My son wants to be a girl (update, #33, not good) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 01:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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No, really. I don't think this is a "stage." I am looking for similar experiences and how the mamas handled this.

He is five and a half years old. Ever since he was old enough to walk, talk and express an opinion, he's wanted to wear mama's clothes and shoes. Wanted to carry a purse. Been interested in dolls and fairies and flowers and butterflies and princesses and all things... well, girl.

Now, while it doesn't concern me in terms of trying to change him or anything, it does concern me when it involves the way he interacts or is treated by others. To compound matters, he has Asperger's, so his socialization skills are already completely jacked up. He just can't relate to ANYONE.

And it really doesn't help that his very favorite outfit is a white sundress with cherries printed on it, accented by a purple headband.

Seriously, this child has, from the very beginning, been interested in whatever you'd expect a girl of his age to be drawn to. He was a pirate for Halloween two years ago, and the only pictures I have of him, he was sad and almost crying because his dad wouldn't let him be a princess instead. He has also started to insist that his name is "Adrienne." (The reason for this choice is that he pointedly asked me what I would call him if he had a girl-name - which I took to mean, what would I have named him had been BORN a girl - and I told him Adrienne... so he's decided that's now his real name.)

Just tonight, he was watching the Olympics and told me he was going to jump and dance on that long stick like the girl he saw (women's gymnastics, balance beam). I encouraged this as he showed me how he would jump and twirl, and then he started detailing the beautiful pink leotard he would wear, complete with sparkles and lace. We began to talk about the differences in clothes between the girl and boy gymnasts... and between him and his sister. I pointed out that he had a penis like his baby brother, which made him a boy, and his sister had a vagina like me, which made us girls.

"But, I'm a girl," he said (and he says this often, like every day). Then, something new, "I have a vagina, that makes me a girl."

"You have a boy's body, and a penis," I reminded him. "Like your baby brother."

He looked thoughtful, then his sweet face lit up and he exclaimed, "When I grow up, I am going to have a vagina and be a girl, too!!"

This little guy has always wanted to be a girl. I don't want to change him, don't ever, EVER want him to be ashamed or feel he has to hide his true self from the world. But, I don't know how to do this. He is so young. Only five, and how do you explain to his seven year old friend and his same-age classmates that his wanting to wear a dress and play Princess instead of Space Explorers is okay? How do I tell him he looks beautiful in his new dress... but then tell him he can't wear it around his uncle (who is extremely uncomfortable with this) or out in public?

I hurt for my sweet child. In my heart I feel he was assigned to the wrong body. But to guide him through this life and try to shield him from the hate and confusion he will be faced with... while simultaneously dealing with his autistic issues... I just don't know how to do this.

Is there anyone out there who has dealt with this??

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#2 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 02:00 AM
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Hi mama, couldn't read and not respond.

There are some real wise mamas with kids just like yours on this board that I am sure will be along soon to talk with you.

In the mean time, this blog is really good - http://labelsareforjars.wordpress.com/ - its by an MDC mama...


Also I think that you need to put your childs comfort in front of his uncles and the publics, I understand you want to protect him from harm, but forcing him to smething other than himself may be just as damaging.
Maybe you need to just embrace the whole thing, let him wear what he wants and call him Adrienne if he wants you too....There will be no harm in it...
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#3 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 02:01 AM
 
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Might get some flack for this. But have you thought of just letting him be a girl? When he's not at school and Uncle isn't around, just let him be Adrienne?

I don't know how big of a community you live in, but if it's big enough, there's really not much of a chance that strangers will really notice in passing that you have a son, just a girl with short hair.

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In my heart I feel he was assigned to the wrong body. But to guide him through this life and try to shield him from the hate and confusion he will be faced with...
The first part. That puts you ahead of so many parents who have to deal with this. Your feeling the same thing he's feeling.

The second part there, unfortunatly is impossible. This world is just not set up for people like him and no matter how hard you try, there will be hate and confusion. The best thing you can do is accept who he is and hope that together you can both be strong enough to handle it.

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#4 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 02:03 AM
 
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I couldn't read this and not offer a

It's wonderful that you are already supporting him. I wish I had some words of wisdom for coping with the outside world. Perhaps you could let him know that some people feel more comfortable with strict "rules" about what girls like and can do and what boys like and can do, and that those people can make life harder for those who understand that boys and girls can both like the same things and to look the same way?

Are there any little girls his age or perhaps a bit younger who could be playmates? In my experience, girls are happy to have another dress-up partner and are less threatened by boys who also like dress-up.
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#5 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 02:21 AM
 
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PFLAG

Check out this link. not saying your son is gay just cause of his gender, just that these people are awesome and would be a great place to start.

: the sun is always shining here. loving life with DP and DS
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#6 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 08:06 AM
 
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My DS is 6 1/2 and has always exhibited a strong feminine side which I have not discouraged. Over time I have heard opinions from most everyone on the how and why of his behaviors. I have allowed both long hair and wearing dresses and am fortunate enough to work from home and home school so I may not have many of the issues others would face. I do wonder if his behavior means that he is transgendered. I have heard of children younger than Chris that verbalize that they are girls in a boys body. Chris will tell me he likes looking like a girl and playing like the girls and being friends with the girls but he has not stated he wants to be a girl. So I am not sure where it is all headed in the long run.

I do know this however. I adore my child and he or she is happy and healthy. Be careful of anyone that would ask you to force something on your child such as "making " him become more boyish. Several times I almost allowed the opinions of others to alter how I raise him. Even to the point of cutting his hair short which now I thank goodness I did not go through with. I honestly believe it would have been horribly traumatic and we both would have been miserable. I would allow him to act and look the way he is most comfortable. If like us that means wearing dresses or having really long hair so be it.

I am still new to these forums and it was such a relief to realize that there were others in my situation and even more supportive of how I am raising my child. I am sure you will find all the support you need here. I know I am!
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#7 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 08:22 AM
 
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I have a lot of trans friends, both mtf (male to female) and ftm (female to male) as well as a bunch of other friends who identify outside the binary gender spectrum.

And not one of us, myself included, felt accepted by our parents. We were forced into gender normative hobbies, or allowed to do the ones of our choice but continuously told how odd it was. So, already, the fact that you're willing to accept this puts you lightyears ahead.

You may have an effeminate son, and you may have a daughter. Either way, love hir, show hir that offer nothing but love and support, and if ze expresses interest in playing football, let hir play football, and if ze wants to do ballet, and wear the same leotard as the other girls, find a dance studio that will let hir do that. Let hir know that you are on HIR side, always. When ze goes to school, let hir wear a pink sparkly top if the school says no way to wearing dresses. Let hir go by Adrienne if that's what ze wants, even at school. Believe me, if I have a friend who got teachers to call her Kiwi for eight years of public education, I think you can manage with Adrienne.

Things may suck for your kid at times. However, they will suck more if you don't support hir.
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#8 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 10:01 AM
 
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My DS is 4 1/2, as Aspergers and has loved to wear girl clothes, dresses, loves pink and flowers (which I don't see any of that as being "girl" stuff at this age, except for the dresses) want to wear dresses out in public....he even told me once "Well, I was *supposed* to be a girl, but i'm not!"

I dont' make any deal out of it. Tell him he can wear what he wants at home and can choose equally comfortable but appropriate clothing out in public and let it go.

I don't discourage or encourage or comment on it in any way really. It comes and goes. I'm just letting him find his own way and if people criticize or say anything I tell them to leave him alone.

DS loves to do traditionally "feminine" things but there are lots of men who do and they don't have gender or sexual orientation issues. And if my DS does, I don't care, I love him anyway.
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#9 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 10:08 AM
 
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I couldn't agree more with the PP. I'd be tempted to register hir under the name and gender of hir choice. And to deffinently do it in the higher grades if this remains an issue. Years ago there was a movie called "Something Special" and while it has alot of magic dust and wishin stars in it, it deals with gender assignment and sexuality. You might check it out, if you can find it. I'd try u-tube, it's got alot of obscure movies that I can't find anyplace else.
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#10 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 10:44 AM
 
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My feeling on this issue given what I've seen with my own son and with several children that were in my classes when I was a teacher is that *If* its just a stage and he is going to grow out of it, than letting him work through it by dressing and acting and being a girl when he wants to lets the stage be worked through soonest and with the least trauma, and if its not a stage than there is no point in NOT letting him dress and be a girl because its not going to change.

But its great you are so accepting, but despite our best intentions I don't always think its easy to put aside our own expectations. Getting support from parents going through the same thing would probably help, especially for your DH who seems a bit less comfortable.

Is where you live generally accepting of such differences or not? That can be hard. Here there are so many children dressed in gender neutral ways that it is no big deal to see what is clearly a little boy in a dress, or a girl with super short hair and construction boots, often I can't tell what gender a child is all the way up til puberty here so this would be no big deal even in school and I can't imagine a school here putting up a fuss about just treating him as a girl if that is what he wants but it's not like that everywhere. I would be careful about that and make sure he wants that and understands it might be hard to change in the future..once the kids know him one way it would be harder to make a switch.

Oh and spelled "Adrian" its cutomarily a gender neutral name anyway
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#11 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 10:51 AM
 
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I remember watching Oprah (I'm pretty sure it was Oprah) and she had a family on who's story sounds just like your son's. The parents were wonderful. They decided (not an easy decision they stressed) to let their son be the little girl he wanted to be at around the age your son is now I think. They too saw his heartache to be a girl so many times. The one I remember was a video of him watching his sister’s ballet recital …. very sad.

I think the mom started an online support/info site and gets quite involved with helping other families in the same situation.

Maybe you could find the story on Oprah's site. It was most likely on between Oct 06 and Oct 07 (when I was on maternity leave with my son and had nothing better to do during nap times …)

I hope you find some support from mommas in the same situation; it is always so nice to know you’re not alone.
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#12 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 11:21 AM
 
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I don't have time right now to make a longer post, or I would, but I just wanted to offer you a link...
http://www.transfamily.org/
...has a ton of resources on it that you can peruse if you wish.

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#13 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 11:44 AM
 
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I also don't have time to post, but we're in the same situation. My son is 6.5 years old and wears dresses sometimes.

What we decided to do was take each day as it happens and respond positively but most of all LISTEN TO our child. Asher knows who Asher is. I'm just along to love him through it.

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#14 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 11:59 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ziggy View Post
You may have an effeminate son, and you may have a daughter. Either way, love hir, show hir that offer nothing but love and support, and if ze expresses interest in playing football, let hir play football, and if ze wants to do ballet, and wear the same leotard as the other girls, find a dance studio that will let hir do that. Let hir know that you are on HIR side, always. When ze goes to school, let hir wear a pink sparkly top if the school says no way to wearing dresses. Let hir go by Adrienne if that's what ze wants, even at school. Believe me, if I have a friend who got teachers to call her Kiwi for eight years of public education, I think you can manage with Adrienne.

Things may suck for your kid at times. However, they will suck more if you don't support hir.
: My aunt was born with a penis, and she went through years and years of anxiety, psychological issues, suicide threats and attempts, etc before coming out to her parents and others. Since she began living as a female, she has been so much healthier. She still has social difficulties (I would bet on undiagnosed aspergers), but she is so much better than she was for the first 40 years of her life. My grandparents have been awesome and accepting.

Stand up for your child, allow him or her to present as s/he wishes -- even in public, in school, and among less accepting family members. In the long run, the worst that could happen in doing that is that he will be male and roll his eyes at the way you "let" him dress when he was young.

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#15 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 12:19 PM
 
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I listened to a story earlier this year, on NPR about 2 families with sons with strong feelings about being girls. Each family followed their own paths, both so moving. You can listen to it here:
Part 1
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...oryId=90247842

Part 2
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...oryId=90273278

The part of the story, where the father talks about a elderly female relative's reaction at a family reunion, had me in tears, I had to pull the car over (happy tears!)

I'll never forget this story....and these children...

Kristina; wife to Max, Mom to Tristan (17) and Zackariah (7) and Lillian (5)
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#16 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 12:32 PM
 
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You might also be interested in watching the documentary series "Transgeneration" which is carried by Netflix.
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#17 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 12:35 PM
 
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Wow, you're an awesome mom and are doing so much good for him. I heard that same show on NPR I think there is more and more awareness slowly creeping into our society that this is a real situation for many children and they and their families need support. You sound like you have a wonderful child!

I am a homeopath, offering acute and constitutional consultations for children, babies, and parents. Long-distance treatment is easy, either phone or skype! I also am certified to offer Homeoprophylaxis, a vaccine-alternative program. Message me for more details. www.concentrichealing.com
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#18 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 01:12 PM
 
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I think this is truly awesome that you are acknowledging this and supporting your child.

I have a very good friend who was born in a male body, but many years ago fully transformed to a female. She is older, and one of the pioneers of the transgender surgeries she has led an amazing life and she is someone I respect very much.

Her Mother was wonderful like you and allowed her to be the girl she knew she was... come middle school and high school, she went to school as a girl and wore dresses and grew out her hair and went by her chosen name.


I would say to let "him" be a girl. You as the parent can know for sure if it's a phase or not, and it does not sound like that to me... the happy news of technology is that he can grow up and have a vagina.

She will have the social crap to deal with sadly, as not everyone can seem to open their silly eyes yet. But I think it will already be infinite times better with a supportive family.

I would recomend looking into counseling... I know once she is of age they will make her do that before gender re-assignment anyway... I'm not saying counseliing to change her... but to document that this is what she wants and to help deal with the social perils she will face on this journey til she is old enough to make the reassignment happen.

God Bless, Mama.

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#19 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 03:11 PM
 
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I also have a transgendered/ transsexual friend who made the transition as an adult. I think if your ds is transgendered it would be so much easier to start that transition as a child. My friend says exactly what you said about your ds that she was born into the wrong body.

A great movie about a young boy dealing with this and his family (a movie for adults) is "Ma Vie En Rose". I thought of it too because the boy in the movie says a lot of the same things as your ds.
You sound like a wonderful mom
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#20 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 03:29 PM
 
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Kudos to you, Mama, for dealing with your child with love and respect.

I have a DS (5.5) who is, as his kindergarten teacher described it, "a bit feminine" (she wasn't being negative). He loves pink and typically "girl" things (though I get uncomfortable with how gendered all those descriptions are) and is also a typical "boy". I love him, his father loves him, and we'll love him if he's gay or transgendered or whatever. He's never said he wanted to be a girl. Just that he wants to grow up and marry a boy! Think that will be easier on me as a MIL??
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#21 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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I don't have any advice to add, but...

I just wanted to say I think you're doing the best for your son and that you're wonderful for being the parent he needs, whether it proves to be a 'stage' or whether he is trans. You rock, Mama!!

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#22 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 05:31 PM
 
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Guess I was wrong about getting flack for my suggestion.

Sorry I underestimated the women here.

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#23 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 08:51 PM
 
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Guess I was wrong about getting flack for my suggestion.

Sorry I underestimated the women here.


mdc is a unique place

mama to two amazing children son 10/27/07 and daughter 07/07/11

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#24 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 09:04 PM
 
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mdc is a unique place
Well I'm still learning. A close friend of the family is transexual and the crap he got growing up for wanting to dress like a girl, especially from his parents, it's amazing he's still such an incredible and confident person.

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#25 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 09:15 PM
 
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I just wanted to say I think you're doing the best for your son and that you're wonderful for being the parent he needs, whether it proves to be a 'stage' or whether he is trans. You rock, Mama!!
:

personally, i wouldn't let him be affected by anyone else's intolerance, whether from family or the general public. if you "let" him wear dresses at home but not outside, he'll probably internalize there's something wrong with it (when really it's just the naysayers' own issues).

at such a young age you'll have to choose how much info you want to give him regarding reassignment. maybe you could just leave it at "our bodies change a lot as we get older. if you still feel this way then, you can choose do something about it and we will support you."

good luck with this. what an interesting journey. i'm actually a bit surprised that my son's not going through the same thing (he only asked once or twice to wear my eyeshadow when he was about 2yo) but as long as he doesn't ask me to call him "lightning mcqueen", i don't care how he lives his fabulous little life.
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#26 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 10:07 PM
 
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Just chiming in as I have a boy who bends gender boundaries (see the blog, as mentioned by a pp...thanks!

I think that, in your heart, you know how to honor your son and whoever he is. Whoever said to take it day by day, I believe is right. I'd venture to guess that your son isn't so much struggling with who he is and what he likes right now but, to a certain extent, you are, or at least you're struggling with how to reconcile him and his self expression with the messages the world sends to us.

That's the hardest for me. But I just try every day to honor Q and who he is working on being in the world.

It's definitely a journey.

be well,
megin

Mommy to an amazing 8 year old, wife to an inspiring principal, and welcoming Wylie Grace! Our July 4th babe!
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#27 of 104 Old 08-21-2008, 10:58 PM
 
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I too was pleasantly surprised with the open mindedness of those on this forum. If only the rest of the world was the same.

When Chris began to to really exhibit interests usually associated with girls I went through a range of emotions. Was it my fault? Was it the divorce? Did letting him have long hair somehow " cause " this? Then I realized how much I was over reacting. I have a happy, intelligent child that is an absolute joy to be around and gets along with almost everyone. If only every mom was so lucky.

When you do decide to allow your child to express his/her self be ready for an emotional roller coster but one that is well worth the ride when you see how happy your child is. I still remember Chris first time in public in a dress. I was a nervous wreck and Chris was loving it. When the girls he plays with asked why the dress the answer was so simple...I like it! And with that the kids started playing and nothing else was said. I just wish adults were as easily accepting! And if the day comes you know for sure your child is straight, gay, transgendered or some other part of the rainbow you can simply love and support them and know you are doing the right thing.
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#28 of 104 Old 08-22-2008, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First of all, let me say THANK YOU, from the very bottom of my heart, for the love and support everyone has shown. I simply cannot tell you what it means for me to know that I am not alone and that my son is also not alone. I mean, I knew that, but it's so important to hear it.

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Originally Posted by Ziggysmama View Post
Also I think that you need to put your childs comfort in front of his uncles and the publics, I understand you want to protect him from harm, but forcing him to smething other than himself may be just as damaging.
I just had a talk with him (the uncle) last night. It really didn't go well. Let me clarify the situation a bit by saying that my children and I actually live with my best friend and her husband (and he is the one who is referred to as the childrens' uncle, as my friend is my sister in so many ways). We've been here a little over 4 months, having escaped an abusive situation with the childrens' father. We are indebted to this wonderful family for opening their hearts and home to us for all this time, allowing me to give birth right there in their bathtub and helping me in these months of unemployment and home-searching.

However, now there is this issue. Uncle B has such a huge problem with my son and the way he's acting... and after this talk, I've realized that it's more than that, it's also Uncle B's issue with HOW I am handling it. He completely disagrees with my support and encouragement of my son to be and dress as his heart tells him he should. B thinks it's a phase, possibly brought on by the abusive treatment from the father. And that if I encourage this behavior, my son will either not grow out of it or will end up being hurt by the other children (although he's not in school yet). He made it pretty clear he thinks I am actually endangering my child by allowing this.

The compromise is that my son can't wear girls' clothing when Uncle B is at home. No evenings and no weekends. I hate this, because it goes against everything my heart says is right. I believe in my child and don't want to have to tell him at 5 pm every day that he has to take his clothes off and put on something else. But it's not my house, and this is obviously a very big deal for the man whose house it is.

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Be careful of anyone that would ask you to force something on your child such as "making " him become more boyish. Several times I almost allowed the opinions of others to alter how I raise him. Even to the point of cutting his hair short which now I thank goodness I did not go through with. I honestly believe it would have been horribly traumatic and we both would have been miserable. I would allow him to act and look the way he is most comfortable. If like us that means wearing dresses or having really long hair so be it.
I did cut my son's hair a few weeks ago, but he fought it tooth and nail. Now he is back to begging me to let him grow it long, and since the weather won't be nearly as hot in the coming months (well, once we get past August and the first part of September) then I think that I will let him make that choice, and wear it long if he wishes.

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Originally Posted by ziggy View Post
Believe me, if I have a friend who got teachers to call her Kiwi for eight years of public education, I think you can manage with Adrienne.

Things may suck for your kid at times. However, they will suck more if you don't support hir.
I would never dream of not supporting him. That's why the "compromise" hurts so much. HE doesn't understand why he can't wear his clothes on the weekend or why he has to change in the evenings. And Uncle B has been talking differently to him since I've allowed my child to start dressing openly as he has. Not mean, insulting, degrading or anything name-calling, nothing that would openly make my boy feel bad about himself, but just... different. A little more harsh, maybe, just in general. Uncle B is the only positive male role model my son has, and I don't want to see my child start wondering why all of a sudden, there's a difference...

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Originally Posted by MommaFox View Post
PPs. I'm namin' my baby after Cap'n Tighpants.
Totally OT, but that is SHINY!!! Oh and, my newborn? His name is Nathan...

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Originally Posted by avivaelona View Post
But its great you are so accepting, but despite our best intentions I don't always think its easy to put aside our own expectations. Getting support from parents going through the same thing would probably help, especially for your DH who seems a bit less comfortable.

Is where you live generally accepting of such differences or not? That can be hard. Here there are so many children dressed in gender neutral ways that it is no big deal to see what is clearly a little boy in a dress, or a girl with super short hair and construction boots, often I can't tell what gender a child is all the way up til puberty here so this would be no big deal even in school and I can't imagine a school here putting up a fuss about just treating him as a girl if that is what he wants but it's not like that everywhere. I would be careful about that and make sure he wants that and understands it might be hard to change in the future..once the kids know him one way it would be harder to make a switch.
As for the "DH" he is only in the picture sporadically. And he doesn't have a problem with it - he's simply said I'm making it up. Or that if it's remotely true, he'd "kick his a** until that sh*t stopped." (You see why I left? That was minor, trust me.)

The area I live in specifically is absolutely NOT open to that kind of thing. The metro area I am closest to is one of the most progressive I've heard of (Dallas) but I live an hour away, in the boonies. I am not enrolling my child in school this year in part because of his Asperger's and in part because of his gender issues. There are large, bully-type country boys who ride the bus, and the neighbor, whose kids have ridden in the past year, has warned me that even her perfectly "average" boys have had a lot of problems. I can't put him that situation knowing he may get hurt when he starts talking about his princess collection and cherry-printed sundress. Working, single mom or not, I will most likely be homeschooling.

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Originally Posted by caspian's mama View Post
personally, i wouldn't let him be affected by anyone else's intolerance, whether from family or the general public. if you "let" him wear dresses at home but not outside, he'll probably internalize there's something wrong with it (when really it's just the naysayers' own issues).
That's what I am worried about with his Uncle and everyone else.

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Originally Posted by megincl View Post
Just chiming in as I have a boy who bends gender boundaries (see the blog, as mentioned by a pp...thanks!

I think that, in your heart, you know how to honor your son and whoever he is. Whoever said to take it day by day, I believe is right. I'd venture to guess that your son isn't so much struggling with who he is and what he likes right now but, to a certain extent, you are, or at least you're struggling with how to reconcile him and his self expression with the messages the world sends to us.

That's the hardest for me. But I just try every day to honor Q and who he is working on being in the world.

It's definitely a journey.

be well,
megin
I've been reading your blog. Let me say it brought tears to my eyes that I am not alone in wanting my son to be who he is meant to be. Your Q is lovely in his tank top, just as my Punkin is gorgeous in his "bejewled suit." (He got it yesterday, a pink top with heart-shaped jewels printed all over it and matching purple pants.) I have found a lot of strength in your words and hope in your son's acceptance of his surroundings, how he is treated differently by some. He's a smart one! I wanted to leave a comment on there to that effect, but there's just no words to describe the relief of knowing we're not alone and somehow, we can make it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by melissanc View Post
When Chris began to to really exhibit interests usually associated with girls I went through a range of emotions. Was it my fault? Was it the divorce? Did letting him have long hair somehow " cause " this? Then I realized how much I was over reacting. I have a happy, intelligent child that is an absolute joy to be around and gets along with almost everyone. If only every mom was so lucky.

When you do decide to allow your child to express his/her self be ready for an emotional roller coster but one that is well worth the ride when you see how happy your child is. I still remember Chris first time in public in a dress. I was a nervous wreck and Chris was loving it. When the girls he plays with asked why the dress the answer was so simple...I like it! And with that the kids started playing and nothing else was said. I just wish adults were as easily accepting! And if the day comes you know for sure your child is straight, gay, transgendered or some other part of the rainbow you can simply love and support them and know you are doing the right thing.
You, too, give me hope and comfort that I am not alone on this journey. My son actually hasn't gone out in public in his dress yet, but we'll be driving to grandma's tomorrow, so he will... Yesterday when he was picking out his new outfit, I was nervous and self-conscious, but Punkin was in 7th heaven. And he's so proud of his outfit... he just beams with excitement. He cried when he had to take it off early yesterday. And I cried because I don't want to jeopardize where we live and my friendship with these people... I don't have anywhere else to go. But my son... he has rights, too. It's just so hard to know what to do.

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#29 of 104 Old 08-22-2008, 04:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SeekingSerenity View Post
...a pink top with heart-shaped jewels printed all over it and matching purple pants
i am VERY jealous of this. now *i* want a bejeweled suit!

honestly, rather than risk him wondering "am i weird? is something wrong with me?" because of b's hostility, i might just sit him down and explain that, although b feels the way he does and you're going to respect his wishes since you live in his house, that *you* do not feel that way. i would probably go so far as to tell him that b's view is completely ignorant and wrong. if this ends up being more than a "phase" he's going to have to deal with harder crap than this in the years to come, from other children and adults. i'd do everything in my power now to make him feel like he's 100% correct to feel this way and want to express it however he chooses. if b's treating him differently, your son deserves to know why. it might be hurtful since you just left his dad (congrats for that btw ) but he sure doesn't sound like the "positive male role model" i'd want for *my* kid! sorry the man of the house is offended but those are *his* insecure issues and it's not okay for him to force his ignorance on your kiddo.
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#30 of 104 Old 08-22-2008, 06:24 PM
 
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Aww....you are doing an awesome job with your child! Stand your ground and you will do just fine. Good luck with your first day out with the dress! You will be far more nervous than your child but you will be fine!

it gets MUCH easier with time believe me. I am now at the point I could care less what others think family or not. i have a happy child and he is absolutely adoreable girl or boy! I do admit I LOVE the long hair There are even gender " rules" for long hair as well! Amazing how restrictive people try to be with gender.
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