I really thought I got back here and updated this, but I guess I haven't.
On the up side, the mother had her son put away all his guns. During the last bit of our visit, he started fighting with her about it and bringing them out, but I was pleased that they were away in the first place.
BUT, I had to keep my dd on my hip the whole time. When I didi set her down, it was only because the young boy was elsewhere for a few minutes. A couple of times he did get ahold of Katie and hurt her. Both the mother and I trying to pry him off. The older boy was caught by dh with his hands around my son's neck!!! Dh did make several comments about the situation, but the attitude is "We have soooo much trouble with them".
I was so mad and exhausted by the time I left. I spent the whole time tense, watching and seperating and was supposed to smile and chat about clothes at the same time.
: THEN dh arranges to have Easter dinner with the boyfriend's family.....and these two boys. He asked me in front of them so I couldn't say no. So now I have to have another full day with these kids. AND he invited them to join us for ds's birthday next week. When i tried to talk to him about this, he said that he really doesn't want to offend his buddy and really wants to keep him in his life. On the one hand I understand this, but on all these occasions, I'M the one running and chasing and supervising while the 3 of them sit and chat. And it's my kids that are getting hurt. I have said that I would like visits to be on our turf and I hope he supports me on that at least.
I do know what I am going to do here. This is frustrating. My dh agress that these kids are horrible and certainly not the playmates we want for our kids, but he can't be unkind to his pal!!This is just going to end in hurt feelings....and as nasty as it sounds, I'm just going to bide my time until that happens. I'll come up with whatever excuses I can to get out of this and will keep talking to dh about it. Better yet, during Easter dinner, I'll force HIM to watch them. We'll see how long it will last then!!!
Thank you all for your help. Thank you for listening to me rant!