I've had it with my 4 year old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD turned 4 in September. She is just driving me to the edge! I know that it's all typical 4 behavior but I just end up feeling yelled at and argued with over everything.

A typical exchange:
Me: Honey, please don't pick up your baby sister.
DD: Mama, I am very angry about the words that you just used. You have to have a time out! (or I am so angry that I want to hit you, cut you, push you, etc.)

A typical trip to the grocery store mostly involves me repeating over and over, please don't push the cart, your baby sister is in it. Please don't hang on the edge of the cart, I'm afraid that you will pull it over.

I've had some improvement when I ask her to use a friendly voice and friendly words, but it's only temporary,

I'm glad that she's so verbal but I really wish she could get a bit of judgment and understanding along with it.

That's it. I just wanted to rant a bit. Sometimes she's sweet but on the days when it's just me and the kids the angry tirades get pretty old, pretty quick.
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#2 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 02:00 PM
 
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awwww momma i am sorry you are feeling that way.

can you look into your life and see what is going on in your life?

are you getting enough breaks?

what are you doing for yourself?

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#3 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 02:20 PM
 
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I totally understand. Sometimes it would be nice to hear just "Ok mom" and that's it.
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#4 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 02:22 PM
 
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I hear you. They like to see if they can get a rise at this age. When dd is really trying to push my buttons like that I revert to "passive mom"

dd- you're wrong!
me- that's nice
dd- I hate you!
me- aww... I love you baby...
dd- you're a bad mama!
me- sorry you feel that way...

all not engaging... just kind of off-hand and low key...

-Angela
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#5 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 02:27 PM
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I wouldn't let my child speak to me that way. One of your jobs as the parent is to make sure to speak for the baby. Your older daughter shouldn't be allowed to "do as she will" to her younger sister.

Learning social boundaries is an appropriate part of childhood, including how to speak in a civil manner to everyone-- including mom and dad.

Where did your dd learn that language anyway?
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#6 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ok View Post
Where did your dd learn that language anyway?
By 4 kids have all sorts of outside influences... I don't know how old your kids are, but around 3.5 dd started "knowing" stuff I hadn't put there

Other kids, family members, media, etc all have influence.

-Angela
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#7 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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Well, I try not use bad language, but I'm just repeating what I heard another mom say at the hair salon. It was funny. It still strikes a giggle in me now as I write it.

She said, "Screw the terrible two's. I'm in the middle of the uckin' four's!"

I have a four year old boy that I have to take to the grocery store with my 17 month old. He does the same thing, hanging on the cart. THose little food co-op carts are not really sturdy and can flip pretty easily when a 35 pound munchkin is hanging on the side. I feel your pain. They are cute, though! This is a phase that will pass, too. Some days I feel like my four year old is in his room half the day in time outs, but so be it. He has to learn!

Stephanie-33 lucky mama of 5 precious ones: DD-12, DS-9 , DS-6 , and DD-3 and Bridget Alannah  SHE'S ONE NOW! loving wife to DH-38
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#8 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 06:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
By 4 kids have all sorts of outside influences... I don't know how old your kids are, but around 3.5 dd started "knowing" stuff I hadn't put there

Other kids, family members, media, etc all have influence.

-Angela
O hey, I've got 4 (from 13yo to 4yo) and am well aware of where my kids might have first heard language similar to that. But they wouldn't dream of speaking to me that way. We have a child-friendly house & family as far as activities go. But as a parent, my job is to try to meet the needs of many-- not just one. So I'm a benevolent dictator in terms of negotiations. I seek the input of children and then my husband and I make decisions that maximize the needs of the whole family.

Even when I only had 1 child, however, I would not have tolerated that language from a child. My children are also expected to use polite language, at home and out-and-about. I model it, I live it and I expect them to do so as well. We learn polite behavior by living polite behavior.

Ftr, I'm most troubled by the "I will cut you" line. Even when mine were 4 and pushing buttons, I can't imagine any of them actually threatening with those words. They might mimic teacher-time-out language language or something, but nothing that violent.
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#9 of 9 Old 10-25-2008, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by firewoman View Post
She said, "Screw the terrible two's. I'm in the middle of the uckin' four's!"
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