so what's wrong with having four kids? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 57 Old 11-10-2005, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone,
I'm just having these thoughts over the past couple of weeks that I may want to have a fourth child. It seemed that everyone thought we were crazy when we had our third child last year. Instead of congratulating us ,some people were like,"Hey, I hope you're done now!" I actually said to one of them"What if we're not finished?" she said "Well, then I'd say you're crazy." Ugh.
I somtimes feel completley overwhelmed with having 3 kids but I consider them all to be such blessings, really beautiful and unique creations. I thought I was "done" but maybe God has other plans. Any life experiences would be helpful. I'm just hashing through all my feelings right now. Thanks for listening Jeannine
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#2 of 57 Old 11-10-2005, 07:49 PM
 
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I dont think God has anything to do with it, or abusive people wouldn't be so dam fertile! But I have 3 and would love another. My friends and family have some of those same coments and It just reminds me that I am a super woman and I do such a great job raising more children than most! Most remarks are "how do you do it"! Gives me room to talk about my views and beliefs. But I can't argue that adoption would be a more responsible and selfless option to having another of my own.

Kiya- Mama to 3 growing Son's. Waldorf joy.gifDoula  hug.gif  Making Recycled Woolens and Trainers every spare moment.
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#3 of 57 Old 11-10-2005, 09:33 PM
 
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I had a hard time concieving #1 I hope I am lucky enough to have #4 or even #5 I just wished I would have started when I was 15 lol
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#4 of 57 Old 11-10-2005, 09:37 PM
 
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I like to think about when I'm an old lady, it will be nice to have these people in my life, even though it can be so freakin' hard when they are little...
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#5 of 57 Old 11-10-2005, 09:37 PM
 
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Iam pregnant with #4 and I have a 20/14/14 month old and a 4 month old grandson Iam 38 dont listen to other people listen to your heart Iam loving my second life set.lol
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#6 of 57 Old 11-10-2005, 09:42 PM
 
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I don't know what is wrong with people! We got a bunch of lip from others when we had #3, people thought we were playing with fire because we had lost the previous baby about half way through the pregnancy. So they thought it was rather irresponsible of us to try again given that one died. Ugh, whatever. Then #4 surprised us and we didn't even get not ONE congratulations! And this baby is wanted!

We got the feeling that people thought us irresponsible in our love life and felt sorry for us. We still get the surprised look and *gasp* when I say we have 4 children! 100 years ago, 4 would have been a small family!

Go have your 4 children and let people *gasp*!
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#7 of 57 Old 11-10-2005, 09:58 PM
 
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People said I was irresponsible having babies at my age because of the risk of birth defects but most down syndrome babies happen to people 35 and younger they did a study.
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#8 of 57 Old 11-12-2005, 12:40 PM
 
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Hmmmm......

Guess that makes me crazy. We're trying for number five! If I hear another store clerk say, "Looks like you've got your hands full!" I'm going to scream! LOL! Every time someone says that my 9 year old son says, "What do they mean? You're only holding one baby?" My kids are 9, 6, 3 and 18 months.

And you're right, back not so long ago, four would have been a very small family.

I think in today's society we are really selfish. We want more cars, bigger houses and more "me" time. People want to leave their "one" child with a sitter and go out all the time to "get away." They don't understand my life. "How do you do it?" We actually prefer to stay home and enjoy each other's company. We do go out. As a family. We go on vacations--as a family. We enjoy it. Go figure!!! But I don't think you can "get it" until you have more than a couple kids.

And I don't think you can "get it" if you want to have your nails done once a week and have a quiet time time alone evey day to reflect on what "Oprah" said on her show today. I don't have time for Oprah. LOL!

But, you know what? I don't care!!!!

Thanks for this thread. We're not even telling people we're "trying" for number 5. They don't get it.

Dee
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#9 of 57 Old 11-12-2005, 12:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MamaDee4
Hmmmm......


And I don't think you can "get it" if you want to have your nails done once a week and have a quiet time time alone evey day to reflect on what "Oprah" said on her show today. I don't have time for Oprah. LOL!


Dee

nails done? What's that? LOL and who's Oprah?

We spend most of our time together too. DH and I get out on our anniversary, his B.day and mine too so that is only 3 times a year without kids and LOOK we are still sane and living!
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#10 of 57 Old 11-12-2005, 02:42 PM
 
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when i had *just* three kids people used to look at me with sympathy when I was shopping with them

now that I have four they look at THEM with sympathy when I am shopping with them

I get the hands-full comment ALL the time, especially with homeschoolers out when other kids aren't.....my response is now , "yep, they're something" and i leave it at that. it means NOTHING, just like their comment, but it shows my resolve and my pride and my snarkiness and it seems better than ignoring them, justifying my family-size, or venting to a total stranger.

"yep, they're something" and I stroke the hair of the sling-baby or one of the others and smile
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#11 of 57 Old 11-12-2005, 02:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mother culture
I dont think God has anything to do with it, or abusive people wouldn't be so dam fertile!
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#12 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 01:05 AM
 
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Fromscatteredtribe,

Hey, we homeschool, too! That makes us twice as wacky!!!



Dee
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#13 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 01:06 AM
 
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Oh, duh.....I just realized that "homeschooling" is in my signature line.......


Must be all these kids making me scatterbrained!

Dee
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#14 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 02:57 AM
 
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LOL mommadee
the question might not be what is wrong with having four kids, but whta is wrong with US after having four kids......? ha ha
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#15 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 03:12 AM
 
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There is not a DAMN thing wrong with having four kids!!!! I have a friend who has ten. ODS is in school at Auburn. ydd is about a year or so. She is the calmest, most organized person I know! I wish I were HALF as calm and organized with my three!
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#16 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 03:17 AM
 
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4 kids is not enough for a real basketball team. I would suggest 5 unless you like vollyball or curling or something odd like that.

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After 4 m/c, our stillheart.gif is here!

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#17 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 03:32 AM
 
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I have four. it always seems so funny to me when people refer to four kids as a big family. it seems just right to me.
the only thing i have found more difficult in having four kids s. 1 or 2 is that it is harder to find a sitter willing to take on four. luckily my best friend has seven. she takes mine when I need a break and I take hers when she needs one. we both homeschool and spend most of our time with our kids. you should see the looks I get when I take all 11 somewhere!

mom to four lively children. birth and postpartum doula. midwifery student. choosing to enjoy life. :
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#18 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 01:56 PM
 
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Hey there, I only have 2, but my SIL just gave birth to her 4th (she also has a dss who is already away at school). She lives in NYC, and she said people were HORRIFIED when she told them she was pregnant with her 4th. They looked at her like she was some fanatic. I don't get it. She is one of 4. She loves kids, is a fantastic mama and her kids are amazing. What's the frigging problem? If other people don't want that many kids, then I suggest they use birth control and NOT HAVE THAT MANY KIDS! Leave people who do alone! Sheesh!

We hope to have 4 and I don't care what anybody else thinks about that!
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#19 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 02:25 PM
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I agree with Beansavi and we also take into account tht our children will have their siblings for support and love and other necessities that friends can't always fullfill as well as family can.

We have four and ever since the second we get the rudest comments about having too many...now that we are considering adding another family member we figure the comments can't get much worse LOL and we've come up with some pretty snazzy come backs that we enjoy using when ignorance rears its ugly head. Our only concerns right now are that we won't get a table at a restraunt in less than two hours and there won't be enough room in the car LOL

The logistics of a family of more than 4 is not always easy or convenient but if thats the least of our problems then we're doing good!
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#20 of 57 Old 11-13-2005, 10:13 PM
 
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We have three so far, ages 3, 2 and 11 months (though the 3-year-old will be 4 in January). For about one month I'll be able to say they are 3, 2, and 1! I can't wait! Anyway, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING A 4TH CHILD!!! If there is, then there's something seriously wrong with me because I CAN'T WAIT to get pg again! Today my 1st AF in over 3 YEARS showed up (stayed away a long time due to pregnancies and bf'ing, and last time I got pg we caught the very 1st egg without ever getting af back)and I am so excited to start charting and see what happens. I'm still bf'ing but ds doesn't nurse very much anymore. He'd rather have food. He has an ENORMOUS appetite.

Anyway, I too get the "you have your hands full" comment. Constantly. Almost every time we go out.

As for people being happy for you or not, you have to just ignore them if they are rude. My SIL has 8 children, and got a lot of comments from my IL's because she and her husband were having some financial trouble for a while there. They've made it through that fine though, and are doing great. I know other families with lots of children and they are some of the best-behaved kids I have seen.

I think the key is trying to be calm and keep it together when you are around other people. dh and i try to be laid back, and people really notice. They comment that our kids are wonderful and that we don't seem stressed at all. (we save it all for at home! ). So I think whenever we have an announcement to make regarding #4, we should only get nice congratulatory comments. I hope....
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#21 of 57 Old 11-14-2005, 10:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Aw, I new I was coming to the right place for encouragement in this department. I'm also homeschooling my oldest(5 1/2) so I'm getting used to the "No school today?" comments. I am one of four and my husband is one of 6 and I always loved it. We'll see what happens, thanks for the laughs. Some of you were talking about manicures, I actually got one a few weeks back. It felt so weird to be there, I kept thinking"I've got better things to do than this!" Well, the manicure lasted exactly 12 hours and that was that. We love to spend our free time AND vacations with our kids too.
Going against the grain, Jeannine
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#22 of 57 Old 11-14-2005, 10:42 AM
 
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I totally understand what you ladies are saying. We have 5 kiddos and we get all sorts of comments all the time and at times it gets very, very annoying. I especially like the hands full comments, those are great. We are TTC #6 right now and I still here slack from my mother about having so many kiddos, I do not understand why people just don't mind their own business.

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#23 of 57 Old 11-14-2005, 11:15 AM
 
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I totally understand what you ladies are saying. We have 5 kiddos and we get all sorts of comments all the time and at times it gets very, very annoying. I especially like the hands full comments, those are great. We are TTC #6 right now and I still here slack from my mother about having so many kiddos, I do not understand why people just don't mind their own business.

Hey there Jules! I can't wait for the birth story of #6 so get to conceiving that baby!
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#24 of 57 Old 11-20-2005, 05:45 PM
 
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I read this thread because we're hoping for four or five. I noticed several posters commenting on the "you've got your hand's full" line that seems so popular. I get that every time I run errands and I only have two kids! I think people are just trying to think of something to say.

I don't know why so many people feel the need to comment on having more than two kids. It's not like it's an unpopular choice. I know several families with 3+ children.
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#25 of 57 Old 11-27-2005, 10:16 AM
 
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We have 3 kids also and are wanting at least one more. But down here in the south, bigger families are the norm. We live in post housing in 4 bedroom houses, so it's pretty common to see families with 3 or 4 children. But I also know several families with 5-7 kids. I think it's awesome! And people just don't understand that you grow with each child. People with 1 child can't imagine having 5--well, you probably won't have 5 at one time! You have 1 or 2 at a time and you adapt. Before you know it, you're having a big family too!!
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#26 of 57 Old 11-27-2005, 11:38 PM
 
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I just turned 39 and have a 21, 19 & 15 yr old daughters and a 21 month old son! I used to think there was no way I'd have a 4th child but then we were blessed with our son & am now trying to have our 5th. I feel extremely blessed to have been blessed with a second family but everyone thinks we are nuts. I'm always hearing about how much more money we'd have if I was working, how we could of been "free" in a couple of years (like being a parent majically ends when they turn 18! LOL!) and how I'm wasting my degree by staying home but I think I'm doing the greatest job there is and he'll be grown before we know it. Sure we'd have more money and wouldn't have to worry about shut-off notices but my son is a great gift and I'm hoping we can be so blessed with one more. I also don't tell anyone that we are trying because I get tired of hearing their bulls@*$ and I think its our business if we have any more. I love being a mom and being with my children. I also get flack about nursing my son, not having him circumcised, him sleeping with us, the list goes on and on. I just think they all need to tend to their own lives and quite worrying about mine so much.




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#27 of 57 Old 11-28-2005, 12:12 AM
 
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I like the "Don't you know how that happens?" comments. None of mine are in school yet, so we all go out together on errands. People can be so rude at the grocery store. My responses now include, "Yes, and I'm good at it." and "Yes, and it's so fun!" Usually shuts them up.

Tamara: hs'ing Christian mom of five here and five in Heaven. Joyfully awaiting Punkin, coming mid-Sept!
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#28 of 57 Old 11-28-2005, 06:41 PM
 
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My dh wants 6 kids. Before we were married he would joke how he wanted 5 boys and a girl. Basketball team and a cheerleader...lol Well we had our 3rd girl Jan 1st.
I keep saying we are done for a LONG time because I too am homeschooling and I have thyroid issues and chronic fatigue and 3 kids is so hard. Yikes I can't imagine going for 6.

But I guess we will see. I too hate the comment "wow you got your hands full" :

Its all good, I guess we will see where life takes us
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#29 of 57 Old 12-13-2005, 04:55 PM
 
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I am one of three, and have three. You get the same comments "you ARE done now, right?" and "were you trying??" when you are pregnant with the third so I can only imagine with the fourth...

I never got too upset by comments though. I knew I wanted three; I didn't need the majority of people at Safeway to back my decision.

And the "you've got your hands full" (my dd1 and dd2 were 6 and 2 when dd3 was born) comments never were offensive to me at all. I DO have my hands full! I don't think it is an insult. I took it as a compliment - that I was wrangling three little kids and still managing to get things done (though not always in the most efficient or appropriate way but hey...)

And honestly, I had previously been a bit judgmental (in my own head) of large families. Then I became good friends with a woman who was the fourth of five kids. She is the MOST amazing, fun, funny, interesting, intelligent woman! What if her parents had stopped at two kids? It really changed my thinking about larger families.

It could be compared to that (is it George Carlin?) comedy routine that says anyone who drives slower than you is a moron and anyone who drives faster than you is a maniac. I am not big in favor of only children or families too big to fit in my Suburban - but that is my own choice for me. Others can make their choices and I should be supportive; they know their lives better than I do!
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#30 of 57 Old 12-13-2005, 05:10 PM
 
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Wow, people are SO rude! I am only pregnant with my first, so I am still getting all positive comments. However, we want another sibling fairly close to the first one so I am sure I will get the "don't you know how it works" comments too. My aunt said that to me about my sister when she got pregnant with her second. WTF?

Honestly, I think some people are jealous when they see a large happy family. They are overwhelmed with 1 or 2 and don't see how you all can have 4 and still be sane and functioning, let alone the great parents you are!
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