Why on earth don't I feel done???? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 05-30-2010, 09:53 PM - Thread Starter
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I am struggling so much with this. I absolutely, positively thought I'd feel done. I have a 9 month old DS and a 2.9 year old DD- they are almost exactly two years apart. I am 37 and feel like I should just call it a day on the baby making years. I don't really love being pregnant and I'm not a huge fan of the newborn stage. But I'm so in love with my two kids and can't totally get past the idea of a third. Am I insane? Should I just try to ignore these feelings since they don't seem to be practical or rational?
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#2 of 15 Old 05-30-2010, 11:56 PM
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Well, I don't think you are one bit insane. Having kids is the greatest, most fulfilling, most challenging, most hilarious & most fun thing I can imagine doing. I'm 36 myself, & definitely don't feel done. I figure I probably have 10 or so more years of fertility left, & I'm not gonna waste 'em! I have allllllllllll the rest of my life to not have babies.

North Idaho rural living  mama to: 23 yo DD, 17 yo DS, 9 yo DS, 7 yo DS, 5 yr old DS, 3 yo DD, 2 yo DS, and our newest family member, a boy born December 2014!
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#3 of 15 Old 05-31-2010, 10:35 AM
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My fourth is 10 months old, I am 39, have 2 boys and 2 girls, I should REALLY feel done but I can't slam that door yet. I do love being pregnant, but don't completely love babies until they're about 5 months-old. Mine are all 3 years apart so I've been at the baby thing for 10 years. I have to tell you, three was an absolutely wonderful group of kids! I'm still growing into four.
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#4 of 15 Old 06-01-2010, 01:57 AM
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I think it's perfectly reasonable to want another baby.

Abra, Married to George, Mother to DS 12/03 & DD1 08/09 & DD2 12/11 + Someone New in May 2015! After years of planning, we are finally living our dream in South America!!
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#5 of 15 Old 06-01-2010, 02:04 AM
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I don't feel "done" either.

My real worry is that we would have a third child and then...time passes and this same feeling creeps up again. Three kids would be the max for our family for many reasons. Will my "not done" feeling go away if I have another kid? Or will that feeling be there forever, something I will eventually have to process and accept? I don't know.

I want a third pretty badly. Timing isn't right at the moment, perhaps in another year or two.

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#6 of 15 Old 06-01-2010, 10:02 AM
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I'm 38 and have always thought of my now 22 month old as a "middle child" not the baby....I just feel 3 will complete our family, I don't know why...2 isn't "done" for us either. I'm sure it will be mayhem but that mayhem won't last forever. I always like the quote, "you will never regret the children you do have, only the ones you didn't have...."

Michelle, Mama to ~ F (10/06) ~ S (7/08) ~ H (2/11) ~ B (11/12)
Expecting a surprise (5/15)
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#7 of 15 Old 06-02-2010, 02:41 AM
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Well, i thought i was done to but i ended up getting pg with mirena in place. I had a miscarriage and now I am on a baby making mission. Things change and i am embracing it!
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#8 of 15 Old 06-02-2010, 04:16 PM
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I know how you feel. You are not insane. s:

I have 4 children and I have had 6 pregnancies. We were SURE we were done after #4. I had health issues (chronic), I don't like being pregnant, I don't like giving birth, and I become easily stressed (when there is a newborn) because my support system is lacking (no family help).

However, I've almost taken care of my chronic illness and I'm pretty sure it will never come back. I feel healthier than I've felt in years! Dh and I are always saying that it feels like someone is missing at the dinner table. It is the weirdest feeling! We never took that to mean that we should have another child, until I recently started thinking about another baby. Then it dawned on me that maybe that's why it feels like someone is missing.

Honestly we are happy with our family size. Our income is not large, we don't really have the space for another one. There is really no logical reason to have another. In fact, dh doesn't want another one...but I know he will some day. So it will eventually become an "issue" since I've been thinking about it and I know he will one day too. He's the one who oohs and aahs over the teeny baby things at the store and refused to get a vasectomy "just in case". It's only a matter of time for him.

Sometimes things don't make sense. Our emotions take over. I hope that you guys can come to a decision on this.

Kim, Wife to Michael, Homeschooling Mom to Hannah (14), Aidan (12), Brighton (9), and Oliver (6) and Ephraim (3)  
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#9 of 15 Old 06-13-2010, 10:42 AM
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I'm the same way.
We have five kids, I'm 38 and I still have that little spark of hope around my period. Well, more than a little spark of hope.
I just don't get why-we should be done, right?

Wife, mom to 6 great kids!...avid crafter, music lover,  reader, gardener!


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#10 of 15 Old 06-14-2010, 10:32 AM
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We have 6 living children. Our 6th child died at 3 mos. With this last pregnancy, my son is 2 mos now) I kept saying, "we are so done" and my husband was going to get a vasectomy. I had alot of health challenges but I think they were due to HUGE stress over the winter and the 3 kidney stones I had. Now that he is out, I am feeling myself again, and I had lithotripsy to get rid of the 3 stones, I can't say we are done. I had DH cancel his appt for the vasectomy. I am 31 and he is 33. I homeschool and am a Pampered Chef consultant. He is self employed in construction and now we are both in college. It isn't going to get any easier to have another baby BUT I still feel like I am not ready to close that door forever. Crazy I thought we would have way been done by now.

My oldest is 11 and my youngest is 2 mos. I think if I didn't have the help from my oldest girls, I wouldn't even consider it. They are the best helpers and they LOVE helping with the baby. Everyone still wants another baby. My oldest asked if we weren't going to have another baby, are we going to adopt? Too cute! It took some talking to but DH says now, he isn't sure he is done. We just have to save some money and add on to our house or build a new house and I HAVE to lose around 90 lbs. I have celiac and I NEED to make sure that is doing better before I ever get pregnant again. I am sure all my kids have some form of gluten intolerance because they grew in me. Oh well.

My best friend has a 15 and 13 yo and said that feeling never goes away. She thinks what it would be like to have another but would never do it again. She is very happy with what she has. She lives through my kids!

Wife to Steve: Mom to 5 girls and 2 boys. We are CTA until ? DH and I are both in college It may be a crazy life but its our life!
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#11 of 15 Old 06-18-2010, 10:23 PM
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Add me to your group.

I dont feel done at all. I'm really wanting another one. Dh had a vas done 7 years ago when I was pregnant with our last and I was sure then. I was sure after too. I was happily sure and done until about 3 years ago when the feelings started to creep up. For my dh too. So we looked into reversal and decided to think about it. The cost would be about $5000 and we werent sure if we wanted to spend the money on something we werent 100% about. Fast forward to now and we're both pretty wanting another. (I suspect me more than him)

I dont know whether its a true desire or just regular baby lust. Is there a difference?
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#12 of 15 Old 06-20-2010, 11:13 PM
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41 in a few mos
you have a lot of company..... I feel the same....not ready to
close that book
dd is 10 mos and I just got ppaf
dh swore he did not want any more
changed his mind yesturday..... Hmmm
maybe this feeling will never be gone
I wish I could just let it go
we couldn't handle a third

mom to ds '07 first day of a new year, dd '09 in the caul, and  ds '11 at home Oct 24th

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#13 of 15 Old 07-01-2010, 11:53 PM
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I'm 31 with three littles and don't feel done...I have always had the idea that I would have 4 kids in my head. My husband said two

my youngest just turned one and while I am not in any hurry to have a fourth I definitely don't feel like our family is complete. My husband has waivered a bit about a fourth through my pregnancy and after having our third but has since come around to the idea of a fourth.

I often do a mental check in my head about the whereabouts of my three. "Jaden is upstairs playing,. Annie is sleeping, Eliza is sitting in her chair" just sort of keeping a mental track when they are not all in the same room and after Eliza my youngest I always feel like I am missing one. Like there should be a fourth? I also feel like Eliza is not going to be the youngest that she is more of the middle child than the youngest.

I guess for some there is that certainty and for others there will always be that feeling of not being done...we will just have to wait for Mother Nature to decide our "doneness"

I have always wondered if I will ever be done? my husband has decided that I love being pregnant and babies too much and that I will most likely never be able to make that decision
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#14 of 15 Old 07-02-2010, 01:31 AM
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I feel I belong here too and I'm happy to see late 30s moms with young kids wanting more just like me LOL... My 3rd is 16 months old and I'm 39. I would like at least one more and 2 more would be good too if my body can handle by that time. My relatives tell me to have no more kids so I won't get much support once/if we get preggo though.
Because of my age, I feel we should try soon but I'm still nursing a lot (at nights too) and have no period. I don't know if I am even ovulating or not. I wonder if I should cut back on nursing to bring on period??

 ~ Have a Blessed Day!
DS 6/2002, DD 5/2006, DS Feb 2009
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#15 of 15 Old 07-02-2010, 01:36 AM
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I wanted to add that I love being pregnant (except the morning sickness) (hard to get rid of my preggo outfits) and have had a great deliveries, no complications during preggo and delivery stages... and the newborn stages, ohhh...

 ~ Have a Blessed Day!
DS 6/2002, DD 5/2006, DS Feb 2009
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