Rant!!! Is 35 too old to ttc - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 57 Old 07-27-2007, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sorry but i just hafta leave off some steam, i went to the dr (anxiety probs) and i've only ever seen her twice cuz i just don't go to the dr but she was asking me what i guess was normal questions like my age, history of illness, etc, and when she got to the question of birth control and just assumed i had my tubes tied i was furious, i said i wasn't on any bc and she just looked at me then asked if i was planning on getting on bc, i said no i want another baby, then she proceeded to explain that women over 35 have alot more problems, i should be happy with the 2 i have, etc, now don't get me wrong, i'm very happy with the 2 i have but is there something wrong with wanting another, i've heard of lots of women over 35 having a totally normal pg and birth. I told her i know all about trouble getting/staying pg, i've had 5 mc, then she said well you've had all those problems when you were younger just think how many more problems your gonna have being older. I just let the subject go but i believe that will be my last visit with her. I'm just so mad that people just assume i'm done having children since i've reached that wicked "35", i will be 36 in Jan. and i'm not sure when i'll stop ttc, i just know i'm not ready to quit yet! Thenks for letting me vent, i'm done now and i do feel alittle better, its amazing how venting on a computer will make you feel better
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#2 of 57 Old 07-27-2007, 12:22 PM
 
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I had my first child at 37 and am expecting my second at 40. My first was perfectly healthy and I'm having a normal second pregnancy with absolutely no complications.

I too had several miscarriages but all of the doctors I saw said that they could have been because of my age or some other unknown reason. My OB said that he has seen many younger women suffer multiple miscarriages.

You should definately not see this doctor again.
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#3 of 57 Old 07-27-2007, 03:58 PM
 
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No! 35 is not too old! It's amazing that a female doctor was saying this to you.

I'm 36 and expecting my first in November. Husband works with a 42-year-old woman expecting her first in December.

I am having a problem-free pregnancy (no morning sickness! no heartburn! no anything!).

I would not visit a seriously misinformed doctor like that again.
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#4 of 57 Old 07-27-2007, 11:56 PM
 
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Not too old !!! I was 40 when I had dd now 28 months -perfectly healthy pregnancy and birth .Now 1 wk. shy of 43 ttc another.

ita pp lose the dr. w/ antiquated notions...lol
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#5 of 57 Old 07-28-2007, 12:03 AM
 
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That doctor was way out of line with that. It is not her decision how many children you may or may not choose to have or when.

We had DD when I was 36, concieved when I was 35.

We're not being "careful" now. We shall see what happens.

Granted, the risks of certain abnormalities do increase with age, but you/we go into this informed, right? We know what we're willing to face, or we find out, IF... IF being the operative word.

"What will you do once you know?"
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#6 of 57 Old 07-28-2007, 12:13 AM
 
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What she said was outrageous. I'm 36 and pg with my first. It seemed that before we were TTC, everywhere I looked were articles about how it was SO DANGEROUS and SO MANY WOMEN just had left it too late, and couldn't get pregnant like they thought, and blah blah blah. My mom, feminist from the '70's that she is, thinks it's a plot by men to scare women out of the working world and back into the homes by telling them they have to have babies sooner. Ha!

Last year two of my coworkers who were each 45 had perfectly healthy pregnancies which resulted in two beautiful babies. I've had no complications (knock on wood)... in fact I'm healthier now that I'm "AMA" than I was two years ago before I reached the DREADED 35.

This attitude drives me nuts. I would've been a terrible mother ten years ago! I was a nutcase in an abusive relationship! Now I'm calm, peaceful, settled, and married to a wonderful man. NOW is when I'm going to have babies, and I don't care who has what to say about it!

Find another doctor!

Scuse me, guess I had a little rant all my own!
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#7 of 57 Old 07-28-2007, 12:22 AM
 
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Of course you are not too old to ttc! It sounds like that doctor stepped over the line a bit with her comments. Aren't there mamas who have their first child at age 40 or later? 35 is definitely not too old, and I'm sure this is something that you and your family have put some thought into. It's not her decision, it is your family's decision!
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#8 of 57 Old 07-28-2007, 12:39 AM
 
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You're not too old. I am 39 and just had my first - a very healthy boy. It was an easy pregnancy, long labor, but no stitches or c-section (thank you, midwives!).

Yes, there is statistically a greater risk of down's syndrome and other trisomy disorders over age 35. But the numbers are averages and family history and other factors influence your specific risk factors. That your doc didn't simply state these things annoys me. I really don't like that so many doctors are negative and always looking for something wrong. One reason my DH and I chose to go the midwife route.

I took all the non-invasive tests and they gave me a pretty good sense that I didn't need/want an amnio. Their estimate of my chances of a down's syndrome baby were way less than that of a miscarriage from amnio (1 in 2000 vs. 1 in 200 or 300 depending on practitioner.

For years I always thought that if I found out I was going to have a Down's baby that I would abort for his/her sake as well as my own. After seeing my little one moving around in my first ultrasound, however, I knew that no matter what I was going to keep my baby. Off the point, but true!
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#9 of 57 Old 07-28-2007, 03:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm glad to hear of all the great pregnancies after the big 35
I wouldn't have been nearly as angry at my dr if she would've just explained some risks that could happen (which of course i already knew) but it was just the way she handled it that was so wrong.
Congrats For All The Healthy Babies!!
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#10 of 57 Old 07-28-2007, 06:38 PM
 
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my mom had her first at 29 and the last of 7 at 41. We're all healthy and smart. The twins (born at age 35) were about 7 pounds each and born at term. The youngest (born at age 41) is amazingly talented in many ways.
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#11 of 57 Old 07-30-2007, 04:54 PM
 
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I was born when my mom was 35. And my sister had a baby at age 37--she and the baby are just fine.
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#12 of 57 Old 07-30-2007, 04:58 PM
 
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She's nuts, I just turned 37 and I am very purposely pregnant with babe #2. DP would really like 3 so I may be having another one at about 40.
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#13 of 57 Old 07-30-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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35 isn't that old! That's crazy. I'm over 35 and I've just started TTC.
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#14 of 57 Old 07-30-2007, 05:08 PM
 
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Wow! Nice, really nice. : Very insensitive.

I know I can't begin to imagine how shocked, angry, hurt, etc. you felt when she was going on that way. Can you report her to a supervisor (or at least the state medical board)?
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#15 of 57 Old 07-31-2007, 12:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not sure whether i can report her or not, i actually never thought of that but it is a good idea. I guess my main concern was to get outta there and never come back. I think i'll look into that though.

I'm just so glad to hear so many great stories about babies being born healthy after 35.
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#16 of 57 Old 07-31-2007, 12:53 AM
 
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I am turning 35 in December and presently TTC#3. I might want one more after this one.... I do not think 35+ is to old to be having a baby. I actually feel very blessed to be a mother at this stage in my life. It means I will get to enjoy motherhood into years where many woman are done raising children. I have noticed that each baby is taking longr to concieve, (#1 1 month TTC age 27, #2 8 months TTC age 32, #3 so far TTC 10 months), no proof that is age though..lol. Good luck in TTC....

Janet ~ Wife to Bryon (Ret. USN), Mama to Korbyn(12)homebirth.jpg, Koltyn (7)homebirth.jpgribboncesarean.gif, and Kashlynn (6/23/09)vbac.gif Our long awaited little girl!! ... a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (proverbs 31:30)

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#17 of 57 Old 07-31-2007, 12:54 AM
 
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My Mom had her my brothers and sister at age 22, 24, and 25. During the year after having
the third child she had a miscarriage, followed by another miscarriage about 6 years later.
This all happened before she was age 30. She then had me at age 38.


My sister had problems with her period her whole life, then in her early thirties went threw
several brain operations to remove tumors on her pituitary gland. She later had two children
at age 34 and 39.


I'm sorry your Doctor was so ignorant. Many women have children after 35, many of those
have had medical complications of many sorts. You keep positive, and only YOU can decide
when you are ready to stop trying.

-Janna, independent mother of dd, Ms. Mattie Sky born on my 25th birthday, 06*23*2000. My Mama Feb.21,1938-Sept.10,2006
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#18 of 57 Old 07-31-2007, 01:05 AM
 
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I have to say that I feel like what your doctor said was unethical. She is incredibly misinformed and had NO business telling you that you had no right to consider a pg after age 35! I'd look at reporting her as well.....

I had my first child at age 36 (and he's pretty perfect!) and we're currently TTC #2 at age 40.

Shannon & Paul...married since 2000. Parents to Alexander Paul Martin - 30 October, 2003 Grace Elizabeth Maile - 12 June, 2009
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#19 of 57 Old 07-31-2007, 01:11 AM
 
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As long as you want to be pregnant and can, than you are never too old. What is old anyway?? 35 is just a number just like 36,37,38,39 and dare I say 40!!!

:CLC,Doula :Mama to 2
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#20 of 57 Old 07-31-2007, 01:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Grace24 View Post
What she said was outrageous. I'm 36 and pg with my first. It seemed that before we were TTC, everywhere I looked were articles about how it was SO DANGEROUS and SO MANY WOMEN just had left it too late, and couldn't get pregnant like they thought, and blah blah blah. My mom, feminist from the '70's that she is, thinks it's a plot by men to scare women out of the working world and back into the homes by telling them they have to have babies sooner. Ha!

Last year two of my coworkers who were each 45 had perfectly healthy pregnancies which resulted in two beautiful babies. I've had no complications (knock on wood)... in fact I'm healthier now that I'm "AMA" than I was two years ago before I reached the DREADED 35.

This attitude drives me nuts. I would've been a terrible mother ten years ago! I was a nutcase in an abusive relationship! Now I'm calm, peaceful, settled, and married to a wonderful man. NOW is when I'm going to have babies, and I don't care who has what to say about it!

Find another doctor!

Scuse me, guess I had a little rant all my own!
I am happy to hear that you are pg and doing well but the reality is that a woman's fertility does start to decrease starting in her late twenties and even more so after 35 and certainly after 40. That does not mean a woman should not have a baby after 35, but they should have the facts. We see lots of celebrities having children in their 40s and really it is misleading as a woman has a very small chance of getting and staying pregnant after 40 with her own eggs. Many people are using donor eggs. I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs. Yes, it is possible but statisitcally, not very likely.

Let them sleep in the middle, Let them be little
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#21 of 57 Old 07-31-2007, 07:43 PM
 
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i conceived #1 at 35 -- now 36 and eagerly awaiting birth. i have had morning sickness and swollen feet -- neither age-related.
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#22 of 57 Old 07-31-2007, 09:16 PM
 
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Gee, I hope 35 isn't too old. I'm 43 and ttc. I had #1 just before my 33rd birthday, #2 at 35, and #3 at 38. If all goes well I'll have #4 at 44.

Kiley
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#23 of 57 Old 08-01-2007, 04:03 PM
 
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I know of many women who have healthy children after age 35. In fact, statistically more and more women are having children later in life.

There was a study released last year that the magical cut-off age of 35 was no longer as valid due to a better understanding of pregnancy, fertility, and of course advances in medicine.

I know some women in their early 40s who are new mothers. It's quite common.

And in the age of more people going to college, having student loans, and getting married or partnered later in life, I think it seems like an understandable progression.
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#24 of 57 Old 08-01-2007, 05:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Grace24 View Post
I would've been a terrible mother ten years ago! ... Now I'm calm, peaceful, settled, and married to a wonderful man. NOW is when I'm going to have babies, and I don't care who has what to say about it!

Find another doctor!
:

I had #1 just before I turned 33, and #2 will definitely be after the age of 35, since I've only got 2-1/2 months until that milestone! In fact, I'll probably be 36 or 37 before we have #2.

Yes, women's fertility does decrease after the mid-20's, but instead of being a flippin' freak, your doc could've handled it in a much more reasonable and helpful way. ("If you're going to ttc again, let's talk about the risks, and what you can do to improve your chances..." etc.) Yikes. If you don't report her, I'd at least write a formal letter to the office and send a carbon copy to the medical board!

Stacey teaching teens to read & write... Daddy plays ska, DD1 (7/05) loves trees & princesses, & DD2 (3/10) loves mommy-milk! Please get your kids tested for lead.
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#25 of 57 Old 08-01-2007, 05:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies! I have some different news about this situation. I talked to a friend thats affiliated with the dr's office and she told me it wouldn't do any good to report her cuz she's just a Physician's Assistant and not a real dr, is that true? I didn't even know she was a assistant, people call her Dr.:
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#26 of 57 Old 08-02-2007, 01:42 AM
 
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Proof that UA violations come in all professions (see my sig.) Oh, and in many states, allowing people to call you "Dr." if you're a PA or NP is acting outside of your license & you can be disciplined for that by the state board. Just an FYI.

FTR, IMHO, health & willingness/readiness to have a child has much more to do with a healthy outcome for the child than mom's chronological age.

Certainly the fertility issues (and common need to use donor egg to achieve pregnancy in the 43-44+ range) mentioned by a PP are definitely there, but there's no reason to begin to *prevent* pregnancy at 35 or 40 just because of the birthday. It may be harder to get pg, but that doesn't mean a desired pregnancy is a bad idea.

crafty mama to Chloe and Emma (10/08) and Piper
emergency medicine PA and single mother by choice
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#27 of 57 Old 08-02-2007, 08:54 AM
 
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I talked to a friend thats affiliated with the dr's office and she told me it wouldn't do any good to report her cuz she's just a Physician's Assistant and not a real dr, is that true? I didn't even know she was a assistant, people call her Dr.:
I thought that PAs have a governing body as well as docs. My cousin is a PA, and I certainly know that she had to pass a bunch of exams in order to get her license (kind of like the bar exam for lawyers). It's not some fly-by-night profession. A PA has taken a masters degree program on top of a science-based undergrad, and has done at least one unpaid externship before being licensed. A PA has the ability to write prescriptions. So no, she's not a doc, but she still should know better and be professionally accountable!!

Stacey teaching teens to read & write... Daddy plays ska, DD1 (7/05) loves trees & princesses, & DD2 (3/10) loves mommy-milk! Please get your kids tested for lead.
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#28 of 57 Old 08-02-2007, 02:19 PM
 
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I would of given her an earful! I was 38 when I had #1 (my son), 40 when I had #2 (my daughter) and we are TTCing baby #3 and I will be 42 in November!

My OB/GYN has no problems with it at all. In fact she said go for it!

I know I am at high risk. Doubly so because my daughter has special needs. But we have made the decision to move forward and try for baby#3. Which will be our last one. Sadly...

Anne, Mama to Conner 2/27/04 blahblah.gif  Gabrielle 2/6/06 W/LMC-TCS, Neurogenic Bladder, AFO & KAFO wearer, Neurogenic Bowel energy.gif & Delaney 5/12/08 mischievous.gif &  Beethoven cat.gif& Gizmo cat.gif

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#29 of 57 Old 08-03-2007, 03:21 PM
 
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I am happy to hear that you are pg and doing well but the reality is that a woman's fertility does start to decrease starting in her late twenties and even more so after 35 and certainly after 40. That does not mean a woman should not have a baby after 35, but they should have the facts. We see lots of celebrities having children in their 40s and really it is misleading as a woman has a very small chance of getting and staying pregnant after 40 with her own eggs. Many people are using donor eggs. I bet the women in your office didn't get pregnant with their own eggs. Yes, it is possible but statisitcally, not very likely.
yes to that. I think that should have been touched upon. Maybe I'm more sensitive to the fertility angle of it because my grandma had twins at 41 and never had a period after that.
Also, my mom and her sister went through menopause around 41-42.

Michelle: wife to J, mom to M (2001), E (2003), C (2005), S (2007) and O! (2009) And someone new in 2011!
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#30 of 57 Old 08-03-2007, 04:58 PM
 
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I am 42 and currently pregnant (past the 12 week mark) as a single mother by choice using my own eggs and very low-tech insemination methods. This has been the EASIEST pregnancy I have ever experienced, although part of that may be that I take things in stride more now than I did in my 20s and that I don't expect life to hand me nothing but flowers and sunshine.

This will also be my first UC/UP, although I have had three midwife assisted births.

One of my mentors had her youngest (of twelve) when she was 46, and she's not the type to use donor eggs and high-tech reproductive technology even if she could afford it which she can't.

Your doctor was out of line. I used to believe the 35 cut-off lie myself, but I wasn't ready to have another baby when I was only 35; I was still too flaky and too burned from the consequences of having a crack addict's kids and my big kids were too needy.

It only took me fifteen cycles to conceive this babe and I was not able to arrange things with the donor for all fifteen of those cycles. It took almost three years between my surviving dd and my ds and I was married and in my early 20s.

Please do not automatically assume that you will have more problems with TTC, pregnancy, and birth just because you are older. I was certainly prepared, but it has not proven to be the case. My littlest little one has been pure joy and s/he was the best decision I have ever made.
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