New big sister not adjusting well - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 10-02-2003, 06:20 PM - Thread Starter
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I hope someone can help.... We just recently had our second baby, and our 4.5 year old daughter is not adjusting well. The baby was hospitalized his first week with pneumonia and now suffers from reflux, so he has been ill a bit. Our daughter was very involved in the pregnancy, accompanying me to almost all of my prenatal visits, but she was not at the birth (she did visit both me and the baby in the hospital). We have a family bed and she still occasionally nurses. We have continued all of her regular activities, as well as adding a few special things, just for her. She has become very teary, withdrawn, and clingy to me, and she has little appetite. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas how I can help her better adjust?

Thank you!
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#2 of 4 Old 10-02-2003, 06:35 PM
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Cathryn and PJ are 4 yrs apart, he is now 15m old and she is just now paying attention to him, At first she was very fustrated because he couldnt do anything, now that he is crawling, and in the walker they do alot more together, It took alot of explaining to her that right now he cant do alot with you, but before you know it, he will playing with you, I got floor toys and she would lay down with him and that started it.
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#3 of 4 Old 10-02-2003, 06:44 PM
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I found that one way to get through this transition time is to include the older sibling as much as possible. Just letting my older one get a diaper, wipes for me. Or handing me the baby clothes, or items during bathtime. Whenever you see an opportunity to include her in your routine with the baby has great benefits. I also found that while I was bf the newborn I could read to the other, again making them feel included during an intimate time. Hang in there, it just takes time. And then one day it will click! Blessings
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#4 of 4 Old 10-03-2003, 11:29 AM
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Just wanted to add my support too. We all had a tough time after my second was born, although my baby is very sweet & easy & we all love him very much. It's been difficult for my first. He was almost 4 when Reid was born & I saw behavior from him that I had never seen before(hitting us(never the baby),screaming fits,running away from us in public). It was so challenging. Some of it I think can't be prevented. It's a major transition & feelings must be felt & worked through. A couple of things we've done to help out our oldest is 1)give him a sense of purpose & 2)give him one-on-one time with each of his parents & occasionally his grandparents. By giving him a sense of purpose I mean giving him some chores around the house & letting him help with baby chores. Then, when he's been helpful, he can get a special treat. I emphasize how babies can't help out & he can. Giving him one-on-one time hasn't been easy to work out but we try. It feels good for everyone to not feel distracted by the needs of two little ones, to just focus on one child. Take a deep breath, you will all get through this!

Stephanie, mom to 4 yr old Neil & 8 month old Reid
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