Please help me with potty training - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-29-2008, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
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DD is 3. I'm hoping some of you more experienced mamas can help me. How do you potty train a child who just doesn't want to go on the potty? She has such control, that she can hold her urine for 4 -5 hours and wait for her nighttime diaper to be put on before going pee. We try sitting on the potty and she just won't go. I feel like if we don't push training a little, she'll still be in diapers at 4.

Any suggestions????
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#2 of 7 Old 08-30-2008, 01:12 AM
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I heard from several friends that 3 years 3 months was the magic age. Both my girls were good to go before 3 so by the time I realized my 3rd child was showing no interest he was past that "magic age".

I think letting your dd start when she is ready is great, but it might help spark the interest if she saw someone she looks up to & closer to her age use the potty.

Nothing really worked with my ds so one day I just started putting him in pants. It took a week or so but it clicked finally and he is by far more independant about it at his age than my girls were at that age. Lots of messes btw.
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#3 of 7 Old 08-30-2008, 08:54 AM
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From a mother who has "trained" 4 children, one potty learned at age 2 (my girl) and 2 of the boys learned at well over age 3 (almost 4) and the last boy was age 4 years and 4 months. I thought he would NEVER do it, but finally he did.

I believe in the idea that they will do it when they are ready and I would guess she isn't ready. But obviously I don't get "caught up" in what society believes as far as a childs milestones so take my opinion for whatever its worth to you.

I will say that none of my children had "accidents" during the day once they potty learned, I just put pull ups on them at bedtime for a year or two after because sometimes there would be bed wetting.
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#4 of 7 Old 08-31-2008, 05:32 PM
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Wait til she's ready. For my middle son that wasn't until age 4. It really varies.

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#5 of 7 Old 09-03-2008, 02:20 PM
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Wow, that's funny about the "magic age" of 3 yrs 3 months -that's exactly the age my ds was! We had been practicing sitting on the potty for a year, sometimes trying more than others. In the end - we bought underwear, told him about it, that when he learns, he'll get to use big-boy underwear. Nothing happened differently. So on a long weekend (MLK day weekend) I said "This weekend we're going to try on your underwear!". So we did, he had a few "accidents" the first day - just learning/remembering to use the potty instead of his pants. That was it - no accidents since. A few weeks later we did underwear at night with no problem -ds asked for underwear at night.

So, take a little more time. Good luck!
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#6 of 7 Old 09-03-2008, 06:09 PM
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My DD is the same age, and we are still working on it too. One thing that helps her to go is to have certain "routine" times of day that we go...first thing before getting dressed, after lunch, after nap (if I am lucky enough that she takes one), before bed. Usually not much struggle getting her to go then. It is just like mid-morning or other times when it has been awhile that I struggle to get her to go, and the sneaky times that she poops in her underwear...gross! I have noticed with both of my kids that they are more interested in going in bathrooms other than home, so for us, being out and about helps a lot. I think part of my DD's issue is that she wants to do everything herself in her way ("ME do it!!!" is what I hear all the time), but also is either not quite noticing when she needs to sometimes or is too engrossed and having fun playing to want to stop and go potty. Are you doing underwear full time or diapers some of the time? We start out with purple underwear (her favorite color), and if we wet/poop in them we have to wear the boring white underwear. Sometimes I also give her the option of wearing a pullup if we both just seem too frustrated with it for the rest of that day, then start over the next day. Potty training is NOT fun, and we clean up a lot of messes, but she won't be going to high school in diapers. DS was close to 4 before he finally got it, then was doing it entirely himself with little to no help shortly after. Both wear pullups at night yet. I myself had nighttime accidents till age 6 or 7, so I am not worried about that yet. Don't know if this is so much advice as sympathy since mine is the same age and at about the same stage!

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#7 of 7 Old 09-03-2008, 07:21 PM
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I also believe in waiting until they are ready, and if they aren't willing then they aren't ready. My ds finally decided he was ready just 1 month before he turned 4. He was instantly potty trained. They say if you wait till the child is truly ready potty training should be a "spectator sport". It was wonderful to have avoided any power struggles and the hours of sitting and sitting in the bathroom that I have witnessed some of my friends doing, and cleaning up all those messes! That just did not look like any fun to me, I'd rather change a diaper and have more time to connect with my kids in joy. I really prefer to let it be their choice to potty learn and not have any "training" involved. My dd just turned 3 and says she doesn't want to go on the potty. I would not want to try and force or coerce her, I worry it would create disconnect between us and I want to focus on connection and trust in my relationships with them. I would suggest telling your daughter that she can choose and if she wants to go back to wearing diapers for now just let her. Tell her she can let you know when she wants to try underpants again. I would also be worried about the urine holding, I have heard that can increase risk for UTIs in adults, maybe in children as well?
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