About 5 weeks ago, we were invited to dinner at a friend's house along with another family. We are all close, but don't get to see each other often. When it was time to leave I couldn't find my car keys and searched the entire house. My girls were in the bedroom playing with all the other kids and my friend suggested checking if I'd left the key in the ignition. So, I just went out to check (car was parked in front of the house)..I was gone for only 2 minutes or so...
I come back and my 3yo DD is sobbing hysterically and hyperventilating. I hugged her and told her I just went to look for the key and mama's here now and sorry I went out without telling you etc...As I'm comforting her, my friend says "Oh, I'm really sorry, she came out of the room and asked 'where's mama?" and I told her You were a bad girl so your mama left you and is not coming back
I lost it.
Me: "WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU EVER SAY THAT TO HER?!?!?"
DF: "I say that to my daughter all the time. I didn't think she'd react that way"
Me: "Well, maybe you shouldn't say that to your daughter! Obviously that's pretty traumatizing to a little kid. I don't EVER say my kids are 'bad', EVER, and now she comes out of the room looking for me and 1. you tell her she's bad and 2. you tell her I'm leaving her?!?!"
She felt really bad, and yes, I still consider her a friend, she made a REALLY horrible choice though and now it's affecting my daughter soooo much.
DD is quite attached to me, but she'd at least go to grandma's house to visit without me. NOW, after this incident, she is absolutely terrified to be away from me. She is hyperventilating at the thought of being apart. My mom (who they are very close to and we see often) asked her a couple times if she'd like to come over and dd LOST it and is in hysterics and running to me with tears just flowing saying she wants me to go with her and she can't be away from me etc. She is in tears several times a day over things like me going to the store and she thinks I'm not taking her (even when I am), or like last night her and i were goin to get something but my older dd was staying with dh at home and and the 3yo is crying and crying about me "leaving" her older sister and her older sister being "all alone"..
A couple days ago my older dd wanted to visit a friend's house and dh was going to drop her off while he went for prayer services. Younger dd, though it took a little convincing, agreed she wanted to go too. Dh dropped them off and within about 10 minutes, my friend calls me saying "(dd's name) is crying like crazy, here talk to her"...I hear my friend in the background telling dd 'you need to breathe sweetheart' and coaching her to keep her from hyperventilating. I spent 1.5 hours
on the phone with her, singing, reading books, talking, trying to calm her down and she literally screamed the entire time. Nothing I or my friend did would calm her down. I paged my dh twice with URGENT messages to go pick her up but he never got the msgs and ended up picking them up at the time we originally agreed on.
That night while we were talking, I asked her about her day ...I often ask what was the best part of ur day and what was a not-so-great/worst part of their day. She, of course, said that the worst part was when she went to her friend's house...I asked her why she was so upset and she said "because I thought you were coming with me" and I said "But when you realized I wasn't going with you, why didn't you go play until baba came to get you, you don't always have to think about me" and she said "Yes I do, because I love you."
What can I do/say to help ease her fears? She's even waking up at night and keeping the whole family awake and we are all getting really worn out.
I know she needs time/patience, but has anyone else experienced something like this..how did your dc get past it...