Is this typical 4 year old boy behavior? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 10-25-2008, 05:29 AM - Thread Starter
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I can't sleep. I've been tossing and turning all night. I'm so frustrated with DS's behavior and sassy attitude. Ever since school started, he is such a different child, and I don't know if it's the age (he turned 4 at the end of September) or the kids in his class or what. He used to come home from school and tell me about what songs he sang at school, or what story they read or about the art project of the day. But now, all he tells me about is DRAMA! Who's not his friend anymore, who hit who, who was chasing him, who he was running after. And he is so mouthy to me. I was so angry at him today after we ran home from the mailbox, I let him "win" - get back to the house before me - and he starts going "I won, you are a loser, you are a loser". He calls me names under his breath, he sticks his tongue out at me. If I make a simple request ("Please put your shoes in the cabinet" - something he's been responsible for since he was 2) he says "No!" and puts his hands on his hips and glares at me. He is downright mean and rude about certain kids in his class. There are twins in his class, and every time we talk about them (I'm friends with their mom) he says "Which one is the stinky one? Which is the one who smells so bad? He really needs to take a bath!". I have no idea what he's talking about, but he won't let it drop and I'm afraid he is saying this stuff at school, too. I used to be able to say to him "those kind of words hurt your friend's feelings" and he'd understand and stop himself, but now when I say that to him he keeps going "but Mom, he smelled SSSSOOOOO BAAAAAD!!!!". I'm like "OK, I get it, maybe he had an accident in his underwear, but he went home, he's had a bath since then and now he smells fine! Drop it!". Two days later...the whole scene plays out again.

And it's not just with the smelly kids at school, it's in the grocery store when he sees an obese person "Oh my gosh! She's got a fat belly!", "Oh my gosh! Look at his behind!", "Oh wow! His face is freaking me out!".

What in the world happened to my sweet kid?

I send him to his room when he's fresh with me, but it doesn't seem to be making a difference. I tell myself that I need to be consistent in how I react to his behavior and the idea will sink in (to his head) that I won't allow that behavior, but how long should that take? And what do I do in public (besides pray for the ground to open up and swallow me)?

I just don't know. Is it school? Is it just the age? Is it DS or me?
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#2 of 2 Old 10-25-2008, 12:44 PM
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first yup sooooooooooooooooooooo 4 year old.

second does he understand what he has done wrong. coz if you send him to his room without an explanation he will have no idea how to correct it.

the thing that happens at 4 is they become more aware of the world around them. he is trying to figure out how to act in society and with all his behaviours he is asking for guidance. repeated guidance for months before it sinks in.

my dd has gone thru most of everything your son is doing. in different degrees.

first tell him what exactly losers mean. and how it hurts people. in my house i allow any kind of speech. what i dont allow is hurtful words. i work on tone of voice which reaches its height at 4. even a nice word can turn terrible.

yup we totally had the winner thing going.

well you have to be aware that sometimes hidden in those words is a ring of truth. like the stinky kid. there you teach him how to say it. the truth that he is stinky - but not in a hurtful way.

if he does understand what it means by 'his face is freaking me out" then i am v. v. impressed by his vocab and his understanding.

he is so boy. he is sooooo 4.

there is nothing wrong. you just have to figure out strategies of how to work with this. you can try many sorts of strategies. playful parenting. you have to find what works for you and your ds. i recall joining my dd in her name calling. inititally she thougth it was hilarious. but then i spared no one. and she found she didnt like it me calling her friends and me names too. mostly myself. she hated me calling myself names. mom i dont like it when you call yourself names. work done. experiment understood.

take in the sass. its part of the game. he will ultimately get out of it.

i think there is a book called "your 4 year old - wild and wonderful" great book. helped me immensely.

gosh this book was written in the 60s. a lot of things like discipline you might have to leave aside. but it really describes the 4 year old v. v. v. well. it also has a great 5 year old book too. i think it starts at 1 year old and goes up to 5.

good luck. oh and by the way. if he was behaving that way in school you would have heard from them. and the people in public at whom he is aiming those remarks i am sure understand. so yeah watch yourself. sometimes i remember i used to be extra harsh on my dd just coz i was embarrased. so i was taking out on her instead of just explaining.

its going to take lots and lots of repeating and then slowly slowly the incedents with go down.

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