Rant!!! Is 35 too old to ttc - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 57 Old 08-07-2007, 02:07 PM
 
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My mom had me at 34 and my little sister at 37. She had a few problems but they had nothing to do with age. A woman at my church had her two year old at age 40 (her first and only).

Ph.D. Mama to Anaiah born 10/06/07 and Mathias born 11/14/09 and Wife to my cocoa puff DH.
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#32 of 57 Old 08-09-2007, 04:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lucky_mia View Post
I am happy to hear that you are pg and doing well but the reality is that a woman's fertility does start to decrease starting in her late twenties and even more so after 35 and certainly after 40. That does not mean a woman should not have a baby after 35, but they should have the facts. We see lots of celebrities having children in their 40s and really it is misleading as a woman has a very small chance of getting and staying pregnant after 40 with her own eggs. Many people are using donor eggs. I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs. Yes, it is possible but statisitcally, not very likely.
Statisically, a 40+ year old woman has a 5% chance of conceiving unaided. However, those odds can be aided with: fertility drugs, in-vitro fertilization or with zygote or gamete transfer. All of those procedures can be done with the woman's own eggs. I believe fertility is also enhanced if you are not trying to have your first over age 40. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's LIKELY the women used someone else's eggs, but they may have had some other fertility help.

As long as you are menstruating, you are still capable of conceiving. Age of menstruation/menopause is individual but tends to run in families. My mother conceived me at the age of 42 with only 1 ovary working. This was before the first test tube baby so it certainly wasn't with donor eggs. My sister had 3 children between the ages of 37 and 40 (3 under 3!) and my other sister had one child at the age of 42. DH and I are TTC and I'm 37.

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#33 of 57 Old 08-10-2007, 01:28 AM
 
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There certainly were no donor eggs when I concieved last year at age 43.
No donor eggs when Mom had conceived at 43 back in '80.

"What will you do once you know?"
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#34 of 57 Old 08-10-2007, 01:36 AM
 
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lucky mia...yes, both the women I work with got pregnant on their own with their own eggs. Both were quite surprised! In fact there were seven babies at work that year, we were joking it was something in the water

Yes fertility declines, we know this... but there's not really a "magic age" like this woman's doctor said, as everyone's different... by the way it only took us two months to conceive.
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#35 of 57 Old 08-10-2007, 02:49 PM
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WOW! I'm sorry!
You should at least leave a negative rating for here here:
http://ratemds.com/search.jsp?country=0
If her name isn't on the list, you can add it yourself.
Again, I'm very sorry. 35 isn't old AT ALL!!!!

DS-November 2007/DD-November 2009
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#36 of 57 Old 08-14-2007, 12:16 AM
 
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I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you're right- you need to drop that doc like a hot potato. I don't think 35 is too old to ttc by any means- I think as long as you are aware of the extra risks and are prepared to deal with them, it's certainly no self-important know-it-all doctor's place to presume to tell you what to do!

Wife to since '98; Homeschooling, working on my doctorate & becoming crunchier by the day; Mom to DSs: 06/10,12/05, & 1/99 & 1 on the way (3/15)
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#37 of 57 Old 08-16-2007, 12:41 AM
 
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this dr. sounds like an ignorant creep. I'm a labor and delivery nurse at a busy suburban hospital and I take care of women over 35 having totally normal, healthy pregnancies all the time. Blow her off...
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#38 of 57 Old 08-19-2007, 01:15 AM
 
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Depends on the woman I suppose... but I do know a mama who started at 35 and has 4 so far.....

Ange. Mama to boys. Yup. All Boys. All Intact. A bunch of other NFL, crunchy credentials too.
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#39 of 57 Old 08-21-2007, 10:19 AM
 
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Ah on her!

I had my 1st @ 34;
2nd @ 37
3rd @ 41

And I'm starting to feel that familiar pang for another baby now @ 42.

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#40 of 57 Old 08-23-2007, 11:38 PM
 
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I wonder if she would have had different comments if you did NOT yet have children? Or just one? I noticed the comments really changed when I was pregnant with number 3. There's a bit of a stigma against "larger" families of 3 or more kids. Being happy with 2 is some sort of standard. Nobody commented on my age but they did question my sanity at going for a 3rd. Whatever her prejudices, she was way off base. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
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#41 of 57 Old 08-27-2007, 02:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lucky_mia View Post
...the reality is that a woman's fertility does start to decrease starting in her late twenties and even more so after 35 and certainly after 40. That does not mean a woman should not have a baby after 35, but they should have the facts. We see lots of celebrities having children in their 40s and really it is misleading as a woman has a very small chance of getting and staying pregnant after 40 with her own eggs. Many people are using donor eggs.
I MUST disagree with everything you said.

I started an over 35 moms playgroup in my area. Within a month we had more women join than I could keep up with. We have closed the membership to invite only, so we now have 43 women over the age of 35 in our group. In the last month 5 of us have gotten pregnant. The oldest mama in our group is 48 BTW & she has a darling 9 month old boy made the old fashioned way.

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Originally Posted by lucky_mia View Post
I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs. Yes, it is possible but statisitcally, not very likely.
You're kidding right? Donor eggs my a**...AMA is just a label. I have conceived (Thank God) each time I have DTD with my husband during ovulation over the age of 42. My son was conceived when I was 43.
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#42 of 57 Old 08-27-2007, 03:24 AM
 
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I had my first baby last september at the age of 43. As far as fertility is concerned, I was using contraceptive (non latex condom).
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#43 of 57 Old 08-27-2007, 06:19 PM
 
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Ladies, Individual experiences, or even knowing a whole cluster of "older" moms does not negate the overall stats that on the whole our fertility does tend to drop while risks of certain outcomes do increase.

If "I was FF and turned out okay, and I know a whole bunch of others who are the same" is not good data to support a casual attitude towards refusing to breastfeed, then "I concieved after 40 and know a whole bunch of other new moms my age." is not valid data to refute the facts of how things generally go.

IMO, that just makes our babies, those who get so lucky, to be that much more of a miracle.

It also does not justify any medical professional being snotty or judgmental about our decision to try.

"What will you do once you know?"
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#44 of 57 Old 08-28-2007, 10:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Meiri View Post
Ladies, Individual experiences, or even knowing a whole cluster of "older" moms does not negate the overall stats that on the whole our fertility does tend to drop while risks of certain outcomes do increase.

...then "I concieved after 40 and know a whole bunch of other new moms my age." is not valid data to refute the facts of how things generally go.
I agree that our eggs get older, chromosomal abnormalities may occur more frequently (because our eggs are older)-thus more m/c and that on the 'whole' a woman's fertility isn't as strong as it is in her 20's. That doesn't mean being over 35 and TTC makes us rely upon donated eggs simply because of our age.

If we look through mdc's fertility forums we find women of all ages - but most especially younger gals going through the awful throws of infertility. Fertility issues are not limited to women over 35.

MDC has been a haven for me and so many others who question the medical statistics that have been shoved down our throats by the mainstream medical community. We see that often what we are told to accept by mainstream medical America is biased towards them being able to carry out more expensive tests, more diagnostic procedures, more medical procedures and make more money from us by performing these unnecessary tests to the detriment of our unborn babies and ourselves. It is in this frame of mind that I question all the negative nelly stuff that is thrown at women over the age of 35. It is my personal experience that successful pregnancies are very much possible for older mamas.

I think questioning the AMA label is a smart thing to do. There is just too much HYPE out there scaring the wits out of moms who are over 35 wanting to start a family.
Quote:
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IMO, that just makes our babies, those who get so lucky, to be that much more of a miracle.
I agree. Anyone who is blessed to birth a little soul holds a miracle in their hands.
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#45 of 57 Old 08-28-2007, 10:37 PM
 
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That doesn't mean being over 35 and TTC makes us rely upon donated eggs simply because of our age.
I wholeheartedly agree.

"What will you do once you know?"
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#46 of 57 Old 09-01-2007, 07:16 PM
 
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Just a little sidenote from a younger mama. Had my first at 26, and have been TTC for 2+ years now (age 27-30) and everyone keeps telling me "how young I am" and how it will all work out b/c how "young" I am. Now, as I approach 31, I live in fear that overnight I will suddenly become "too old" by medical standards. Whatever my age, my desire to grow my family is still present. Age is one factor in a list of many factors about a person's choice to grow or not to grow their family to 1, to 2, . . . or to 10. M/C happen to the young, to the old, to those who have to carry a heavy heart. Your MD was unethical and out of line, and should be given a very strong talking to!
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#47 of 57 Old 09-01-2007, 09:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lucky_mia View Post
Many people are using donor eggs. I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs.
Watch what you say there. I've had people assume I used donor eggs with my pregnancies because of my age. It's sort of like looking at a mother whose skin color differs from her child's, and assuming the child is adopted... I read a thread about that here too recently. There's nothing wrong with using donor eggs or adopting... but making assumptions like that is really not very polite.

I believe that the biggest reason so many women (who can afford the procedures) choose IVF and donor eggs is that the doctors tell them to do it. We're told "go see your doctor if it takes over 6 months to TTC at age 35 or older." I was told by doctors at age 36 and again at age 37 that my eggs were "too old" and I should go ahead and use donor eggs. Many of my friends in their 30s were told the same thing when they went to see their doctors, with no physical reason except for age. So they were, of course, terrified, and went ahead and did the IVF (some with their own eggs and some with donor eggs).... while other friends of mine who weren't even TTC got pregnant by accident in their late 30s (despite using birth control). Do you see something wrong with this picture?

As for us, we took a break from TTC for a while, improved our diets and general health, and when we tried again, at age 39 I had no trouble conceiving (on our first or second month TTC, I don't really remember), had an easy pregnancy, and we had a healthy homebirthed baby. When we decided to TTC our second child, I was 41 and we conceived the first month we tried; the pregnancy has been easy so far and baby is due next month.

Doctors suggest intervention to women over 35 because it raises the chances of conceiving a baby, but it is certainly not the ONLY way that women in their late 30s and early 40s have babies.
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#48 of 57 Old 09-02-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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I read somewhere that a great deal of this argument is confused because there just aren't as many women over 40 *trying* to have babies as there are in their 20s and early 30s. So saying "women over 40 are far less likely to get pregnant" is true--but in part because most women over 40 are not trying to get pregnant in the 1st place.

In other words, it's not necessarily accurate to compare the success rates of (say) 10,000 women in their 20s to 100 women between in their 40s. If you compared 10,000 of each that would give a better picture.

But I don't actually know what sort of studies have been done--has there been one that used a truly large sample of "old" women? or are they just using the records of infertility clinics? Still, I wonder what it would look like it if *most* women tried to get pregnant after age 35-40. I bet the average success rate would go up.
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#49 of 57 Old 09-02-2007, 03:19 PM
 
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Great point!
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#50 of 57 Old 09-04-2007, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, i've been obsessed with trying to get something done with this dr's assit. but haven't accomplished anything yet, DH wants me to drop it, i might do that and get on with my life. I had to tell family and friends we stopped ttc cuz they we're being just as bad as the lady that started all this in the first place. They think the time for me to have another baby has passed and i should be happy with the two i have, OMGosh! This is rediculous, How many people do i hafta tell, I AM happy with the 2 I have! I just want another. I NEVER thought of 35 as old. I'm a better mom now than when i had my oldest at 20yrs old. Crazy isn't it. Its so nice to come to a place like MDC to be Encouraged and tell me i'm not nuts to want another baby
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#51 of 57 Old 09-04-2007, 01:09 PM
 
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Well I am 41 and will be 42 in November. I just found out I am pregnant with our 3rd child, this morning. So us girls in our 40's can get pregnant without medical help. It doesn happen.

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#52 of 57 Old 09-04-2007, 11:15 PM
 
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You are definitely not nuts! I am 38 and would like to have another baby in a year or two, though I have to convince dh.
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#53 of 57 Old 09-06-2007, 12:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by tamagotchi View Post
Watch what you say there. I've had people assume I used donor eggs with my pregnancies because of my age. It's sort of like looking at a mother whose skin color differs from her child's, and assuming the child is adopted... I read a thread about that here too recently. There's nothing wrong with using donor eggs or adopting... but making assumptions like that is really not very polite.

I believe that the biggest reason so many women (who can afford the procedures) choose IVF and donor eggs is that the doctors tell them to do it. We're told "go see your doctor if it takes over 6 months to TTC at age 35 or older." I was told by doctors at age 36 and again at age 37 that my eggs were "too old" and I should go ahead and use donor eggs. Many of my friends in their 30s were told the same thing when they went to see their doctors, with no physical reason except for age. So they were, of course, terrified, and went ahead and did the IVF (some with their own eggs and some with donor eggs).... while other friends of mine who weren't even TTC got pregnant by accident in their late 30s (despite using birth control). Do you see something wrong with this picture?

As for us, we took a break from TTC for a while, improved our diets and general health, and when we tried again, at age 39 I had no trouble conceiving (on our first or second month TTC, I don't really remember), had an easy pregnancy, and we had a healthy homebirthed baby. When we decided to TTC our second child, I was 41 and we conceived the first month we tried; the pregnancy has been easy so far and baby is due next month.

Doctors suggest intervention to women over 35 because it raises the chances of conceiving a baby, but it is certainly not the ONLY way that women in their late 30s and early 40s have babies.
I see what you are saying and I am in no way saying that intervention is the only way a woman over 35 or over 40 can get pregnant. Certainly not. I believe women should be empowered about all aspects of their reproduction including understanding how their fertility works. I think much of what we are seeing in Hollywood is misleading and makes woman think that they can wait to have children and it will always work out. Yes, it many cases it does and I am very happy it did for you but often it does not and women are devistated to then have to embark on the rollercoaster of TTC with help.

I was not trying to be rude and make any assumptions but the odds of conceiving on your on at 45 are about 1%. My DH hit the lottery. People do beat the odds but a woman should at least know what her odds are she can make informed decisions. Not so she is scared, but just so she has all the information. I thought being fully informed as a woman was a big part of MDC.

I frequent many infertility boards as I have dealt with infertility myself, long before I was even in my 30s. Many women on these boards who have used donor eggs or donor sperm pride themselves on "fooling" coworkers into thinking it just happened. Often they don't even disclose the extend of what they went through to friends or family - nor should they if they the don't want to. I was just pointing out that things are not always as they appear. Obviously that was not the case with the OP's coworkers.

OP - You are absolutely are not nuts to want another one. I am going to try for another one this year and I am almost 40.

Let them sleep in the middle, Let them be little
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#54 of 57 Old 09-06-2007, 12:19 AM
 
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Count me in for one more pg and healthy baby... DS born when I was 41!

There is a mom's group on fertilityfriend.com for over 40's... there are tons of us! And I rarely hear any of them talk about using donor eggs.

And I do remember some smart mom debunking with facts the "stats" of 5% or less... I think it's BS and know many moms over 40.

I think the 5% had to do with how many births are to women over 40 over all...not necessarily to how many 40 and overs try to get pg and fail. Kwim?
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#55 of 57 Old 09-06-2007, 02:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Meiri View Post
Ladies, Individual experiences, or even knowing a whole cluster of "older" moms does not negate the overall stats that on the whole our fertility does tend to drop while risks of certain outcomes do increase.

If "I was FF and turned out okay, and I know a whole bunch of others who are the same" is not good data to support a casual attitude towards refusing to breastfeed, then "I concieved after 40 and know a whole bunch of other new moms my age." is not valid data to refute the facts of how things generally go.

IMO, that just makes our babies, those who get so lucky, to be that much more of a miracle.

It also does not justify any medical professional being snotty or judgmental about our decision to try.
Yep, all the "well, it happened to me" doesn't change the overall population-level statistics. Of course, if you start a playgroup for moms over 35, you'll get a lot of moms over 35. Because it can and does happen. However, if you started a support group for women over 35 who were having age-related fertility issues, you would also get big group -- because that would be who you were selecting for.

Women in their 30s and 40s can get pregnant and have healthy, happy, pregnancies, great births, and healthy, happy, babies. No denying it. But its also not a good idea to pretend that the decline in fertility and increase in miscarriage rates doesn't exist - because on a wider population level, it does.

The doctor shouldn't have tried to dissuade you - there's nothing wrong with being open to more babies after 35 - but don't use anecdotal data to rebut her if you choose to file a complaint.

savithny, 42 year old moderate mom to DS Primo (age 12) and DD Secunda (age 9).

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#56 of 57 Old 09-07-2007, 09:38 PM
 
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I had my first at 40. Got pregnant first month we tried. No donor eggs, no science. Considering #2 as I type. If I conceive soon I will be 42 when next babe is born.
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#57 of 57 Old 09-09-2007, 12:00 AM
 
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I got pregnant at 34 with a diaphragm in place. At 38 and 39 I've tried just about everything except a diaphragm. : It is hard to read other mamas talking about the challenges of getting pregnant as we age as if it were a myth.
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