4 1/2 year old - tantrums? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 08-03-2008, 05:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My ds never really had tantrums at age 2, had a harder time at age 3, and was pretty calm around 4. Suddenly at 4.5, he is flipping out! He can scream, cry, hit, throw things, etc. for like an hour at a time. I don't know if this is typical for this age or is it abnormal?

I've been reading "the Explosive Child" and I think it is helping. But there are still some tantrums we can not avoid. He gets really upset when things aren't going the way he expected them to. We don't always know what he is expecting, so we can't always head off the tantrums by talking about the issue.

I guess I'm asking is this something that will pass and we can make our way through it or should I be looking for something bigger going on?
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#2 of 5 Old 08-03-2008, 09:22 AM
 
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My dd will be 4 at the end of August and recently she has started doing the things you mentioned. It has taken me a little bit but I have realized that if I talk to her in a stern tone she responds better than asking her nicly to stop throwing a fit. Also I have calmly taken her by the hand and led her into her bedroom for a time out, I don't yell or aggresivly speak or act at her and this seems to work. When she has calmed down I go into her room, her terf, and talk to her, ask her why she was so upset and why did she feel it was nessecary to throw things, most of the time I get an answer like I just wanted to. I think it's a testing phase. It's a process and I am hoping it will pass.

 Yoga loving momma to DD, Eden Raine 8/04 , DS Brett Edwin 2/08, DS Brantley Albert 12/12 and wife for more than a decade to Jason 
~Living to preserve Gods green earth~

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#3 of 5 Old 08-05-2008, 01:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for your reply! Glad to know we aren't alone.

Bumping for more

Tonight dh was reading to ds while I put dd down to bed. I had previously said I would put ds to bed as well. I came in and ds asked for more books. We talked about it "The Explosive Child" style: He shared his concern that he wanted more books. I shared mine that it was late and he needed rest. We compromised on two short books. But after those two short books, he wanted "just one more". (He will continually ask for one more and not be satisfied). I tried to talk about him about how we agreed and how he needs his rest, etc. He started screaming/banging the walls/saying "I don't love you" and all that fun stuff. He asked for daddy (thinking daddy would read more books I think) and they have been in his room while he screams and hits for the last 20 minutes.

This morning he had a tantrum because the fort that he and dh had built last night was not EXACTLY like it was before. Dh tried to rebuild it 3 times and it was never "right". So he screamed and hit and carried on for over an hour. Dh and I both stay very calm throughout these tantrums, but I don't know how much longer we can do that!

I just don't know what to do! It doesn't seem normal to me for a 4 1/2 year old. But I can't figure out what is going on.
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#4 of 5 Old 08-05-2008, 11:35 AM
 
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I am feeling the same exact way, and it is almost comforting knowing that we are not the only parents out there with a difficult child.

Yesterday morning for instance. I do home daycare and have 7-8 kids in my house daily. Dd went outside with the boys and all of a sudden threw herself on the front porch kicking, screaming and crying saying there was no one to play with her, all three boys are stnding right there waiting to play with her. What is up with this? It's like the littlest things make her snap.

Dd also plays the daddy card. When I discipline her or tell her something she doesn't want to hear she screams for daddy, so I call him at work and he tells her himself what he would do. When she realizes neither of us are giving in she storms off to her room and pouts, so I let her.

I am having trouble with this b/c I feel like a failure as a parent. What did I do to make my sweet little girl not so sweet anymore?

Hipgal, I am so here for you if you want to pm about this.

 Yoga loving momma to DD, Eden Raine 8/04 , DS Brett Edwin 2/08, DS Brantley Albert 12/12 and wife for more than a decade to Jason 
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#5 of 5 Old 08-06-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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Another one with a new episode of aggressive tantrums at this age!
I believe it is some kind of control issue. And a test phase for parents. And it may also have to do with growing up, related to sibling rivalry, not knowing where to fit in: acting more like his 2,5yo brother or acting like his age whatever that should be. It is very hard to deal with for us, since we know he is very capable of expressing himself verbally, but at some moments just doesn't and the only thing he seems to be able to do then is growl like a wild animal, kick, scream, run at us fiercely with the intention to hurt, kicking/hitting doors etc. He is just very physical and totally unrrasonable then and it seems to come from the deepest of his instincts.

Sometimes in play he behaves in a non-verbal, low-level aggressive way too, like fast running, growling, making some animal noises, being very physical, sometimes it is so different than the way other children around him are acting, that I may burst into laughter because it is so different and sometimes funny. (Sometimes it is frustrating too.) And he likes that kind of attention :-). Which doesn't mean he does it all to make us laugh or get attention, it's just really an aspect of his at these moments. Also, he sometimes enjoys to make up a language of his own and babble meaningless phrases to someone directly, or on the phone, which seems really impolite but it is just fun and like a practical joke for him, and a test towards others it seems. He is a very spirited kid with a unique, slightly unusual, but fun, and definitely interesting character.
Wonder what else we can expect with him.

Whatever, bumping this thread.

Me:,loving HB,two active sons of 3 & 5,1 cat, nature lover,,extbf,occ,SAHM, multicultural/lingual family,+/-cl, :become a better parent/person by not expecting to be the perfect parent/person
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