Top o' the year to you, May (04) Mamas! - Page 17 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-29-2008, 10:25 PM
 
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my brain has been sloooow to kick into work mode today.

just thinkin of you all .....
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Old 01-29-2008, 11:33 PM
 
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I have another kid with a double ear infection. I think someone has it in for me.
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Old 01-30-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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Is january over yet??? Seriously, we mmf! have collectively had more than enough!

Ear infections stink, double ones more so. Hope relief comes quickly!

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Old 01-30-2008, 12:12 AM
 
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So sorry to hear of it, meesa! Hope everyone is better soon!

ON another, very silly note: Username SuperKK is available

As is SuperJuice

Maybe if we all changed our names to SuperSomeone, the universe wouldn't dare keep messing with us.

Mostly kidding, as I wouldn't steal KK's super idea that way, but the idea of all the MMFs becoming SuperMMF mad me smile very, very wide.
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Old 01-30-2008, 12:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Miss Juice View Post
ON another, very silly note: Username SuperKK is available

As is SuperJuice

Maybe if we all changed our names to SuperSomeone, the universe wouldn't dare keep messing with us.

Mostly kidding, as I wouldn't steal KK's super idea that way, but the idea of all the MMFs becoming SuperMMF mad me smile very, very wide.
I also like this idea, juice. :

~c
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Old 01-30-2008, 12:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Miss Juice View Post
So sorry to hear of it, meesa! Hope everyone is better soon!

ON another, very silly note: Username SuperKK is available

As is SuperJuice

Maybe if we all changed our names to SuperSomeone, the universe wouldn't dare keep messing with us.

Mostly kidding, as I wouldn't steal KK's super idea that way, but the idea of all the MMFs becoming SuperMMF mad me smile very, very wide.
Eh? Wha? Might have to look into this. (Maybe it was SuperK which was taken. Hmm.)
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:14 AM
 
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Wow. The love youguys are sending is just amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Warning: TMI update. I don't want to censor my experience because writing it here is part of my therapy process. Read no further if it will make you upset.

Yesterday, 4.30 pm central time, the m/w called and asked if we could do it at 6 pm instead of 5 due to work. 'Kay.

6 pm she said we needed to put in some misoprostol vaginally and orally to soften the cervix to make it a bit easier, and it would be several hrs after insertion before the procedure. I wasn't counting on that and was even eager to do it sans softening, just DO IT ALREADY, it's been a tedious wait and psyching myself up I just WANT IT OUT. But, am convinced to wait until today. *sigh* No heart to convey to youguys that it still wasn't done, and yet another opportunity to turn back, I don't want or need any more opportunities because every one wrenches my heart, squeezes it that much tighter, but anyway I check the tarot cards one last time just in case I'm supposed to do something different, and yet again they tell me I'm doing the right thing.

I take the misoprostol which causes nausea and diarrhea, and gas, and then Viet and I head off to her house where in her little makeshift consultorio she has all the instruments, table, probably better equipped than most Mexican state hospitals. I put on a robe and lay down, legs in stirrups, and proceed to feel really uncomfortable things, a little local anesthetic ouch ouch, cervix dilation OUCH OUCH, scrape scrape of my uterus, un-fncking-believable ouch on so many levels. My brain, my heart, my uterus. I kept my hand on my uterus, or tapped my heart, both unconscious tics I didn't think about until I found myself doing them.

During the process I closed my eyes, could not look at Viet; I tried to relax my pelvis (unsuccessfully), and chanted over and over either "om namah shivaya" or "let it flow, let it happen, let it go" non stop quietly under my breath. I was interested in seeing the stuff that was suctioned out, I've never been grossed out by that kind of thing although this stuff carried a bit more emotional charge than, say, a healthy placenta. When she showed it to me, I said goodbye under my breath. When she left the room post-worst part, I burst into heart-wrenching sobs, my face a mask of grief I felt like I could see from the outside, feeling it so deeply, so desperately.

Then, it was over. I walked into that beautiful colonial building on a sunny cobblestone street an hour before, a pregnant woman, and walked out now, not pregnant. I was relieved and overwhelmed with sadness simultaneously. Was? Am. I am relieved and overwhelmed with sadness.

Now, though, I'm just spent. Just, wanting to curl right up here, and take the beautiful words you all have written, and spin them into the loveliest yarn you ever saw, and weave them into a warm blanket to warm my toes and my heart, while my hair is petted by a bunch of mamahands from all over the internet. Thank you for being my friends, and witness to this nightmare. Your support means so much to me.
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:19 AM
 
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elsanne: my heart is sad with you, and i am crying with the honesty and authenticity of your words. so much love i am sending you... there is nothing more to say than this: i am thinking of you.

~claudia
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:32 AM
 
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Elsanne,

You know we love you so. All the May Mamas have been thinking of you, and praying for you, and meditating with you, and we will continue to.

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Old 01-30-2008, 01:33 AM
 
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hey mmf, vain all about me question, is my username pink? it should be...
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:35 AM
 
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It's not, TC.
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Old 01-30-2008, 02:26 AM
 
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Els: I'm here, and present, and witnessing...
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Old 01-30-2008, 03:36 AM
 
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Just checking in on Els. Wow, what an experience, and I am glad you were able to write about it and get it out of your system.

TC is as close as super anybodies username gets, but you are all super mama's in my book

And no TC, your username is not pink today.
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Old 01-30-2008, 03:51 AM
 
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TC is as close as super anybodies username gets, but you are all super mama's in my book
nuggets: i don't know what this means, but it feels warm and fuzzy.

~c
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:06 AM
 
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Elsanne---***hugs*** am in awe of your strength, your sharing, your wisdom... much love to you...

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Old 01-30-2008, 09:54 AM
 
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Just checking in quick before we head out on vacay, and glad I did. els
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Old 01-30-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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Elsanne... I'm feeling relieved and sad, right along with you. How are you feeling today, love?
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Old 01-30-2008, 02:03 PM
 
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Here to give Elsanne my love in writing. I am holding you in the light through this sadness and relief. You are a strong and amazing woman.
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Old 01-30-2008, 02:49 PM
 
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I can't even imagine Els. I am so sorry. I'm hoping Viet is being loving and tender to you while you heal from this whole experience.

Eternal Companion to DH , Homeschooling mama to DS 05/04 , DS 11/05 , DD 12/07 , DS 07/10 and one on the way: June 2015!
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Old 01-30-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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Elsanne, I'm here, also witnessing, thinking, sending peace vibes your way.
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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Coming here is like getting a hug.

It's been up and down. Well, more like normal, and down. Not much up. Eh.
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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gymnastics class saga update from today in blargh. blah. in light of the recent major heavy duty MMF schtuff going on, it feels trivial, but i feel crappy.

~c
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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Oh Claudia. I so know your pain. I had a simliar experience with Mia yesterday re: getting dressed. In the end, she stayed in her pjs all day, didn't go to school, and had tantrum after tantrum about it... all because I couldn't let it go. (See, Renae - I'm guilty myself! ) She (I?) finally recovered around 4:30 PM. :

So what to do about Marek? Will they allow people to just come and watch without paying? If so, maybe do that once or twice a month until he seems more sure about participating? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to participate (later, not in the moment)? Does he maybe feel like he can't do it?

As for school, I would start talking to him about it now and make sure he understands what it really entails (ie, participation, mom leaving him there, etc) and see how he reacts. Repeat this conversation weekly so he really gets the picture. Based on his reaction and readiness, consider putting him in preschool. Talk to the school about your uncertainty about his readiness and keep the option open of trying it out and if it doesn't go well, quit going and try again later if he seems to gain interest.

And I know what you mean about these things feeling trivial amidst the mmf madness, but a hard day is a hard day, no matter HOW hard it is.
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Old 01-30-2008, 06:58 PM
 
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Elsanne, thinking of you as a continual stream of consciousness. Love, light and healing to you, sister.
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Old 01-30-2008, 07:07 PM
 
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elsanne-I'm thinking of you too (mucho mucho). Thank you for sharing it all with us...enjoy the warm blanket!


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Old 01-30-2008, 07:33 PM
 
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Alright mamas...

I'm a big ball of whiny tears today.

First off , let me admit I am utterly and completely a mommy's girl... even if my mom drives me absolutely insane sometimes.


TJ has a high probability of getting a management position in his company down in Vancouver and we'd have to relocate immediately. They'd pay for the move... but we'd have to leave, rent our house out, uproot the kids (though they don't have any super close friends here anyway. Most of our close friends are in the Seattle area). I don't want to leave my mom... I don't want to leave this area... I mostly am scared and depressed about going to a new town with no one that I know.. (even though I know some of you are relatively close..) and I feel like I'll be totally lonely there. *Sigh*

I know I shouldn't whine given the other predicaments you other mamas are dealing with... but I'm a small town girl and Vancouver feels like a WORLD away. That being said... I would love to be closer to Oregon again. Sometimes I feel like a loner up here because I am treated a little different for my parenting/birthing/living styles.. ANd the beautiful weather. And the beautiful temple of our church in Portland that TJ and I walked circles around for months when we started going back to church and rebuilding our relationship when Dom was just two months old...

Eternal Companion to DH , Homeschooling mama to DS 05/04 , DS 11/05 , DD 12/07 , DS 07/10 and one on the way: June 2015!
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Old 01-30-2008, 08:17 PM
 
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els - your experience sounded much like i could imagine it and thanks for sharing the full spectrum of emotions. i think the real physical pain of it matches the emotional pain. and then the physical pain is over but the emotional pain isn't. but at least it is tempered by major relief. i hope you get a chance to curl up in a ball and leave the rest of the world going on outside around you while you get to recuperate.

danile - vancouver is close to all of us! but i can understand leaving your home. and your mom!

gah - ebin has entered a new phase of expression which involves SCREECHING!! A LOT!!! he has realized he has a voice...he just doesn't have words. i think he's trying to compete with his brother on the sound scale

claudia - i read your blog. i think you handled it really well even if it felt really carpy. you had a plan. you stuck with it. i bet if you tried again he may make the step to join in because he will know you will leave. (he saw you follow through on that plan). it seems like he is scared to join in but if you can give him that forceful prod he will enjoy it so much *and* have that accomplished feeling of conquering a fear. of course it is so hard to 'make' a child do anything they're resisting. so it ends up being some sort of jedi mind trick to be able to get them to do it. an idea - i bet M feels like it is all of the kids vs. him because they are all doing it...and he isn't (yet). is there any way to get to class early and pick a nice looking kid and say 'hi this is M, what's your name?' 'can M put his mat next to yours because he doesn't know anyone in this class?' then put his mat down and act like there is no other assumption except him participating. 'here M you sit next to __ and i am going to sit right over here and watch you'

i could also see him enjoying a preschool experience where he would get to know the kids and feel comfortable with the routine once he got used to it. i wish he could be in isaac's class so he would know someone are any of the westside kids you know attending a preschool close to you?

i should take a shower. ebin is at a trickier phase now with regard to showers. we're past the bouncy seat in the bathroom phase and into the not safe anywhere on the floor unattended phase. and i can't wait for nap because i'm going to a board meeting (and i think my time on the board is over...but i've been included in the email list. so who knows!)

my nice news is that i actually got to go out for a drink last night. nice! i got the boys down and went to meet a friend for a couple of hours. ebin didn't wake while i was gone and all was well.
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Old 01-30-2008, 08:21 PM
 
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Danile~That's a big decision. I'm a big mamas girl too. DH was thinking of going to law school, but we would most likely have to move out of state and I can't leave my family. I talk to my mom almost every day. Maybe you can weigh the pros and cons and decide what is best for your family.

els~*hugs* I hope things get better.

meg~I'm glad to got to go out. I totally relate to the comment on showers. I put K down for 2 min. so I could pee and he found 2 small things on the carpet to put in his mouth while I was gone.

Work today was awful! I got out 2 hours late. I was by myself with 2 drs, 4 dogs that needed their teeth cleaned, 3 spays, a neuter some appts and 2 walk in c-sections. I hadn't pumped in 5 hours and it felt like my boobs were going to explode! We had a cat today with a mouth infection so bad I had to pull all but 3 teeth

I need a drama break. Me and DH got into a conversation/debate about dates that we have taken me/which kid to the dr in front of the nurse at Saige's appt yesterday. We were so tired it all started to blend together. I apologized to her and she told us we should send the kids to grandma's and go out on a date. :
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Old 01-30-2008, 08:34 PM
 
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Meesa-

Call me ignorant... but i had no idea animals had cesareans! Wow! Now that's technology! Hope thing start feeling better for you! Thanks for the words of support. I'm on the phone with my mom multiple times a day... our house happens to be only ten blocks away from hers (except she just moved this week).

JStar- I would love to see you guys on a regular basis... but again... I'd really miss my mom. She's such a big help. And it makes me sad to think of moving the boys away when they are so close to her and Jasmine before she gets the chance to really know her.

Eternal Companion to DH , Homeschooling mama to DS 05/04 , DS 11/05 , DD 12/07 , DS 07/10 and one on the way: June 2015!
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Old 01-30-2008, 08:49 PM
 
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Meesa--I didn't know animals had csecs either. And, I don't think I knew you were a vet tech! Or maybe you did tell us but I was embroiled in my drama.

You meant "jstar" where you put "meg"--totally understandable as you are new, though, so no worries.

Jstar, you have inspired me to go out tonight for drinks. I'm going to, dammit.

I'm having mega "Viet is a total loser" moments here. Nothing new, and you hardly need more reason to despise him, as you really only hear the worst, but mr. insensitive left me alone last night after the girls went to bed, I got on the internets and was happy for that, but then he just didn't come back until after I went night night. I think he thought I wanted time alone. I think I did too except that I was sad and lonely after a bit. I don't know if it would have been worse to have him there. Where did he go? To his mother's.
Today I call him, and tell him right away, I'm calling to hear some nice words, and I can't remember what he said but it wasn't memorable, then he says he's at his mom's (I can hear they're watching TV), who doesn't know anything about the abortion. I'm calling from work, yet another side job I have. He's sitting there, watching TV with his mom, and I'm at work, the day after this biz. I say, at the end of the stoopid conversation, well I was calling to hear something nice, but I guess later, huh?

Whatever. I'm lookin' for love in all the wrong places, I should know by now how little I can count on him and I should just shove the mama's boy right outta my life.

I probably won't, as youguys have observed, just hear me vent.

One thing I really feel strongly post-ab. is a desire to grab my life by the horns, do my thing, be myself, since I am not dedicating the next year of my life to a small baby I should really take my life back, or make more room for my things, whatever makes me feel like me. Something like that, although writing it out makes me feel stupidly self-centered and very much a product of the Me Generation. *sigh*
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