's a tough thing. My answer as a mother is different then my answer as a woman, though.
Well stated. And I have to say, I've had boys who were *certainly* old enough to know better crawl under stalls to look at me in the bathroom, which made me very uncomfortable. So, while I understand the need to have them in the ladies, I hope all moms will have a conversation with their kids about the privacy others hope to have in a restroom situation!
It depended on where we were but he (my oldest) was about 8 years old. He seriously never needed to go potty that much when we would go out and if he did we were usually at a place that had a family bathroom or we would stop at a gas station or some place else and go in together. I just don't remember it being much of an issue. I see no problem with people bringing opposite sex in the bathroom with them as long as I don't have a daughter in there around the same age they might see naked.
In my child's school they have both sex children go in to one bathroom together up until age 5 in preschool. It's just easier for the teacher. The bathrooms have 6 stalls and it was just easier for them to take the boys/girls all at one time.
In this day and time in a public place you can't blame a parent for being too careful. I wouldn't look down on someone for bringing a boy in the women's restroom as much as someone pushing that young child to go by himself in the mens room and possibly being hurt by some strange man.
Originally Posted by ChristineIndy
Well stated. And I have to say, I've had boys who were *certainly* old enough to know better crawl under stalls to look at me in the bathroom, which made me very uncomfortable. So, while I understand the need to have them in the ladies, I hope all moms will have a conversation with their kids about the privacy others hope to have in a restroom situation!
I've had this problem with my DD, but never my boys. She likes to get down on the floor and crawl to the next stall sometimes. She doesn't do it so much anymore. But sometimes she will squat down and look underneath to see me on the other side. I go over and over this with her and tell her it's not right. Plus, in public restrooms there's no telling what germs are lurking on the floors, ick!!
Originally Posted by ChristineIndy
Well stated. And I have to say, I've had boys who were *certainly* old enough to know better crawl under stalls to look at me in the bathroom, which made me very uncomfortable. So, while I understand the need to have them in the ladies, I hope all moms will have a conversation with their kids about the privacy others hope to have in a restroom situation!
You better believe it! I don't like some weird kid peering at me, either.
My son will be 7 in January, and he still comes with me to the women's room, unless it is a single stall situation.
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