Would I regret being an egg donor? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 08:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Of course, no one can answer that question for me... I'm just looking for opinions, maybe from people who have done it before?

I thought I wouldn't want to do something like that... but now, I don't know.. I think I want to. Of course, I know I'd be doing it because I need the money.
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#2 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 08:36 PM
 
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I really don't think I'd do it just because I was desperate for money (and it has crossed mine at times when we were very very bad off finacially). I could be wrong but I don't think the process is all that pleasant either. Hopefully someone who has btdt will respond.

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#3 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 08:40 PM
 
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Personally, I think you would. JMHO.

If you do, be sure all of the medical procedures are explained fully to you. Informed Consent.
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#4 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 08:40 PM
 
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I know of one person who did it in her 20s to pay for MW school. If you PM me, I'll find out if she wants to talk about it, and give you her email. (I'm not sure if she is open about it on the board)
Being an egg donor isn't something you should do lightly. I think it's an amazing gift.

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#5 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 08:42 PM
 
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Would it even be possible to do if you are breastfeeding? I assumed with the hormones you have to take it wouldn't be okay but again I don't know a lot about it.

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#6 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 08:46 PM
 
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Oh just wanted to say, I've been through IVF, which is the same process. It wasn't horrible. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. I worked through the whole process ( a little lighter than normal, but my job is very physical) taking one day off before the egg retrieval due to discomfort, and two days off after (since my job is so physical). The hormones weren't too bad for me.
However, I was doing it for me.... so I had a very different mind set.

Oh, and there was a thread in infertility about doing IVF while BF. (same drugs)... and some women have researched it. You can search there for info.

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#7 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 08:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiromama
Oh just wanted to say, I've been through IVF, which is the same process. It wasn't horrible. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't horrible. I worked through the whole process ( a little lighter than normal, but my job is very physical) taking one day off before the egg retrieval due to discomfort, and two days off after (since my job is so physical). The hormones weren't too bad for me.
However, I was doing it for me.... so I had a very different mind set.

Oh, and there was a thread in infertility about doing IVF while BF. (same drugs)... and some women have researched it. You can search there for info.
Were you ever given scientific information about the long term problems with hormonal hyperstimulation of the ovaries? I have issues with doctors who do not give full disclosure to desparate women.
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#8 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 08:58 PM
 
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Who said I was desperate?

Yes, we discussed all of the risks associated with the proceedure. I'm a doctor, not an idiot. We know what are risks were (which weren't that many) and we weighed the risks/benefits, and made the right decision for our family.

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#9 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:03 PM
 
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I have done it twice, and I do not regret it. Any reputable clinic will inform you of all the risks, 10,000 times over. Believe me, they aren't trying to put one over on you just to get your eggs. I even had to talk to a counselor before they would allow me to donate. It was a great experience and the process was not that bad. The worst part was giving yourself the first injection. If you've never done it before it can be hard to do the first time.

Having gone through infertility myself, I am grateful and happy that I had the opportunity to help 2 couples create a family. I certainly wasn't going to use those eggs. But 2 couples who have truly known what it is like to want a child got their wish because of those eggs. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Even more now that a very good friend just had IVF with donor eggs a week ago today. She's the best mom I know, and I'm sure some of that is due to what she had to go through to be a mom to her first.

They would not allow you if you are still nursing however.
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#10 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:05 PM
 
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Miriam, I find it more than a little offensive that you would assume that someone choosing to undergo infertility treatment is uninformed and desperate. I don't know if you've ever experienced the hell that is infertility, but I can assure you that treatment decisions are not made lightly.

ETA: Being that I am in the midst of battling infertility and won't use donor eggs, I'm not in a position to have an opinion on egg donation. Well, other than knowing that it is an amazing gift for couples/women who need to go that route to have their own children.
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#11 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:08 PM
 
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Wow! I think everyone needs to take a step back. I don't think anyone ment anything insulting or degrading. There are many women who are not given full disclosure, given the fact that you are a doctor I would also think that your understanding of the process may be above and beyond what others not in the medical field understand. And no one said you were an idiot or desperate the pp inferred that many women who go through IVF are desperately wanting a child. I don't think this was hurled at you personally and is a accurate statement of how some women feel when they get to the IVF stage. I've personally delt with three women who just in there soul had such a need to have a baby of their own, that it was heartbreaking to see their pain and dsiapointment at barious stages. But when they held that little baby in their arms, it was all worth it!

 
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#12 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:18 PM
 
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Whether she meant to be offensive or not, she was. And, FTR, I'm not in the medical field, but I understand the risks/benefits of IF treatments. Unless you're an RE, I'd be willing to bet I understand them quite a bit better than you. Because when you're infertile, it's hard to think about anything else.

It's not like infertile women are cattle - blindly going along with what the doctor says. If that were the case, most infertile women would never make it to an RE. They'd trust their GYN when he says they just need to relax.....
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#13 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:19 PM
 
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I appreciate your reply Catherine, however, most women who get as far as IVF may be aching inside to be pregnant, but they weigh all the risks before making a decision, andmany agonize over these decisions. You spend HOURS with the doctors, nurses and embryologists discussing risks and options. I'm a chiropractor, not a reproductive specialist. I had to research everything as much as someone who knows nothing about anything in the medical field. And, yes, she did inferr that I was desperate, and she assumed that I wasn't given proper information. I was just remarking about my personal experience with egg retrieval, not trying to spark a discussion about infertility.

Anyway, back to the discussion about egg donors. One important factor is choosing a really good clinic. Fortunately, if you do decide that being an egg donor is a good path for you, there are two great clinics here in Portland. Both have great reputations, and amazing staff. You would have to undergo extensive counseling, and what not. Again, it's not a light decision, and it shouldn't be done just for money.

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#14 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:21 PM
 
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I don't believe the pp meant to offend anyone. However, her use of the word "desperate" to describe "women" who persue treatment was not only inappropriate, but degrading.

The problem is in her choice of words. This echos and perpetuates a certain image of infertile "women" (quotes are used because infertility is, in fact, a couple's problem, not merely a woman's problem, as this wording would suggest) that is not only derogatory, but untrue.

I would hope that on this board, in particular, we know much better than to judge what we do not, ourselves know to be true.
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#15 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:26 PM
 
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The OP does not mention desperate. She says she would be doing it for money. The first person to reply mentioned the word desperate.

I would do it and have looked into it. I am really curious about it and have put some serious thought into it. At this point in the game though it would also be for the money so I'm not sure I could do it based off that.

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#16 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:39 PM
 
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This is an interesting thread, as my dh and I were talking about donation a few days ago. I was wondering about the process, but also about the fact that he told me that, OK, and here's where it gets foggy, that eggs can be sold for research in making and using stem cell research? I am not against stem cell research, just wondering if anyone else knew about it, and can you choose someone to give your eggs too, or are they just banked?

He feels funny about sperm donation because then he said there would be his dna out there walking around with no way of knowing if the children would be well taken care of. I wonder about this too, how I would feel to know that I had a piece of myself out there, but I also think or maybe hope that is someone is willing to put themselves through such a hard and difficult process they would love that baby and take wonderful care of it. I wonder too in the future if that child wanted to find it's biological mother, or dna mother?, if they could. Wow, it gets pretty complicated.

I thought I might be donating my eggs to my sister, but she ended up not needing them, and sometimes I wonder if it might be wierd to know that you niece or nephew was genetically yours, but then again, your nieces and nephews already share someof your dna, so what's a little more?

Sorry to hijack, just some of my questions, wondering if anyone else has had any of the same questions?

 
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#17 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djs_girl517
Whether she meant to be offensive or not, she was. And, FTR, I'm not in the medical field, but I understand the risks/benefits of IF treatments. Unless you're an RE, I'd be willing to bet I understand them quite a bit better than you. Because when you're infertile, it's hard to think about anything else.

It's not like infertile women are cattle - blindly going along with what the doctor says. If that were the case, most infertile women would never make it to an RE. They'd trust their GYN when he says they just need to relax.....
That is true. I know over the last year, I have learned more about many issues facing myself and my son than any of my doctors know about. It can be very frustrating to be in that position.

 
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#18 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:46 PM
 
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Catherine, as far as I know, there are no eggs/embryos going for stem cell research currently. Our clinic made it very clear that at this point (thanks administration!) no new embryos are allowed to be put into research. Our choices for what was not used was freezer or destroy. They can be frozen (the embryos, i dont' know how long eggs are frozen for) for 5 years, then they are no longer viable. We have 6 in the freezer, and will not likely use them all. After we have had as many children as we want (probably just one more) we will see what are options are at that point.

It does get pretty complicated. We have legal custody over our embies, and had to sign SO MANY things regarding it, including what we would do if we got divorced (yeah, that's a fun conversation to have!). I can only assume that ED involves lots of things similar to adoption (ie. open or closed)

Those are good questions though. and Should be considered by anyone going through the ED process.

(ok typing ED (egg donor) makes me think of Bob Dole and his ED (erectile disfunction) commercials) :

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#19 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:48 PM
 
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forgive my ignorance but how exactly does one even go about doing this? I am not being snarky I truly want to know..I have my own perfect sweet DS..and I am ok with just one.. really.. but I would totally donate and egg for someone who wanted a baby..the thought never even entered my mind...I am going to google this and try and educate myself but I would love to hear from someone who actually did this.. thanks alot mamas!!
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#20 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:55 PM
 
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Zaxmama, I'd google it, and also see if there is an infertilty clinic in your area that has a donor program. The donor program at my clinic ( we didn't use it, my eggs were good ) has people come from all over the country to use it, as it has a great success rate.
The last thing I'd do is answer an ad in the paper or online for egg donors. I'd look at reputable clinics only. Googling with get you LOTS of info, I'm sure.

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#21 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chiromama
(ok typing ED (egg donor) makes me think of Bob Dole and his ED (erectile disfunction) commercials) :
OMG, I'll never be able to look at ED again! :

 
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#22 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:56 PM
 
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i personally couldn't do it except for very close friends or family but if you feel that you can then, why not?

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
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#23 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 09:57 PM
 
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Most places you see it online it's DE. Less erectile.

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#24 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 10:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wasn't sure about donating while bfing... thanks for the info.

but chiromama, can you pm me the clinics you are thinking of? even better if you have links to them. thanks .
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#25 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 10:13 PM
 
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Sure thing Kirei! How old are you? There are age limits for egg donors, that may help yourdecision.

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well I googled it..and WOW..I live close to Philly so there are plenty of clinical options there..however I have a history of Diabetes, and heart disease in my family..and that is not a savory quality for a DE...but I fully understand. its a shame because I made one really awesome child..I would donate if a friend or family member wanted but I seriously doubt a stranger would chose my blemished family history egg over a healthy one and I really cannot blame them...but I was curious..so I learned something new today
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#27 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 10:56 PM
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Would you regret it? Who knows?

Would it be an amazing experience? Proobably.

If you are wondering, talk to a clinic. Have a conversation and read all the disclosure forms. Just looking at all that paperwork and the med protocol may tell you how you would feel about it.

As for the risks, women I know who have donated, or gone thru IVF are so frighteningly well informed, that we tend to make our doctors have to look things up. Never assume that because a woman chooses to do either IVF or egg donation that she is ill informed, or being hoodwinked, or desperate. We aren't. In fact, doing IVF was one of the most calculated decisions of my life. We aren't guinea pigs, we aren't slaves, we aren't being forced to do it against our will. We do have to read a lot of information, learn a lot about our bodies, and think a lot about every single decision we make. Chances are we are more informed about the risks than anyone other than the REs and IVF nurses. I KNOW that my OB doesn't know as much about it as I do...he said as much.

Be gentle. Try not to assume that because someone makes a choice that you don't, that they are somehow misinformed or ignorant....or desperate.

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#28 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 11:58 PM
 
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#29 of 47 Old 12-09-2005, 11:59 PM
 
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Can you post some valid information to back that claim up please?

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#30 of 47 Old 12-10-2005, 12:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djs_girl517
Whether she meant to be offensive or not, she was. And, FTR, I'm not in the medical field, but I understand the risks/benefits of IF treatments. Unless you're an RE, I'd be willing to bet I understand them quite a bit better than you. Because when you're infertile, it's hard to think about anything else.

It's not like infertile women are cattle - blindly going along with what the doctor says. If that were the case, most infertile women would never make it to an RE. They'd trust their GYN when he says they just need to relax.....
:

To the OP, I think being an egg donor is a really amazing gift. I don't think I have it in me to do it, but I admire women who do.
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