Am I a dinner time meanie? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 135 Old 03-12-2008, 03:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
The way we try to teach that particular lesson is by modeling - we have a can on the kitchen counter, and every time we eat we put a little money in the can to remind ourselves of how fortunate we are and that because we are fortunate we should share. And then every so often we count the money up, roll the coins, and donate it to either a local food bank or an organization that deals with world hunger. My daughter even puts money of her own in the can, and I've never suggested that she should. I think it's possible to celebrate our bounty eat what we like, and at the same time teach children to appreciate that bounty.
Fantastic! We have something similar called a "Tzedakah box" which we keep on our lazy susan right in the middle of our table. It's not only food focused but that is definately part of the goal in keeping it there... reminding us how fortunate we are. While we enjoy foods we love we give to others.

Ima to Mizz.Jonas- 14, Isman- 12,Javsar- 9, Nani Gweesa- 4 and Baby Micah born into the Universe sleeping at full term Oct. 19th 2008 and Partner to Abba ~ belly.gif8/2011  Grateful to be Dead  broc1.gif
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#122 of 135 Old 03-12-2008, 03:36 PM
 
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Fantastic! We have something similar called a "Tzedakah box" which we keep on our lazy susan right in the middle of our table. It's not only food focused but that is definately part of the goal in keeping it there... reminding us how fortunate we are. While we enjoy foods we love we give to others.
I googled Tzedakah and I wonder if that's where it comes from for us - my great-grandmother was Jewish and this is something that's been handed down in my family - she did it, and then my grandma did it in her house, and then my mom did it in her house, and now I do it. Anyway, I love the tradition.
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#123 of 135 Old 03-13-2008, 12:43 AM
 
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What we do is say "This is dinner." If Hope doesn't like what we are eating she knows how to ask for something to make it taste better like butter or cheese on top.

I encourage her to try the food she's unsure of. And she knows that home is not a restaurant.

If it's something she's really gagging on we'll find something else for her to eat but that is the rare exception. Most of the time asking for something to make it taste better works.

This seems to more of a 5 year old thing for us now as she's always been fantastic about eating things like broccoli, cucumber, salmon, peppers, nuts, greens+ bars, etc from the age of 2.
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#124 of 135 Old 05-01-2008, 01:23 PM
 
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I have four children ages 2,3,4 and 7. When a meal is served, everyone is expected to eat it. If they don't like it they still need to eat 1 bite. For example, my youngest 2 kids really don't like green salads. However, whether they like it or not, they have to eat one little bite of salad, when it is served. I serve a variety of food at a meal, such as cooked veggies, meat , potatoes, applesauce and salad. They can have as much as they like of everything, but the rule at our house is that everyone is expected to eat the "healthy" stuff even its just one bite. My older children used to hate salad and now they like it. As well, in my opinion, I think it teaches kids to be respectful at other peoples places when they are over for dinner. I consider it rude when a child tells me they "don't like" what I've made for them and refuse to eat it. I am the parent and it is my job to teach children to make healthy choices as well as to promote respect for other peoples cooking. Most of the time kids will say they don't like something before they have even tried it. Whenever they tell me they "don't like" something I tell them that it is healthy and it will make them strong etc. It is surprising what kind of an impact this has. My 7 year old makes his own lunches and NEVER puts cookies in his lunch, even though he can take one for a snack. He tells me that its not healthy and substitutes carrot sticks! He used to hate any raw veggies, but now loads up on them. We are forgetting that WE are the parents. It doesn't matter what the circumstance is, kids quite often will try to bend the rules, whether with food, cleaning up their toys or negotiating bedtime. Sixty years ago, most kids would not complain about what was served, they were thankful for whatever they got. Now they have so many choices and we as parents don't want to "force" our kids. We should be reminding ourselves (as well as our kids) to be thankful for what we have instead of complaining about what we don't have.
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#125 of 135 Old 05-01-2008, 05:28 PM
 
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I'm with you. I'm not a short order chef.

I make a nutritious dinner, and everyone has to try everything. Now, if my 3 yo doesn't want to eat *much* of the chicken, or whatever, that's fine. She can load up on the baked potato or veggies. But I don't make subsititute dinners. I see nothing wrong with expecting kids to try each item, they can politely decline (meaning my 3 yo can say she doesn't care for more, and she must leave the rest on her plate, not push it off, or try to put it back in the serving bowl) to eat a full serving.

It's good manners, and how else would we ever explore flavors and find out what we actually liked? It also provides a good base for varied nutrition. I also have an au pair, who can be a bit fussy. I would literally make 4 meals if I totally catered to what everyone loved.

Of course, I consider allergies (which is already a big hurdle - gluten for me & DD, fish for DS) and extremely strong dislikes that more than one person have despite having tried something several times (neither DS nor DD like fried eggs, so I just don't make them for the kids).

The same goes for any meal when I prepare a main entree, be it breakfast, lunch or dinner. If we're eating leftovers, or just each grabbing our own items (like yogurts, cereals, etc. for breakfast), then people can choose.

I also try to engage DD in the food shopping & prep process, which always increases interest in eating the fruits of our labor!
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#126 of 135 Old 05-02-2008, 10:21 PM
 
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kids quite often will try to bend the rules, whether with food, cleaning up their toys or negotiating bedtime.
Welcome to MDC. You may be surprised that some of us don't have "rules" about food, cleaning up toys, or bedtimes.

We are grateful for all that we have in the present.


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#127 of 135 Old 05-03-2008, 01:33 AM
 
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I really wish that more people would understand how lucky they are and that their child's eating is a gift. Dealing with issues about food beyond minor "pickiness" from allergies, to eating disorders, to oral aversions, to hypoglycemia, to metabolic disease....there is a whole range of actual food problems that most people will never have to encounter (thank goodness) and will never realize how lucky they are that the only issue with their child's eating is the issue the parent makes of it.
Well said. I think I love you :

For those of you who are fortunate enough to not have to deal with any of the things mentioned by mamaverdi..... consider yourselves lucky. I bet most people on this thread don't even know how lucky they are to have children who *only* refuse to eat salad but happily eat their chicken, baked potato, etc. Or those who are lucky enough to have children who eat "mixed" foods (such as pizza with ACTUAL toppings, soup, pasta salad, spaghetti with meat and/or veggies in the sauce, a taco, hamburger, hot dog, etc), eggs, any sort of meat at all, I could go on and on and on.

How many of you threw a little party when your child ate a piece of cereal for the first time? Probably not many. You probably took it for granted that when that first tooth came in you could hand over a cheerio and he/she would happily munch away. But I had that party. Why? Because he was 4 1/2 years old and, up until that point, had NEVER eaten any cereal. Eating a piece of cereal was HUGE progress.

*Sigh*. I don't know why I come to threads like these.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#128 of 135 Old 05-03-2008, 02:14 AM
 
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-Angela
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#129 of 135 Old 05-04-2008, 12:10 AM
 
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Well said. I think I love you :


Thanks Steph. And congrats on the cereal!!!!
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#130 of 135 Old 05-04-2008, 02:51 AM
 
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I'm not going to try to read the whole thread now before baby wakes up, but I've been in a simmilar boat lately (will try to read soon when I'll be , now I'm using my hands to TYPE ).

What I have started doing is I prepare dinner. Anyone who doesn't want to eat (N. announces "I don't like it" before sheh even looks at it practically) doesn't have to eat. As soon as everyone is done eating (ie: 15 minutes later, dh isn't home so our meals are fast & casual) I'll get a sandwhich or something else that is around. I don't get it at the same time, because all 3 girls will eat a sandwhich before anything else, so I need the hunger on my side. After everyone is done eating, I'll happily give the one(s) who didn't want to eat something else, but if I offer it before the other 2 are done eating, I will have 3 kids eating sandwhiches and no one eating anything else. They have a sandwhich every day in school, so I don't like them eating them all the time at home.

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#131 of 135 Old 05-04-2008, 07:25 AM
 
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I don't think forcing new foods on them will make them want to try new things. I would be happy if they tried a few bites of something new, but if not-hey, they are missing out. try to pique their curiosity about something new, like where it's from or allow them to help prepare something.
You're more hardcore than me to stick to the hardline. Sounds like a lot of work and not much fun.
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#132 of 135 Old 05-04-2008, 12:38 PM
 
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i refuse to do separate meals too. my mom did that but she just had me. I am pregnant with my third. NOT happening. breakfast I usually ask what they want. Lunch is usually your choice of leftovers sometimes DH cooks and we eat that.
Dinner is that way too.

my kids are notoriously NOT picky. there's usually a couple items so they can have a choice, but they have a bit of everything on their plate. WHen they eat the first, they can have more. Sometimes they don't eat everything. like for example my son eats salad probably half to 2/3 of the time it's an option, but it is always on his plate. DD is not a fan of tomatoes or lettuce but I give her a bit to taste. (the child LOVES guacamole, okra, tomatoes in things, etc etc)

so far this is working. They don't get alternatives, they do get fruit for dessert and healthy snacks awhile later if needed. AWHILE later, I think there is nothing wrong with learning that you will be hungry for say half an hour if you refuse to eat a meal. they still get the fruit afterwards when we do that too, once in awhile they eat little else but that, and that's OK. ( I also sometimes leave DS's plate and he will come eat when we are almost done or finished, a few days he is just in the mood to eat alone or something. IT's not very often and I relaly don't have an issue with it beverages are after the meal so they fill up on FOOD.

most child care settings I've worked at have done the no thank you bite, which is that you put a bite of everything on your plate, even the things you don't know about or don't like and if you want seconds, you have to eat all of the first plate, including the one pea or whatever that you put for 'no thanks'

sometimes just the having it there on the plate helps them begin to accept eventually trying it. most kids who are truly still hungry will go ahead and eat the one pea to get the seconds on chicken or whatever.

one place had an option to spit it in your napkin. a lot of kids will try a food if they know that if they REALLY HATE IT they can spit it out.

also if your kid has tried soemthing and it makes them literally gag (not dramatics for real) or they've tried it quite a few times, I see nothing wrong with just accepting that they don't like it. maybe they can try it again prepared another way sometime or when they are older but I don't see a reason to force say cooked broccoli on someone who has tried it 20 times and still hates it. I have a few things I don't like. Kids can too!

lovin DH since 1/04, best mom for my 3 boys 10/04, 11/08, 11/10 one girlie (1/07), and one 13 wk (10/13) just your average :ha ng multigenerational living family!!
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#133 of 135 Old 05-04-2008, 01:00 PM
 
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I used to make seperate meals for the kids when it was just me and Steph and Mikey. That would be way to much work now and I think unreasonable. My kids know that I expect them to eat what I fix and if it's something new I ask them to take one bite and then decide if they like it or not. There was a point when Nick refused to eat anything at dinner for almost a week. He was eating the rest of the day so I knew he wasn't going to starve. I would fix him a plate and he would just sit there. He finally started eating dinner again and was fine.
My sister has this friend though, her daughter will only eat the tacos that she fixes or fast food or fried potatoes with tons of cheese on them. If this woman tries to fix anything else, her daughter throws a huge fit and she runs out and gets fast food. She says that she's afraid the child will starve herself. This little girl stayed with us for a couple of days and she did not eat anything the first day because I explained to her that I would not be running out to get her any fast food. The second day she did eat what we had but pouted about it the whole time. I have to say I was kind of glad when she went home and I won't watch her ever again.
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#134 of 135 Old 05-04-2008, 07:57 PM
 
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most child care settings I've worked at have done the no thank you bite, which is that you put a bite of everything on your plate, even the things you don't know about or don't like and if you want seconds, you have to eat all of the first plate, including the one pea or whatever that you put for 'no thanks'

sometimes just the having it there on the plate helps them begin to accept eventually trying it. most kids who are truly still hungry will go ahead and eat the one pea to get the seconds on chicken or whatever.
I would never tolerate a childcare setting that INSISTED children clean plates to get more good food if they are hungry. In NO way is that acceptable from a care provider. :

-Angela
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#135 of 135 Old 05-04-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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I would never tolerate a childcare setting that INSISTED children clean plates to get more good food if they are hungry. In NO way is that acceptable from a care provider. :

-Angela
Ditto. I would never enroll my child in a daycare like that. The daycare he's at has a "here's your food, eat it or not" policy. If you don't want it, don't eat it. Most kids eat at least some of the food served. My ds is the exception If you don't eat, food will be served again in a few hours (breakfast at 8, lunch at 11, snack at 3). Nobody's starved yet

My ds refuses to eat lunch at daycare no matter what it is (he's not there for breakfast and almost always eats snack). Even if it's something he likes (mandarin oranges, for example) he won't touch them. Just part of his delays/sensory issues. We're working on it But I would be LIVID if the teachers made him eat anything. Totally against the therapy we're doing right now (which is working great). I work at the daycare too so at naptime (he never takes a nap either) he comes to my room and eats whatever we've brought from home.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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