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#1 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 10:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 11:15 AM
 
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DD isn't "childhood"-aged yet, but I saw this on the front page. I'd say trust your instincts! They're probably telling you something is up with this guy for a reason.

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#3 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 11:19 AM
 
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I'd find that strange too. Have you talked to any of the other parents in the neighbourhood yet? How do they feel.

I wouldn't be letting my dc out of my sight with him around.

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#4 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 11:19 AM
 
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well, i'm a paranoid freak about pedafiles - so yeah, i would have my guard up. i don't need any evidence other than my "gut" telling me not to trust something or someone in those kind of situations.

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#5 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 06:07 PM
 
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I would be extremely uncomfortable about my children sitting in the lap of a stranger. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone who did this. Just my two pennies.
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#6 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 06:17 PM
 
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We are "older parents with a 4 yo" and trust me, dh does NOT act like this!

I just don't get a lot of peoples boundaries-or lack thereof. Dd's best friend's dad has made these kinds of remarks and has behaved in this way. One time, the girls were about 2 and running around in diapers. He commented that "Now I can tell all my friends I had two topless girls running around my apartment." Yuck!! It is an ongoing major concern for us. We have decided so far not to deliberately end dd's friendship with this girl--but have made a pact to NEVER leave dd alone with him, ever. At the very least, it's bad judgement and that can show itself up in other ways, too, as it has with dd's friend's dad. We don't think he's a "bad guy" per se, but not safe enough to take a risk. I'd definitely be thinking about talking to neighbours in your case. I'm not sure there's such a thing as paranoia when it comes to potential sexual abuse of children.
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#7 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 06:43 PM
 
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Ew. Trust your gut.

Ew ew ew.
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#8 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 08:21 PM
 
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Read "Protecting the Gift" - and in the meantime, trust your gut.

Do NOT let your dd play over there unsupervised. Don't let her sit in his lap. Tell the other moms to not let their kids over there unsupervised.

Ask him "why are you so interested in the little girls around here?" If he's harmless, he should get the idea that his comments are a bit off. If he's not, it'll warn him that you're on to him.

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#9 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 09:13 PM
 
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Just a thought, but have you checked the national sex offender registry?

www.familywatchdog.us

It tells you where all registered sex offenders live and more importantly what their crime was so you know who could potentially be a danger to a young child.

It's worth checking out. I recently found out that a multiple offending pedafile lives down the street from me. Yikes!
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#10 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 09:48 PM
 
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Trust your instincts, and I second the recommendation to read Protecting The Gift.
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#11 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 09:50 PM
 
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I would be finding out his last name and doing a google search or a sex offender search. We lived in an area where the neighbors weirded me out. They were a little too friendly and offered to let my girls go play in their fenced in yard with their dogs. Nope, nope, and nope. They couldn't have kids but there was still something about them that sent up red flags. Don't ever question your gut instincts on stuff like that. I would rather people think that I am rude than to ever disregard my instincts and have something happen to one of my babies.
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#12 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#13 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 10:54 PM
 
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I third reading Protecting the Gift. Absolutely trust your instinct. There is something very off with that man.

Let them sleep in the middle, Let them be little
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#14 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 11:03 PM
 
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OK, I am the least "paranoid" mama I know, seriously, I just don't worry about shit like this and I almost never see what other people are worrying about...maybe I've just been really lucky and have mostly been around nice people, but this...totally squicked me out. The back of my neck was all prickly feeling by the time I got to the end of your post. I would check in with all the other moms in the neighborhood and just sort of keep your eyes open. This is a sucky, awkard situation to be in, because you are most likely sort of stuck with him as a neighbor.
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#15 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 11:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by andreac View Post
OK, I am the least "paranoid" mama I know, seriously, I just don't worry about shit like this and I almost never see what other people are worrying about...maybe I've just been really lucky and have mostly been around nice people, but this...totally squicked me out. The back of my neck was all prickly feeling by the time I got to the end of your post. I would check in with all the other moms in the neighborhood and just sort of keep your eyes open. This is a sucky, awkard situation to be in, because you are most likely sort of stuck with him as a neighbor.
This.

And honestly, every time I have NOT trusted my gut, I have regretted it.

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#16 of 73 Old 07-14-2008, 11:45 PM
 
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Very, very weird behavior. We are older parents. I'm 46 and my dh is 60; we have a 4 yo girl and a 6 yo boy. He is very conscious of proper behavior around the little girls and would never, ever touch one of them unless it were to help her. Have her sit in his lap? Not a chance. He never says anything about the girls being pretty. (he might make a comment about a cute mom, though) I say your instincts are right on. Tell you daughters not to sit in his lap----that might feed some sort of weird compulsion. ewwww....just creepy.
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#17 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 12:21 AM
 
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[QUOTE=robin1377;11692047]Just a thought, but have you checked the national sex offender registry?

www.familywatchdog.us

It tells you where all registered sex offenders live and more importantly what their crime was so you know who could potentially be a danger to a young child. /QUOTE]

This was my first thought.

My second thought was "You are your child's best advocate."
My third thought was "Trust your gut feeling."

Just this past week, a news article in a local paper confirmed a gut instinct that I had had 3 years ago.

Maybe, the new neighbor will move away...until then pay attention to what is happening.

We are older parents too. DH never talks about young females this way.
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#18 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 08:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by karne View Post
I would be extremely uncomfortable about my children sitting in the lap of a stranger. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone who did this. Just my two pennies.
I agree.

My brother-in-law once kissed my niece on the lips when she was 3 and it totally ticked my sister off. He is weird like this too. He loves little kids, especially girls and is VERY weird about it. I watch him if we are ever around him, which I rarely do go around him.

Have you checked the pedofile list online that has sexual predators? You can look them up by state and zip code? I'd definitely do that if I were you.

Quote:
I would rather people think that I am rude than to ever disregard my instincts and have something happen to one of my babies.
I agree. If someone new like that had my DD on his lap and I saw it then he would have been very surprised by my reaction. I am always on alert for perverts. I would have most definitely let it be known that it wouldn't be tolerated and would have removed my DD from his lap myself. No man has any right to ever touch a child unless they are their pediatrician or their father/very close family figure. They're my kids, sorry.

I don't take chances with my kids like that. I know 3 girls in one family that were molested as young girls and it ruined them for life, even after years of counseling. No child deserves to have their whole future ruined because of a pervert. I won't take chances.

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#19 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 08:29 AM
 
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Yes. I do think you have reason to be wary. In my experience, whenever I "feel' something is not right, I am usually right. Trust your gut.

When I was about 9 years old, I went on a boating trip with mu dad and his friend. The friend brought a friend. I had never met that guy before. I remember one point during the day I went down to the cabin. He asked me to come sit on his lap. I felt really uncomfortable with that and flat out refused. My dad's friend found out a few months later that this guy had been molesting his daughter. And sometimes he would do it right out in the open. He would wrestle with the girl and tickle her and touch her very inappropriately. Even with the girls grandma in the room. But the parents brushed off the grandma's concern because they couldn't believe he would do it, especially with others in the room. Wasn't until the girl came forward and said something herself that they took it seriously. Point is, pedophiles don't always operate secretly. I'm sure the guy who I mentioned thought that nobody would think anything of what he was doing because he was in front of people.

Also, regardless of what this man's intentions are...it is absolutely unacceptable to me that he has asked a young girl to sit in his lap. I would never leave my child alone with him, or let her sit in his lap ever again. And in the interest of protecting other girls in the area, I would chat with the other parents and see how they feel.

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#20 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 12:23 PM
 
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Have you ever read "Protecting the Gift"? Basically, it advises trusting your instinct/gut reaction and not relying on your rational mind where it comes to protecting your children. The guys actions/comments would raise a red flag with me too. I would never, ever allow a guy to put my daughter on his lap especially if I was getting weird feelings. I dont want anyone I dont know and who I especially get a hinky feeling about to even touch my child. After the fireworks this year, I had a man in his 50's try to hold my dd1 (3 1/2) arm to get her moving. Maybe he was really trying to help but I didnt feel comfortable so I made eye contact, told him "I have her thank you", and physically/firmly removed his hand. If you are getting a bad feeling about this, dont let the guy near your daughter period.
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#21 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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Definitely trust your gut. His comments and actions are really off *especially* for a person who has children.

I don't know how comfortable I'd be with allowing my dd over there even when I was there. I just wouldn't want my dd to get too comfortable with this guy - I'd really rather that she see him as a stranger and not someone to be trusted at all. My motto is better safe than sorry.

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#22 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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I agree that this guy is icky.

And I think you should let him know you're on to him. A firm stare when he mentions all those beautiful girls on the block again. "You talk about the way those girls look an awful lot. Don't you. I'm not comfortable with that. And I don't think their parents would be, either."

(On the other hand, I've never been in this situation, so maybe that's not the best tack. Is it better to just keep away or to confront?)
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#23 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 02:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Read "Protecting the Gift" - and in the meantime, trust your gut.

Do NOT let your dd play over there unsupervised. Don't let her sit in his lap. Tell the other moms to not let their kids over there unsupervised.

Ask him "why are you so interested in the little girls around here?" If he's harmless, he should get the idea that his comments are a bit off. If he's not, it'll warn him that you're on to him.

I agree. Your job is first to keep your family safe.
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#24 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 02:15 PM
 
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(On the other hand, I've never been in this situation, so maybe that's not the best tack. Is it better to just keep away or to confront?)
If I remember what it says in Protecting the Gift, it's better to firmly warn. (I wouldn't say confront, I would just state firmly how he's making you feel.) Predators count on people NOT saying something for fear of looking rude or being called a bitch.

So, I would tell this guy "I don't want my daughter sitting in your lap" and "I don't like how you talk about the girls in the neighborhood" when the need arises. If he tries to discount that, that's a HUGE red flag that something is not good.

Better to be a bitch who is wrong that a nice person who is wrong.

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#25 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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If I remember what it says in Protecting the Gift, it's better to firmly warn. (I wouldn't say confront, I would just state firmly how he's making you feel.) Predators count on people NOT saying something for fear of looking rude or being called a bitch.

So, I would tell this guy "I don't want my daughter sitting in your lap" and "I don't like how you talk about the girls in the neighborhood" when the need arises. If he tries to discount that, that's a HUGE red flag that something is not good.

Better to be a bitch who is wrong that a nice person who is wrong.
: I agree totally with that...it will let the guy know someone is watching him, and hopefully stop him. Even if he isnt what we are all thinking, it is still very very inappropriate what he is saying and doing.
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#26 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 04:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post

Better to be a bitch who is wrong that a nice person who is wrong.
Anyone who has good intentions wouldn't see this as being a bitch, but just a concerned, protective mother. If the dude gets all defensive........well that's just a different thing, isn't it?

Laura - Mom to ds (10) and dd (7) "Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life." Brian Andreas.

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#27 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 04:29 PM
 
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DD isn't "childhood"-aged yet, but I saw this on the front page. I'd say trust your instincts! They're probably telling you something is up with this guy for a reason.
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#28 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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I agree with the pp who said to "call him out" on it. I also agree with book recommendation "Protecting the Gift." It's true that most predators "test" the parents, if they can, so they will be able to see who is paying attention. Let him know that not only do you see it---that you don't like it one bit. Also, be sure to warn your daughter to look him in the eye and tell him firmly "no--I don't want to sit in your lap." and if he pushes her or touches her, she needs to tell him that she's going to tell her dad on him. The book reveals that most predators will leave such an assertive child alone and prey on a more vulnerable one.
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#29 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 05:26 PM
 
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Hmm. Maybe it's time to say (in an obvious way) "Dd, no sitting on laps of grown up guys who aren't your daddy!" Sure, the guy might think you're weird, but so what?

Lynn said it better:

Quote:
So, I would tell this guy "I don't want my daughter sitting in your lap" and "I don't like how you talk about the girls in the neighborhood" when the need arises. If he tries to discount that, that's a HUGE red flag that something is not good.
Also, it's been said a bunch in this thread, but defintately get a copy of Protecting the Gift if you haven't already. It's a great book. I've started giving it with my baby shower gifts.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#30 of 73 Old 07-15-2008, 05:31 PM
 
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Listen to your mommy instincts. If he feels like a creep, keep your kid away from him.

ANYTHING that he does to your dd that makes you uncomfortable (including 'just' holding her or talking to her in a certain way) is inappropriate and should be stopped.

Homeschooling, organic gardening, jewelry-making, bread-baking pagan mama to Bubba:
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