I need a lot of input...please help with our family planning - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 02:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Blessed with two BEAUTIFUL little girls: Kylie (09/06) and Maggie (4/09) :
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#2 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 03:29 PM
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Well, I wouldn't let other people (other than your partner that is) help to decide whether you bring another life into the world, firstly.

Secondly, sharing a bedroom is no big deal. Even for different genders, who won't need their own privacy for a lonnnnnnnnnng time, there are ways to create that if you are willing and well.. creative

Your finances sound okay, but that isn't a deciding factor in my book anyway. Of course, it is wise to choose to get pregnant when you are in a good financial state but we were extremely poor financially when I got pregnant and we did just fine (dd is 3 and we are much better off now financially).

If you waited until your daughter was two to try to conceive (which is not long at all), that would give an approximate 3 year difference depending on how long it took to conceive which I think is a pretty good age difference.

I think though, that you should be at peace within yourself and with your husband before moving forward. It sounds though, like you are ready. Do you honestly think the family who are "not sure" about it will think twice when they see that adorable bundle? They will melt like puddles, cmon.

Good luck
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#3 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 03:44 PM
 
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I second the opinion that only you and your DH should make this decision. Given that your DD is almost 2, personally I would go for it. You don't know how long it will take, and I think an aprox 3 year spacing is good, which is what you would end up with.
I think sharing a room can be a good thing.
Good luck with whatever you decide!

Abby, Mom to Matthew (9/14/06) and new baby Annabelle (10/04/09), Wife to Dan
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#4 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 04:01 PM
 
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I would never let anyone other than my dh help me decide if we should have another child. I wouldn't even discuss it with parents or in-laws!

They won't always be babysitting your kids. Eventually they'll be in school.

I feel like temporary issues shouldn't cloud the decision making process too much. Your finances may change, your housing might change, but your kids will be here regardless. And if the spacing seems right to you & you're both at peace with it, then you have you answer right there!

The bedrooms wouldn't be an issue either for me. I just saw on tv last night a family with one son & two daughters, they all share a room. They had a bunk bed and a loft bed in a very tiny room. The kids didn't complain. Like I said, those things are trivial! This is your family dynamic you're planning!!

Good luck making your decision!
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#5 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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I think if you and your DH are up for it go for it! I feel it is silly to wait for every single star in the sky to line up in order to plan another baby. People could always have more money, more time, more room in the house, more baby sitters. But if you have the love and the desire for a child and the ability to keep them fed and warm, go for it!

Jenese Mama to Elliot 8/05 and Millie Jane 7/07 and Cecilia Kate 1/11
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#6 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 05:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#7 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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I mostly lurk around these parts, but this thread caught my eye.

I completely agree that you and dh should be the ones to decide when will be the right time to grow your family...HOWEVER, if you are relying on these other people for childcare, I think you need to find out from them whether their hesitations over your having another are because they don't want to/can't/don't think they can handle 2 children under 3. If that's part of their hesitation (and they need to be blunt about it), then you and dh might need to look into alternative childcare situations, which is another legitimate aspect of growing your family. I don't mean to be the voice of dissent - but it's an important consideration. They are officially part of the equasion if they are giving their time and energy to help out.
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#8 of 18 Old 07-31-2008, 06:31 PM
 
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I think the choice to have children is 100% up to you and your dp, but it seems unfair to expect continued child care from family members who may not be happy to be relied on in that way. I think you should insure they have a choice about additional obligation to you and your children.

ME&treehugger.gifHE... loving our: wild.gifdd(18) ~~violin.gifds(13) read.gifdd(13)~~ peace.gifdd(10)
 
 

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#9 of 18 Old 08-01-2008, 03:52 PM
 
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hey! we are in the same situation! my ds #2 will be 2 years in september. well, hubbie and i decided that we would just go for it. who knows how long it will take, esp since i am 30 now ! lol! definitely what the pp say...it is up to you and your dp. it sounds like you know what the answer is.

have fun!
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#10 of 18 Old 08-05-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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I'm having the same dilemna. My mom helps out a lot with childcare and making things harder for her does weigh on me a lot. I totally understand the idea of just deciding with your DH but perhaps being realistic about needing to find alternative childcare arrangements. I have the "good job" in our family so not going back to work isn't an option. Right now we don't have to use daycare at all but with another little one that might come into play. At any rate, I don't have anything figured out because I also agree with the fact that there will never be a perfect time. Good luck finding the right path for your family.

~m. Mama to two! DS (11/2006) and DD (07/2010).

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#11 of 18 Old 08-06-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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There will never be the perfect time, if you and DH are ready, go for it!! I can't imagine anyone other than DH and I planning our family.

Things always seem to fall into place when the time comes. You'll have whatever time it takes to get pregnant (don't want to freak you out but it took us 4.5 years for #2), 9mos, and whatever time off you have from work to sort out child care and any other issues. Who knows where things will stand by then ... you could win the lotto and never have to go to work again ...

Good luck and happy baby making
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#12 of 18 Old 08-06-2008, 12:29 AM
 
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TA with what's been said so far. It's a choice you and your dh make, and only your choice. Besides, having a toddler means less time to try anyway, so you might as well start trying when you feel ready! Good luck!

Xan
stay at home, unschooling mommy to D (Jan., '07), G (May '09), T (Nov '10), and M (Jan '13)

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#13 of 18 Old 08-06-2008, 12:58 PM
 
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I'm also right there with you in fact DH and I DTD, the other day when I was fertile, I told him flat out it could be an accident waiting to happen(although it was the ol pull and pray). Except I have been praying that it could happen.

My DD also will be 2 in Sept. I have a good friend who's pg with #2, I was so against it a couple months ago and then BAM!!!! I was so into having another and not caring about it so much.

Ugh...I so wouldn't care what other people think except DH, if he was on board, I'd probably be too. The other day he just said "whatever happens, happens..."

We'll see.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#14 of 18 Old 08-09-2008, 11:52 AM
 
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I think you should have talk with the people that are telling you to wait. Just let them know that you are troubled because you seriously want to have another baby now....list all the good reasons why...and let them know that you are just troubled because THEY say you should wait, and their opinion means a lot to you. After the convo. it may turn out that they didn't realize their opinion was carrying so much weight, see how much you and your family REALLY wants a baby, feel respected for having their opinion valued, and end up giving you their blessing and telling you to go for it.

...now obviously I don't know these people, but that's just my opinion.
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#15 of 18 Old 08-09-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by H & J's Mom View Post
There will never be the perfect time, if you and DH are ready, go for it!!
I couldn't agree with this more. If DP and I had waited for a "perfect time" to TTC, I think we'd likely still be childless instead of trying for #2.

DS will be two in December. We live in a two-bedroom apartment. And that's okay with us. We cosleep, so even if we had a bigger place the kids'd still be bunking in with us. Three years ago we made the decision that we wanted kids more than we wanted to own a home. And I am so happy that that is the route we went. DS is awesome and I am looking forward to having another sometime before the end of 2009.

lemurmommies, loving wife to ruvalokiteshvara, proud moms to our intact son E (12/06), and mourning the loss of our daughter Noelle (stillborn 12/08).
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#16 of 18 Old 08-10-2008, 12:03 PM
 
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I am in the exact situation, almost. We are TTC, daughter is almost 2, my mom is adamantly opposed to it and she's the caregiver while I'm at work. But you know what? I think she'll be ok. She'll see the new baby and love it as much as she does my DD.

I'm also seriously considering pinching some major pennies to send DD to Montessori when she turns 3 (around the time I"d be having #2, hopefully). It would only be a half day thing but it would give my mom a break.

--"Mama Bear" : to DD 8/06
Tree-hugging :, queer-loving , liberal, feminist hippie mom! :
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#17 of 18 Old 08-10-2008, 12:56 PM
 
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I agree with the previous poster who said to talk to your babysitting family members and find out what they think the problem is. You can do this in a way that makes it clear its your decision but at least addresses their concerns.

One thing that I've found is that other people, who aren't the ones who are hanging around for 9 months waiting for the baby to arrive tend to forget that it takes time to make a baby and that for example DD who still needs diaper changes might even be toilet trained by the time newbaby is born, or at least on her way to it. They may be picturing caring for DD and a baby the way things are now, and not realizing she will be close to a year older (depending on how long it takes you to conceive maybe even more than a year older)

Its obviously not their decision to make (it isn't always even YOUR decision to make...sometimes pregnancy happens even when you are planning other things) but its clear that thier opinion means a lot to you and it would be nice to have them on board. Good luck!
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#18 of 18 Old 08-10-2008, 01:41 PM
 
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I just want to chime in on the not letting other people decide the "right" time for you. It is solely up to you and your DH!

This is just a little pet peeve of mine....if I would have done what my mom thought I would never have any little rays of joy!
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