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#121 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 11:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~
But I am a rare specimen, being only 9-12% of the US population. Perhaps it's just proof that I should be living in another country.
That's funny... I have ALWAYS wanted to move to another country... and my MB personality comprises 1-2% of the US population. I wonder which country (statistically speaking) would be my best fit. (where's those Facebook quizzes when you need 'em!! )

SAHM to Chloe (02/28/08) & Samantha (10/06/10)... not quite crunchy - think of us as al dente, finding our way to self-sustainability & full-out crunchy living ... trial and error, one day at a time! 
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#122 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 12:37 PM
 
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Hi everyone, can I jump in? I has been wonderful reading through the thread. I have been really struggling with this lately. My parents came and stayed with us for almost 6 weeks, it was great and stressful at the same time. They left on Sunday and I swear it's going to take me a week (or more!) to recover.

We have family staying with a lot through out the year. Anyone else? I would love some tips on how to manage it. I seem to have a hard time expressing my needs and requesting anything from guests.

I have been turning down outing invites and even canceled some things for this week. I just need to lay low and recharge.

I am usually an ISFP, sometimes an INFP. I also have a history of anxiety and depression. My husband is very understanding and supportive, but I don't have any introvert girlfriends in real life. My closest friends are more extroverts, so at times like this I can end up feeling very alone.

Thanks

Michelle , 20+ years with a wonderful DH
Mama to two boys, 12 and 10

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#123 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 04:12 PM
 
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That's funny... I have ALWAYS wanted to move to another country... and my MB personality comprises 1-2% of the US population. I wonder which country (statistically speaking) would be my best fit. (where's those Facebook quizzes when you need 'em!! )
There is one called.. what country should you live in... my result was Sweden. lol

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#124 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 04:15 PM
 
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Oh YAY, me too! I HATE HATE HATE the phone. Mom and DH are the ONLY folks I can call w/o anxiety as well.

I too, have depression, GAD, and OCD... plus an eating disorder (currently in recovery)...

LucyRev, I'm like you, where
I LOVE being anonymous in a crowd. I loved France, sitting at a cafe, watching people pass. Pure bliss. No one to talk to, no INTERRUPTIONS!, just pure observation-time.
And then my book.

I never really thought of myself as an introvert though, until I started reading this thread and such, like crabbyowl saying
I thought (and my family too, and DH) that I was more extroverted, b/c with those few folks I DO let in my "bubble", I am very gregarious and engaging. Huh. Who knew.
You sound a lot like me.

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#125 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 08:33 PM
 
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~Purity♥Lake~... thank you so much for your replies! I'll have to look up that quiz.

~~~~~~~~

Onto other realms... I've been reading the lovely Introvert Advantage. As a part of "flexing" my extrovert muscles, I'm posting here now to challenge everybody to - ahem - keep posting. I have trouble with this myself. I will relate to such-and-such case scenario... then move on. I will open up, air myself to the world (so to speak), then just as abruptly, shut down. Any other mamas like this?

I just made myself smile over the irony of "so to speak"... let's add NERD to the list of this introvert.

SAHM to Chloe (02/28/08) & Samantha (10/06/10)... not quite crunchy - think of us as al dente, finding our way to self-sustainability & full-out crunchy living ... trial and error, one day at a time! 
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#126 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 09:07 PM
 
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hello, can I join? I've always known I was an introvert, but I struggle with making it work in my life. I ***want*** to be an activist on many levels. I owned a resale shop for 6 years, where I interacted and promoted and forced myself to be a community activist. 3 years into it, I had an emotional breakdown, which led to me getting out of the business. Looking back, I think that I really just couldn't handle that public life. I've been out of it for a year now, and I'm still learning how to be a mama, but I haven't found a happy place yet.

I took that quiz now, with these results:
Introverted (I) 93%Extraverted (E) 7%
Intuitive (N) 68%Sensing (S) 32%
Thinking (T) 55%Feeling (F) 45%
Perceiving (P) 64%Judging (J) 36%

I think N & T & P used to be a higher percentage, and my public persona mellowed me out. good or bad I can't really say.

I hate the phone. I cry in social confrontations. I am borderline agoraphobic. I'd be happiest on a small hippie commune. Say with 3-4 families who I didn't "have" to interact with.

gotta go. teething baby.

--janis

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#127 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 09:22 PM
 
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Hello my fellow introverted mamas.

Another INFP checking in.

I've read this thread with my head nodding the entire time. I can so relate...the definition in the first post is me to a T.

I'm not shy at all and actually enjoy speaking or performing in front of other people, but I LOATHE the small-talk, play-date, cocktail party type intereaction. Ugh.

I've realized that the few close friends I have are all very extroverted. Which I suppose is good, since if it were left up to me to initiate social contact and activities with them it would probably never happen. heh.

My DH is sort of middle of the road between introverted and extroverted. One huge difference is that I need quiet alone time free from expectations of conversation or interaction. When we were first dating, I knew he was a good fit for me when we could just sit and watch tv or whatever with having to talk. I LOVE comfortable silence! I found out later he thought "something was bothering" me when I didn't initiate conversation and that when I was quiet I must be sad or mad. It made him totally self-conscious to have no talking. Once I met his mother, I realized where he got that idea... The woman never shuts up, ever. Needless to say, we don't hang out with his mother very often. After 5 years of marriage he has gotten pretty good at giving me my silent time and only rarely takes it personally.

Interestingly enough, being a SAHM is a really good fit for me. I much prefer being at home with DS than having to go out into the world and tolerate other adults all day. That doesn't sound very nice...but in all honesty, tolerate is the best word to describe how I feel about everyone outside my immediate family and close friends. Other people usually exhaust me. I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with being a SAHM, so I get my time to think and recharge by lying awake at night for an hour or so after DS and DH have gone to sleep.

It's been really great reading about so many of you who are in the same boat. Or, rather, in very similar individual boats for one.
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#128 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 10:29 PM
 
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I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with
I do this too...sometimes for hours. The next day I'm very tired, but also refreshed somehow....I need my thinking time more than I need sleep I guess. The most frustrating thing to me about being a SAHM with two young kids is the constant interruptions. I get really frazzled by that. When I was working I worked alone 99% of the time; not physically alone but at least in my own little space and I was hardly ever interrupted. Now at home if anyone else who lives here is awake, I am constantly interrupted. My thoughts get broken and go all over the place. I need that time at night to put my head back together.

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and 3 , in our happy secular
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#129 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 10:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The most frustrating thing to me about being a SAHM with two young kids is the constant interruptions. I get really frazzled by that. When I was working I worked alone 99% of the time; not physically alone but at least in my own little space and I was hardly ever interrupted. Now at home if anyone else who lives here is awake, I am constantly interrupted. My thoughts get broken and go all over the place. I need that time at night to put my head back together.
Yes I am having a hard time with this too. I used to coordinate multi million $ projects. Now I can barely remember what day it is! It's like my brain fell victim to mommyhood.

Interesting that previous poster mentioned SAHM being a good fit. For me it's very tough. I strongly believe in AP but constantly having somebody on my is really draining. I miss the time to myself I had when I was working...
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#130 of 806 Old 07-07-2009, 10:59 PM
 
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I read in the Introvert Advantage that innies can SAY half of their thought, leaving people confused. I do this ALL the time (in posts, especially!) LOL.

Like one pp said, I don't FEEL introverted b/c my head is noisy.
I think I do that saying half of my thought thing quite often. Oops. I assume they know what I'm talking about, or at least where I'm coming from. I finish my sentences though. I have a very extroverted friend (more of a very long time acquaintance) who trails off half her words within half of a sentence and then says, "ya know?" leaving me completely bewildered.

And that was me with the noisy head and quiet mouth. I get very chatty with close friends though.

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I just made myself smile over the irony of "so to speak"... let's add NERD to the list of this introvert.
I love a good word nerd

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Hello my fellow introverted mamas.

Another INFP checking in.

I've read this thread with my head nodding the entire time. I can so relate...the definition in the first post is me to a T.

I'm not shy at all and actually enjoy speaking or performing in front of other people, but I LOATHE the small-talk, play-date, cocktail party type intereaction. Ugh.

I've realized that the few close friends I have are all very extroverted. Which I suppose is good, since if it were left up to me to initiate social contact and activities with them it would probably never happen. heh.

My DH is sort of middle of the road between introverted and extroverted. One huge difference is that I need quiet alone time free from expectations of conversation or interaction. When we were first dating, I knew he was a good fit for me when we could just sit and watch tv or whatever with having to talk. I LOVE comfortable silence! I found out later he thought "something was bothering" me when I didn't initiate conversation and that when I was quiet I must be sad or mad. It made him totally self-conscious to have no talking. Once I met his mother, I realized where he got that idea... The woman never shuts up, ever. Needless to say, we don't hang out with his mother very often. After 5 years of marriage he has gotten pretty good at giving me my silent time and only rarely takes it personally.

Interestingly enough, being a SAHM is a really good fit for me. I much prefer being at home with DS than having to go out into the world and tolerate other adults all day. That doesn't sound very nice...but in all honesty, tolerate is the best word to describe how I feel about everyone outside my immediate family and close friends. Other people usually exhaust me. I don't get much time to think or talk outloud to myself during the day with being a SAHM, so I get my time to think and recharge by lying awake at night for an hour or so after DS and DH have gone to sleep.

It's been really great reading about so many of you who are in the same boat. Or, rather, in very similar individual boats for one.
Amy, you sound very similar to me. And we both live in Westside PDX, and I don't think we've ever met! Wait, maybe we have.... I can't remember. Do you have two boys? I've always wished it would be acceptable to host a westside playdate and only invite 2 or 3 mamas. Not that I don't like everyone, but I hate trying to inject myself in conversation in a group. I never know the right time, and then I wait too long and end up interrupting someone. :

I also like being able to stay home. Now we're homeschooling, so that's even better. However, it's also worse because getting alone time is harder.
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#131 of 806 Old 07-08-2009, 01:59 PM
 
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I'm also an INFP - for a group that only makes up about 1% of the population there sure are a lot of us here, relatively speaking! It's so good to have some contact with those who are the same "type" of person as me, since IRL I seem to be so different from everyone else.

I've also requested Introvert Advantage from the library, and am looking forward to (attempting to) reading it. I used to read all the time, but now have to really make time for it.

Principii, that absolutely describes me! I'm sure it's a big part of why DH finds me frustrating to deal with at times, because I can be having a really great time talking with someone but have little interest in initiating contact with that person later, and when I do see them again I may or may not have anything else to say to them.

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#132 of 806 Old 07-08-2009, 03:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so glad I started this thread!
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#133 of 806 Old 07-08-2009, 03:59 PM
 
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Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#134 of 806 Old 07-08-2009, 04:59 PM
 
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Amy, you sound very similar to me. And we both live in Westside PDX, and I don't think we've ever met! Wait, maybe we have.... I can't remember. Do you have two boys? I've always wished it would be acceptable to host a westside playdate and only invite 2 or 3 mamas. Not that I don't like everyone, but I hate trying to inject myself in conversation in a group. I never know the right time, and then I wait too long and end up interrupting someone. :
I have just the one DS. He's almost 3 now. And I have a DD who is in high school. I don't think we have met...unless of course you hang out in my living room. : We've been here two years and the only people I have really gotten to know are my next door neighbors. I had really good intentions when we first moved here. Posted to the westside thread a few times and was going to make myself go to a playdate or field trip. Shockingly that never happened. heh. Now it is two years later and we are moving back to California in a couple of weeks. I suppose the upside is that since I don't have any close friends up here, it doesn't make it difficult to leave.

And I TOTALLY don't have the conversation interjecting skills either. While other people are talking I think of something completely related to the conversation, but by the time I figure out how and when to interject, the topic has changed. A 2-3 person playdate would be so much better. I think you should just go for it!
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#135 of 806 Old 07-08-2009, 05:00 PM
 
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Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?
OMG I do that all of the time!
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#136 of 806 Old 07-08-2009, 09:21 PM
 
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Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?
I promised myself not to do that anymore, but I often hit the multi quote button to reply to a bunch of people and then just decide to skip it.

Amy, sorry we won't ever get to meet.

I think there are good amount of introverts online in forums because it's just the perfect amount of connection and "social" activity for us. We can weed through the b.s. and just talk about what we want. In our own homes.

I also have a bad habit of talking too quietly, or not looking up from what I'm doing when I talk. My 6 yr old introverted DD does it too, and now I know why it is so irritating to my DH.
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#137 of 806 Old 07-08-2009, 09:38 PM
 
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I think there are good amount of introverts online in forums because it's just the perfect amount of connection and "social" activity for us. We can weed through the b.s. and just talk about what we want. In our own homes.
or bow out of a conversation that is overly confrontational with dignity. And without tripping over a chair or something.

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#138 of 806 Old 07-08-2009, 11:05 PM
 
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Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

i do that a lot, even with this thread

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#139 of 806 Old 07-09-2009, 12:20 AM
 
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Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?
I do that sometimes.

I actually typed something on FB a little while ago and thought for a while about whether or not to post it, and then I got up the courage and posted it, and then it turned out I had really and I wished I hadn't posted it. Doesn't give me much courage for next time.

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#140 of 806 Old 07-09-2009, 02:32 AM
 
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or bow out of a conversation that is overly confrontational with dignity. And without tripping over a chair or something.
So true! I have had a couple of bad foot in mouth moments lately. In real life. Good lord, I hate that. I completely misunderstand what someone means and then I reply back totally inappropriately for the situation. And then I figure it out and want to crawl under a rock.
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#141 of 806 Old 07-09-2009, 09:13 AM
 
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Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?

Yes!

I'm new to this part of the MDC forum - I was hanging out in the pregnancy forum while pregnant last fall/winter, but that got kind of overwhelming, so I faded away.

I'm an introvert (the introvert advantage was a great book), as is my husband. I know I need to take my son out (nearly 3 months) to see new places & things, and we do, but it takes a lot of energy to deal with random people who come up to talk to me about the baby. I have to put on some mental armor to prepare for the interactions. They're all fine - nothing bad ever comes of it - but it's tiring.
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#142 of 806 Old 07-09-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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I just got email notification from the library that "Introvert Power" is in and waiting for me! Yay! I hope I can get it today!

kai28 - I know what you mean about people being interested in the baby and coming up to you. I actually found that after awhile I could deal with that better than regular chit-chat with strangers because I only talked about the baby.

My DD is now 6 years old and is very outgoing. I've learned to use DD's extroverted tendencies as an ice-breaker (she'll go up to people and introduce us), but I do still often feel like I am talking myself into a hole at times. I feel better adept at conversation than I used to be, but it really depends upon my frame of mind, the type of people I am trying to talk to, etc.

I am also very attuned to other peoples' reactions/emotions and tend to feel aware that I am staring at them while I am talking to them. It's almost like if I am not really engaged in a conversation - such as with the dreaded small talk - I feel like I am listening to my own words ramble while trying to think of what to say at the same time as studying their faces. It's kind of surreal.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#143 of 806 Old 07-09-2009, 04:03 PM
 
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I am also very attuned to other peoples' reactions/emotions and tend to feel aware that I am staring at them while I am talking to them. It's almost like if I am not really engaged in a conversation - such as with the dreaded small talk - I feel like I am listening to my own words ramble while trying to think of what to say at the same time as studying their faces. It's kind of surreal.


I think you just nailed it. I am so in tune to facial expressions, body language and the unspoken word (and a whole lot of empathy - feeling what they are feeling), that while in conversation with someone, I feel overwhelmed by all the input and my attempts to decipher it all.

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#144 of 806 Old 07-09-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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... I just got a book from the library today that I simply can't put down. In fact, I only put it down to post about it here ...

It's called Nurture by Nature, Understand Your Child's Personality Type by Paul Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. All I can say is: get it. It's great.

But then again, I rather got detoured from the whole Introvert Advantage (which I devoured too) by researching and learning more about the MBTI classifications of the personalities. Then I found Keirsey, and am delving into Please Understand Me as well. Totally fascinating stuff.

~~~
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Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?
For my two cents, I am the World's Number One Lurker. I don't even get my thoughts into the text box. I definitely "mentally" reply to everything. But fear of putting-foot-in-mouth, too many bad experiences (mostly as a kid), not wanting to hurt others or get hurt myself, hyperanalyzing every word I say (how a,b,c,x,y, and z people will interpret it... how to readjust to add the miscellaneous g,h, and i folks into my reply so nobody feels left out, the inevitable WHAT IFS)... needless to say all my thoughts get stuck/rammed all together in their exodus and voila, *nothing* comes out.
When I do type (and I promise, I'm almost done), I don't even let myself reread it. And then I have to quickly... POST! Like now, before I do delete it on impulse, out of fear... ack.

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#145 of 806 Old 07-09-2009, 05:22 PM
 
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I have absolutely ZERO ability to interpret body language and unspoken word and hints and signals and things like that. If people want me to pick up on something, they need to come right out and say it. I think a lot of people expect me to be able to pick up on subtleties simply because I'm a woman, and they end up thinking I'm rude because they think I'm deliberately ignoring their unspoken messages.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#146 of 806 Old 07-10-2009, 08:28 PM
 
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I got about halfway through "Introvert Power" last night. Pretty interesting read so far. I'll elaborate more later after I finish it and more time to think about it.

I also wanted to bump our thread so it didn't get too buried.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#147 of 806 Old 07-10-2009, 10:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have absolutely ZERO ability to interpret body language and unspoken word and hints and signals and things like that. If people want me to pick up on something, they need to come right out and say it. I think a lot of people expect me to be able to pick up on subtleties simply because I'm a woman, and they end up thinking I'm rude because they think I'm deliberately ignoring their unspoken messages.
I think my problem is more that I am too direct. I always thought it was a cultural thing (I am from Europe) but perhaps it's an Introvert thing as well?
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#148 of 806 Old 07-12-2009, 09:06 PM
 
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We had our church board meeting today. It went pretty well - I just hope I can read my messy notes before typing up the minutes!

We have a short check-in at the beginning of each meeting. I used my check-in today to tell everyone that I was exploring my introvertedness and that if I seem especially quiet on things, I am probably just thinking. I also told them that I will be using my research to see what gifts I can best bring to the table. I think they all understood - and after that, one other person also spoke up about being an introvert (I already could tell she was). So I feel good about my role in the meetings and feel confident that if any telephoning needs done relative to my secretarial position that I can farm that out to one of the extroverts.

Yesterday, my DH and I talked a bit about introvert/extrovert stuff. He identifies as an introvert, but says he has quite a lot of both in him. He can easily attend festivals and seems OK at parties for the most part. But he also likes to do a lot of solo, quieter activities. He is a computer programmer so he spends most of his professional days doing his own thing without many interruptions. He takes the bus to and from work (and doesn't get carsick) so he uses that time to read his gazillion sci-fi books.

He also recognizes my need for space since my day to day work is being a SAHM and homeschooler with our wonderful and very extroverted DD. So DH has been trying very hard to get me some down time. He's actually always encouraged this, but until I really started exploring it, I don't think I quite understood how important is really was for me. I have stopped resisting it, and I think that's a good thing.

One huge change we are making is with regards to homeschooling. While I know introverts who are happy homeschoolers, I feel unable to meet DD's extrovert needs with play dates, park dates, classes, etc through our homeschool networks. It's just too much for me to organize for her and I find myself exhausted after park days and chit chat all the time. We have enrolled DD part-time in a private democratic school for the fall. This has been a hard decision for me, but DD is really excited about it. And, I am starting to no longer feel guilty about giving up my dream of homeschooling. The school we found meshes with our educational philosophy and will be just part time for now which suits our needs at this point. I think it will benefit DD because it will meet her people needs while meeting my alone-time needs.

Now we are trying to figure out how to get couple-time into the balance because that seems to be lacking at the moment.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#149 of 806 Old 07-12-2009, 09:40 PM
 
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We had our church board meeting today. It went pretty well - I just hope I can read my messy notes before typing up the minutes!

We have a short check-in at the beginning of each meeting. I used my check-in today to tell everyone that I was exploring my introvertedness and that if I seem especially quiet on things, I am probably just thinking. I also told them that I will be using my research to see what gifts I can best bring to the table. I think they all understood - and after that, one other person also spoke up about being an introvert (I already could tell she was). So I feel good about my role in the meetings and feel confident that if any telephoning needs done relative to my secretarial position that I can farm that out to one of the extroverts.

Yesterday, my DH and I talked a bit about introvert/extrovert stuff. He identifies as an introvert, but says he has quite a lot of both in him. He can easily attend festivals and seems OK at parties for the most part. But he also likes to do a lot of solo, quieter activities. He is a computer programmer so he spends most of his professional days doing his own thing without many interruptions. He takes the bus to and from work (and doesn't get carsick) so he uses that time to read his gazillion sci-fi books.

He also recognizes my need for space since my day to day work is being a SAHM and homeschooler with our wonderful and very extroverted DD. So DH has been trying very hard to get me some down time. He's actually always encouraged this, but until I really started exploring it, I don't think I quite understood how important is really was for me. I have stopped resisting it, and I think that's a good thing.

One huge change we are making is with regards to homeschooling. While I know introverts who are happy homeschoolers, I feel unable to meet DD's extrovert needs with play dates, park dates, classes, etc through our homeschool networks. It's just too much for me to organize for her and I find myself exhausted after park days and chit chat all the time. We have enrolled DD part-time in a private democratic school for the fall. This has been a hard decision for me, but DD is really excited about it. And, I am starting to no longer feel guilty about giving up my dream of homeschooling. The school we found meshes with our educational philosophy and will be just part time for now which suits our needs at this point. I think it will benefit DD because it will meet her people needs while meeting my alone-time needs.

Now we are trying to figure out how to get couple-time into the balance because that seems to be lacking at the moment.
How great for you to be so proactive in exploring your introvertedness (if that's even a word.) I don't know if I'd ever have the guts to stand up and educate people on what being an introvert means.

As far as homeschooling goes, I think what works is what works. And it's entirelly possible that in the future some other arrangement might work.

And let me know how you figure out couple time I could use some suggestions in that area.
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#150 of 806 Old 07-12-2009, 09:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow. Good for you Starflower for figuring out what will work best for you and being open about it with others. I bet you'll be much happier this way!
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