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normal sexual development?

1K views 18 replies 18 participants last post by  Blue Tulip 
#1 ·
Please give me your opinion. A friend is having an issue with 3.5 yr old dd. Does it seem like normal development for a child that age to ask a young boy to lie on top of her "because it feels good"? Or to ask another young boy to change her diaper and wipe her bum "because it feels good" (she doesn't wear diapers but has seen babies get changed) She told her mom only boys can lie on top of her. She has been exposed to some sexuality on tv (PG type stuff- nothing more)
What do you think?
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mumster View Post
Please give me your opinion. A friend is having an issue with 3.5 yr old dd. Does it seem like normal development for a child that age to ask a young boy to lie on top of her "because it feels good"? Or to ask another young boy to change her diaper and wipe her bum "because it feels good" (she doesn't wear diapers but has seen babies get changed) She told her mom only boys can lie on top of her. She has been exposed to some sexuality on tv (PG type stuff- nothing more)
What do you think?
I agree with the other posters. That doesn't sound normal. To me it sounds like a little girl who has been exposed to more than she should've been and possibly even harmed. I was abused and exposed to too much when I was little and did stuff similar to that. Even though I said it felt good and sometimes to be honest it did, I mostly felt bad and like I was a bad person and it scared me. It didn't help that my parents didn't really talk to me about it much and when my dad did, it was with disappointment and I could tell he was disturbed and uncomfortable.
 
#11 ·
That definitely sounds outside of the norm, even for a child who has pretty much unrestricted access to media . . . we don't (and haven't ever) restricted the content of the shows and movies my daughter watches, but at five, she has never acted out like that and has never tried to explore anything sexual with other children. She is very comfortable TALKING about sex (which is a good thing, IMO, even if her knowledge tends to be above what's typical for her age level), but she really doesn't act on any of it.

Besides, what has this little girl seen that made her think of diaper changes in a sexual way? That isn't exactly typical sexual behavior among adults, in movies, either.
 
#12 ·
??? Could be either way. Even PG stuff on TV may have very ... suggestive .. commercials, promos, etc. If my kid got up in the middle of the night without me knowing it she could get an eyeful on Cinemax, but at this point I can't get her to get out of bed without insisting I get up too.

I would say that if her mom thinks there's a place and time she may have been victimized, she should follow up on that. But if there's no such place, well, kids do role-play without being victimized. I never had siblings or that kind of play situation as a young child; I only had little girl friends, never that kind of play.
 
#13 ·
I never in a million years thought that my barely-4-at-the-time daughter was ever in a place where she could have been victimized. But she was, in a place that was a second home to us, under the watch of an AP mom who I trusted implicitely to protect her (and she hid it from me for a time, because her son was the one that did it. . . then when she finally told me she tried to blame my daughter. Obviously I'll never, ever trust her again).

You can't ever say with 100% certainty that there's no way anything could have happened to your child.

As for the OP, I have all girls and that sounds like abnormal behavior to me.
 
#16 ·
Can only boys change her "diaper", too? That's kinda weird. I dunno. I think I would certainly have a talk with her about it, but I don't think it necessarily has to mean she's been molested. It does raise some red flags and I would talk to her about private parts, etc., but my 2 girls like to sit on each other because it feels good, too, and they're just playing. They like to play doctor with one another, etc, too, and they haven't been exposed to anything. I have told them that they need to leave their clothes on and the door open, but there has to be some room for normal exploration. I do think the "only boys" thing is weird. My girls are pretty much in the throes of "no boys!" especially my 4 yr old, but I would explore the "only boys" thing some more with the child in question before jumping to conclusions. I think it definitely bears more investigation and some talking, but I don't think it necessarily has to mean molestation. It could, though. I don't really know...
 
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