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extra curricular activities

694 views 8 replies 7 participants last post by  Roar 
#1 ·
Lets talk extra curricular activities for our dc.

My dd specifically is 7 1/2 y/o. She has tried gymnastics, swimming lessons, yoga, step dance and soccer. She inevitably wants to quit her lessons. Main reason given is "she wants to stay home"

Now I am all about not over scheduling. She only has one extra curricular activity at a time (with the occasional overlap of swimming lessons in the past).

She doesn't partake in any extra stuff at school either. She is adamant about not joining the choir even though her best friend is in it and she spends 45min of her lunch recess walking around by herself kicking in the dirt. She won't participate in anything that is voluntary like jump rope for heart (fundraising event), green earth club or other things of the sort. Yes I realize that not every person is about to sign up for all this stuff but i feel like she is really isolating herself (and yes I would say she is introverted so perhaps that is her ideal but walking around the playground for 45 minutes alone
)

Currently she is enrolled in step dance and until recently she has enjoyed it but now just this week she is saying she doesn't want to go anymore. She doensn't like having to go out.

I really want her to be involved in things. I would like her to gain a skill that she can be proud of, something that she can work towards, see accomplishments as well as some physical activity. When we are at home she rarely wants to even play outside. She is 7 and still struggles with simple childhood things like bike riding (even with training wheels) and skipping. When we walk to school (we do this 80% of the time) she says she is tired so I worry about her daily physical activity. There are also many instances where she exhibits low self esteem and I really think that if she stuck to something it would help her build her esteem up.

Disclaimer: We do not emphasize the goal aspect of her activities, we really play up simple enjoyment of doing something but when an accomplishment is met (like when she could swim laps in the pool) we certainly recognize them and ask her to recognize them as well...KWIM?

So our history is that when she has lost interest in an activity we have allowed her to stop at the end of the session and allowed her to try something else. Are we setting her up for always quitting or is this how we should continue until she finds something she loves? What if she never stays at something long enough to actually love it?

She is the type of gal who really doesn't make friends, she has just one at school. She really doesn't do things for the show. I think there is a chance that she has soured on step dance because they are performing for a Christmas telethon and maybe she realized that dancing is a performance art. The telethon is by volunteer only and there is nooooo pressure for her to attend and ofcourse she has opted not to but maybe that was enough to turn her away from it.

Alright so that was my rant. I hope that it made sense. I guess the easy question is...do I keep changing her through different activities until there is one she just doesn't want to end or should I really encourage her to stick with something for more that 3-6 months. Orrr do I just stop it all together and let her sit at home ALL the time?

I am very curious to see what you have to say, I am totally open to a full dialogue here, all points help.

TIA
 
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#2 ·
Maybe she'll be like mine. Mine was always like that -- he seemed to enjoy the activities while he was there, but not enough that he'd ask to go, often didn't want to go, and he never wanted to sign up again. We did one activity a season for a couple of years and the only thing that "stuck" at all was low key rec soccer.

Then last spring when he was turning 8 he asked for Tae Kwon Do (which I had suggested many times and been turned down) and LOVED it, then in the summer he begged for guitar lessons, and is still going strong, then his soccer team decided to stay together all winter and play basketball, and he just talked me into hockey. In less than a year I've gone from "come on sweatheart don't you want to try one thing?" to "Whoa, you've got activities 6 days a week, one of which involves practicing every day -- how the heck did that happen?"

Not coincidentally, I'm sure, he's always been ho-hum to kind of negative about daycare, school, aftercare, and camp (all of which he needs because I work full time) and all of a sudden he's into those too. In particular he found a day camp that he LOVES last summer and wants to go 9 weeks this year.

So I vote for continuing to try out lots of things and don't be suprised if she ends up finding something that she loves (or if she's like my kid, too many things that she loves).
 
#3 ·
I would definately continue to encourage the new and physical activities, it sounds like she needs them for her coordination. Is there any chance that she has allergies that are making her feel so tired? That can be caused by seasonal or food allergies- my dd has seasonal allergies and when they act up, she complains a lot about being too tired to do things (your walk to school comment made me think of this).

I would not force her to continue something- but if she likes the dance, just doesn't want to perform, I would talk with her about that being OK.
 
#4 ·
:

Absolutely no advice, but I was just about to post something similar about ds -- only for him, it's not that he wants to quit, he never wants to try! We did rec soccer this fall. He was OK when he was doing it, but doesn't want to do it again. Doesn't want to do basketball, baseball, Tae Kwon Do, music or anything else.

His two 'activities' are: Occupational Therapy and his sister's music class. (Which he goes to only because he doesn't want to stay home. If I tried to sign HIM up for one, he'd never go for it!)

He's an introvert. He likes playing by himself, but I can also tell that he's getting a bit bored at home after school.

I'm tempted to just let him be bored and not push him to join, but I do worry about him never making friends.
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by raisinghumans View Post
I really want her to be involved in things. I would like her to gain a skill that she can be proud of, something that she can work towards, see accomplishments as well as some physical activity. When we are at home she rarely wants to even play outside. She is 7 and still struggles with simple childhood things like bike riding (even with training wheels) and skipping. When we walk to school (we do this 80% of the time) she says she is tired so I worry about her daily physical activity. There are also many instances where she exhibits low self esteem and I really think that if she stuck to something it would help her build her esteem up.
I would see if she needs physical therapy or has a medical condition, just to rule it out. Were you and her father similar as children?

Quote:
do I just stop it all together and let her sit at home ALL the time?[/B]
I'm not sure that's the other option but it's not horrible IF she's not allowed to spend that time watching TV or web surfing.

Do you allow her out to play / explore? www.playborhood.com.

I'd let her find her own path. As someone whose kids are not in school, taking classes IS part of their required education. She's in a school, and that may be enough structure for now. She's hardly likely to sit on her hands immobile in the dining room with her free time. She'll be learning/practicing something important (again, as long as you don't let her watch TV or surf the web with that time).
 
#6 ·
Thanks all for your replies. Last year I did have her iron levels tested but she came up within range according to our family doctor.

When at home she doesn't watch tv or sit at the computer. TV is only allowed on weekends and computer time is limited otherwise, she usually only uses it once every couple of weeks. She spends her time at home in her pjs playing with dolls or doing crafts. I really feel that her lack of energy is from not having extended periods of activity. But maybe I will bring it up again at our next Dr's visit.

I am kind of veering away from my OP here but today was "Wacky Wardrobe" day at school and the kids were to dress up Wacky. My dd however chose to wear regular clothes. I just feel like she totally isolates herself. Is she willingly going against the grain? What is up with her lack of involvement??? I will pick her up today and absolutely love her for who she is but I don't know if she is totally happy with herself, although...leaving for school this morning I said ok is everyone feeling as wacky as they want? Her sister had about a dozen wacky items layered all over her, and they both said yes, they were feeling ready and my non wacky dd just said "I know I am not wacky but I am happy with my choice" So there you go. Well I will pick her up shortly and secretly guage wether she was happy with her choice in the end...I really hope so and I can tell myself what a strong independant dd I have!
 
#7 ·
she is only 7, I think sitting at home is ok if she so chooses. My daughter is similar to yours and i've been wandering about this for awhile, she has never done sports, just realized she CAN ride a bike at age 9, but still has no desire, refuses any extra curricular activities suggested...... so the only things she does is girl scouts and sometimes we volunteer at the humane society, which she loves and i hate, go figure.
 
#8 ·
You might also want to read The Out of Sync Child - it's possible that she has some motor planning issues that make physical activity not only difficult but tiring.

That's why our introvert does OT - he's got sensory processing issues that make things most kids do naturally hard (such as riding a bike). He just learned to pump on the swings this year. He still can't button a shirt/pants or zip a coat.

Remember too that introverts need time away from others to do their own thing to recharge.
 
#9 ·
Seven is really pretty young for organized activities and certainly young for deciding that she's antisocial or somehow isolating herself as a result. A generation or two ago virtually no kids were in organized activities at this age. I'm thinking reading a bit about different personality types is in order. Some people like free creative dreamy time and they don't need a ton of friends to be happy. And, it does sound like she's happy right - that's the main thing I'd focus on. If she seemed depressed or miserable that would be something else.

I am concerned that she feels tired if she takes a walk and that her motor skills seem delayed. I would talk to the pediatrician about that and try to encourage her to get exercise with you - make a regular habit of playing catch or taking a walk or whatever.
 
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