"Do you love me?" - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 17 Old 12-23-2007, 02:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DD (3.5 yrs) asks this question all day long, and she always expects us to answer! I am assuming this is some sort of phase, since she seems to be a secure, confident child. Has anyone else ever experienced this?
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#2 of 17 Old 12-23-2007, 06:42 PM
 
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Maybe you can read "Guess How Much I Love You" with her and when she asks, you can "quote" a line from the book "I love you from here to the moon and back!" that might satisfy her.

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#3 of 17 Old 12-24-2007, 12:07 PM
 
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yes, if its concerning you, she is sensing it... get silly!!! " I love you all the way up to the ceiling!!!"

"I love you all the way under your bed, over you bureau and back!!"

she may have noticed it perks you up when she says it because, lets face it, none of us want our children to have to ask if we love them!!!

I wonder if she heard this somewhere.. I have never heard of a child asking this.
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#4 of 17 Old 12-24-2007, 01:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, no! I wasn't worried about it at all, and now I am! I thought that it was probably a passing phase and nothing more. Is my child the only one who does this???

I like your suggestions about reading the book and also getting silly with it. We already have the "Guess How Much I Love You" book and I have tried to joke with her about it. Nothing seems to stop the question from coming! We are a very affectionate (physically AND verbally) and attached family. I can't imagine where she picked this up. I'm stumped.
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#5 of 17 Old 12-24-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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Oh, no! I wasn't worried about it at all, and now I am! I thought that it was probably a passing phase and nothing more. Is my child the only one who does this???
LOL! You're not the only one! My son (he'll be four in March) asks us this all the time, or better yet,"Why do you love me?". The thing is, we tell him we love him a hundred times a day, what a wonderful boy he is, how important he is to us. So, I can't really figure it out either, except that the first few times he did it, he got a big reaction from us. You know, we were kind of stunned by the question so we made a big deal of it with lots of hugs and kisses.
So, I think he knows it's a way to get all our attention on him for a little while. Plus I think "love", as a word, is a difficult concept to figure out when they are so young - so maybe they are just trying to understand exactly what it is. Honestly, I know my son feels loved so I'm not concerned in the least. Aren't three year olds the best? :
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#6 of 17 Old 12-24-2007, 04:37 PM
 
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It's a phase. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It happens a lot--mine did the same thing.
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#7 of 17 Old 12-26-2007, 02:04 AM
 
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My 3 yo have been telling me for the past few weeks about her new Mommy, Daddy, baby sister and brother, and her new house. At first I thought that this was cute, but now, it's starting to worry me. All is well w/ my family...it's not like me and dh are separated or fighting or anything! Tonight, she went to sleep crying because she wants to go to her new house and that she misses her new mommy! I'm wondering if it's a past-life thing, her angels, her imagination, or what!?

Oh! BTW, she only has a brother, but mentions about her baby brother and sister at her new house!

What do you make of that? :
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#8 of 17 Old 12-26-2007, 12:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one whose child asks this constantly! It does seem like a phase to me. Still not sure why she's asking, but it will probably fade over time. It's interesting that she's distinguishing between different levels of "love" lately. She says she loves me and DH, but not her friends or her grandparents, etc. I think she's saying that she recognizes a special relationship within our family, which is very sweet. I believe she does love others, but feels particularly close to us, if that makes sense.

jaredsmom: Wow! What do you say to that one? Interesting that you are thinking it may be past life/angel stuff. I do believe children remember and experience things we have forgotten. My DD told the strangest story upon waking (at 2.5 years old) and I've often wondered if she'd had a dream or was imagining things. It did sound very "past-lifelike", as she said she'd been a boy before and had died after eating some bad/poisoned food. She even gave other details about who took care of her, who she lived with, etc. It was weird and I've never forgotten it.
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#9 of 17 Old 12-26-2007, 06:07 PM
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My 5 yr old dd seemed to be concerned that my "love" could go away if she was naughty or if I was upset. She is a very sensitive child though. Now, we frequently have dialog that goes along the lines of:
Does mommy love you when you smile? - - - Yes!
Does mommy love you when you frown? - - - Yes!
Does mommy love you when she is happy? - - - Yes!
Does mommy love you when she is upset? - - - Yes!

Sometimes this goes on and on. She will come up with situations or moods and so will I. Sometimes we do this during cuddle time or when we are brushing hair. But I make sure I do it if we are have a particularly rough day too!

My oldest dd always wanted to quantify my love. So now we always say that we "love each other circles" because there is no beginning or end.

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#10 of 17 Old 12-26-2007, 06:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jaredsmom View Post
My 3 yo have been telling me for the past few weeks about her new Mommy, Daddy, baby sister and brother, and her new house. At first I thought that this was cute, but now, it's starting to worry me. All is well w/ my family...it's not like me and dh are separated or fighting or anything! Tonight, she went to sleep crying because she wants to go to her new house and that she misses her new mommy! I'm wondering if it's a past-life thing, her angels, her imagination, or what!?

Oh! BTW, she only has a brother, but mentions about her baby brother and sister at her new house!

What do you make of that? :
My 4.5 year old does this only about a grandma and grandpa that she doesn't have. .. however, she's in early intervention evaluations for issues concerning receptive language, etc.. so I think it has something to do with her not understanding pretend vs. reality very well.

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#11 of 17 Old 12-26-2007, 10:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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"So now we always say that we "love each other in circles" because there is no beginning or end."



What a sweet and special way of expressing love to your child, Amy. You know, my daughter is extremely sensitive, too. I wonder if that plays into things a bit. Maybe sensitive children need to hear verbal reassurances more often than less sensitive ones...


Pretend vs. Imagination is VERY interesting at this age, when they are still trying to figure it all out.
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#12 of 17 Old 12-27-2007, 11:44 AM
 
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Maybe you can read "Guess How Much I Love You" with her and when she asks, you can "quote" a line from the book "I love you from here to the moon and back!" that might satisfy her.
I agree.

You could also just tell her you love her a bunch of times per day. I do that with my kids anyway.

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#13 of 17 Old 12-27-2007, 01:13 PM
 
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I say to my kids all the time..."Psst, guess what?" "What?," is the response they give, of course. "I love you!" I usually do this out of the blue, and they always hug me afterwards. Okay, the 7 year now sometimes walks away (if he was going somewhere in the house) and sheepishly says, "I know."

Regarding my daughter and reality vs. pretend, family vs. new family, I guess I'll just play it out and roll with the flow on this one.
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#14 of 17 Old 12-27-2007, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I constantly tell her I love her. Makes no difference at all in the number of times she asks. Maybe I tell her too much? Is that even possible?!!
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#15 of 17 Old 12-27-2007, 03:09 PM
 
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Ds (5) does this. But, he wants it to be a game and words it kind of funny. He alwats says out of the blue "I love you more then you love me." Which almost sounds sad, though he doesn't realize it. That's his bait to initiate the game. I tell him I love him more then all the fish in the sea. Then he tries to top me, and then I try to top him..and so on. The game isn't over until I tell him that I love him more the all of creation in all of the galaxies in all of the universe for ever and ever x a million.
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#16 of 17 Old 12-28-2007, 12:46 AM
 
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Ds,5, does this but mostly to his sister. He does it to me to but more often to his sister now. I always thought it was just an insecurity thing (he has a lot of medical issues and spent 6 weeks in the hospital last year and several weeks this year) but perhaps its just normal little phase.
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#17 of 17 Old 12-28-2007, 01:06 AM
 
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Kids' egos are so fragile at this age. I think it's totally normal and will probably pass after some time.
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