Parents of 3 yr. olds, post here (support thread)! - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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#151 of 168 Old 08-11-2011, 11:11 AM
 
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My DD will be 3 in October, but all the stuff that's being mentioned in this thread started with her about 6 weeks ago. The defiance, the attitude, the constant bossing around. Yikes. I work full-time outside the home & I save up every bit of energy that I can to get through my evenings with her.

 

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At my best, I'm able to bring some humor and playfulness into things, and that helps. But I'm not always at my best.

 

Someone mentioned that this is a glimpse of what the teenage years might be like. Double yikes.

 


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#152 of 168 Old 08-14-2011, 05:14 PM
 
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It has taken me a couple of days to read through all the posts but they have been so helpful.  I just feel so terrible after using ultimatums and yelling to get my dd to do something or stop something.  My dh and I are both at the ends of our rope.  We definitely need to employ some new tactics because what we are doing is just not working for everyone.  I think I may need to read a book about this but I am just so exhausted and already reading 3 books for other things all while being 35 weeks pregnant with twins, ugh!  Thanks for listening:)


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#153 of 168 Old 08-17-2011, 02:14 PM
 
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I am in very much need of support right now. DD turned 3 in july and it was her birthday things seem to be sliding down hill and i'm at the end of my rope clinging to hopes of a 'good' day. DD never had a tantrum until her birthday and now we have one at least once a day. I still can't figure out the triggers. I keep her well fed and she always has access to snacks. Some times the day just begins with a tantrum, so it's not being tired. I try to keep her busy so she doesn't get board too. I stay home with her more now because i just don't want to deal with her constant screaming, crying, running around in public. anything i give her to do, she has no interest after a few minutes, some times she will just sit and look at books for a while but that's only for 30 mins or so.

 

Yesterday started out okay but we were getting ready to go out for the day and the dog always comes. she was so upset that the dog was going to be in the car with us, it was a 45 min car ride of crying about the dog. DH and I couldn't talk because every time we tried to she would scream more. Then we dropped the dog off at my brother's and took DH to work. I took her to the splash pad for about 2 hrs and it was fine. We planned on going to a movie in the late afternoon because it's just too hot to be outside all day. getting into the car to go to the movies took a good 20 mins then 10 mins to get back out to see the movie. after about an hour she starts running around the theater and trying to talk to other people. i took her out and asked her to be quiet or we have to leave if she can't sit quiet and watch the movie. well, within 10 min she was at it again so we left, the movie was almost over anyway but that was another big tantrum about not being able to watch the end when she wasn't watching it at that point any way. then we go to DH's work for his lunch break and it took a good 20 min to get her out of the car and another 15 to get her into the building. I was bit a few times yesterday (this is new something she NEVER did before now) and she's hit me a few times in the past, things she only does to me.

 

I'm so done at this point. I feel like I'm being a bad mom because i'm growing just numb to the screaming. I don't know if it's just best to not respond or talk to her about how she's feeling because nothing helps. Yesterday I was in tears it was just such a bad day. She can be so loving at times, for me she's just this monster and for DH it's another story, she's mostly well behaved with a few minor issues. for any one else she's super sweet doesn't have tantrums and i'm starting to think i've done something wrong for her to act the way she does with me.

 

I just keep telling myself it's a passing phase but i don't know how i'm going to get through it.

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#154 of 168 Old 08-21-2011, 11:51 PM
 
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Oh goodness, I just found this thread. I feel relieved that people are going through the same thing is me.  I'll go back and read through it all when I get the chance, but from what I've seen -- whoa! I was starting to feel so alone - my friend's kids seem so well adjusted. I was shocked that DD had be acting more difficult lately and throwing even more tantrums. She'll be 3 in October, so I thought that we were almost through with the terrible twos, which began at about 18 months for us and more or less lived up to their description. I'm not ready at all for this. I feel like I'm spending nearly all of my energy trying to keep her from flipping out, or getting her to do the most basic things like get dressed or eat. And god forbid working on the delicate dance of potty training (which is required by the time she starts school in November). And my 10-month-old DS doesn't get nearly as much attention as I'd like to give him since I'm always just trying to deal with her. I'm a SAHM and my days are sooo long. It's really hard to get her going on a task -- "Do you want to do this?" "NO!" I've been letting her watch TV lately since I don't know what else to do. Usually not more than 45 minutes a day, but one day last week I let her watch for an hour and half. I hate it, but I don't know how to deal otherwise. I feel like such a crappy mom. She's also such a picky eater; sometimes I just worry that she's flipping out because she's hungry, but it's not by lack of offering. Sigh. 


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#155 of 168 Old 08-28-2011, 07:33 PM
 
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My son just turned 3 and I feel like everything is a constant battle with him.  It's exhausting!  And then the littlest thing can set him off, like giving him the wrong cup or putting some food on his plate that he didn't pick out.  Then he'll cry about it for 20 mins. 

We were doing well on the potty-training, but now he says he doesn't like the potty anymore.  He's back to pooping in his diaper, which then he fails to tell us about it and then when we notice it, he doesn't want a diaper change.  It turns into a game of chase.  He'll use the potty at daycare though.  Glad to see it's not just us going through these battles.


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#156 of 168 Old 08-29-2011, 04:55 PM
 
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Yeah - so there with you. We did the no-potty-I-wanna-be-a-baby game 2 weeks ago here. I'm on the move, out of the house all the time, and have a 7 m/o... I wasn't cleaning up accidents all day everyday, so he went back to diapers. Advice - go with it. After a few days, I said he could be a baby. Not just diapers - but he also got to take 3 naps/day in the crib (okay, my baby doesn't actually nap in the crib but you know....), play with baby-safe toys only, not help in the kitchen - you get my drift. I was very nice/funny about it, and he thought it was really fun for like 5 minutes. It only lasted a day and a half after that, and we've been more than a week back in underwear with no issues. 

 

The random yelling is what's killing me right now. Like everything's cool, we're sitting there playing, and then "MOM!! I HUNGRY I want a SNACK RIGHT NOW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

angry.gif Why is everything SO intense with a 3-year-old?

 

 

 

 

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Originally Posted by Skippy918 View Post

My son just turned 3 and I feel like everything is a constant battle with him.  It's exhausting!  And then the littlest thing can set him off, like giving him the wrong cup or putting some food on his plate that he didn't pick out.  Then he'll cry about it for 20 mins. 

We were doing well on the potty-training, but now he says he doesn't like the potty anymore.  He's back to pooping in his diaper, which then he fails to tell us about it and then when we notice it, he doesn't want a diaper change.  It turns into a game of chase.  He'll use the potty at daycare though.  Glad to see it's not just us going through these battles.



 


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"Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. " - Japanese Proverb

 

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#157 of 168 Old 08-30-2011, 12:11 PM
 
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Ah... Disequilibrium of Age Three is what I call it.  I think we should get t-shirts after we survive it.

 

The good news (and what carried me through) was the reassurance that it was a normal part of the developmental process and NOT an indicator that I was doing anything wrong.

 

Here's a short article from the same group that publishes the Ames & Ilg books: http://www.gesellinstitute.org/pdf/DevelopmentalPOV.pdf

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#158 of 168 Old 08-31-2011, 08:05 AM
 
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Wow, I'm glad I found this thread. So many of the descriptions match DD1 (3.5).  I had my second DD three months ago, and I was wondering if the new baby was just too much stress on her--but now I'm wondering if it's mainly just her age?  She has these tantrums that come out of nowhere, and it's really hard to calm her down once she gets going.  And everything becomes a power struggle--her new favorite saying is "that's not fair!"  Meals are catastrophes.  I WOH and miss her all day, but then I get home and I never know if she's going to be the sweet girl that hugs and loves on me or the "other one" who fights me at every turn.  She was a very high needs infant; then around ages one and two things became so much easier--until recently!  I'm blessed that DD2 is a relatively mellow baby; otherwise, I'd be completely underwater.  Some days I hate myself for getting so angry at DD1.  I try not to yell (but usually fail). I try to figure out what's bothering her and address it so she knows that I really do care--but nothing seems to work if she's really worked up.  It hurts my heart that she gets so miserable sometimes--part of her is just defiant but then at other times I can tell that she can't help how she feels.  I just want to make it better. 

 

On the positive side, it's amazing to watch how quickly her speech, play, and imagination are developing.  If I'm not paying attention, she will get on my laptop and put cartoons on the Netflix queue :)

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#159 of 168 Old 08-31-2011, 07:09 PM
 
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Recently DS has been procrastinating everything, from getting dressed in the morning to going to bed at night.  And then today, he refused to eat with utensils. 


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#160 of 168 Old 09-07-2011, 09:17 AM
 
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I'm hoping someone can give me some insight on this...

 

DD has become incredibly picky about what she wears, and I can't deal with it. The weather just cooled significantly here, so it's time for her legs to be covered. There are literally only 2 pairs of leggings that she'll wear, both size 2T (which is too small...she's in a 3T-4T now). She's always been picky about pants (she won't wear jeans) but we have a drawer full of nice comfy knit pants that used to be fine...until about 2 weeks ago. Now only the leggings will do. My partner bought another 2 pairs at a consignment store yesterday, but nope, those won't do. Only the 2 pairs we have.

 

I try really hard to give her choices & let her pick out her own clothes. I don't care if things "match" or look good by my standards. But I do want her to be dressed appropriately for the weather. On Monday, she refused to put on a pair of pants and both pairs of leggings were in the laundry. I wasn't going to send her outside in 60 degree weather with bare legs. She had the biggest tantrum of her life. I had to cancel a play date (we were going to meet her friend at the park). I felt like a hostage in our house until the laundry got done and she could put on the leggings. Then we were able to go out in the afternoon.

 

This morning was another huge battle before school. Luckily I did laundry last night so one of her "acceptable" pairs of leggings was clean. She rejected all the shirts I tried to put on her because they weren't "cute." What the heck? I don't understand why one thing is "cute" and another is not. I feel like I have a 13-year-old.

 

Can anyone relate? How do I deal with this? I can't have a battle over clothing every single morning. There's a big consignment sale in town later this week, and I want to buy some new things that she'll wear. But I don't even know what will work and what won't. HELP!!!!

 

 


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#161 of 168 Old 09-07-2011, 07:09 PM
 
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I'm not sure I can offer insight but I can commiserate! My dd will only wear dresses. Like you said, now that the weather is getting cooler, its going to be tricky! It's also frustrating because she had so many really adorable summer-y pants/capris outfits (her clothes are almost entirely hand-m-downs from cousins) that I would try to convince her to wear and she just wouldn't. But I definitely learned last year, yes this has been going on since last year!, to stock up on the thick cotton tights and leggings.

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#162 of 168 Old 09-08-2011, 06:13 PM
 
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Yeah, I can relate.  My only advice is to try your very best not to care what they wear.  Pack or bring appropriate clothing if you suspect they'll be unhappy and uncomfortable.  It can be super frustrating, but ... so is arguing over clothing.

 

The other week DS walked half a block in a pair of my shoes because he was mom.  And he's been sleeping in fleece footed pjs for the last month although it is nowhere near cold.  I don't really let his extremes change what I buy or wash, but everyone's gotta do what keeps them sane.  Eventually the 'big deal' will be something else.

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#163 of 168 Old 09-10-2011, 09:35 PM
 
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Quote:
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Yeah, I can relate.  My only advice is to try your very best not to care what they wear.  Pack or bring appropriate clothing if you suspect they'll be unhappy and uncomfortable.  It can be super frustrating, but ... so is arguing over clothing.

 

The other week DS walked half a block in a pair of my shoes because he was mom.  And he's been sleeping in fleece footed pjs for the last month although it is nowhere near cold.  I don't really let his extremes change what I buy or wash, but everyone's gotta do what keeps them sane.  Eventually the 'big deal' will be something else.


 

Yup. So funny: I posted in this thread about my DD when she was three (three years ago, and I still remember the PAIN), and my son is now three, and although he is a way more chilled out three than she was, he is still prone to the rages and obsessions. He is currently obsessed with knights and wears a tunic EVERY DAY.  I've found the best thing to do is just roll with it. If you can't dress goofy at three, when can you?!

 

My DD would wear only dresses/skirts until earlier this year...we just learned to layer things. She was okay with leggings, long sleeved shirts, etc, as long as a dress was involved somewhere.

 

Good luck, everyone. Stock up on wine or chocolate :)
 

 


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#164 of 168 Old 09-11-2011, 10:01 AM
 
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Thanks for sharing, everyone! I feel better knowing I'm not alone in this.

 

We just stocked up on leggings and I'm hoping they'll work for her. She tried on a pair this morning...they were a little big on her...and she said "these are pants" (meaning: I don't want to wear these). I asked her what makes them pants, and she said "they're wiggly." That was helpful for me...I think she wants really tight things on her legs because she doesn't like the feeling of fabric moving around on her skin. So, we'll try to work with that.

 

I cleaned out her dresser, put away everything she doesn't like or isn't seasonal, and put in all the new leggings and things that she likes. I'll let her pick what she wants to wear each day, and we'll see how it goes! Today, she changed clothes 4 times before breakfast.

 

OK, now I'm off to take some good advice from fridgeart and eat some chocolate. thumb.gif


Living in Wisconsin with my partner of 20+ years and our DDenergy.gif(Born 10/09/08 ribboncesarean.gif). Why CI Mama? Because I love contact improvisation!

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#165 of 168 Old 09-14-2011, 03:16 PM
 
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I actually really enjoy 3year olds (insert shameful face smiley), although my DS1 was a high-needs, intense baby who became a very high-needs, intense 3year old (& DS2 - turning 3 in a few weeks - is going to be the same).  For me it's about appreciating the push-pull of burdgening independance.

 

For DH1, 3 was the year of no more diapers, getting his own bed, developing real kid friendships, and weaning. 

 

3 was the year that DS1 went from being my baby to my buddy - my partner on adventures and my coffeehouse date. 

 

It was the beginning of moving from picture books to chapter books (we love Pooh bear!), and being able to play board games, and have real conversations. 

 

3 was the year when imaginative play moved from pure imitation to something richer, with storylines and characters and costumes.   

 

Yes, in the midst of all that growing up there was a LOT of "No" & tantrums & not listening & sleep issues (STTN?  what's that?).  And yes, the direct defiance pushed my buttons in ways that those fussy babies just didn't.  But still...the overall picture of the year was one of exciting growth.   I think DS2 will have a similiar trajectory.  At least, I hope :)  Because 3 with DS1 was incredibly challenging, but sooooo wonderful. 

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#166 of 168 Old 09-20-2011, 07:28 PM
 
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Maybe I can get some help here. My DS1 turned 3 in Aug. and started preschool a month ago. He continues to tell me that he doesn't want to go, but his teachers tell me that he seems fine at school. He plays with the other kids and smiles and laughs. He says that he likes his teacher and he has made a friend, but every morning he says that he doesn't want to go to school. He has pretty much been home with me since day one. There was a short time where he went  to daycare when I went back to school, but that plan fell threw when I became pregnant and we moved for my husbands job. I have always made it a point to listen to him and respect his feelings the best that I can (as long as it doesn't harm anyone else) and we are a very attached family. I feel that forcing him to go if he is unhappy is harmful to our relationship and the trust that we have built over the past 3 years. I kind of seems to me to be a CIO approach to school, "just give him enough time and he will stop asking to stay home" well isn't that because I haven't listened to him when he has tried in the best way he knows how to tell me that he is unhappy with school. I would really like to pull him out. Has anyone else had this issue with their LO when they started school? Has anyone ever pulled there child out of school because they didn't seem ready? How did you come to this dissuasion? I feel like we have given him time to adjust and he is not adjusting well. My DH is on board with pulling him out. Do you think pulling him out will make it harder later for him when he has to go to kindergarten? Any thoughts are helpfull.

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#167 of 168 Old 09-21-2011, 09:10 AM
 
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In terms of school, here was our experience.

 

We started DD at a Montessori pre-school when she was 29 months old. The transition was rough and took about a month. She was fine for the first few days, then she figured out what was really happening and she was very upset. As soon as we mentioned "it's a school day" in the morning, she'd start crying, and the drop-off itself was painful...lots of tears, the teachers would have to pry her off my neck, etc. But she'd be happy when we picked her up, and we were hearing that once we left, she was fine.

 

Our situation is that we're 2 working parents, so we need to have care for our child. We hired an excellent nanny who has been like a 3rd parent to DD. (The nanny is a parent of a son, practices AP, has been a great resource for us & a wonderful influence on DD.)  So transitioning from that to school was hard, but we had to do it for financial reasons, plus we felt like DD really was ready for more socialization with other kids.

 

The good news is, DD will turn 3 in 2 weeks and she LOVES school. She loves her teachers, has lots of friends, has a great time at school. It just took awhile to make the transition.

 

Every kid & every family is different, so I think our experience wouldn't necessarily be right for everyone. But I would say, that 1 month is not a very long time to make the transition to school. For a kid who is used to an "at home" environment and the undivided attention of an adult, going to school is a big transition. But that doesn't mean it's the wrong choice. If you feel good about the school & you're getting feedback that your child is having a good experience while he's there, it may be fine. A few more weeks may make a big difference.


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#168 of 168 Old 09-22-2011, 08:34 AM
 
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IDK if this will help, but DS went through something similar. He started preschool mid-year last year and LOVED it. He was going two mornings a week and I was regretting not sending him more b/c he seemed to love it. Then summer came, and I enrolled him in the school's day camp program, which was 5 mornings a week for two weeks. He had the same teacher (plus one new one, who would be his teacher for this school year), was in the same classroom, and had some of the same kids (plus some new kids) in his class. He hated it for the first week. He told me he didn't want to go, that the teachers (including the receptionist and director) were mean, and he wasn't having fun. Not the same story I got from the staff there, and certainly not at all what I saw when I'd spy on him.

By the middle of the second week, he was doing fine. My only guess is that the change in schedule was overwhelming to him. I think for him at this age, having the same activity every day is somehow too much. We have always had activities practically every day, since he hates to be at home. But the activities have always been different: one day is gymnastics, then school, then library day, then school again, then errands or children's museum or something else. When it's school or gymnastics every day, it's a problem. (He did a one-week gymnastics day camp later in the summer at his gym which he loves, and had the same issue with suddenly not wanting to go once he'd been two days in a row.)

Now he's back at school three days a week, but even at school each day is different: One day is just a regular short day, one day is a longer day where he stays for lunch, and one day is a short day, but they do "water day" where the kids show up in swim suits and play outside in the water. So for him, it seems to be about variety, whereas he has a friend who is doing much better now that she's at school five days a week and every day is the same.

Is he in school every day? Can you reduce it to 3 days a week and see if that helps? He may just be missing time at home with you, even though he really likes school. Or, if it's a school that's only 5 days a week, can you plan a special fun activity every day when you pick him up, so he has something to look forward to? Like library, or park or something that can be your special bonding time?
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