"I'm going to go hide!!!!!" - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 5 Old 12-17-2007, 06:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Please help me understand and deal with my little boy....

My oldest ds is 3. Over the past month or two his sensitivity has really shown. Lately, any time he gets hurt or accidentally falls or something happens that embarasses him he runs off and angrily says "I'm going to go hide" and he hides. Sometimes, but not as frequently as hiding, he angrily will say "I'm going to wipe it away" and commences to wipe it away. Usually it is somewhere he has gotten hurt, like a bumped head. Forget about coming to me or dh for comfort unless it really hurts, he will fight us so he can run away instead. My issue isn't that he doesn't come to us, my issue is his solution is hiding. I don't know where he came up with this idea or if it is ok. Should I discourage it or should I not mention him hiding and what happened unless he brings it up? If I try to talk to him about how/where he is hurt he won't talk to me. I think he gets embarrassed by these things and I think he gets embarassed easily. Is there anything I can do to help him work through these feelings?

He is also frightened easily and won't talk to me about it. There have been a few times where he has gotten so scared that he has a panic attack where his breathing goes kind of haywire. Kind of like the breathing someone will do after crying hard for a long time but a little more extreme and pronounced. He goes from normal to panicked breathing. When he is scared at this level he will come to me for comfort but he doesn't want to talk about it he just wants to hold me, which I respect and I just hold him tight removing him from whatever is scaring him. This level of being scared doesn't happen often but it does occur around MIL's puppy if no one else is around and the dog comes near him.

Anyways, sorry for the rambling post. My boy is a sensitive boy and that is OK, I can respect it and I don't want to change who he is. I just want to know if anyone has any suggestions for helping him work through his feelings instead of him hiding or if anyone has a child who is or has been like this.

SJ

Wow, that really is rambly and disjointed - sorry!
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#2 of 5 Old 12-17-2007, 07:00 PM
 
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Hmmmm. I would set up a special spot for him to go to to "hide" and regroup.

A tent with a bean bag and a flash light and a cd player with head phones and music. That sort of thing. Or maybe one of those kid's ikea chairs that's like a big egg, where he can pull down the front to hide.

I'm doing this with my girls beds - setting them up with a nice "curtain" that they can pull closed and some dot-it lights where they can go get themselves settled.
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#3 of 5 Old 12-18-2007, 03:32 AM
 
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I would read "The Highly Sensitive Child" and possibly "The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child" (I like the Highly Sensitive Child book a lot; I'm lukewarm about the other one).

For some people, being with other people when you're upset is overstimulating (I'm a case in point -- I do MUCH better on my own). It sounds like he's come up with a solution that works for him. Encourage him to come out when he's done and give him a hug.

I would also work on role playing or playing with toys the things that make him anxious. Our son does this naturally, and I can really see it help him process things.

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#4 of 5 Old 12-18-2007, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the book suggestions, I'm definately going to get them next time I go to the library. It is just hard to see my little boy hurting or embarassed then running to go hide....
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#5 of 5 Old 12-18-2007, 05:51 PM
 
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Hi,

My dd, almost 4, is also quite sensitive and went through a similar phase. When hurt, scared or embarrassed, she would cry and say, "Don't look at me! I don't want anyone to see me!" or some variation.

Like your son, she wouldn't talk about it right then. She would, sometimes, talk about it the next day and/or as something that happened to one of her imaginary friends.

At the time, I was reading a book about 3/4yo (I am so sorry, this was a while ago and I can't remember which book it was) and it said that "hiding/don't look at me" was a common phase! But of course, I can't remember why, either. So, some of it might not be anything more than a developmental bump.

However, having a sensitive kiddo myself, I can relate to the worries... I found "The Highly Sensitive Child" to be helpful, too.

Hang in there,

Sakura
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