So, how old is too old? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 06-16-2006, 05:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm 40 and my boys are 4.5 and almost one. I'd kind of like to have one more, but I feel like pregnancy and nursing take a lot out of me, and part of me fears that doing it again would take me years to recover from. I'm just tired and I don't bounce back like I used to.

Any thoughts? I'd most like to hear from other "older" ladies who've been there but of course all opinions are welcome
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#2 of 16 Old 06-16-2006, 06:57 PM
 
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Well I cannot speak for myself, however, my mom was 43 when she had me and 45 when she had my brother and I remember when we were younger, it was so hard for her at times to keep up with us and she was always taking naps. My mom also had a harder time with her body bouncing back, like losing the baby weight. I hope this helps you and I know that you will make the decison that is right for you and your family!
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#3 of 16 Old 06-17-2006, 10:02 AM
 
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Hi Melissa-I totally understand. I'll be 42 in August, and have a six year old and an almost 3 year old. My husband travels a lot, and we have zero family nearby. I worka very hard! And it definitely clouds how I feel about #3-still very much on the fence about it. If I were to have another it would be my third cesarean, which I truly do not want to go through again. I've pretty much reached the decision to remain where we are (love where we are now, too) but I do get those twinges. Good luck, whatever you decide!
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#4 of 16 Old 06-18-2006, 01:17 AM
 
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I am about to turn 37 and really want to have a third child. I don't think one is too old unless one feels too old. I also have a friend who had her second child at 41. It may have taken more out of her but her DD is just beautiful. I say listen to your heart on this one...
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#5 of 16 Old 06-19-2006, 05:15 PM
 
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I don't think anyone can tell you how old is too old. It is a very individual decision. I have a dear friend who felt that she was too old for more at age 29. I have another good friend who birthed her dd at age 41. You will know when you are done, when you are too old for another. Don't let anyone make the decision for you.
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#6 of 16 Old 06-22-2006, 12:17 AM
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I am 40 and have a 3 year old and want another. I had a miscarriage last month. That was tough. I am working with my naturopath to see if hormones are the problem. I do think that 40 is old and the body does not bounce back. I hear ya on the fact that it takes longer to recover but I think going into it knowing that helps. You can plan for the recovery taking longer. I knew after #1 that I could not have another child until she was weaned and ready to start preschool. I just know that I do not have the energy to nurse two children and deal with two children in dipes. My mil, who is one tough cookie, had her kids at 39 and 41 but then she only nursed them for a few months each and I am sure she did cio. She also spanked. I am not going that route at all and GD and extended breast feeding and cosleeping, they all take a lot of energy. I think you just have to plan for it and give yourself lots of time to rest. Having a one year old at home may mean you are not ready yet. Maybe wait a year.
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#7 of 16 Old 06-22-2006, 12:24 AM
 
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I'm 42, have 4 living children, and have had 4 miscarriages in the past 4 years. I would dearly love to have another. I know I'm not a spring chicken anymore, but if I was blessed with the miracle of a new life that actually made it through to birth, I would be so thrilled! I took my body's ability to conceive and carry a child so much for granted before. Now I realize what a miracle it all is. Go for it, mama!

Liz
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#8 of 16 Old 06-25-2006, 06:24 PM
 
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personally, i would look at the situation, and try to see what my feelings were aside from the age issue......and then see what your feelings are when you add that back in....If you truly want a child, i don't think there is such a thing as "too old".....it just depends on your feelings...

CPST
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#9 of 16 Old 06-30-2006, 08:25 PM
 
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How old is too old? --- Dead!

If you're able to conceive and carry a healthy baby, hey, that's a grace that many women aren't given.

Liz

Wife, and mother to a small fairy, a demolition expert, a special new someone this fall and a small dachshund.
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#10 of 16 Old 07-01-2006, 01:14 PM
 
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I don't think that 40 is too old personally. However, with a 4 1/2 year old and a one year old, you may be stretched pretty thin if you get pregnant. You certainly need to consider the impact that pregnancy and the postpartum recovery, as well as the additional demands of another babe will have on you, your body, and your two children - as well as your dh! How much of a support network do you have locally?

I am 38 and almost 20 weeks pregnant with my second child. I will be 39 in August. I am having a tough pregnancy with being unbelievably exhausted all of the time and the marathon sickness is very hard to deal with as well. Fortunately my dd is 4 1/2 and is very able to cope on her own when momma can't play with her or when I need to nap, which happens almost every day! She is mature enough that I can trust her to play alone while I nap, but I doubt I would be willing to do that with a 1 year old!

The advice from a pp on waiting longer is nice advice, but it may not be feasible if you are really intent on having another child. It took me 2 1/2 years to get pregnant this time around, but it turns out that we were dealing with male factor issues that don't relate to my age. lol But you have to consider whether you would rather have another child now and deal with the difficulties as opposed to taking your chances on waiting a year.

Did you get pregnant easily with your two children? If so you may have better odds if you want to wait longer to ttc.

Good luck with your decision. It's a hard one to make.
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#11 of 16 Old 07-01-2006, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks to all for your opinions. Seriously coloring my own thoughts is the experience of my friend, age 41, who had her first lin May '05 and is due with her second in August. Having two babies so closely together is taxing on the body, regardless, and at this age is even more difficult, IMO. She has struggled with health problems throughout her pregnancy.

I am still completely ambivalent about it, but do feel that if we are going to try for #3 that the time to do so would be this fall, around my 41st birthday. We didn't have any trouble conceiving #2 (thanks in part to Fertility Friend, I think) so that's a plus -- on the other hand, both of my boys are very energetic and "busy" and it might make sense to just deal with the hand we've already been dealt!
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#12 of 16 Old 07-01-2006, 06:44 PM
 
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My parents were older when they had me and my sisters. My mom was 40 with me and 45 with her last, and my dad was even older. He was 70 when his youngest graduated from high school.

It used to bug me and I said I wanted to be done by 35. There were things I thought weren't fair about having older parents, and sometimes I resented it. But then it hit me that obviously, it is a choice about being born or never having existed at all. Even if my parents had met at a younger age and had kids, I wouldn't have been that child. I was a product of that sperm and that egg and that time.

It's not like my parents hadn't already had kids--they had 10 between them when they met. I was not one of them. So I agree with dachsundqueen:
Quote:
How old is too old? --- Dead!

If you're able to conceive and carry a healthy baby, hey, that's a grace that many women aren't given.
If you really want another one, I would say you aren't too old. I've decided to limit my family size, and I sometimes think of the other kids I could have, but I really feel like I am done now. Of course, my mom probably felt the same way before she had me, since there is an eleven year age gap between her 4th and her 5th.
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#13 of 16 Old 07-01-2006, 07:16 PM
 
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Melissa, I am about your age (I turned 41 in February) and it makes me very angry when people say I am "too old" to have another baby.

What they mean is that I don't have the financial resources to pay for an anonymous donor insemination, a homebirth with a midwife (Blue Shield only covers half of that at best), and to stay home/work at home to homeschool #3 through high school the way I did my teens and that they can't imagine me parenting any other way.

I had my teens when I was in my twenties; I wanted them closer together than they were and looking back on that I'm glad I didn't get what I wanted. Tandem nursing a toddler and an infant and dealing with a moribund marriage was completely exhausting and being 27 didn't help much.

I can't imagine dealing with a pregnancy, a 1 year old, and another child under the age of five at any age. I'd like to tell both of us that we have plenty of time and we can wait, but neither of us can be but so sure of that.

If you do go for a close spacing between #2 and #3, please don't let anyone blame the normal exhaustion that comes from closely spaced children on your age.
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#14 of 16 Old 07-03-2006, 11:49 AM
 
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If you havnt hit meapause yet than you are not too old! I think older people make better parents becayse they have more patience. Do what you think is right for YOU.
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#15 of 16 Old 07-10-2006, 10:31 PM
 
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i was 43 when I had DS. Myfirst.
I say "my first" because I would love another.....who is to say it won't happen

Check out New Moon on my Astrology Site

http://tracyastrosalon.blogspot.com/

 

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#16 of 16 Old 07-14-2006, 02:49 PM
 
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A good friend of mine who had a "surprise" baby several (like 8?) years after her other three told me that he's kept her young. She really feels that. I'm 36 and have 2. I'd like one or two more, still with good spacing in between (2 or 3 years).
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