Argh...people didn't RSVP - update - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 27 Old 10-30-2008, 11:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ds has his bday party this weekend and several families did not RSVP. I realize this happens, and I actually think if it's a smaller party, that is great, but.....
Are people not coming and assume I'll figure that out by their lack of response?
OR
Do people think RSVP means Regrets Only, and they are coming?

I'm not concerned about food or cake, because I know there will enough. But the goody bags are all homemade items and I would really prefer not to make a bunch extra if I don't need to. At the same time, I don't want to be short any either.

Any advice - do nonRSVPers tend to show up for kid's parties???
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#2 of 27 Old 10-30-2008, 11:27 PM
 
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No advice, just wanted to say I feel your pain. We are throwing a big Halloween party tomorrow. Also about half no RSVP's. I sent out a note a week before saying I needed to know by that Monday because we also have many hand made goodies to give away, plus food count, etc.

Still no answers.

So I counted those people out.

Then one emailed tonight saying they were coming.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

I don't have enough of some of the goodies for the extra kiddos and I'm not sure what i will do.

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#3 of 27 Old 10-30-2008, 11:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ugh. That stinks.
A woman with two kids cancelled today, so at least I have those two extra.

I hope you have a great party!!
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#4 of 27 Old 10-30-2008, 11:53 PM
 
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Why not call? Just say that you hadn't heard and were just wondering if they were going to be able to make it. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
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#5 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 12:07 AM
 
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Why not call? Just say that you hadn't heard and were just wondering if they were going to be able to make it. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
I don't think there's anything wrong with calling them either...except that you shouldn't have to. It's just so irritating that people can't seem to take the time to call, write, email, something to say that they can or cannot make it. I just don't get why people ignore an RSVP. Dh's family does this and it drives me crazy. I've decided next time it happens I'm counting those people out and if we run out of food/party supplies - too bad for the ones who show up unexpectedly...although if it's little kids I'd have some extra stuff on hand cause it's not their fault that their parents can't communicate.

Ok, rant over, sorry! It's just disrespectful I think.
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#6 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 12:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Why not call? Just say that you hadn't heard and were just wondering if they were going to be able to make it. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
I don't have their numbers. The invites went out to the parent cubbies at preschool. No class phone number list.

I am assuming that they aren't coming, but then I had the awful thought of people thinking it meant regrets only (based on another thread).
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#7 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 02:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by abomgardner417 View Post
I don't think there's anything wrong with calling them either...except that you shouldn't have to. It's just so irritating that people can't seem to take the time to call, write, email, something to say that they can or cannot make it. I just don't get why people ignore an RSVP. Dh's family does this and it drives me crazy. I've decided next time it happens I'm counting those people out and if we run out of food/party supplies - too bad for the ones who show up unexpectedly...although if it's little kids I'd have some extra stuff on hand cause it's not their fault that their parents can't communicate.

Ok, rant over, sorry! It's just disrespectful I think.
:

Dh's family is notorious for waiting till the last minute to RSVP, and most of the time I have to call. This time I sweetly asked my MIL if she knew if BIL and SIL had gotten the invitation. Sure 'nuf, got and RSVP the next day. And then they were an hour late with no phone call. :

I have to say, at least my family RSVPs. And they always say they are coming. And then, without fail, they bail at the last minute. After I have purchased food. : This is why my family is no longer invited to my house. Sadly, I can't drop dh's brothers like I can my cousins...

But yeah, it is rude to the max, and I don't get it either.

Since you don't have phone numbers, all you can do is prepare for the people who did RSVP, and if others show up, you could be genuinely surprised and say you didn't think they would be able to make it since you hadn't heard from them, and you are so sorry, but there are not enough goody bags to go around. Honestly, I don't think it would be a huge deal if you ran out of adult goodie bags - most people don't come to parties for the take away, iykwim.

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#8 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 03:19 AM
 
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Ugh, that is so annoying. This was our third year inviting everyone in the class, not having most people's phone number, and people not RSVPing. Each year I've had exactly two people show up who did not RSVP. So I figure if I make 3 extra goodie bags, or maybe 4 extra, I'm safe.
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#9 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 04:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by abomgardner417 View Post
I don't think there's anything wrong with calling them either...except that you shouldn't have to. It's just so irritating that people can't seem to take the time to call, write, email, something to say that they can or cannot make it. I just don't get why people ignore an RSVP. Dh's family does this and it drives me crazy. I've decided next time it happens I'm counting those people out and if we run out of food/party supplies - too bad for the ones who show up unexpectedly...although if it's little kids I'd have some extra stuff on hand cause it's not their fault that their parents can't communicate.

Ok, rant over, sorry! It's just disrespectful I think.
I so very much agree. We invited three kids over for a Halloween slumber party. Had to call two of the three kids' parents to get an RSVP . .. .
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#10 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 06:52 AM
 
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It is frustrating I know. Been there. I have found that cubby invitations tend to disappear and go missing. The kids often grab them and so forth. Luckily we have class phone lists so I have just called if I needed to know. You can always ask the teacher for numbers.

But that being said I forgot to RSVP for a party on Wed. I have an excuse - we are moving and anything not involved with buying/selling/moving is not on the top of my list. Our cc bills were all late this month and I think health insurance is due........and as I type this I remember my DS talking about another party on Saturday and I know I never saw the invite. Sigh. My life is out of control at the moment.
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#11 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 07:07 AM
 
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Another possibility is that some families didn't actually receive the invite, since the "through the preschool cubbie" delivery method isn't foolproof!

When I don't hear back, I assume people are coming and just make enough.

I find it a lot less stressful than worrying!
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#12 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Another possibility is that some families didn't actually receive the invite, since the "through the preschool cubbie" delivery method isn't foolproof!

When I don't hear back, I assume people are coming and just make enough.

I find it a lot less stressful than worrying!
Yeah, I'm gonna go with 6 extra goody bags and hope for the best!
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#13 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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Extra is better. My dd turned one at the beginning of the month and some friends said they couldn't make it because of the son's soccer game. They ended up coming at 4:30 even though the party started at 1 and was ending. I ended up giving them my other dd's goody bag, which didn't go over well. Rude people.

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#14 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 01:58 PM
 
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No one RSVP for DD party eaither I knew 2 were comming because I see them enoughI was able to talk to them. I was told rule was about 1/2 of who you invite will likely show up regardless if they say they will or wont... Planning for the JIC is probably best.
FWIW I invited 7 guests for DD party 4 showed up.

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#15 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 02:25 PM
 
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Its very annoying. And very common, which makes one wonder what people are thinking when its their turn. This time, plan for a few backups and go from there. Then be proactive and ask if you can coordinate a class or school phone directory. Then next year (or next party) you will have phone numbers and/or email addresses to use to contact people. You absolutely shouldn't have to do this, of course. But since its a common problem and there is a proactive solution, be the class hero.
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#16 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 02:46 PM
 
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Being the person who needed the reminder about an RSVP recently thanks for being patient and I think it would be great to try ot set up a list.

(in my own defense I was in newborn land and my older two liked the monkey on the invite so took it)
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#17 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 04:15 PM
 
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It's hard to say who will and will not show up. My kids have had parties in the past when they invited kids from school and the ones that did not RSVP wouldn't show up but sometimes they would, just depended. But for the most part they didn't show up.

If you see the parents of the other children at your child's school I'd go up and ask them if they are coming. Last year when my DD got invited to parties I would tell the parents that I would often see at school whether or not she was coming. But I always let them know.

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#18 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 04:16 PM
 
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How did you get the cards to the parents? Did you mail them to their home address or leave it to the children to get it back home to their parents? If the kids were responsible for the invites then they may have never shown them to their parents or misplaced them and forgot about them. Another good reason to just go up and ask the parents in person.

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#19 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 04:18 PM
 
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I always plan on calling the 'non responders' before the party. The day after the RSVP date has passed, I call everybody who hasn't yet responded to find out if they're coming or not.

Oh, darn! I just took a look at DS' 7th b-day party invitation (they went in the mail yesterday and we have one on our wall) and I forgot to put in an RSVP date- just my name, phone number and email. Sigh. I guess I'll call everybody a week before the party.

If the party is tomorrow or Sunday, I'd give everybody a call today and find out who's planning to come

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#20 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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When my kids were younger I was tempted to send invites out that read 'You MUST reply by calling me at [phone no] NO LATER than X date, or your child will NOT be allowed to attend' but I never did
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#21 of 27 Old 10-31-2008, 10:59 PM
 
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I don't have any advise just wanted to say I'm with you. DD has a b-day party scheduled for this weekend and invited the kids from her prek class. We've only heard from 2 people and they were calling to say they couldn't make it. DH thinks that since no one RSVP'd to say they would be there that no one is coming so we gave her all her presents on her b-day yesterday and are considering doing something special for her on the day of the party. The RSVP by date was yesterday. I still haven't heard from anyone. I on the other hand am worried that despite not RSVPing people will show anyway and we won't be prepared or even be home due to the assumption that no one is coming.
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#22 of 27 Old 11-01-2008, 10:22 AM
 
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I get frustrated by this every year, too. I have also found that people bring siblings without telling you, too. So I would ask when people call if they are planning on bringing siblings. Maybe have a few extra small things (not an entire goody bag) on hand incase unexpected guests show up.
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#23 of 27 Old 11-01-2008, 11:02 AM
 
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Let us know how it goes.

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#24 of 27 Old 11-01-2008, 06:46 PM
 
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How rude! I hope I'd be a bigger person than this and just graciously make extra goody bags, but I'm afraid I'd have a hard time not answering the non-RSVPers' door knocks with a baffled, "Oh, you came! I didn't hear from you so I assumed you had other plans ... Um, come in, I guess -- we'll try to make it work."

I don't think I could actually be that rude to a guest, but man it'd feel good to just give them a clue that the fact that they can't find 30 seconds to send out an e-mail actually causes you time, stress, and planning issues. :

Sorry, but people who don't understand that other people's time is just as important as their own is a huge pet peeve of mine -- I have a lot of trouble tolerating it and actually tend to not tolerate it among my close friends (and I show them the same respect of time that I expect -- and receive -- from them). But having kids forces you to widen your social circle, which can be great but also makes you have to regularly deal with people you'd normally distance yourself from.

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#25 of 27 Old 11-01-2008, 08:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It went great! All the people that RSVP'd yes did indeed come, and only one person showed up who didn't RSVP (out of the 10 who didn't) - and she apologized profusely. Luckily I had the extra goodies, so I was genuinely happy to see her and there was no stress (she was also a huge help in organizing the kids and cleanup ) I came home with 5 extra goodie bags.

We had 11 kids and about 15 adults, and it was the perfect size. I gave my 4yo his first big to-do, and next year we'll go back to asking just a few friends over for play and cake I will say, with a Halloween birthday there is so much else going on, it can make my future party planning rather easy.

I'm pooped
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#26 of 27 Old 11-02-2008, 11:42 AM
 
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Awesome! I'm glad you all had a good time!
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#27 of 27 Old 11-13-2008, 08:39 PM
 
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Glad the party went well! People that don't rsvp bug the ever lovin crap out of me! In all my invitations I put "RSVP no later than *4 days before party* at *phone number*" and no one EVER rsvps one way or the other... this next time I'm going to be more specific... "rsvp no later than *4 days before party* if you are or are not able to make it"

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