My little boy peed his pants in front of the class - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My heart is breaking this afternoon.
My little boy has been working on his first oral presentation for the last couple of weeks (on an ancestral land). We have practiced it over and over...we made a doll to represent the land. It's kind of a big deal, being the first project of this kind for him. He is 7 yrs old, a 2nd grader.
Today was his day to present. I got a call from the school this afternoon asking me to come pick him up.
The story goes that he was doing his presentation in front of his class and peed his pants
I asked him if the kids noticed since he is wearing a longer sweatshirt and he said, "Yes Mommy...it was on the carpet too". He is so incredibly sad and embarassed. He is not saying much...just looking really glum with some tears running down his cheeks.
He doesn't want to go to school tomorrow.
I already called and left a message with his teacher at home...I'll talk to her tonight about her perspective and how to handle this.
I told his dad that today is one of those days where you would trade with your kid in a heartbeat...and he said, "I know, my heart is breaking too".
I feel soooooo bad for my little boy.
Any ideas/suggestions of how to help? I am also worried that the kids will tease him.
Thanks-Mel.
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#2 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:21 PM
 
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First acknowledge his feelings,of course...then don't make a big deal about it, like it happens, yknow? The more you show your stress, the more he will pick up on it. Just listen, empathy, etc, then let it go.

Poor little guy!
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#3 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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His dad and I both reassured him that accidents do happen...I have even had them happen as an adult.
I guess I would like to take it away for him...and can't do that.
How should he handle any comments from the other kids?
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#4 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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Oh, the poor guy!!

I have no advice, but I know how heartbroken you feel. Also, I wouldn't assume that the kids will tease him. They might not. But I know you want him to be prepared in case they do. I would too.
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#5 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:30 PM
 
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Unfortunately, the comments will come. Kids are so mean. I don't know what I would tell my dc to say to the other kids when they say mean things to him. I guess I would just remind him that it is completely normal and that he just needs to ignore any mean things that other kids say to him. As hard as it may be for him to ignore it. Just tell him not to let anything they say get under his skin. If he acts like it doesn't bother him that they are saying those things, then it's not so much fun to make fun of him, and they will stop.

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#6 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the empathy : )
You know, I did not voice my fear to him...he voiced his to me. He doesn't want to go to school tomorrow and face the kids because he is afraid they will laugh at him.
I told him that I hear that he feels embarassed and sad and even a little scared.....but that it will absolutely pass. Memories fade.
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#7 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:35 PM
 
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Aw that is tough. It depends on his personality how I'd tell him to handle remarks. My 8yo, for example, would easily be able to joke about it and laugh it off. My dd (at that age) would have been mortified and probably would have burst into tears if anyone mentioned it. My 4yo would probably want to beat them all up. So my advice to any of them would have to depend on the personality of the child. Is your ds one that can make a joke about it and laugh at the situation? There's a good chance that no one will say anything at that age, but there is an equally good chance that someone will and it probably is better to prepare him for that possibility and let him practice ways to respond just in case. Plus that will help alleviate some of his anxiety about going back to school.
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#8 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:37 PM
 
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I'd probably let me kid skip school the next day. Hopefully, a day between the incident and him returning to class will be enough to mostly erase the incident from the memories of the other students.
to him.

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#9 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd probably let me kid skip school the next day. Hopefully, a day between the incident and him returning to class will be enough to mostly erase the incident from the memories of the other students.
to him.
Really? Should I give him a day at home? That's what he asked to do and I told him that it would seemingly make it worse (his absence would create more buzz/speculation). I told him it was better just to face the music and get it over with.
But if it is in his best interest to keep him home, I will do that.....
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#10 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 09:17 PM
 
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Ah the poor kid, I would let him have a day off. It may give him a chance to regroup emotionally.
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#11 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 09:18 PM
 
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I'd let him stay home tomorrow.
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#12 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 09:31 PM
 
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When I was the same age as your son, I wet my pants when a supply teacher was ignoring my raised hand to ask to go to the bathroom. I remember the mortification. Worse, instead of sending me home they found me a pair of pants in the Lost and Found that a boy in my class ended up recognizing as his sister's, thus drawing more attention to me.
But, I remember clearly - just that boy and one or two others right at the time made a comment/ laughed...then after that day they all seemed to forget about it....umm, until high school when someone brought it up, but I was able to laugh it off then!

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#13 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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let him stay at home but don't focus on why, let him talk about it if he likes and maybe help him come up with a plan to get back to school. Do something positive and memorable to help him counter balance the bad memory, like going to the zoo or something special. I have no idea how your son will handle it but as a former pee-er (everywhere and always traumatic)I almost started crying when I read this.
I think the best thing I could have hoped for back then was my mom talking to me about it and helping me work through the anxiety and helping me come up with a plan. My mom was nice about it and never made a big deal about it but I guess talking about it would be a plus.
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#14 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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Really? Should I give him a day at home? That's what he asked to do and I told him that it would seemingly make it worse (his absence would create more buzz/speculation). I told him it was better just to face the music and get it over with.
But if it is in his best interest to keep him home, I will do that.....
From what I remember of 2nd grade, I don't think that keeping him home will create more speculation. When his absence is first noticed, someone might say something, but that would be at the start of the day. By the end of the day, so much will have happened that no one will be thinking of him or the incident. Between classwork and recess, discussions and other classroom incidents, what happened to your son will end up being mostly forgotten. I think the buzz/ speculation is something to worry about more in middle school than now.
But, that's just from what I remember from school. I may be wrong. It has been a while!

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#15 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 09:49 PM
 
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I remember a boy in my class peeing in his pants in front of the class, it must have been 2nd or 3rd grade. I really don't remember anyone making a big deal out of it. We all felt embarrassed for him but nobody said anything mean or made fun of him. At least that I remember so even if they did, it must not have been a big deal.

I hope your little guy feels better in the morning. I don't know what I'd do about keeping him home. I can see your point that if he stays home, it might just turn it into a bigger deal. Good luck deciding what to do.
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#16 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 09:58 PM
 
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I think keeping him home for a day is a good idea. Tomorrow something else interesting will happen and by the day after most people will probably have forgotten.

I suppose he's too young and not the right gender for a story about menstrual blood leaking through clothes in front of class to help. I can't be the only one who went through that!

to him!
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#17 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 10:00 PM
 
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I couldn't read and not post. Ah memories.... this happened to me many a times in school (weak bladder) The strongest memory I had was in gym class the teacher wouldn't let me use the bathroom, so I sat. When she told me to get up I did and it all came out, all over the floor around me too. Imagine the sound of pee tinkle on a gym floor. I walked with my back to the wall in line and told my regular teacher who immediately gave me her sweater around my waist and walked me to the nurses station. ugh. so there I sit with nothing on my bottom (besides teachers sweater) while they put my pants and undies over the heater - lunch was out and kids kept walking by looking and saying oooooh whats that smell. my mom came eventually brought me purple undies and white pants - which was better than the other option.... a warmed up pee soaked sweat pant. No one said anything except one girl who was a meany-head anyway. BTW, the teacher was a student one and she was sent away after that (well, after my mom came and had mighty strong words for her)

I guess what I want to say is continue what you are doing to help him. Follow his leads in how he feels going back. Does he get along with most of his class?

We all survive pee accidents. Heck I had one today LOL after sneezing 15 times my pelvic muscles couldn't take it anymore!
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#18 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 10:02 PM
 
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I can't believe I'm talking about this in a public forum but the same thing happened to me. Not when I was a little kid, though. It happened when I was 14.

Please tell your ds that accidents happen and reassure him that while he might remember this for a long time, everyone else will forget soon. And, if it helps at all, tell him there is someone out there who knows exactly how he feels and it all turned out okay for me. I felt like I would never be able to get up in front of a room full of people again and now I do it every day.
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#19 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 10:08 PM
 
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couldn't read and not post

I have nothing to add since I've never experienced anything like this, but I think you've gotten a lot of great advice already. My heart goes out to you and your little guy...I hope he's able to laugh it off or put it behind him and enjoy going to school.
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#20 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 10:34 PM
 
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I feel very much for your DS and think going back tomorrow is the best solution, everyone will forget about it sooner if he holds his head up.
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#21 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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I'm sorry for your little guy. I too would let him stay home for one day, if nothing else to collect himself. I know he has to be sooo nervous to go back to school. I have an 8 year old lovely nephew and I know (as I was also a teacher and a former kid ) how cruel kids can be to each other. I would definitely remind him of how we sometimes have embarrassing moments, and maybe share one of yours. Remind him that you admire his hard work and the courage it took to get up in front of the class. I would arm him with at least a one liner such as... "I'm sorry you feel that way... or It's a shame you feel that way"... when kids say things to him. Other than that I'd let him know that eventually they'll have something else or unfortunately someone else to be the focus of their jest. I really am sorry for us as children and our children in having to experience these types of things. I wish the world was more understanding in these situations.

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#22 of 45 Old 10-14-2008, 11:57 PM
 
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I don't think I'd have him stay home - I think that would make a bigger deal out of this, for him, if not for his classmates. I'd comfort him, and empathize with his not wanting to go, and let him talk about his fears and what he might do if x happened or y happened, but letting him stay home for a day would just seem to me to give him another whole day to worry about it instead of moving on. And while he MIGHT get teased, I think it's also just as likely that he might not. I really think that in my daughter's second grade class, the kids probably wouldn't tease - they seem in general like pretty nice and decent kids, who would in general feel bad for him and want to help him feel better. I might ask the teacher, when you speak with her though, what she thinks, since she knows his classmates - if she thinks they're unlikely to tease him, I'd tell him that, and worry less, and if she thinks that some kids might, then I'd ask her how she would be able to help him, and how she'd put a stop to that.

But I don't at all see how staying home tomorrow makes anything better.
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#23 of 45 Old 10-15-2008, 12:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I want to say thank you for so much love and support on this issue.
I talked to his teacher this evening and she told me the full story. Evidently, he was already finished with his presentation and went back to his seat. The next student who went up noticed the puddle on the floor. They were trying to figure out how the floor got wet and then the teacher said she put two and two together. Then she asked my boy (in front of everyone) if he was feeling okay. And...bless his honest heart...he came clean in front of everyone and said, "I wet my pants".
She then told him that next time, if he has a pressing need, he can always interrupt and go use the bathroom. Then she sent him to the office and they called me.
He seems good this evening. It's been really low-key. I'm letting him lay low. We went out to eat at a favorite restaurant which is a nice change.
His dad gave him a pep talk and he seems okay with going back to tomorrow...especially after I told him what his teacher said about his presentation...It was the best one in the whole class!
She also added that his classmates were all very empathetic saying things like, "It's okay" and "I've done that before too".
So I'm going to play it by ear...if he seems stressed about going in the morning, I will keep him home. If he seems nonchalant, then I will be too.
I guess I was really worried because my sister was a bed-wetter and had accidents until she was an adolescent. It was horrible for her.
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#24 of 45 Old 10-15-2008, 12:13 AM
 
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Can't believe I'm "saying this out load" but, anyways...

I was mortified in second grade when I peed on the floor in the middle of the room. And I was so embarrassed I just sat back down and didn't fess up, even when the teacher had to call the custodian in to mop it up. I sat there for 30 mintues or so until the end of school, rode the bus home, and sobbed to my big sister. ... Who waited for me to calm down and told me it happened to her, too, in second grade.

There's some science to the idea that a kid's bladder doesn't always grow at the same rate as the rest of the body, so if he just went through a growth spurt, and add the pressure of his first big project, AND speaking in frno of the class, and it's totally understandable.

My sister said when it happened to her that she was in front of the class and everyone noticed. Her bet friend came up to her the next morning before school and told her she had already threatened to beat up anyone who said anything, and that they should all just be happy it didn't happen to them.

Maybe try to give him some things to say like "Just be glad it didn't happen to you!" or "Be glad I didn't get any on ya!"
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#25 of 45 Old 10-15-2008, 12:15 AM
 
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nak

poor little guy!!! i totally know what you mean that you would take his pain on in a heartbeat if you could. that's mama-love.

in any case, i don't think i'd let him stay home tomorrow because then he's just going to think about it all day tomorrow and it will be that much worse going back the next day.

i think i'd talk a lot first about that everybody has accidents/makes mistakes.... what is most important is how you deal with the accident/mistake afterwards. and, i'd not make a big deal out of it (which it sounds like you're doing great at). if you let him stay home tomorrow, i think it's kind of like admitting that it's a big deal that he ought to want to hide from.

to you and him.

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#26 of 45 Old 10-15-2008, 12:25 AM
 
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His teacher and his classmates sound wonderful. I would really encourage him to go back, especially now given that, since you can say with some confidence that they are not going to tease him, and remind him how kind they were, and how they said they'd done the same thing (or tell him the teacher said they were saying those things, if it was after he left).

I'm glad he seems to be feeling better about it, and hope he continues to feel fine in the morning.
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#27 of 45 Old 10-15-2008, 12:40 AM
 
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Poor guy! I've been there before, I did that in 3rd grade and was mortified. I was extremely shy(almost painfully shy) as it was, and also a bit different from everyone else, so I got teased lots. I actually cried in front of the class after it happened, and also was (cruelly) shamed by the teacher in front of the class after it happened. I was taken out of school because I was so tortured, and then went to the same high school as all those students, who remembered me and still teased me a bit, but it quickly passed, because by then I was super cool! He sounds like he will be fine, he doesn't seem as withdrawn I was, and his classmates and teachers seem much better.
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#28 of 45 Old 10-15-2008, 12:53 AM
 
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She also added that his classmates were all very empathetic saying things like, "It's okay" and "I've done that before too".
Oh my gosh, that's so sweet. He's gonna be okay!

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#29 of 45 Old 10-15-2008, 11:06 AM
 
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She also added that his classmates were all very empathetic saying things like, "It's okay" and "I've done that before too".
: That's so sweet! This has been our experience of kids up to now, too. Mostly very caring and empathetic. 2nd grade is still young.

I hope your son has a good day today, whether he's home or at school.
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#30 of 45 Old 10-15-2008, 11:12 AM
 
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I would let him take a day off.

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