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#1 of 12 Old 06-12-2008, 01:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know if this is the right spot for this. My oldest son is 10, I don't really consider him a pre-teen but I could be wrong. Mods, please move this if so.

My issue is this...he is the sweetest, kindest hearted, good natured kid I know BUT he forgets everything and has some genuinely *dumb* moments, I mean things that leave me shaking my head. In addition to this, he was caught lying about school/homework. He hasn't been doing classwork and hiding homework. Luckily, he has a pro-active teacher and we were able to keep on top of him but it's like he didn't think we would find out he wasn't passing. His excuse was "he doesn't get it" but I know better. I know it's just that he didn't want to.

In addition to this, he can't remember anything. I can ask him to complete a small task like taking out the garbage and he forgets what he's doing half way through. Everything is "I forgot". Everyday things like don't leave your socks on the floor when you take them off or don't leave your clothes in the bathroom really throw him. When I remind him, he looks at me like I am speaking a foreign language or possibly sprouted a third eye.

Then, the worst part are the "moments of stupidity". I know this sounds bad but let me give some examples...

A few weeks ago, he had a staph infection on his armpit. I sent him to stay with my mom so my babies didn't get it. She went and bought spray on deodorant since him and my brother get theirs mixed and we didn't want any cross contamination. My son, bless his heart, sprayed the deodorant on the outside of his shirt (black t shirt, mind you) because he didn't want it to sting his armpit. Another example, my moms house has a lake and he fishes out there all the time and leaves the pole out. He happened to be getting out of the shower when she yelled for him to get the pole up out of the yard. He proceeds to get about halfway out the backdoor with nothing but a towel and his birthday suit on before he heard me tell him to get dressed first. He was going to walk outside, dripping wet, little butt cheek hanging out of his towel to get the pole.

Today, he went to the bathroom and apparently was out of tp so rather than ask me to get him some, he decided to use the disposable baby washcloths that I keep by the tub. He used 4 of them and caused an overflow but since the soap is built in, I ended up with a bathroom floor covered in bubbles....

So, having said all of that, my question is this....Is this normal or do I need to be looking for markers of ADD possibly? It does run on his fathers side but I don't want to pursue that route if this isn't anything more than "boys being boys"

Thanks!
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#2 of 12 Old 06-12-2008, 10:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by snazzy_mom View Post
I don't know if this is the right spot for this. My oldest son is 10, I don't really consider him a pre-teen but I could be wrong. Mods, please move this if so.

My issue is this...he is the sweetest, kindest hearted, good natured kid I know BUT he forgets everything and has some genuinely *dumb* moments, I mean things that leave me shaking my head. In addition to this, he was caught lying about school/homework. He hasn't been doing classwork and hiding homework. Luckily, he has a pro-active teacher and we were able to keep on top of him but it's like he didn't think we would find out he wasn't passing. His excuse was "he doesn't get it" but I know better. I know it's just that he didn't want to.

In addition to this, he can't remember anything. I can ask him to complete a small task like taking out the garbage and he forgets what he's doing half way through. Everything is "I forgot". Everyday things like don't leave your socks on the floor when you take them off or don't leave your clothes in the bathroom really throw him. When I remind him, he looks at me like I am speaking a foreign language or possibly sprouted a third eye.

Then, the worst part are the "moments of stupidity". I know this sounds bad but let me give some examples...

A few weeks ago, he had a staph infection on his armpit. I sent him to stay with my mom so my babies didn't get it. She went and bought spray on deodorant since him and my brother get theirs mixed and we didn't want any cross contamination. My son, bless his heart, sprayed the deodorant on the outside of his shirt (black t shirt, mind you) because he didn't want it to sting his armpit. Another example, my moms house has a lake and he fishes out there all the time and leaves the pole out. He happened to be getting out of the shower when she yelled for him to get the pole up out of the yard. He proceeds to get about halfway out the backdoor with nothing but a towel and his birthday suit on before he heard me tell him to get dressed first. He was going to walk outside, dripping wet, little butt cheek hanging out of his towel to get the pole.

Today, he went to the bathroom and apparently was out of tp so rather than ask me to get him some, he decided to use the disposable baby washcloths that I keep by the tub. He used 4 of them and caused an overflow but since the soap is built in, I ended up with a bathroom floor covered in bubbles....

So, having said all of that, my question is this....Is this normal or do I need to be looking for markers of ADD possibly? It does run on his fathers side but I don't want to pursue that route if this isn't anything more than "boys being boys"

Thanks!
As for the deodorant I wouldn't have warn any or expected him to.....(IMO that wasn't considerate of you guys. OUCH!)

Baby wipes if he has never used them or been told how would he have known that would have happened? I think you are imposing more maturity/knowledge than he should have. He didn't want to bother any one. He thought he had a solution. Sometimes you learn by mistakes. With my children I knew that could happen so we were very specific early on because it is something kids don't know unless you tell them.

I work with Boy Scouts. If this is new behavior I would say he is starting puberty. The hormones are messing with his thought patterns. 10-14 is very hard on boys (I am sure on girls too but I have more experiences with boys that age than girls. But am gaining on girls because my dd is 10)

I would also look into Aspergers. He is doing things "literally" and they can have some cross over behaviors with ADD/ADHD. Your third eye comment made me go humm... If he has aspergers he might be taking you literally. Thinking what you said was odd. Throw them? Then having to spend a minute or two processing what you said.
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#3 of 12 Old 06-12-2008, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I know what you mean about the deodorant but its his choice, he is very consciencious about girls these days. He does his hair, likes to wear a little cologne, things like that. I would prefer if he didn't honestly but then again, I would keep him young forever...lol

I was very frustrated when I typed that out last night. The thing with the washcloths is, he helps me at bath time with the younger ones and he knew what they were, he had the wherewithall to use one when he ran out of soap once.

I'm just worried. DH thinks he's just being lazy but that isn't my gut feeling, kwim? He's such a good boy that I don't think he would be intentionally defiant, especially when it comes to school I think he just gets so frustrated and this is his way of throwing in the towel.

All of that being said, I do thank you for your response
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#4 of 12 Old 06-12-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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I think its just the age. My ds will be 8 the end of summer and let me tell you some of the bird-brained things he comes up with. I can tell him 10x to do something then get a blank stare like 'what?"

Mine wouldnt think 2x about going out side directly from a shower butt neekid to get something.

NO biggie about the deoderant, i wouldnt want to sting my pits either.

I have given up the fight about laundry being left all over...

He sounds like a normal 10 yr old to me...
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#5 of 12 Old 06-12-2008, 02:51 PM
 
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Sounds normal to me. Actually, it sounds like *me* at that age. He'll figure things out as he goes... For example, he'll probably never do the deodorant-outside-the-shirt thing again.

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#6 of 12 Old 06-12-2008, 11:23 PM
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Staph infection on his armpit and you wanted him to still wear deodorant? I don't blame him for thinking that would sting!

This sounds like completely normal 10-yo processing.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#7 of 12 Old 06-13-2008, 12:20 AM
 
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Bless his heart. Your son sounds like a sweet and normal 10 year old to me.

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#8 of 12 Old 06-13-2008, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Staph infection on his armpit and you wanted him to still wear deodorant? I don't blame him for thinking that would sting!

This sounds like completely normal 10-yo processing.
You're assuming that I make him wear it. He did that all on his own. See previous post.

I wouldn't torture him like that.
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#9 of 12 Old 06-13-2008, 03:53 PM
 
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One of my Girl Scouts, who just turned 11, is much like this and has been for the several years I've known her--particularly the forgetfulness. She's very bright, and I think sometimes she's wrapped up in thinking about something very interesting but entirely unrelated to what she's doing. She needs more support and reminders than many of the younger girls: "Do you have your permission slip? Don't forget your jacket! What happened to your buddy? Look out for your backpack in the middle of the floor there! Is that your brain under the couch?" Just kidding about that last one.... She'll set down an object and ten seconds later have no idea where it is, even if it's quite visible--she's capable of looking right through her large and brightly-colored backpack with her name on it--or forget that she even brought it with her. When she's doing a task she's not very enthusiastic about, big chunks of it go undone, needed supplies get lost in plain sight, and if we're not constantly reminding her what she's doing she'll just sort of wander away, not necessarily to another obvious activity but just to stare into space. When I tell her to do something she'd rather not, remind her to finish, or ask if she's done her part, often she'll look away or pretend she didn't hear, and a couple times she's actually lied about things being done.

All this is very irritating! Yet she's capable of amazing things when she's interested. I don't think there is anything clinically wrong with her. She's just less "noticing" and "helpful" than some people and sort of "lazy" about putting effort into things that don't really grab her. It's her personality.

Does your son read much? This girl is a big reader, and I've found that written instructions, checklists, and reminder notes taped onto things work well with her. Saying, "Close the door!" every time she walks in or out of the camp lodge will get her to close the door 50% of the time and look back saying, "Huh? Why are you yelling my name?" another 25%. Sticking "Close the door!" signs on both sides of the door will get her to close it 90% of the time. Yammering, "It's 20 degrees out there with snow on the ground! Don't you understand we need the door closed?!" gets nothing but a blank look--she is impervious to cold.

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#10 of 12 Old 06-13-2008, 04:19 PM
 
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My DSD turns 10yo next month, and this all sounds like something she would do. Laughing about it all late at night with DH is what keeps us sane. I think a lot of it is just not being able to fully think through the consequence of their action. I blame puberty on a lot of that.

As for helping with forgetfullness, I have written out reminders and posted them where the issue is. Putting clothes in the hamper is on her bathroom mirror. I also have her hygeine routine on there because she forgets all of that. It has helped immensely. Plus, it takes away you having to nag. I ask her if she has checked her list to make sure she didn't miss anything, and she does. kwim

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#11 of 12 Old 06-13-2008, 06:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post
One of my Girl Scouts, who just turned 11, is much like this and has been for the several years I've known her--particularly the forgetfulness. She's very bright, and I think sometimes she's wrapped up in thinking about something very interesting but entirely unrelated to what she's doing. She needs more support and reminders than many of the younger girls:
My brother, also extremely bright, was like this as a child, and my mother used to laugh about it. At 40 something, he is still the same. But he is a wonderful husband and father and holds a very senior position in the UK civil service, so it hasn't hampered him in anyway.

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#12 of 12 Old 06-13-2008, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by EnviroBecca View Post
One of my Girl Scouts, who just turned 11, is much like this and has been for the several years I've known her--particularly the forgetfulness. She's very bright, and I think sometimes she's wrapped up in thinking about something very interesting but entirely unrelated to what she's doing. She needs more support and reminders than many of the younger girls: "Do you have your permission slip? Don't forget your jacket! What happened to your buddy? Look out for your backpack in the middle of the floor there! Is that your brain under the couch?" Just kidding about that last one.... She'll set down an object and ten seconds later have no idea where it is, even if it's quite visible--she's capable of looking right through her large and brightly-colored backpack with her name on it--or forget that she even brought it with her. When she's doing a task she's not very enthusiastic about, big chunks of it go undone, needed supplies get lost in plain sight, and if we're not constantly reminding her what she's doing she'll just sort of wander away, not necessarily to another obvious activity but just to stare into space. When I tell her to do something she'd rather not, remind her to finish, or ask if she's done her part, often she'll look away or pretend she didn't hear, and a couple times she's actually lied about things being done.

All this is very irritating! Yet she's capable of amazing things when she's interested. I don't think there is anything clinically wrong with her. She's just less "noticing" and "helpful" than some people and sort of "lazy" about putting effort into things that don't really grab her. It's her personality.

Does your son read much? This girl is a big reader, and I've found that written instructions, checklists, and reminder notes taped onto things work well with her. Saying, "Close the door!" every time she walks in or out of the camp lodge will get her to close the door 50% of the time and look back saying, "Huh? Why are you yelling my name?" another 25%. Sticking "Close the door!" signs on both sides of the door will get her to close it 90% of the time. Yammering, "It's 20 degrees out there with snow on the ground! Don't you understand we need the door closed?!" gets nothing but a blank look--she is impervious to cold.

This sounds exactly like him!! Except the reading part. He hates it but I think he has problems with comprehension. He just doesn't retain. When he reads, I have him read a chapter and then tell me about it before I let him go on to the next one.

I will definitely try posting lists around the house though and see if that helps
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