Update to "If this was your five year old"... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 12:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OY!

I wrote last week about an old daycare parent with issues with her five year old son. The home daycare providers were telling her "something is wrong with Jack" the daycare center said "he seems fine to us". The dr said "Seems fine to me" the Pre-school said "Something is wrong".

So, they are out of daycare options, because they don't feel good taking him back to the center, but the home providers wont take him.

Grandma is flying in this morning to spend two weeks with the kids while they sort this out. Then the oldest brother will come stay with him for the rest of the summer.

He is here today with the little sister.

HOW DO THEY NOT SEE THE PROBLEM?????? It's not just a little niggling problem. It's blindingly obvious.

First thing is his behavior problems, he is extremely hyper. To the point of me locking almost every thing I value out of his reach. He tears through rooms pulling what he can off of shelves.

He runs around the perimiter of All ROOMS in the same order touching all the walls, furniture, people. Everything must be touched, before he can move on.

He sways from side to side constantly while patting the sides of his legs and making a hooting sound.

He lines up cars, then literally has a house shaking melt down if someone even reaches for one of the cars. They don't even get a chance to touch it or move it before he goes into panic mode.

Mom and Grandma will be here in a few hours.

Should I talk to her here? Or should I call her later when Grandma isn't here?

Poor Grandma.

OH, almost forgot to add... The little girl is not as wild, but at almost three, she doesn't speak or respond at all. But, that could just be because she doesn't know me, so I'm not as worried about that.
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#2 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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If I were that mom, I'd prefer to not have that conversation in front of Grandma. I'd rather you speak to me about it privately. So my vote is to call her later.
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#3 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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I don't think you should talk to Grandma about it. It sounds like he is showing off for company and needs a lot more physical activity then the home provider was giving him. Daycare center workers tend to have no choice about providing outside time but in home daycares the kids may never go outside, I did relief work in some in my city very briefly and there were some where the kids stayed inside and watched movies all day.
I don't think it is right to start Grandma off with a negative view of her grandchild. It may be no problem to her and she may be able to handle his behavior very well. If not she will quickly realize that something is off and do something about it on her own.
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#4 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! I was hoping you'd all say that.

So, I can say "They had fun!"??? Because they are having fun.

I will call her this week and tell her what I observed.

This isn't showing off. This is something he can't control. He really can't.

The one thing that doesn't fit though, is his speech and vocabulary are really impressive! He speaks like a college student. It's not in that "cute big word" way. He really knows how to use words effectively.

He told me "I have a lot of experience with the Mario games, but I have never tried the Wii, I heard it's more exciting than the game cube". Then he talked about his "Rental Q at Gamefly" He said "I look forward to recieving a pokemon game that should be here soon".
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#5 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 02:00 PM
 
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Thanks! I was hoping you'd all say that.

So, I can say "They had fun!"??? Because they are having fun.

I will call her this week and tell her what I observed.

This isn't showing off. This is something he can't control. He really can't.

The one thing that doesn't fit though, is his speech and vocabulary are really impressive! He speaks like a college student. It's not in that "cute big word" way. He really knows how to use words effectively.

He told me "I have a lot of experience with the Mario games, but I have never tried the Wii, I heard it's more exciting than the game cube". Then he talked about his "Rental Q at Gamefly" He said "I look forward to recieving a pokemon game that should be here soon".
This sounds a lot like my nephew -- including the advanced language and the repetitive running. He has an Asperger's (sp?) diagnosis, for what its worth.

I would definitely not talk to the mom in front of others, and especially not where the child can hear it. But I think you should share your observations with her in a private moment, and encourage her to push her pediatrician for a more formal evaluation.
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#6 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 02:34 PM
 
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To me (keep in mind I am not a doctor or psychologist), it sounds like he may have Asperger's and OCD. I don't think I would necessarily say anything in front of grandma, and I don't think I would give the mother any kind of personal diagnosis other than you are viewing behaviors that seem out of the range of normal, and you feel he should be seen by someone for evaluation.
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#7 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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I would talk to just the mom about it.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#8 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 03:10 PM
 
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I'd talk to the mom and tell her that she should consider having both her kids assessed thru the school district. They have battery of tests that they use (don't know the details) to diagnose kids with speech, behavior, motor skill delays, etc.

Oh yeah, the testing and treating therapies are free.

Alyssa
Mama to Scott (USAF), Katie (18), Karlie (16), Kimmy (9), Klara (4.5), and Baby Khloe (2.5)
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#9 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 03:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
OY!


HOW DO THEY NOT SEE THE PROBLEM?????? It's not just a little niggling problem. It's blindingly obvious.
There is a possibility that this little boy is not like this at home or with his parents, and assuming that his parents took him to the pediatrician, then the dr. might not have seen this behavior. It seems a little out there, I know. It could very well be that this boy has an anxiety disorder (there are many that potentially could apply here - separation anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder.....) that is in full tilt when he is away from his parents. If not, and he is the same kid at home that you are seeing today, then these parents are in pretty big denial. Either way, from what you described, the child needs to see someone for a second opinion.

While I think it is the right thing to do to say something to the mother, be prepared that if she is in denial, you may be delivering information to her that she does not want to hear right now. You may want to describe his behavior (gently) and then ask if this is similar behavior to what she sees at home. If grandma sees some of this behavior in the next two weeks, hopefully she'll say something as well.

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#10 of 10 Old 06-02-2008, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, Mom and Grandma picked them up.

She just gave me a hug, said thanks, and said "Can I call you?"

LOL. So, that was easy.
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