Introvert Mamas? - Page 17 - Mothering Forums

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#481 of 806 Old 01-15-2010, 08:28 PM
 
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Hey all...I've been lurking for a while and haven't found the time to post. I'm a moderately introverted mama with one DS who's extremely extroverted, spirited, and high energy. DD kind of remains to be seen, but seems to be less extroverted than DS.

Anyway, I was feeling overwhelmed and decided to lock myself in the office for 5 minutes to regroup and check email. I've been working on this with DS, the idea that sometimes I need alone time and he has to entertain himself. I was in here for about 1 minute and I hear him shouting at the door. "Mama! Mama!" he says. "LOOK AT MY HAND!" He's sticking his hand under the crack of the door. I just had to laugh. He needs that feeling of connection and interaction ALL. THE. TIME.

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#482 of 806 Old 01-19-2010, 01:15 PM
 
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I get really stressed at the idea of companyy, too, not just houseguests. If I can get away with it, I don't answer the door, and I don't invite people over. If my kids invite their friends, I'm okay with that. I don't love it, but I don't want my kids to suffer because of my discomfort. The major responsibility to entertain them is not mine, and I don't mind fixing snacks for them. They stay a few hours and go away.

My husband recently complained about how we don't have people over, but I'm sure it never crossed his mind that part of the reason I don't like having people over is that he NEVER cleans ANYTHING. He would think nothing of inviting people even if the house hadn't been vacuumed in weeks - he'd never notice it. Plus our living room isn't large, and there aren't enough chairs. We really only have room for five to sit, including us.

And the whole dinner party scenario makes my blood run cold. We've been married a long time, and he still doesn't understand introversion and doesn't even really want me to explain it to him. (He said he was tired of hearing about it, which to me is akin to me getting tired of hearing about him being left handed and insisting he become right handed.)(Sorry if I've used that analogy before, it's the best one I have - haha.)

I understand the idea with regard to in-law visits that having the kids spend time with their grandparents is one of the main benefits of the visits. But my in-laws don't really interact with my kids. They're like ships that pass in the night. The kids are teens and hole up in their rooms for most of the visit. And the in-laws are too busy reading all those books, cooking, and doing MY housework to spend time with them anyway. If I suggest an outing, to get us doing something TOGETHER, they (the in-laws) don't want to go. These visits are the only things my husband and I really fight about. I'm living in anticipation (fear? dread?) of the next time I'm told of an impending visit, because it's really going to hit the fan!!
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#483 of 806 Old 01-19-2010, 01:26 PM
 
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Katielady, your post made me laugh. Once, when my son was about two and a half, I went into the bathroom and I told him I needed a some privacy. He immediately opened the bathroom door and came in. He announced, "I'm just going to watch you have some privacy."
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#484 of 806 Old 01-19-2010, 04:11 PM
 
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The right hand / left hand analogy is a good one.

lol about the little ones and the bathroom, katielady and agreenbough.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#485 of 806 Old 01-19-2010, 04:27 PM
 
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Subbing.

Want to read all the other posts before I say more.

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#486 of 806 Old 01-19-2010, 09:25 PM
 
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Hello Mamas! Well I just started back at school...I was going to take some online classes and some classes at the college but at the last minute I chickened out and decided to take all online classes. I know it would prob. be good for me to get out of the house but the thought of being put on the spot in class (I hate it when Professors do that!) terrifies me. I remember what it felt like and I hated being called on randomly when I didn't have my hand up and either didn't know the answer or didn't want to answer. Anyway I guess it is better than nothing and once the weather warms up at least I will get out once a day taking the kids to the park and I take my oldest DD to school and sometimes stay to help. Hope everyone is having a great start to 2010. It has been a rocky start for me but things are starting to smooth out!

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#487 of 806 Old 01-25-2010, 03:07 PM
 
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Wow, that is me.

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#488 of 806 Old 01-25-2010, 03:45 PM
 
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Welcome, JessicaA622

Beautiful~Life - What kind of classes are you taking? Just curious.

DD is home sick today. I think it's related to dairy allergies/sensitivities since there is a definite pattern of her ingesting dairy and then getting sick. So we are stuck at home today. But so far, she's just watching TV.

I am also wondering how extroverted DD may or may not be. From my observations this summer, I had thought that she was very extroverted, but lately she's seemed more introverted. Part of this could be that she's been experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. Or maybe it's because she's away from me 3 days a week at the Sudbury school. But I don't think that's meeting her social needs very well.

DD seems good at going into new social situations and meeting people as acquaintances, but she seems unable to make lasting friendships which is worrisome to me. I feel like she needs more support than she gets there. She also says that the homeschool kids were nicer in general.

We don't plan to continue at the same school next year so I'm not sure where that leaves us. Probably back to homeschooling which means I'll need to carefully plan things so that I don't get overwhelmed like last year. I have asked DH to help me plan the homeschool activities, even if I am the one who usually has to implement them. My thinking is that part of what I have trouble with is the planning and contacting people. Maybe if DH can take charge of part of that, I would feel less stressed out.

We're taking DD to a therapist tomorrow to try to help her with the anxiety. I'm hoping that intervening now will help her learn to cope in more appropriate ways. I have a history of panic attacks and still wrestle with OCD and depression at times, and I think that if my parents had been able to help me out earlier on, it would've helped me a lot. Instead, being the introvert of the family and never wanting to make waves, I ended up getting kind of lost in the shuffle of everyone else's business and problems.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#489 of 806 Old 01-26-2010, 04:54 PM
 
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Hi everyone! I can't believe I've been an MDC member all this time and I have never joined a tribe. Well the time has come and this is the perfect place. But will anyone notice this introvert in sea of other introverts? I never really do get noticed in real life, not that I want to be the center of attention, but I do find the difference b/t me and the other moms I know irl to be glaring. They are all very chatty...me, after all the mommy small talk is over, I really find I'm at a loss for what else to say. I like talking about metaphysics, spirituality, anthropology, art, foreign travel. It's hard to make conversation about those topics to most people. I don't really have any really close friends (and I'm OK with that). I have one friend I keep in touch with from all the previous situations I've had in my life (school, college, work) and we only talk maybe once a month, sometimes less than that, and I would never really pour out my soul to her. DH on the other hand, is an extrovert, to the nth degree, he gains energy from being around people. He needs recharging by being around people (sometimes it annoys me b/c he'll hang around w/people he himself will make fun of later, simply b/c no one else is available at the time to fill the "void"). I'm an info addict and a perfectionist, so therefore will research and research with very little action to show for it. But I've gotten to a place at last that I feel acceptance of who I am, and overall and pretty happy with my life.

Hope to be commiserating with all you ladies alot from now on.
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#490 of 806 Old 01-27-2010, 01:09 AM
 
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Hi, mommyshoppinghabit I see you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyshoppinghabit View Post
I'm an info addict and a perfectionist, so therefore will research and research with very little action to show for it.
Well, that certainly sounds rather familiar.

Your preferred conversation topics sound great to me. I wish I could talk about those things with my family of origin because they seem to want to call and talk a lot but they only want to talk about how everyone is doing.

My mom tried to relate to me about books once, but then seemed annoyed because I read almost exclusively non-fiction and she wanted to bond over novels. On the rare occasion that I do read fiction, I prefer literary novels or a good sci-fi once in a while. Not her cup of tea, so that ended up being a no-go.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#491 of 806 Old 01-27-2010, 12:13 PM
 
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I'm married to an extreme extrovert, too, and even after 25 years he complains about me not being "social". I've tried to explain to him that the difference between Es and Is is mainly an energy issue, not an "I hate people" issue: extroverts gain energy from interacting with people and introverts gain energy from being alone, in their heads. This is probably the root of my problem with houseguests. Having to be "on" and chatty ALL. THE. TIME. After coming home form work - and I'm a receptionist, so by the time I get home, I've had enough of being "on" - I really need some space. My husband is the one with his phone stuck on his ear constantly. I rarely make phone calls, and only if I have to. I get tired of the sound of my own voice. And like others have said, the topics most people want to discuss are so boring - shopping (I hate shopping), details about what they did today, things that happened 50 years ago to their ex-neighbor's sister's cousin that I never met, what they had for lunch. It makes me want to scream!!!!
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#492 of 806 Old 01-28-2010, 02:26 PM
 
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And like others have said, the topics most people want to discuss are so boring - shopping (I hate shopping)
Well, obviously from my name, you can tell I do like shopping (but that name was chosen many moons ago and I don't really indulge in it as much), and I sometimes like to talk about shopping, but even with a topic as near and dear to my heart, I find it hard to make conversation with it irl. Like I find that people, no matter what the conversation topic is, either like to claim all-knowing supreme knowledge and therefore jump down your throat if you don't agree or absolute ignorance and a happiness with that ignorance, nothing in between, like from the point of view of someone who'd like to find out more.
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#493 of 806 Old 01-28-2010, 04:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommyshoppinghabit View Post
Well, obviously from my name, you can tell I do like shopping (but that name was chosen many moons ago and I don't really indulge in it as much), and I sometimes like to talk about shopping, but even with a topic as near and dear to my heart, I find it hard to make conversation with it irl. Like I find that people, no matter what the conversation topic is, either like to claim all-knowing supreme knowledge and therefore jump down your throat if you don't agree or absolute ignorance and a happiness with that ignorance, nothing in between, like from the point of view of someone who'd like to find out more.

Talking about shopping is fun while you are shopping. Sometimes I'd like to go shopping with a friend. I usually end up on my own. I like thrift shopping best.

I have found myself friends with people IRL who like to debate. They do (for the most part) seem to be interested in finding out different points of view, but in the end if they are not swayed, they will usually agree to disagree. I usually like to listen to the debates but don't often add to them. I always feel like I can't make my points well orally. I need to write them down to make any sense, especially if I feel strongly about something.

Most of these debating friends are part of a larger group and are what I would consider casual friends. I only have a few close friends and I don't even see them very often. I can usually hold my own in a conversation if it's one on one or maybe with 2-3 other people. More than that and I usually just get lost in the crowd. I tend to be polite, and not wanting to interrupt, I often lose my train of thought by the time there is a break in the conversation. Or the conversation progresses enough by the time I've figured out what I want to say that it's no longer relevant.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#494 of 806 Old 01-28-2010, 06:25 PM
 
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I just read an article on introverts on a website for support of gifted individuals.

http://www.sengifted.org/articles_so...orgotten.shtml

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#495 of 806 Old 01-28-2010, 08:54 PM
 
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I'm very much like your description of yourself, Starflower. I am also better at getting my thoughts out in writing, holding my own in a conversation if there are 3 or less, not wanting to interrupt, waiting too long...preferring thrift shopping.

And now I can't think of anything else to say.
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#496 of 806 Old 01-29-2010, 12:42 PM
 
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I just read an article on introverts on a website for support of gifted individuals.

http://www.sengifted.org/articles_so...orgotten.shtml
Great link!

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#497 of 806 Old 01-29-2010, 10:23 PM
 
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deleted - TMI

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#498 of 806 Old 01-30-2010, 05:09 AM
 
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deleted

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#499 of 806 Old 02-01-2010, 03:59 PM
 
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You ok, Starflower?
Missed your post, but just wanted to offer some just in case.

Hope all is well...

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#500 of 806 Old 02-01-2010, 08:08 PM
 
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Thanks. I am mostly OK. I've been sick with a nasty cold which I'm trying to keep at bay because I have allergies and asthma which makes colds much more threatening. So far, I'm getting better but I didn't sleep well so I am tired.

I spent much of my time this weekend online throwing emails back and forth to deal with a sensitive situation that came up on the board I am on. Had to diffuse a situation that was very frustrating. Lots of damage control stuff. Still don't have the issue that started it resolved, but it will get there.

And I've been wondering if I even really want to be on the board or not. The stuff I had to do this past couple of weekends was because of my secretarial position. I'm just not sure if I should serve out my entire board term (2 more years after this June!) and just not be secretary. Or if I just want to quit and try to deal with life here.

I've been in this quandary about my commitments for some time now, but it really all just kind of blew up this weekend. The good news is that I've heard a lot of good feedback from other board members on how I handled things.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#501 of 806 Old 02-02-2010, 01:37 PM
 
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Aw, hugs. I don't enjoy those kinds of situations which is probably why I shy away from doing them.

I hope it all works out. I don't post too, too much, but I'm always reading and just wanted to offer some hugs since your deletion was out of character.

And I hope you feel better!!!! Sending healing and sleep vibes your way.

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#502 of 806 Old 02-02-2010, 02:11 PM
 
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Starflower, hugs and

Michelle , 20+ years with a wonderful DH
Mama to two boys, 12 and 10

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#503 of 806 Old 02-02-2010, 03:34 PM
 
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Thanks for the hugs, HappilyEvrAfter and Mich.

I do type things up and not post them fairly often, but I don't know if I've every posted anything then deleted it before. That's definitely out of character. I tend to overthink everything I post so just posting and letting it go is pretty rare for me. Don't know if that's an introvert thing or an OCD thing or some warped combo I've got going on.

I am just really having trouble figuring out where I want to put my energies. Plus I don't like to go back on my word - like quitting the board after one year, but it's beginning to feel more like a sentence than a term, so maybe that's a huge clue right there. And most people would likely be understanding.

I think the part that makes it hardest is that I feel inadequate. There are other moms on the board who are much busier than I am, yet they manage to do this. (Two of them are introverts.) Another woman, whom I respect, quit after one year because she needed more time to deal with her kids. I relate a bit there - DD is going through a very rough time lately and I need to have the energy to deal with everything. But then I feel bad because I am a SAHM who rarely seems to ever get anything done. But the other mom who quit after one year is a single working mom with 2 kids. I only have one kid and I can hardly handle it. I guess I just keep comparing myself to other people which is not fair.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#504 of 806 Old 02-03-2010, 12:54 AM
 
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Comparing yourself really isn't fair. Of course, none of us can really resist. Can you find another job to do that will actually make you happy? It sounds like this causes you more stress than happiness.
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#505 of 806 Old 02-04-2010, 02:18 AM
 
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LucyRev - You are right that it causes more stress than happiness. This is something I have been evaluating with all my activities lately. And I have started saying "no." Last month, I was set to start teaching private art lessons again to my friend's SN grown daughter. I decided it was just too much stress. I don't like teaching anyway, and the special needs make it even harder to figure out what works. I decided to cancel on her. It was a hard decision, but I felt very relieved after I told her.

I decided today that I am going to leave the board. My DD is having some difficulties and I really want to have my priorities straight. The board work is too draining and stressful. It gets in the way of life and my art time. If it were a paid job, I'd just leave. So it seems silly to stay in a position that is completely volunteer when I hate it.

I have not told the president yet. It's kind of a tricky time right now because we are trying to hire a new minister so I kind of want to wait things out at least until we find out if we can make an offer to the candidate or not. (Dependent upon funds.) I will talk to the pres in the next couple of weeks.

The trick will be to say "NO" anytime someone asks me to join a committee or such. I am going to give myself a timeline and just let people know that I am not available for anything for at least that long. (I'm thinking a year or two.)

I will continue my one activity which I find meaningful and refreshing and a place where I can grow: the choir. Other than that I will be off limits. I really need to focus on myself, my DD and my relationship with DH.

Today was a good day though I am glad to have some down time finally. DD didn't want to go to the demo school today, she wanted to be with mom. So we blew off "school" and I spent the afternoon with my DD at the kids' museum near here. We played together a lot and it was noisy and fun, but not too busy. But I was definitely ready to chill when I got home. I didn't get to, but I was ready.

Even though this school is compatible with our unschooly philosophies, I just don't think it's a good fit for DD. She needs more support. I'm pretty sure we're going to end up homeschooling again. So I am definitely going to have to work with her to find our best compromise between introverted and extroverted activities to keep us both sane. Luckily, she's a reading maniac, so I can probably get in some quiet time every day.

OK. Lots of for the introvert thread. I'll sign off now.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#506 of 806 Old 02-05-2010, 10:27 AM
 
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I may have to get this book. I often feel very overstimulated when around people. I prefer being home watching a good tv show or lying in bed reading a good book than going out shopping or whatever.

Since having my son 5 years ago, I feel even more introverted. We don't spend time with other parents at all except for an autism meetup group once a month. We both prefer to just stay home. In fact, during the week I never go anywhere except to get him from the bus stop. I'm totally happy being home.

My ex-husband is a total extrovert. He was also talking about this, doing that, going here and there, always planning some new business, blah, blah, blah. Drove me insane. We finally divorced. Thank god.

Lilly, mum to one handsome boyand to one of God's angels in heaven
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#507 of 806 Old 02-05-2010, 06:56 PM
 
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I may have to get this book. I often feel very overstimulated when around people. I prefer being home watching a good tv show or lying in bed reading a good book than going out shopping or whatever.

Since having my son 5 years ago, I feel even more introverted. We don't spend time with other parents at all except for an autism meetup group once a month. We both prefer to just stay home. In fact, during the week I never go anywhere except to get him from the bus stop. I'm totally happy being home.

My ex-husband is a total extrovert. He was also talking about this, doing that, going here and there, always planning some new business, blah, blah, blah. Drove me insane. We finally divorced. Thank god.
Lilypie. Are you referring to the Highly Sensitive Person book or to one of the introvert books? I fit into the category of HSP and I don't like going to the mall because it's just too much stimulation.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#508 of 806 Old 02-07-2010, 02:05 AM
 
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I just ordered The Highly Sensitive book from amazon. I have heard good things about it on here and I am looking forward to reading it. I am def. highly sensitive in addition to being an Introvert.

Anyone still struggling with fully accepting yourself as an Introvert? I have just had sooo many negative and embarrassing comments from people over the years about how quiet I am, how shy I am, how I never talk, asking me if I am okay, if there is something wrong with me etc. It has made it so hard for me to have self confidence because ever since I was little I was made to feel like a freak show for how quiet and shy I am. The funny thing is I have a great sense of humor, am intelligent and feel like I am interesting. People just never take the time to get to know me.

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#509 of 806 Old 02-07-2010, 02:12 AM
 
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I'm interested in reading the Introvert Advantage book.

Lilly, mum to one handsome boyand to one of God's angels in heaven
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#510 of 806 Old 02-08-2010, 06:24 PM
 
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^it is really good! So many parts of the book made sense to me and make me think hmm so that is why I am...etc. It is a great book to read if you are an Introvert and have always wondered why you are the way you are. Growing up I was always made to feel like I was weird and different. One Mom of kids I babysat even went as far to ask my Mom if I was okay emotionally because I never talked. That stuck with me for years and made me feel like such a freak.

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