going to a no-sleepover policy - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post

First- absolutely I agree that ANY time in the care of other adults should be:
adults the parents know well
adults the parents feel comfortable with
a reasonably safe environment
a situation that parents AND child feel comfortable with (if it seems off- listen to that voice)


Ok..Now when she is older I might be able to agree to these terms..
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#62 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 02:28 AM
 
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Okay- here's my thinking in as logical a form as I can manage tonight

First- absolutely I agree that ANY time in the care of other adults should be:
adults the parents know well
adults the parents feel comfortable with
a reasonably safe environment
a situation that parents AND child feel comfortable with (if it seems off- listen to that voice)

That said, the only way to promise total safety of our children is to wrap them in bubble wrap and keep them in the closet. That does not teach them anything.

One of my biggest tasks of parenthood is to provide my child with a variety of experiences that will nurture them and help them grow into strong and stable adults.

Spending time *outside* our family unit is a big part of providing those experiences.

Of course this must be done in a method appropriate for the age and maturity of the child. My dd is nearly 3.5 and has never spent the night away from me. She is not ready.

Now, in a "school age" child, spending the night with close friends provides an excellent opportunity to learn about the way others live. Hey, some people take showers in the morning instead of at night! Different people have different bed-time rituals. In some families DAD cooks breakfast! Whatever. There ARE differences. And yes, some can be learned during the day, some however are really only experienced when sleeping away from home.

That said, there is also something to be said for the experience of childhood. Staying up all night and _fill in the blank_ (playing video games, watching movies, doing makeup, telling stories, playing dolls, whatever)

This can be -in and of itself- a valuable experience.

If there is a *specific* reason you don't feel comfortable with a *specific* situation, I feel that we owe it to our children to explain how we come to that decision. Then they get to see the thinking behind our decision making. Whether it's clear-cut (Sammy's parents don't have the same safety rules we do) or more nebulous (I don't feel like we know Jane's family well enough to do that yet) they will learn to discern the signs for themselves. What do they learn if it's just forbidden?

-Angela


I feel so sad for kids who grow up restricted from fun, typical childhood experiences. There are ways to protect your children without holing them up under your watchful eye all the time. And from my own experience as a kid, the more restrictions, the more rebellion.
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#63 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 02:34 AM
 
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Also, I feel the need to add... I had sleepovers (both friends at my house and me at friends' houses) from around age 4 on through high school. NEVER (not once) did anything happen that made me at all uncomfortable or in danger. And I was a total goody-goody

-Angela
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#64 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 03:19 AM
 
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Ok this thread is now at the point that it's making me giggle. I do not need to have my child spend the night at someone's house to experience all the things you just talked about. Watching movies, doing make up, telling stories are all things that can be done with girlfriends during the day. I so don't get why you all seem to think the only way a child can have a good, meaningful childhood is to spend the night at people's house.

I get that you had a good experience. Good for you. I did not. I hated it, I was exposed to stuff that children shouldn't be exposed to, I know someone who was molested by her friend's father.

I don't need to justify my decision to anyone but to say that those of us who don't do sleep overs are somehow harming our children is just ridiculous. It's a parenting choice like any other. You don't see me telling you that you're neglecting your children and setting them up for abuse if you let them go - you don't see me telling you that your children are going to have experiences that scar them for life if they spend the night else where. That's your decision. Mine is to not allow sleep overs. This does not mean my children's lives won't be full of fun experiences, relationships, adventures etc... We all set boundaries for our children - this is mine. It would be nice to have it respected since really, all anyone is throwing out is their opinion. Not once has a study been cited, a link provided showing that somehow children who aren't allowed to spend the night fare worse, are less ready for adulthood, aren't prepared for college etc... You just say that based on nothing really - just a way you think you can prove your point but, unless you can back it up, it's nothing more than your opinion. Just as it's my opinion that sleep overs are unnecessary.
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#65 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 03:26 AM
 
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I feel so sad for kids who grow up restricted from fun, typical childhood experiences. There are ways to protect your children without holing them up under your watchful eye all the time. And from my own experience as a kid, the more restrictions, the more rebellion.
I don't mean to be rude but this argument is getting so old. Just because a parent doesn't allow sleep overs doesn't mean that they restrict their children from fun, typical experiences. Nor does it mean that they are under our watchful eye all the time. It means that in this one situation, we are not comfortable. That's it. That's all it means. Not allowing sleep overs does not translate to not allowing any other fun childhood experiences and to imply that it does is insulting.

I could say that about any rule you might have - oh, you don't allow sweets? Well sweets are an important childhood experience, how can you not let your children have sweets? Won't let your kids play outside after dark? Well, that's an important childhood experience - our parents did it, we did it - it's important not to keep your kids under your watchful eye all the time - let them be! It just doesn't make sense. We all parent to our level of comfort.
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#66 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 03:46 AM
 
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My children love to have sleepovers both at friends' houses and here. Actually, we had someone over last night and my 7yo is at someone else's house tonight. I always know the parents and they know me. I know that they don't have guns or sex offenders in the house.

I had friends who were police officers and I knew that they had guns in the house. I didn't let my son sleep over there because of it. I didn't trust that they put the guns away 100 percent of the time.

I don't like any rule like that that is set in stone, with no room for exceptions under certain circumstances. What's so difficult about getting to know someone before allowing sleepovers? Who minds being asked about guns? And...if you have to ask someone if there's a convict in the house..then, no the child shouldn't be sleeping over.

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#67 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 04:11 AM
 
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My children have been have sleepovers since they were out of night diapers (oldest dd at 4.5 with another family while we were both at summer camp, ds at bf around 6 - he was a bedwetter until late, and dd3 before her 4th birthday together with her brother at my friend's house while we were out of town). I never had negative experiences, as far as I know neither have they. Sometimes they change their minds right before bed and we talk about it on the phone and then I pick them up if they want to go home. No big deal. I've only had 1 or 2 3 a.m. calls in hundreds of sleepovers (usually the other kid, at our house). We don't use the phone on Shabbat, so I don't allow sleepovers then unless they are 100% sure. Same with out of town sleepovers (especially when we homeschooled, sleepovers were important to save on driving). My dd has sleepovers at a boy's house (she is almost 7), but this will probably end soon, naturally. I agree with Ruthla, that the worst part is the post-sleepover crankiness. I trust the families in our school and community - I've never had reason to distrust them. (some have guns, but this is Israel, and I trust that guns are not handled lightly) I think my kids have a good sense about where they feel comfortable, and I trust them. And I love when one of my kids is out for the night - somehow, going from 3 to 2 is soooo quiet!

I don't disagree with the OP's policy - it is just completely foreign to us. It would be like telling my kids (6.5, 11.5, 14) no sugar foods out of the house. Yeah, right.
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#68 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 08:58 AM
 
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My kids are too young to really do sleepovers although my son has been asking to have a couple of his friends spend the night. I have said sure - I can't wait until my kids want to have sleepovers, although I would prefer to have them at my house.

I used to have (and go on) lots of sleepovers as a child and I have great memories of them. Staying up late, talking, playing pranks, eating lots of junk, watching TV late, etc. I want my kids to have that kind of fun as well. Plus, I think it gives them the chance to really start to learn some independence.

Agreed 100%. Sleepovers are some of my fondest memories from childhood, and I wouldn't dream of denying my kids that fun.

I also don't think that we're living in such different times now, or that there is any more to worry about now than there was when I was a child. I think it is sad that a parent would outright ban sleepovers.

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#69 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 09:10 AM
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Also, I feel the need to add... I had sleepovers (both friends at my house and me at friends' houses) from around age 4 on through high school. NEVER (not once) did anything happen that made me at all uncomfortable or in danger. And I was a total goody-goody

-Angela
Same here!!! Started sleepovers at 4, and never had anything even remotely wrong or uncomfortable happen at one . . . and they continued through high school with great frequency.

My daughter hasn't had a sleepover yet, but I expect we'll start soon. She has asked a few times to have a friend over for the night, and it just hasn't been convenient. It's inevitable, though.

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#70 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 10:04 AM
 
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I think it's the blanket ban that people are reacting to. If there was a family very much like yours, with the same safety standards and values, and your kids were old enough for sleepovers, were excited about the idea, etc etc---but the rule is "no" so still no? That's the part that seems "off" to many posters in this thread.
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#71 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 10:18 AM
 
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I agree with algna and honolula.

Some of my best childhood/teenage memories are from sleepovers.

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#72 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:32 PM
 
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Ok this thread is now at the point that it's making me giggle. I do not need to have my child spend the night at someone's house to experience all the things you just talked about. Watching movies, doing make up, telling stories are all things that can be done with girlfriends during the day. I so don't get why you all seem to think the only way a child can have a good, meaningful childhood is to spend the night at people's house.

I get that you had a good experience. Good for you. I did not. I hated it, I was exposed to stuff that children shouldn't be exposed to, I know someone who was molested by her friend's father.

I don't need to justify my decision to anyone but to say that those of us who don't do sleep overs are somehow harming our children is just ridiculous. It's a parenting choice like any other. You don't see me telling you that you're neglecting your children and setting them up for abuse if you let them go - you don't see me telling you that your children are going to have experiences that scar them for life if they spend the night else where. That's your decision. Mine is to not allow sleep overs. This does not mean my children's lives won't be full of fun experiences, relationships, adventures etc... We all set boundaries for our children - this is mine. It would be nice to have it respected since really, all anyone is throwing out is their opinion. Not once has a study been cited, a link provided showing that somehow children who aren't allowed to spend the night fare worse, are less ready for adulthood, aren't prepared for college etc... You just say that based on nothing really - just a way you think you can prove your point but, unless you can back it up, it's nothing more than your opinion. Just as it's my opinion that sleep overs are unnecessary.
:

I don't even really have an opinion on whether or not we'll do sleepovers, but I agree that the level of 'drama' WRT this topic is absolutely ludicrous.

Honestly? A lot of the posts seem to be saying "but, but, but, EVERYBODY else does sleepovers! And if my child doesn't do it they'll (at best) stick out and (at worst) be deprived of manna from Heaven!"

HUH?!? Insert public schooling, formula feeding, CIO, vaccinations, etc etc etc into the above statement and it becomes obvious that... who gives a flying flip what 'everybody else' is doing? Isn't MDC all about trying to make the best decisions we can for our families, regardless of what everybody and their dog is doing?

I don't know, the debate on this is just odd to me. And I don't think it has to do with the 'outright ban' aspect of it, either. Because people up and down this board ban things outright, have boundaries for their families... whether it be formula, or cribs, or traditional schooling, or tv, or vaccines, or plastic toys etc etc etc. Why is this different?
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#73 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:47 PM
 
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Watching movies, doing make up, telling stories are all things that can be done with girlfriends during the day. I so don't get why you all seem to think the only way a child can have a good, meaningful childhood is to spend the night at people's house.
Yes they can all be done. But there is something to be said for doing them to the Nth degree to get them out of your system.

Dh says he DID feel harmed by this policy growing up. It is very much a sore point. His mom tried the same thing (you can do the same things ) he felt, and still feels that it was a cop-out. It was just her throwing her weight around and being authoritarian. He felt very much like he missed out.

-Angela
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#74 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:47 PM
 
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Also, I feel the need to add... I had sleepovers (both friends at my house and me at friends' houses) from around age 4 on through high school. NEVER (not once) did anything happen that made me at all uncomfortable or in danger. And I was a total goody-goody

-Angela
I was also a goody-goody & I honestly, in high school, did VERY scary things. Things I would consider locking my DD up if she did. Her life (as in literally continuing to breathe) come 1st. I did things that definately jeopardized that & at the time I thought was totally normal. Kids are NOT mini adults. However, your earlier post about knowing families WELL comes into play here. I have to admit part of the problem I had as a kid was very likely caused by the fact that in high school I just WENT, my family never even MET half the kids I hung out with. We did STUPID things...like leaving the country. (We'd go party with army guys in Canada, etc...) BAD BAD BAD idea.

I don't think we really disagree...I just don't like hearing that I have a "parenting problem" and that I am harming my kids cuz I won't let a nearly 10 yr. old go away overnight. That is nonscense. Like I said, lot's of time between that & college.

I think maybe if they were invited by very (VERY) close friends at this point it wouldn't be an automatic no, I'd have to think about it. Someone who I KNEW shared my values & who had a safe place to offer my child.

My most recent "episode" was a kid who lives across the street coming & asking HIMSELF if Zach could spend the night. "My mom said it's ok!" Um...NO! The PARENTS should do the asking, not my job to go hunt the inviters down. He was mad at me, but I was right.

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#75 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:48 PM
 
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I don't mean to be rude but this argument is getting so old. Just because a parent doesn't allow sleep overs doesn't mean that they restrict their children from fun, typical experiences. Nor does it mean that they are under our watchful eye all the time. It means that in this one situation, we are not comfortable. That's it. That's all it means. Not allowing sleep overs does not translate to not allowing any other fun childhood experiences and to imply that it does is insulting.

I could say that about any rule you might have - oh, you don't allow sweets? Well sweets are an important childhood experience, how can you not let your children have sweets? Won't let your kids play outside after dark? Well, that's an important childhood experience - our parents did it, we did it - it's important not to keep your kids under your watchful eye all the time - let them be! It just doesn't make sense. We all parent to our level of comfort.
Actually disallowing sleepovers across the board IS restricting children from a fun typical experience.

And I don't have any blanket rules like not allowing sweets or playing after dark etc. For that very reason.

-Angela
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#76 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:49 PM
 
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with no room for exceptions under certain circumstances. What's so difficult about getting to know someone before allowing sleepovers? Who minds being asked about guns? And...if you have to ask someone if there's a convict in the house..then, no the child shouldn't be sleeping over.

Lisa
:

Use good decision making skills and your children will learn them.

Set arbitrary rules and your kids learn nothing from the experience.

-Angela
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#77 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:51 PM
 
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Yes they can all be done. But there is something to be said for doing them to the Nth degree to get them out of your system.

Dh says he DID feel harmed by this policy growing up. It is very much a sore point. His mom tried the same thing (you can do the same things ) he felt, and still feels that it was a cop-out. It was just her throwing her weight around and being authoritarian. He felt very much like he missed out.

-Angela
See, I think that's a different issue. I am most certainly NOT throwing my weight around, I run a VERY loose ship. Most think me permissive. I don't have rules. (Well, I have 2. ) I love my kids and don't think it is vital for their development to sleep away from home at their ages.

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I think it's the blanket ban that people are reacting to. If there was a family very much like yours, with the same safety standards and values, and your kids were old enough for sleepovers, were excited about the idea, etc etc---but the rule is "no" so still no? That's the part that seems "off" to many posters in this thread.
yes that.

Rules should be logical and based in good decision making. To say at any point that NO child in your family will EVER be allowed this typical, normal, fun experience is what's over the top.

-Angela
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#79 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:54 PM
 
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However, your earlier post about knowing families WELL comes into play here. I have to admit part of the problem I had as a kid was very likely caused by the fact that in high school I just WENT, my family never even MET half the kids I hung out with.

I don't think we really disagree...I just don't like hearing that I have a "parenting problem" and that I am harming my kids cuz I won't let a nearly 10 yr. old go away overnight. That is nonscense. Like I said, lot's of time between that & college.

I think maybe if they were invited by very (VERY) close friends at this point it wouldn't be an automatic no, I'd have to think about it. Someone who I KNEW shared my values & who had a safe place to offer my child.

My most recent "episode" was a kid who lives across the street coming & asking HIMSELF if Zach could spend the night. "My mom said it's ok!" Um...NO! The PARENTS should do the asking, not my job to go hunt the inviters down. He was mad at me, but I was right.
Like I said, I have NO problem with saying to a specific child- you can not go on THIS sleepover right NOW for THIS reason. *THAT* will teach a child how to make good decisions.

What I have a problem with is a blanket rule that "our family doesn't do sleepovers" That does not teach them anything they can use later.

-Angela
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#80 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:55 PM
 
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:

I don't even really have an opinion on whether or not we'll do sleepovers, but I agree that the level of 'drama' WRT this topic is absolutely ludicrous.

Honestly? A lot of the posts seem to be saying "but, but, but, EVERYBODY else does sleepovers! And if my child doesn't do it they'll (at best) stick out and (at worst) be deprived of manna from Heaven!"

HUH?!? Insert public schooling, formula feeding, CIO, vaccinations, etc etc etc into the above statement and it becomes obvious that... who gives a flying flip what 'everybody else' is doing? Isn't MDC all about trying to make the best decisions we can for our families, regardless of what everybody and their dog is doing?

I don't know, the debate on this is just odd to me. And I don't think it has to do with the 'outright ban' aspect of it, either. Because people up and down this board ban things outright, have boundaries for their families... whether it be formula, or cribs, or traditional schooling, or tv, or vaccines, or plastic toys etc etc etc. Why is this different?


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#81 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:56 PM
 
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What I have a problem with is a blanket rule that "our family doesn't do sleepovers" That does not teach them anything they can use later.

-Angela
Yes, but we DO have this policy NOW. (Could change tomorrow, but I doubt it...) I think it's ok to have a blanket policy for a length of time. Too young is just too young.

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#82 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:57 PM
 
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See, I think that's a different issue. I am most certainly NOT throwing my weight around, I run a VERY loose ship. Most think me permissive. I don't have rules. (Well, I have 2. ) I love my kids and don't think it is vital for their development to sleep away from home at their ages.
And perhaps it's not. But it sounds like you would be open to a situation where you KNOW the family, you KNOW your child will be safe, you KNOW your child is ready and all parties involved (both kids and the other parents) are well, involved and on board.

I have no issue with having *requirements* for things like this. What I have a problem with is the -Our family will never sleep away from home before college-

That's just absurd IMO. But more importantly- doesn't teach your children anything except that mom has weird random rules.

-Angela
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#83 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 12:57 PM
 
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If I take it on a case by case basis, then I'm in the position of making some parents/kids/families feel "not good enough." If I make it a blanket policy for now, then it's not a case of saying, no my son can stay at this friend's house, but not yours. We live in a small rural area where everyone knows everyone, with class sizes of around 16 students, and a lot of poverty. So when someone like myself who has not lived here forever, and is not living in poverty, says yes to some and not to others, it makes me look like a snob. It doesn't matter if I say that we just don't know the family well enough.

What if we do know them well enough to know that we don't want our kids at their home - guns, cigarette smoke, violent video games, lax safety standards? I think their kids are fine and their parenting methods are obviously working for their families- but I don't want my kids to be in that environment for 8 or more hours. What if I said? "Sorry, I see that you let your toddler ride in your lap in the front seat of the car and your other kids without seatbelts in the back. That's fine for you, but I don't trust you with my child for ten hours overnight." For now, at the elementary school level, I'd rather put out the blanket policy of no sleepovers.

I've got to say that I've never regretted being over protective with my kids. I have however regretted a few instances of going against my instincts and saying yes where I should have said no.
This is the post that stands out to me. Especially the part about worrying about looking like a snob. I don't make my parenting decisions based on other other people's perceptions of me. And honestly I think you'll look like a snob by not allowing your kid any sleepovers, so if that's really a concern for you, that is something you should consider.

Anyway, I am I selective about where my kid can go, daytime or nighttime. I don't want him in a house with guns reguardless of time of day, same with smoking, and adults or older children that I don't know. Ds is only 3 so he's never spent the night away from me, ever, but when he's older he'll be allowed to spend the night at close friends houses.
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#84 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 01:04 PM
 
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And perhaps it's not. But it sounds like you would be open to a situation where you KNOW the family, you KNOW your child will be safe, you KNOW your child is ready and all parties involved (both kids and the other parents) are well, involved and on board.

I have no issue with having *requirements* for things like this. What I have a problem with is the -Our family will never sleep away from home before college-

That's just absurd IMO. But more importantly- doesn't teach your children anything except that mom has weird random rules.

-Angela
Sometimes it's hard for me not to take things personally, I keep forgetting others are arguing my side in this thread too.

No, I don't think kids need to be banned from sleepovers until college, I most definately didn't say that. Although if the right friend never surfaces I may do it that way. I hate saying "I will do X at X age" because we just don't know until we're there. But I think that perhaps 12 or 13 is a very reasonable age to start sleeping away from home & I can't see that as having hindered them. Some may say there's not a big difference but I see a 10 yr. old and a 12 yr. old as VERY different.

I do know my child & trust them, but peer pressure lives. No amt. of self assurance will combat it all. I can't say I had self esteem issues & I did go with the crowd alot, I just didn't see the harm. And they thought I wasn't "that kind of kid" for sure. If I openly told them what all I was doing they wouldn't even believe me...which is problamatic itself. *sigh* It's a wacky world...

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#85 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 01:07 PM
 
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Actually disallowing sleepovers across the board IS restricting children from a fun typical experience.

And I don't have any blanket rules like not allowing sweets or playing after dark etc. For that very reason.

-Angela
Once again, this is where we differ. Sleepovers are not a typical experience in my circle of friends. No one does it. It was a typical experience for you But, your experiences are not my experiences.

We don't rule our children in authoritarian ways. We spend a lot of time with our children, talking to them, teaching them, sharing experiences with them etc... But there are rules in our family and I'm comfortable with those rules and explaining the reasoning behind them to my children when and if necessary.

Again, I don't need to justify my decisions to you or anyone else just as you don't need to justify your parenting decisions to me. Everyone needs to parent to their comfort level.

Qtopia - thank you for your post. You stated what I've been trying to say in a much more eloquent way than I ever could.
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#86 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 01:10 PM
 
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And perhaps it's not. But it sounds like you would be open to a situation where you KNOW the family, you KNOW your child will be safe, you KNOW your child is ready and all parties involved (both kids and the other parents) are well, involved and on board.

I have no issue with having *requirements* for things like this. What I have a problem with is the -Our family will never sleep away from home before college-

That's just absurd IMO. But more importantly- doesn't teach your children anything except that mom has weird random rules.

-Angela
Oh good Lord! Seriously? How is this rule any different from others. How offensive!!! If you have a rule in your house, I would NEVER tell you that it's some weird random rule. I truly can not believe you just posted that those of us who have this rule have some weird random rule. That's just so offensive.

Ok, I'm going to step away from this thread. It's becoming insulting.
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#87 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 01:18 PM
 
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If I take it on a case by case basis, then I'm in the position of making some parents/kids/families feel "not good enough." If I make it a blanket policy for now, then it's not a case of saying, no my son can stay at this friend's house, but not yours. We live in a small rural area where everyone knows everyone, with class sizes of around 16 students, and a lot of poverty. So when someone like myself who has not lived here forever, and is not living in poverty, says yes to some and not to others, it makes me look like a snob. It doesn't matter if I say that we just don't know the family well enough.

What if we do know them well enough to know that we don't want our kids at their home - guns, cigarette smoke, violent video games, lax safety standards? I think their kids are fine and their parenting methods are obviously working for their families- but I don't want my kids to be in that environment for 8 or more hours. What if I said? "Sorry, I see that you let your toddler ride in your lap in the front seat of the car and your other kids without seatbelts in the back. That's fine for you, but I don't trust you with my child for ten hours overnight." For now, at the elementary school level, I'd rather put out the blanket policy of no sleepovers.

I've got to say that I've never regretted being over protective with my kids. I have however regretted a few instances of going against my instincts and saying yes where I should have said no.
I have not read all the posts yet but I have to say this comment really rubbed me the wrong way. You are essentially saying that if the family lives in poverty the home environment is not good enough for your child to go sleep over in. THis is offensive, first off as someone who lives in poverty I can tell you right now my home is safer and more child friendly than many affluent family homes I know. I do not own guns, alcohol is not permitted in my home, I don't leave the children alone etc. YEs there is some homes this is the case but it is not restricted to the level of income coming in. I think your policy is over the top imo, and really does make you look like a snob when you say it's because you don't live in poverty and they do so therefore they are not good enough. I can understand wanting to be safe but that goes with all families not just the poor ones.

Brandy Single momma to A(11), C(10), H(6) and I(2)
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#88 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 01:38 PM
 
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I do know my child & trust them, but peer pressure lives. No amt. of self assurance will combat it all. I can't say I had self esteem issues & I did go with the crowd alot, I just didn't see the harm. And they thought I wasn't "that kind of kid" for sure. If I openly told them what all I was doing they wouldn't even believe me...which is problamatic itself. *sigh* It's a wacky world...
It may have been just luck, but I can say I NEVER gave in to peer pressure.



-Angela
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#89 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 01:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As the OP, I too am surprised at the level of drama. I expected differing opinions and different reasons. I did not expect the judgementalism that a no sleep-over policy would scar a child for life, that it was a horrible thing to do for a child.

Some posters seem to be saying that since sleepovers are a cultural norm, that I'll damage my child by not letting them participate in a cultural norm.
Obviously I disagree.

Our decision is well considered and well thought out. On Mothering magazine, I did not expect harsh judgements over not participating in a cultural norm. People choose to not vax, to homeschool, to Waldorf school, to ban sugar, to ban plastic- all sorts of things not within the cultural norm- yet in most cases, these decisions are supported and respected.

Why would anyone assume that we don't disccus these decision to our children or that our homes are completely authoritarian? I'm laxer than some parents and stricter than others, laxer on some issues and stricter on others.

I haven't been scarred or damaged by any of the protective decisions that my parents made, not even by some of the less wise decisions that my parents made. I'm quite comfortable with our no-sleepover policy and I'm quite comfortable with other parents decisions to allow them.
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#90 of 183 Old 12-23-2007, 01:41 PM
 
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Oh good Lord! Seriously? How is this rule any different from others. How offensive!!! If you have a rule in your house, I would NEVER tell you that it's some weird random rule. I truly can not believe you just posted that those of us who have this rule have some weird random rule. That's just so offensive.

Ok, I'm going to step away from this thread. It's becoming insulting.
I do NOT have any blanket rules. I think they are not beneficial to anyone. I think that each decision should be made with the information at hand.

I don't think that -across the board, no exception- rules EVER do anyone any good.

-Angela
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