When you need help ~ what's better ~ nanny, housekeeper, therapist? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 07:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hope this is the right spot for this...

SAHM, two children, 3.5 yo dd, 1.5 yo ds. I just can't keep on top of everything in the house - cleaning, cooking, baby book that's sooo overdue, self care, market, doctor appointments. Its affecting my personality - too stressed all the time.

I tried to find a nanny to come a few hours a week but then I found I was cleaning when she came. She was taking the kids to the park or doing other things I wanted to do with the kids while I cleaned.

Wondering what others have done to relieve the pressure.

Many thanks!
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#2 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 07:32 PM
 
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For me, a housecleaning is essential. It just doesn't get done otherwise, and the dirt drives me batty.

And yeah, I would much rather have the time to play with my kids than have someone play with them while I clean.

My housecleaners may not do the job I could do, but bottom line it is better than the job I would do given current time constraints.

As for therapy, that is a tough call, but from the tone of your post, you don't sound like you need a therapist as much as you need more hours in a day.

Maybe a life coach type thing might be valuable for you to help you prioritize and let go of guilt for stuff that just doesn't get done?

But if it were me, I would still hire the housecleaner first.

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#3 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 07:40 PM
 
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I vote for housekeeper or at least a cleaning lady. Where I live, a cleaning lady cost about $30-40/hr but it is well worth it. I rather spend time playing with my children than hire someone to do it. To save the cleaning cost, I have a lady come in once a month for deep and thorough cleaning. As I already mop/sweep/ vaccum and wipe the counters every day I don't need to pay for someone to come and do them. But I do need someone to sanitize and do the jobs I hate.
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#4 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 07:45 PM
 
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Of those choices, I would LOVE a housecleaner. LOVE LOVE LOVE! Although having someone come play with the kids while I shower alone wouldn't be too bad, either.
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#5 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 07:48 PM
 
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my first choice is cleaning lady, then nanny, then therapist

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#6 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 07:50 PM
 
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HOUSEKEEPER!!!!!! When my children were small it was the best thing to happen to me. I had one come once a week. No matter what I always knew that once a week everything would get done. I still had to pick up and do laundry and cook dinner and clean up messes but oh it was such a tension reliever for me to know the house would get clean. I turned into a much nicer human being too.
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#7 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 07:54 PM
 
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Housekeeper. I've been thinking about someone once a month for deep cleaning or maybe even every 2 weeks....in part because then I (and dh) would be compelled to pick up the clutter by an external force. :

Mom of two girls.
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#8 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 11:24 PM
 
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If I could afford any of those, the first one I'd hire would be the housekeeper. If someone would come once a week or once every other week and do the deep cleaning stuff that would be heaven. Just the vacuuming alone would be worth it (my son is absolutly terrified of the vacuum.)

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#9 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 11:28 PM
 
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Housecleaner first, and then a nanny so I could do things I want and enjoy. I have actually started contacting families looking for a mother's helper to come play with the kids for 2 hours once a week so I can cook or do other things I really want to get done.

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#10 of 19 Old 10-15-2008, 11:47 PM
 
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Housekeeper - that and adopt lower standards.

No one says you have to have a baby book. Sheets can be changed once a month, etc. There are some interesting threads in Mindful home management asking How often do you....?

Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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#11 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 01:26 AM
 
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Housekeeper, hands down. What I do is hire homeschooled teens to come once a week and clean my house. I like it better than a maid service because I can make up a list of chores and they'll do it all. Plus it's a lot cheaper.

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#12 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 01:38 AM
 
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I've had a housekeeper and a nanny, and hands down, definately the housekeeper first. There is a sense of calmness, liberation and wellbeing that comes from being in a clean space. Even better if you didn't have to invest time in it but could spend free quality time with your littles. For me, being in clutter and sticky floors, crumbs, toys, laundry...it sapped the life outta me - I was miserable and always wanting to clean. The housekeeper WAS my therapist
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#13 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 02:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by RainCoastMama View Post
. The housekeeper WAS my therapist
I love that!!!!! So well said!

I gotta say too - I feel like I can breath more easily when the house is more together. It sends shivers up my spine to step in *something* on the kitchen floor.

I LOVE the idea of hiring a homeschooler!!!! How do I go about doing that!??!?!

Honestly we can't easily afford someone to help clean or a nanny or a therapist. But really some days I wonder how much it would cost to have me committed. I just want to enjoy these precious years with the kiddos so young and sweet.

You're helping me realize I really WANT to be with them. I kinda thought I needed a break (which is of course nice too) but I think I just need help in the house.

Thanks all!
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#14 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 11:42 AM
 
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I would have a housekeeper before a nanny. I'd rather have the time to play and do fun things with my kids, rather than let someone else have all the fun with them while I cleaned. I'm not good at cleaning anyway.

Can't afford either one right now, anyway. But a housekeeper is my fantasy!

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#15 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 02:35 PM
 
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I'll go with therapist. Or just letting go of some expectations. You cannot keep up on everything in your life (baby books????).

Do fun stuff with the kids and reprioritize everything else. Slow cookers are good for dinners. Do your kids like going to the grocery store? At that age, DH put one in a sling and the other in the cart. They liked it.

Cleaning just isn't a hot button issue for me. Our house is always kinda cluttered and not as clean as it could be. Oh well. When I die, I will not wish I spent more time picking up stuff.

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#16 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 05:36 PM
 
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I'm in the minority here because I would pick the nanny. Someone fun for ds to play with and go on outings together while I got things done around the house would have been ideal when I was feeling really bogged down. I sometimes get burnt out on being a hands-on caregiver all the time, and I actually like doing housework when I get the chance.

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#17 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 05:37 PM
 
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I LOVE the idea of hiring a homeschooler!!!! How do I go about doing that!??!?!
I posted on a local homeschool email list. You could also call churches and ask if they have any leads.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
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#18 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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I'm going to go against the flow here...
I'd get a nanny/mothers helper first. I actually enjoy cleaning. And I can't do a good job of it with my 8 month old and 3.5 year old following me around.

My house is usually somewhat clean, save for some doggie hair on the floor. I do vacuum and mop most every day and do a load of laundry too, so it doesn't pile up. I suppose with an hour of uninterrupted time I could dust a bit and deep clean the bathrooms, but they aren't too bad.

I'd love someone with lots of energy and enthusiasm to play with/read to/have fun with the girls for a few hours a week. Then I could relax, sew, read, or just call a friend.
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#19 of 19 Old 10-16-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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Hi, I was just talking about this with my DH yesterday. We got weekly cleaning service and it made all the difference. Seriously life changing. Now we all are happy and able to focus on what matters---spending time with one another without the burden of cleaning on any one person.

Every single Friday I feel like : and love my husband even more.

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