I think my 4yo was sexually abused UPDATE - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 163 Old 10-16-2008, 02:11 AM
 
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We are ok. The trip to the beach did wonders. We found a new place and move this weekend. I am calling tomorrow to find out if contact has been made with the other family.
I'm glad that you found a new place. My sister had a "bad" incident some years ago and can't go near where it occurred ever again.

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

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#122 of 163 Old 10-16-2008, 06:28 PM
 
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I couldn't read and not offer hugs . I am also an abuse survivor, and it makes me sick to my stomach that this kind of stuff happens to kids.

I wanted to throw out the idea of craniosacral therapy for both you and your daughter. It is a light touch therapy that can help you access and release emotions and trauma that is stored in your body. I spent years and years and years in talk therapy, but it wasn't until I started doing bodywork that my healing went to a new level. I do CST, energy work, guided imagery and also homeopathy (the latter three from the intuitive healer that I see). Anyway, I've uncovered stuff in CST sessions that I really felt I'd healed from, but turns out there were lingering traces of it in my body. It's very powerful stuff. You can search for a practitioner here, and of course for such a difficult situation you would want to make sure you were working with a very skilled practitioner with lots of experience in this area. I see a massage therapist who is highly trained in CST, but I know there is a psychologist in my area who has the training as well.

Good luck mama. Sending lots of love and light your way .

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#123 of 163 Old 10-16-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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Thinking of you and your family today. Hope they managed to track him down.



WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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#124 of 163 Old 10-17-2008, 11:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, so here's what happened so far.

They called and spoke to J (mom) and said she and the kids needed to come into be interviewed. She asked why, and they said they were conducting an investigation into the safety of the kids or something like that. She said she didn't feel comfortable doing that without talking to her husband. When she got off the phone with the detective, she called her stepfather who is an attorney. He said don't talk at all. Then the attorney called the detective and said that the parents would not be interviewed, but that they would make the children available for an interview to cooperate with an investigation into the safety of the children. Then A called the detective and asked a million questions which ulimately ended in "is my wife being accused of something?" No. "am I being accused of something?" Yes. A then said something to the affect of "i've never done anything inappropriate with any child."

The detective has warned me that the DA may decide not to file charges if the children do not have anything to add because he has invoked his right to silence. If charges are filed, then they will find out we are the accusers, until then, they will know nothing.

The detective will meet with the DA next Friday and the kids are coming in sometime next week. We move the bedroom today and continue through the end of the month. The Baltimore Free Store is coming to pick some stuff up tomorrow because we are downsizing some. Ugh.

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#125 of 163 Old 10-17-2008, 02:42 PM
 
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I haven't posted yet, but I've followed this thread with interest and have thought about you and your daughter a lot over the past couple of weeks. I just want to say what a wonderful mother you are for taking your DD seriously and taking extreme measures like moving to ensure her comfort. As awful as her ordeal was, I think she will take great comfort and security in knowing how ferociously you're protecting her now.

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#126 of 163 Old 10-17-2008, 03:04 PM
 
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OK, so here's what happened so far.

They called and spoke to J (mom) and said she and the kids needed to come into be interviewed. She asked why, and they said they were conducting an investigation into the safety of the kids or something like that. She said she didn't feel comfortable doing that without talking to her husband. When she got off the phone with the detective, she called her stepfather who is an attorney. He said don't talk at all. Then the attorney called the detective and said that the parents would not be interviewed, but that they would make the children available for an interview to cooperate with an investigation into the safety of the children. Then A called the detective and asked a million questions which ulimately ended in "is my wife being accused of something?" No. "am I being accused of something?" Yes. A then said something to the affect of "i've never done anything inappropriate with any child."

The detective has warned me that the DA may decide not to file charges if the children do not have anything to add because he has invoked his right to silence. If charges are filed, then they will find out we are the accusers, until then, they will know nothing.

The detective will meet with the DA next Friday and the kids are coming in sometime next week. We move the bedroom today and continue through the end of the month. The Baltimore Free Store is coming to pick some stuff up tomorrow because we are downsizing some. Ugh.
Mama, I have been following your thread (this is the first time I am able to type....no bf baby attached) and I really, really applaud you for not letting this slide. I have a almost 4 year old dd myself and this just horrifies me that anyone could do this to a child (not to mention how a mother could walk in and not do anything...but that is another thread). Big hugs to you, and especially your dd.....my heart really goes out to you both. Thank you for standing up for your daughter and believing in her. One day she is going to look back on this and a huge part of her healing will be due to the fact that you believed her and supported her.
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#127 of 163 Old 10-17-2008, 04:57 PM
 
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I couldn't read and not post. I pray that your family and little girl will be stronger after all this.



And to the perve!
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#128 of 163 Old 10-17-2008, 05:41 PM
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One day she is going to look back on this and a huge part of her healing will be due to the fact that you believed her and supported her.
I agree with this 100%. I think you are doing an amazing job mama.
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#129 of 163 Old 10-17-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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I haven't posted yet, but I've followed this thread with interest and have thought about you and your daughter a lot over the past couple of weeks. I just want to say what a wonderful mother you are for taking your DD seriously and taking extreme measures like moving to ensure her comfort. As awful as her ordeal was, I think she will take great comfort and security in knowing how ferociously you're protecting her now.
Ditto.

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#130 of 163 Old 10-17-2008, 11:15 PM
 
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Then A called the detective and asked a million questions which ulimately ended in "is my wife being accused of something?" No. "am I being accused of something?" Yes. A then said something to the affect of "i've never done anything inappropriate with any child."
Of course that is what he said! It sounds exactly the way guilty people sound. Makes total sense to me that this was his response.

The rest of us would most likely be completely shocked and desperately trying to figure out exactly what someone might have accussed us of.

By the way, could there be legal complications from you sharing this online, even without the full names? I could be totally off base, but I only ask because I know periodically people on MDC who ended up involved in legal cases of one case or another have been advised not to speak about it online.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#131 of 163 Old 10-18-2008, 07:08 PM
 
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You are amazing. My heart is breaking for you.
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#132 of 163 Old 10-18-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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I am so so sorry.

This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world. *
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#133 of 163 Old 10-18-2008, 08:38 PM
 
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I hope things come along, mama.
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#134 of 163 Old 10-18-2008, 08:50 PM
 
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Thinking of you and your family

~e, wife to my sweet T partners.gif, mama to my turtleman (8) , sunshine (6 vbac.gif), and monkey (2)
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#135 of 163 Old 10-18-2008, 08:52 PM
 
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I am so sorry for your little girl and your family. May you find a place of healing. You are doing such amazing things for her, I am so amazed that you are actually moving (I would do the same if I were in the same situation). It is such a wonderful act of tenderness.......ou go mama, you protect your cubs and take good care of you too. Peace to you and your babe.
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#136 of 163 Old 10-18-2008, 09:20 PM
 
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You are an amazing mama

This must be so hard on all of you right now....but all I can think of is how much better things will be (in comparison to how they could be) because you have handled this all so well.

I have boys...no daughters...but I can still say that before I read this thread it would never have occured to me to stay calm and not aggressively press for more information.

I hate that you had to start this thread...but thank you so much for sharing how you've handled everything.


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#137 of 163 Old 10-18-2008, 09:26 PM
 
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mysticmommy-

i just have to say as an abuse survivor, THANK YOU for calling the police and following through and thank you for moving your daughter away from harm.

my mother wouldnt do that for me and it completely demolished our already fragile relationship.

i am so happy that your daughter has such a wonderful, caring and responsible mother and father. know that i am here, reading and sending all the good energy, and strength vibes possible to you and your family.

Heavily tattooed and Dready Mama to my girls. YES we are STILL NURSING! love to and
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#138 of 163 Old 10-19-2008, 10:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mysticmomma View Post
..."i've never done anything inappropriate with any child."...

Interesting that he should cut to the chase like that. So he finds out it's you, so what? Friends come and go, but family is for life. Even if he's found not guilty, it's still worth the trial. Don't be afraid to keep at him mama. Be strong!


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...could there be legal complications from you sharing this online, even without the full names?...
: Worth checking into. If you're advised not to talk about it online, PM a mod and ask them to remove this thread. (I mention this in the unlikely event that you weren't aware you could do that )


.

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#139 of 163 Old 10-20-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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have been following your thread, mama, and am sending prayers and light your way. you are doing a GREAT job simply by believing your daughter and taking steps to protect her! i am going through similar circumstances with daughter and her father, it has been hell for us because "official" people don't believe her, although she's disclosed about the abuse to nearly every adult she knows and even a few of her friends.

you handled it great by staying so calm at first!! when i heard the very first revelation from my daughter, i did the same, not knowing if i would influence her memories (she was 3 at the time, i know how their perceptions of reality and fantasy fluctuates at that age). to this day the only thing i tell her is "it's not your fault" and "it's ok to tell" for fear of being accused of coaching her. the "official" people dropped her case because they have to close a case within 60 days and there was no physical evidence i wouldn't be able to move, you are so brave and resourceful!!

one thing i've learned from the people who are helping us/her is that the full memories may not surface until she's older, perhaps even 8 or 9. i've learned that some kids - the ones not encouraged to bury or deny the abuse - deal with the psychological effects through their teens and even into adulthood, even if it's just one incident at age 3. stay strong for the long haul and keep doing what you're doing!!! {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

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#140 of 163 Old 10-22-2008, 11:04 AM
 
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To the OP, I commend you with all of my heart for hearing and believing your dear daughter. She is extremely lucky to have you as a mother. You are doing everything correctly; especially the calm listening and alerting the authorities.

Your daughter is a survivor. From one to another, I offer healing vibes...
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#141 of 163 Old 10-29-2008, 02:42 AM
 
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I'm still praying for you and your family, especially your daughter. I have been quite plagued by having read your post. Something came to mind as I was thinking of you the other day. You had said that you didn't know when this person may have had the opportunity to do this. Do you have a calendar or day timer? Sometimes I jot down insignificant things that jog my memory about things later when I go back through. That might help you to find a time when this could have happened. I've been praying lately a lot for your hubby. Hope he is better able too work through this. Sending you lots of love.

And yes, this man will meet his maker one day.
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#142 of 163 Old 10-29-2008, 06:29 PM
 
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Thank you so much, OP for telling us this story. It gives me a lot to think about. Looking back on it, were there any signs of abuse before your daughter told you what was going on? I always have assumed my kids are safe, but of course they go to neighbors' houses to play. I will read those books you recommended.

You've heard this many times on this thread, but I am in awe of how well you are handling this and what good decisions you are making. Your daughter is so very lucky that you are her mom.

I hope (but seriously doubt) that A and J's children are o.k. and if they are not that help is on the way. I'm sure that the mom has been living in denial for years. In the long run, you are helping this family as much as your own.
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#143 of 163 Old 10-29-2008, 07:46 PM
 
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i too have a 4.5 year old. my heart goes out to you and your family. keep strong.

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#144 of 163 Old 10-30-2008, 12:32 AM
 
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I'm so sorry this has happened to your sweet little girl. Thank God she has a mama like you to help her through this.
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I am so so sorry.
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#146 of 163 Old 10-30-2008, 01:46 PM
 
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My prayers will be with your family.
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#147 of 163 Old 10-30-2008, 11:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blu Razzberri View Post

Interesting that he should cut to the chase like that. So he finds out it's you, so what? Friends come and go, but family is for life. Even if he's found not guilty, it's still worth the trial. Don't be afraid to keep at him mama. Be strong!




: Worth checking into. If you're advised not to talk about it online, PM a mod and ask them to remove this thread. (I mention this in the unlikely event that you weren't aware you could do that )


.
:

You are doing the right thing.

wife to DH 2/03, mama to DS 3/03 & DD 1/09
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#148 of 163 Old 11-02-2008, 09:44 PM
 
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Kinda strange to comment right after being quoted, but I wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of your family, and sending positive vibes for healing and justice. Hope you're making forward progress.

WARNING: The comments and opinions expressed above do not necessarily reflect those of the community in which I reside; or those of the internet parenting network.
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#149 of 163 Old 11-02-2008, 10:57 PM
 
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I can't believe what happened to your precious sweet little girl. How can people do stuff like this to children? I don't understand. You are doing an amazing job handling this situation.

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#150 of 163 Old 11-02-2008, 11:02 PM
 
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mama, she IS above this.
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