Parents of more than one How Far Apart Are Your Babies? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 43 Old 11-17-2010, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay so this is not a poll because I can't figure out how to make a poll stick with the new system...anyway, no matter...

 

 

My brother and I are 8 long years apart, DP's siblings are 3 years and 5 years older than him, my paternal grandmother planned each of her 3 children to be exactly 5 years apart, and on the other side my mom is only 14 months younger than her sister (and that was planned too)...........

 

If you have two kiddos, how far apart are your babies?  We are TTC #2 and are just wondering what other parents have done. If we conceive soon our DS will be just turning three when the new baby is born. 

 

We welcome comments below as to why it worked out this way for you. ( ie:  If your kids are 3 yrs apart did you plan it that way?  Or was it more by chance?)  And also we welcome comments about what you think of the timing now that your kids are older.

 

Looking forward to reading your replies  :)


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#2 of 43 Old 11-17-2010, 12:25 PM
 
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Baby #2 is currently still baking, our children will be a little over 5 years apart. We really were not planning on having children until around this time in our life, we had hoped to be financially secure,etc before we started our family. That did not work out and we had DD during our second year of marriage. We had originally wanted our children to be close in age, however because our first child came into our lives so much sooner than anticipated we were not ready for another child until recently.

 

I think that if it works out I would really like a smaller age gap (2-3 years) between #2 and #3...


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#3 of 43 Old 11-17-2010, 04:28 PM
 
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I seem to take a semi-longish time to conceive, so I haven't prevented since I got my PPAF at 13 months PP.  Ideally, I'd like a 2-year to 2.5-year spacing, but I have very little control over that.  My siblings are 6, 8, and 10 years younger than me, and while we get along, I essentially felt more like an aunt or mini-mom to them than a sibling.  My husband is an only child.


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#4 of 43 Old 11-18-2010, 07:19 PM
 
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Well, I have 3 but figured I would throw my 2 cents worth in smile.gif My kiddos are all exactly (they all have the same birth DAY) 23 mos. apart. ONLY DD1 was planned, I had HB's with dd2 and ds so I was not induced, it just happened that way.........

 

 

Anyways, it was so easy with only 2 being so close when dd2 was born, she just fit right in....but it didn't hurt that she was such a good sleeper and had an all around good temperment. I could have even imagined them being closer BUT the part that WAS HARD was when my milk dried up and dd1 stopped nursing and having horrible m/s and not being able to function when dd1 still needed me so much at only 14 mos. old. So in that sense I would have liked a bigger age gap.

 

All in all, IMO I think a 2 1/2-3 yrs. age gap would be ideal.......at that young of an age any couple of months you add make such a difference. 

 

FWIW, when I had ds it was the complete opposite! I hate to use this word but it was completely horrible for us as a family after ds was born. But every 6 mos. that goes by it gets a little easier. smile.gif

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#5 of 43 Old 11-18-2010, 07:30 PM
 
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I have four kids, all 23-25 months apart.  The 2-year age gap has worked out well for us, though I definitely see advantages to waiting a little longer in between babies. 


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#6 of 43 Old 11-18-2010, 07:37 PM
 
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3 years almost exactly.  I would have killed myself or DS if they had been any closer!  My pregnancy was rough and the first 8-9mos of DD's life were rough.  I felt like I was just spread so thinly all the time.  It's much better now, but there was a good year and a half were I was just STRUNG out.  But that's my personality.  I know many who have them closer and do just fine.

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#7 of 43 Old 11-19-2010, 06:25 PM
 
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My siblings and I are all spaced exactly 5 1/2 years (to the month). We played well together as young kids but had our phases when we weren't as close (a 15 year old may not want to spend a ton of time with a 10 year old if their friends are over). We're a close family and all get along for the most part. My older sister is one of my closest friends and I hope to have that with my (much) younger sister when she's out of her know it all teenage years! hammer.gif

 

My first and second are 3 1/2 years apart and my second and third are 2 1/2 years apart. I wanted all my kids two years apart but due to life being out of my control..they're not. I can say that the 3 1/2 year age gap was easier than the 2 1/2is so far. That may be partly because my first wasn't BFing by the time my second was born. Tandem nursing is awesome but sometimes difficult and my second has shown more jealously over the baby than my first did. I think it'll be great in a year and a half or so though. I think the younger two will play together really well. 

 

I would like my next one in two years but it depends on the baby's personality... If she seems high need and like she wouldn't handle it well, we'll wait a little longer. I REALLY think that there's no perfect number. I've asked so many people this same question and I've really learned that there are pros and cons to each and that no matter what kids will argue/fight/annoy each other and they may or may not be close or end up close as adults no matter WHAT the age difference. I think the best age gap is what is best for the whole family. 


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#8 of 43 Old 11-23-2010, 01:21 AM
 
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This is a question I've been asking myself for quite a while! 

 

We're now TTC#2....  my DS will turn 6 in about a month.... but for various reasons we have-and-haven't tried before now.  Now I've figured out I am ready for another - I'm scared for a whole new set of reasons!!

 

In the end - I think it all comes down to you, and your children's personalities.  Bigger age gaps work for some - closer gaps work better for others.  My DS has been a very high-maintenance being, but is so not cut out to be an only child.  Aside from my issues on the subject, I think he's finally ready to adapt his world around someone else.  Fingers crossed!  ♥♥♥

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#9 of 43 Old 11-23-2010, 03:11 AM
 
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My kids are exactly 3 years and 3 days apart... we wanted less and started TTCing when DS was 3-4 months old. It took 2 years to get pregnant with DD.

 

However, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the age difference between them. DS was old enough to really enjoy my pregnancy with me and then help when she was born and has always felt so protective of his baby sister... He's always been a big help with her but more then anything, they are SOOOO close. He helps her with everything she does, he protects her... and she worships the very ground he walks on. He is her hero. Sure they have their little siblings disagreements sometimes but for the most part, they get along REALLY well and have just enough in common that they play well together but DD also understands why DS gets to do things she doesn't because of age.

 

We are now TTC #3 and they will be AT LEAST 5 years apart... that one makes me nervous as my sister and I were 5 years apart growing up and HATED each other as do DS and DSS who are 6 years apart.... But DS and DSD are 8 years apart and that relationship has always been super close so I don't know if it's the age difference or just the difference in personalities.


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#10 of 43 Old 11-23-2010, 05:18 AM
 
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My oldest is 7 years old (today!), my middle child will be 4 in February, and my youngest will be 2 in January.  Between my oldest and middle child, I had a son who passed away.  So, between the youngest two, there are 23 months between them, and then between the middle child and the oldest, there are 3 years 9 months.


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#11 of 43 Old 11-23-2010, 05:24 AM
 
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DH is 7 and 14 years older than his two sisters. I'm 5 years older than my sister. We decided we wanted our children closer together. DS was conceived when DD was 10 months old; they're 19 months apart. I really like the spacing we have. Personality-wise, our kiddos get along really well, so it's great to have them be able to play together on a similar level and enjoy each other's friendship. The first couple of years were, admittedly, absolutely insane and completely lacking in sleep. But for us, it was worth it.

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#12 of 43 Old 11-23-2010, 08:33 AM
 
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There's 6.5 years between #1 and #2; 3.5 years between #2 and #3; and 2 years 3 months between #3 and #4.  My personal preference is a smaller gap - the 6+ year gap is the hardest in my experience.

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#13 of 43 Old 11-23-2010, 02:57 PM
 
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#1 and #2 are 3y and 10m apart, #2 and #3 are exactly 2.5y apart.I vastly preferred the 3 year spacing. 


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#14 of 43 Old 11-23-2010, 03:07 PM
 
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We have four. The older two are 15 months apart and the younger two are 17 months apart with a three year and three month gap between the two 'sets'. I hope that makes sense. With the two 'sets' it's almost like having two sets of twins. The oldest just turned six and the youngest is almost three months with an almost five year old and a 20 month old in between. 

 

I think the spacing can end up differently with different families and genders. My sister is less then two years older than me and we grew up and still are very close but my husband and his brother who are just under two years apart grew up fighting but are ok now, though not close.

 

Our two 'sets' are three years three months apart. This was very difficult for me. Just as the older ones were becoming more independent, playing on their own, feeding themselves, out of diapers, etc. we had another and were pushed back to square one. I wouldn't choose to have kids any more than two years apart.

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#15 of 43 Old 11-23-2010, 09:49 PM
 
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I have a 5 year gap inbetween my two kids.  The age difference has be super easy.  My DS was very independant by 5yo and really loves his little sister.  We plan on having another asap possible, but I'm 15mo pp and my body is still out of wack. 


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#16 of 43 Old 11-27-2010, 04:40 AM
 
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four, five, three, three years and twenty months. I like the three year age gap, the larger age differences have been just fine but i'm really nervous about juggling two under two. 


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#17 of 43 Old 11-29-2010, 02:37 PM
 
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II've been pondering this too. DS is 2.5 and we're just talking about TTC #2. If it happens this month, DS will be 3 years 3 months when the baby  arrives. I look around and see all my frined with 1-2 year spacing and it makes me feel like I'm missing out or robbing DS of something. But PPAF hadn't arrived for me nutil this month, so I guess it was out of my hands. I'm glad to see there are some mamas who like the 3-4 year spacing. :)


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#18 of 43 Old 12-01-2010, 06:20 AM
 
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I have 3 - the first two are 4 years apart, the second and third are nearly 2 years apart. ages 12, 8, 6 - they're always even numbers on the even years - kind of neat! If we have another he/she will be at least 8 years apart from my youngest.

 

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#19 of 43 Old 12-01-2010, 08:14 AM
 
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I wouldn't choose anything closer than three years. I feel it gives the baby time to be a baby, lots of time to nurse and to also not be so dependent on me. I have a 7, 4 and 1yo who are all great friends! They look out for one another and generally have a great time playing together. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MunchiesMom View Post

II've been pondering this too. DS is 2.5 and we're just talking about TTC #2. If it happens this month, DS will be 3 years 3 months when the baby  arrives. I look around and see all my frined with 1-2 year spacing and it makes me feel like I'm missing out or robbing DS of something. But PPAF hadn't arrived for me nutil this month, so I guess it was out of my hands. I'm glad to see there are some mamas who like the 3-4 year spacing. :)




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#20 of 43 Old 12-01-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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This post means the world to me!! Just wanted to thank you, beautifulboy, for starting it! As I noted earlier, I've been thinking about this a lot lately as we discuss TTC #2. I posted somewhere else - and no one responded - about my hesitation for baby #2. DS is BF, co-sleeping, and we have a super healthy attachment. I imagine that our relationship will change with #2, which I realize it will but I hope not too much. As you experienced mamas went on to have your second and third children, did you know of go through a grieving process about loosing the relationship with your first child? Did you ever feel like you were shorting your only child by wanting additional children?

 

I realize how incredible the relationship a sibling can bring. My sister, only sibling, died in a tragic car accident when she was 16 and I was 13. I want to give my son a sister or brother someday. I also want to BF him for as long as possible. I want to keep him close and love how things are now, so I worry what bringing on a baby could do.

 

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack this tread. But thanks again all for the great advice!


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#21 of 43 Old 12-01-2010, 11:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MunchiesMom View PostAs you experienced mamas went on to have your second and third children, did you know of go through a grieving process about loosing the relationship with your first child? Did you ever feel like you were shorting your only child by wanting additional children?

I feel like this every time. upsidedown.gif


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#22 of 43 Old 12-02-2010, 09:19 AM
 
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I have 4 kids...They are just about 1,2,and 3 years apart. I prefer 3 years.


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#23 of 43 Old 12-03-2010, 03:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MunchiesMom View Post

As you experienced mamas went on to have your second and third children, did you know of go through a grieving process about loosing the relationship with your first child? Did you ever feel like you were shorting your only child by wanting additional children?

 

I realize how incredible the relationship a sibling can bring. My sister, only sibling, died in a tragic car accident when she was 16 and I was 13. I want to give my son a sister or brother someday. I also want to BF him for as long as possible. I want to keep him close and love how things are now, so I worry what bringing on a baby could do.


I don't have a second (yet!) but I totally get what you're saying, I think my Ds is going to come crashing down to earth if a new baby arrives.  We are very attached, BFing, cosleeping and spending every minute together except when I go to the gym 4x a week (which is hard for him lately).

 

I think the bond between siblings is equally as important, though.  One big reason I want to have another is so my boy isn't lonely in life, so he has someone.

 

 


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#24 of 43 Old 12-04-2010, 11:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MunchiesMom View Post

II've been pondering this too. DS is 2.5 and we're just talking about TTC #2. If it happens this month, DS will be 3 years 3 months when the baby  arrives. I look around and see all my frined with 1-2 year spacing and it makes me feel like I'm missing out or robbing DS of something. But PPAF hadn't arrived for me nutil this month, so I guess it was out of my hands. I'm glad to see there are some mamas who like the 3-4 year spacing. :)



munch, our dcs have the same birthday!

 

as for the question- my first and second are five years apart. i think for us the spacing would not have worked any other way. dd1 has autism and would have been a real handful if a baby had come along any sooner than this. that said, i want the second and third a little closer together. i just got ppaf at 20 mos pp, and we will not be preventing pregnancy, but my cycles are really irregular so i doubt i will concieve right away. we'll see! ideally, i'd like to get pg when dd2 is about 2.5.


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#25 of 43 Old 12-07-2010, 06:42 AM
 
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DDFC

 

our son will be 5 years and 7 months old when the new baby comes. when i write it down it feels like SUCH a huge age difference and i never in a million years would have assumed we'd wait so long to TTC #2, but i think it really depends on you and your child! haye is very spirited and sensitive and i nursed him until his 4th birthday which turned out to be really important to us. we knew he wasn't ready until really the past year and then it was just a matter of us all being ready! and i am pretty sure i will LOVE this age gap...haye is already super helpful around the house and shopping etc, plus he is extremely excited about the baby and i don't think that we will be dealing with much resentment on his part towards the baby seeing as we gave him so much time with just us, which he definitely needed. 


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#26 of 43 Old 12-09-2010, 01:13 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ryleeee View Post

DDFC

 

our son will be 5 years and 7 months old when the new baby comes. when i write it down it feels like SUCH a huge age difference and i never in a million years would have assumed we'd wait so long to TTC #2, but i think it really depends on you and your child! haye is very spirited and sensitive and i nursed him until his 4th birthday which turned out to be really important to us. we knew he wasn't ready until really the past year and then it was just a matter of us all being ready! and i am pretty sure i will LOVE this age gap...haye is already super helpful around the house and shopping etc, plus he is extremely excited about the baby and i don't think that we will be dealing with much resentment on his part towards the baby seeing as we gave him so much time with just us, which he definitely needed. 


I think it's incredible that you were so respectful and aware of your son's needs and waited to give him a sibling based on that! I'm very close with my sister who is 5 1/2 years older than I am. I think all different age gaps work and sometimes closeness is based on so many factors beside age difference.

 

This is off topic and I know you didn't wean your son for this reason, but I also nursed till I was four. I "gave it up" because my Mom was told it was dangerous to nurse while pregnant so she wanted to wean me before she TTC. It's so sad that 26 years later my Dr. told me the same thing. My son was 21 months when I got pregnant and my Dr. said "You have to stop [breastfeeding] NOW." I can't believe that misinformation is STILL out there and being perpetuated by Dr's of all people.


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#27 of 43 Old 12-11-2010, 10:06 PM
 
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My two are 3 years apart (their birthdays are only 6 days apart!).  We wanted a 2-3 year age gap.  It took us about 2 years to conceive DD1, which eventually involved fertility treatments.  We started TTC#2 with fertility treatments when DD1 was only 15 months old.  I was still nursing, and we would try a month, then wait a few months to try again.  I tried to be relaxed about it all, but it was emotionally rough. 

 

When DD1 was about 25 months she started announcing "my sister is coming" and started cutting back on nursing (and briefly insisted she wanted to sleep in her own bed).  I tried yet another clomid cycle during that time, which was considered a failure (no mature follicles by day 16).  DD2 was conceived on day 31 of that cycle, 3 days after DD1's very last nursing session. 

 

I'm very very happy with the 3 year age gap.  We're planning to have a 3rd, but I'm not ready to actively try yet.  DD2 is 15 months now.  I'd like to give her another 6-18 months of being the baby (and nursling) before I'm pregnant again.  I'd be really happy with another 3 year age gap.  Though, I'll admit that I'm already at the point that I'm really craving another pregnancy.  We aren't preventing and wouldn't be upset with a surprise pregnancy before then.


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#28 of 43 Old 12-11-2010, 10:52 PM
 
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I like this thread.  My brothers and I are all one year apart and I always thought I'd have my children closely spaced.  We ended up dealing with infertility (both primary and secondary).  DS is 5 and will be at least 6 when our next child is born (if I conceive again soon and carry the child to term).

 

I've had to grieve my "plan" of having them close in age.  Still dealing with it, actually.  I try to focus on the positives.  DS is very independent and I do like the idea of getting to enjoy the "baby years" for a lot longer instead of having them overlap and everything being a blur, as I imagine it was for my mom with 3 under 3 when I was born.

 

Still, I secretly wish for #2 and #3 to be closely spaced.  They'll have to be if we have 3, as dh and I are getting up there in age.


Proud mom to superhero.gifds2 (7/05), angel2.gif ds 1 (born into heaven at 38 weeks 11/03), and 5 more angels angel.gif (4/02) angel.gif (7/10) angel.gifangel.gif (11/10) angel.gif (11/12)

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#29 of 43 Old 12-11-2010, 11:40 PM
 
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Wow lots of planned and unplanned far-apart spacing! I guess I'm in the minority. My first two are 20.5 months apart. #2 and #3 are 14 months apart. #3 and #4 will be, Gd willing, 19 months apart. Then we're done :)

 

Now that dd (aka #3) is walking, I'm feeling overwhelmed. We didn't plan the 14 month age gap but in retrospect it's fine. Things will be super crazy for the next 2+ years until everyone is a little more self-sufficient and I'll have to learn to ask for help (and learn to understand whether people are actually offering 'help' and not just 'offering'...but that's another post). I'm hoping if I can keep it all together enough that they will end up best friends.


"So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton
 
 
 
   

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#30 of 43 Old 12-12-2010, 03:01 AM
 
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My sister and I are 6 years apart, we weren't close growing up. But now at 29 and 23, we are very very close.

 

DS1 and DS2 are 5 years 7 months apart. We had planned for a 4 year gap, but lost babies on our journey to have ds2. In retrospect, I would not handle a smaller gap (maybe I lack patience?), I am happy that ds1 is in school during the day, giving me time to bond with ds2. I bow down to mothers with toddlers and little babies! If we have a third, ds2 would have to be in preschool by the time number 3 arrives.


Mama to Luka - 22 February 2005, Tiisetso - 18 September 2010 & 3 angel bubbles
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