so what's wrong with having four kids? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-13-2005, 07:13 PM
 
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Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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Old 12-13-2005, 07:27 PM
 
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I am amazed at all the comments now that we have 3! We have a 4.5 yr, 2 yr, and 2 mo. Just today some stranger walks by me as I'm getting a cart and said, "boy you have your hands full." It's not like I was pulling my hair out screaming at my kids, babe was sleeping and the boys were holding hands standing next to me. It's amazing what pepole think they can say. Oh well!
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Old 12-13-2005, 07:38 PM
 
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My mother's response to rude people back in the baby bust 70's (had 7 kids) was that she was making sure she was supporting the Social Security System. Need lots of worker bees for that to keep working
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:17 PM
 
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Sorry that you've had rude comments! We have 6 kids at present and would dearly love more if we are so *blessed*. Personally, I've had very little in the rude comments department, but I know some people deal with such comments by responding either with a pithy remark or simply smile and indicate you are pleased with your family.

I emphasized blessed above, as we have known a number of people through the years that have desperately wanted children/another child but were unable to conceive...

My recommendation is to enjoy and care for the children you have, and to eagerly await the arrival of your next!
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:22 PM
 
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I know what you mean. I could pay for the college education of all three of my kids with the comments about having my hands full and now I get them when I am just out with the two younger ones. My boys are 5, 3, & 8 months. We have been talking about a fourth but my husband needs to get moving on expanding the house first. After the last pregnancy, I do not want us to be in the middle of extensive renovations when I'm pregnant (Dh didn't have the boys room completed until after I had the third).

Here is an additional thought in regards to the benefits of more kids: They will have people to depend on and seek comfort from when bad things happen. I'm one of six and I don't know how I would have handled the deaths of either of my parents (thankfully we were all adults when we lost them). My father passed away 4 months before my wedding and then my mother 7 years later after an extended illness. We all took turns looking after mom until the end. It would have been really exhausting if I were an only child.
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Old 12-13-2005, 08:27 PM
 
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If I could do it, I would be at home with a house full of kids, maybe even 4! Follow your heart, and that's the right thing to do.
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Old 12-13-2005, 09:00 PM
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...when I was pregnant with my third baby people made comments like "pregnant again?" AGAIN? there's 10 and a half years between my second and third!!
and someone saying to me don't you have like a ton of kids now? yeah 3 is a ton! I'm so crazy for having 3 kids in 36 years...

***I think loving attentive attachment mammas like us should have more kids...give the next generation a fighting chance!!..
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Old 12-13-2005, 10:16 PM
 
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I think my favorite is the comedian --"you know what causes that, right?" or the downright rude--"Four! You're not going to have any more are you?" My favorite answer is "it's no big deal, I stopped counting after two anyway!". I have always felt six was my number for some reason and while I'm very happy with 4, I just don't feel finished yet. I'm in no hurry though. I think a lot of families miss out by not understanding that it actually gets easier when you have more kids as everyone helps out, they entertain each other and mom is generally calmer and much more experienced. You'll know when you're done and until then just remind them that they are SO right, mothering a lot of kids IS best left to the experts.

Good luck with yours!
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Old 12-14-2005, 12:38 AM
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I would love to have 4 or 5. I have said to my sister in law that I want 5 and she keeps saying "just wait until you have two you will change your mind". It makes me so mad when she says that. We are two different type of people. She gets so stressed with two ( and another one on the way). I don't know how she will handle three she can't take care of her two.

I just really want a big family. I want to have lots of laughs and love around my house. My DH wanted 10 so we decided to have 5 of our our and sponsor 5 kids.

I think is will be great having a big family.

Mama to Noah- 05, Eden - 07, Isabella -09 and Cade -11 

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Old 12-14-2005, 01:05 AM
 
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Wow! I'm so happy I happened to notice the title of this thread as the most recent - I don't venture into this forum these days since my own #4 is just 2 months old! Ours are almost 12, just turned 4, just turned 2, and 2 months.

I, too, absolutely love my chaos and non-stop busy schedule (well, most of the time, lol!), and I really don't mind any of the inevitable comments - I can just shrug them off pretty easily. I do get my fair share of "oh, you finally got your princess, now you can stop" comments, since #4 is the first girl of the bunch - ok, those are just the teensiest bit annoying! I also kind of like "having my hands full" - life is certainly never dull, and I know my kids will always have each other. I do, however, wish I had more "company" in having a larger family - I sometimes feel as though I dare not share one iota of any *hint* of stress in my life, so that I don't get that "well, you certainly asked for/deserve it" vibe, if that makes sense!

So cool to see so many others out there!
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Old 12-14-2005, 01:38 AM
 
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Might some of us actually enjoy our children? Could it possibly be that we want to spend time with them? Is it possible to not put yourself first and still be a normal, happy person?

Can you tell I know just what you're all talking about? I'm pregnant with our 4th child and am just plain tired of the rediculous comments I get from people. We homeschool too so I guess that makes us extra crazy! People are always telling me "You have your hands full. I could never do that!" I respond by simply saying "I love my children." That usually ends the negativity festival right there. What this world needs is a little more care and concern for others, especially children, and a little less focus on self.

Have as many beautiful babies as you want. Let people think you're crazy. Public opinion is not what brings happiness, a close loving family does.

Best wishes to all "big family" mommies!!
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Old 12-14-2005, 04:31 AM
 
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Wow, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets these comments with as "few" children as we've got. We are expecting #4 in just a few weeks, and even with #2 in kindergarten, when I take out #1 and #3 shopping I get the hands full comment. And I honestly don't feel like I've got my hands full all the time. But if I do, they are full of beautiful, sweet children! I'll take that over hands full of money or time any day. (Extra sleep might make me pause!) Dh and I feel the same way about how selfish people are today. Such a throw away society, selfishly focused on material things and money. Children are blessings and cannot compare to any worldly thing...time and money included. I homeschool my oldest, and plan to take my kindergartner out of public school when K is over. I get more comments now about how someone wishes they could homeschool, rather than how crazy they think I am, and that makes me feel good. Maybe I can be an example to some mom out there to take the plunge to do what she feels is best but is afraid to try. I don't always have it all together, my laundry isn't always done, we don't eat fancy food...but my kids alwasy know they are loved. I don't want my kids to grow up and remember that "Mom cleaned a lot". I want them to remember the time I sat on the floor with my 8 months preggo belly searching for that elusive Lego piece. Or sat at the table helping a 9 year old figure out how to add fractions with unlike denominators. Or snuggling a wiggly 3 year old without getting a pint size knee kick to his unborn brother. I'd rather have the warm fuzzy feeling of soothing a 6 year old through a nightmare than a full night's sleep.

Ah, so nice to know I'm not alone. 4 kids isn't a large family.
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Old 12-14-2005, 10:14 AM
 
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Posting from Ireland:
Right up to the 60's here, especialy in rural areas, big families were the norm.
My friend in school came from a family of five and when i went on trips and days out with them, I always remember them being commented on positively
As a 'lovely big family'
or a 'big healthy family, bless them'.
A cousin of my Dad's had 8 children and no-one in their little community seemed to bat an eyelid.
Another cousin of his had 14!! Which was considered big then but she always seemed so happy.
If anyone asked why she had such a big family she used to feign a surprised look and ask
"A big family'? Do i REALLY HAVE A BIG FAMILY?? It always seemed just the right size to me!
I always thought that was a great reply.
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Old 12-14-2005, 10:50 AM
 
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I'd have 20 if only I was more fertile.... I always dreamt of having atleast 6 kids.... now I just want number 2, but of course that would be number 4 all together in our blended family. I get a lot of looks of sympathy when I'm shopping with all 3 of my wee ones, what would they do if they knew there's an ache in my heart for 5-6 more!! lol

Jeri, Natural lovin' Mama to Elijah (9.29.03), Eden (10.2.06), and a little one lost along the way (1/12)., Step-monster to Shelby (18) and Stephen (16). Celebrating 12 years together with my soul-mate, Eric. Hoping for a rainbow1284.gif someday! 
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Old 12-14-2005, 10:55 AM
 
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I have 4 and I hs as well. (Hs 2 of them, actually). Whenever people say "You have your hands full" I always smile and say 'Sometimes you get what you wish for". I will be sad when people stop saying me that, because i love counting my blessings and being verbal about it. The comment doesn't annoy me because it gives me a chance to speak my truth very simply.
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Old 12-14-2005, 12:22 PM
 
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we have 6 children and are hoping for more! i hear all sorts of comments but not as many as my friend who has 11. actually i have 2 friends with 11 and 1 with 10. we homeschool also- always have, always will.
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Old 12-14-2005, 12:37 PM
 
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Iam pregnant with my 4th baby and was sad yesterday because do to health reasons and my age this is the last one when this one is out of diapers I will be sad I love babies and love cloth diapering them I have enjoyed collecting my nb stash
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Old 12-14-2005, 12:38 PM
 
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I always have loved the name Hannah
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Old 12-14-2005, 05:56 PM
 
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I have 4 children and am waiting to find out if #5 is on the way. So I don't think there is anything wrong with having more than the US cultured 2.2 kids.

Laurie (46) Wife to : Mom to 4 Grandma to :
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Old 12-14-2005, 07:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koloe
My mother's response to rude people back in the baby bust 70's (had 7 kids) was that she was making sure she was supporting the Social Security System. Need lots of worker bees for that to keep working
:
My favorite answer when people say something stupid like, "Don't you know what causes that?" is to say, "Yeah, and it's a lot of fun!"
We have three girls now (almost 7, almost 5, and 2 years), and I am ready for #4. Unfortunately, my husband has developed anxiety/depression very recently, is probably going to change jobs, and we may be moving our family to another state next year (to be closer to grandparents). Although I know intellectually that it is not a good time to get pregnant, emotionally I still wish we could TTC next month. I'm sure when we are ready for number four, everyone will assume it's because we're trying for a boy, and in a way that will be "okay." So stupid! Luckily, we are Catholic and know many other Catholic families with "large" families -- by choice!
One more thing -- It's so insulting when people assume that you know nothing about birth control if you have more than two kids. We use Natural Family Planning, so we know when we can and cannot conceive, which makes me more informed than most about fertility! (I can't imagine using anything else)

Michelle, married to Jay for almost 10 years!
SAHM to my three girls
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Old 12-14-2005, 08:04 PM
 
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According to my ILs whats wrong with it not living in a big house :

We are hopefully close to knowing if no 4 has chosen now to come or not and we have been talking about it for a while now so that people don't go off the deep end with remarks when we are jumping for joy, but I don't know if it will work!

Our neighbours are always asking when we are moving and saying that they don't know how we 'manage'. I always say that the children don't take up much space when they are asleep so I'm not worried.

I have 2 in school and dd at home with me as she's only nearly 3 so I people think she is my only child when we are out, then get a shock if they see us all out together or I mention that there are two more! Then I get 'You don't look old enough to have a 12 year old' I'm 32 and *still* only 5ft tall so they just don't get it
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Old 12-14-2005, 08:10 PM
 
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My Mother came from a family of 11 children (1 set of twins) They had a small house and the children shared rooms with up to 4 or 5 of them in a bed. This is a new mentality that each child must have their own room. I see nothing wrong with more than 2 children sharing a room. 3 or 4 would work if you had two sets of bunk beds. We just live in a spoiled society.

Laurie (46) Wife to : Mom to 4 Grandma to :
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Old 12-14-2005, 08:13 PM
 
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i have 2 kids, and would love to have 2 more.. but i babysit another 4 on top of my 2.. so when we all go out in public, with 6 kiddos, people often say "you've got your hands full".. and i say "YUP, and my HEART is full too!". i love being with all the kids, i wish they really were all mine (if there were, i'd have a 6yo, twin 4.5yo's, twin 2.5yo's and an 18mo!!)

Momma to K ('01), E ('03) and A ('07)
Acting as a Gestational Surrogate for my cousin, EDD Jan 17th
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Old 12-15-2005, 11:16 PM
 
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I have four and am due soon with number 5. My oldest is five years old.
I plan on having at least one more, and then in a few years adopting one or two sibling groups....so about 12 sounds good to me!!
When people tell me I have my hands full I just say "Yup, and I love it!"
I own two tshirts: one says "Birth control is for sissies" the other says "Yes, I know what causes this...and I like it!"
My grandmother once asked me if I knew what caused it, and I answered, "well, we're narrowing it down, so far missionary position causes it, doggie style causes it, as does doing it on the kitchen counter...."
We also homeschool.
I love my kids and my life, and, obviously, my hubby. LOL

Stormimay

Wife to 1, Mom to 7 (with one on the way), homeschooler, knitter, painter, writer, moderately crunchy, libertarian/anarchist Orthodox Christian

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Old 12-15-2005, 11:58 PM
 
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OMG! That is the funniest thing I have ever heard!!

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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Old 12-21-2005, 06:18 AM
 
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I have only one, but envy those who have more. The people who say they couldn't do it may just mean they couldn't physically conceive that many kids (that's the case for me, we had to use injectibles to get our one). Try to take it as a compliment, even if it doesnt' seem to be. But it really isn't any of their business, anyway. As if you'd comment on someone's choice of partner.

Jen 47 DS C 2/03  angel.gif04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.

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Old 12-21-2005, 11:37 AM
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DavinaT!!!!
Posting from Ireland:

Quote:
As a 'lovely big family'
Quote:
or a 'big healthy family, bless them'
you warmed my heart this morning with those quotes... wouldn't it be nice if every time we left the house we heard something nice about ourselves and our families ...
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