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#181 of 804 Old 07-21-2009, 04:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by principii View Post
Looking through it further, it is interesting, but not *quite* what I was hoping it would be.

Any other folks have links to share?

~~~

Curious too, what types of movies/books/topics we like, as introverts... and if anybody else has struggled / struggles with depression or other mental health problems. I read somewhere online tonight, too, that INFPs often have difficulty with anxiety/depression/etc. Just curious! It's interesting to me, since I've struggled with depression for quite awhile, never really been able to kick it regardless of meds or not, or different therapy approaches (DBT, etc.)

Anyway, I digress.
I've dealt with depression, I have panic disorder, and my favourite movies and books were/are vampires/witches (as a teen) and now fantasy/magic.

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#182 of 804 Old 07-21-2009, 05:47 PM
 
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Wow--I'm soooo glad that I came across this thread.

So I'm an introvert with social anxiety and I knew I was different as a child but until the last few years, I didn't realize that what my issue was actually had a name. Having an 'outie' husband, we have so many issues and he really doesn't understand 'me'. I may send him this thread in hopes that he will come to understand.

I do have a question--do you think being and innie comes from genetics or possible the environment? The reason I ask is because I always thought that the reason I avoided people was because I grew up with a raging alcoholic father. When I was preg with dd I told my hubby that I prayed she wouldn't be like me---meaning antisocial.

Issues that have come up in the last few months---Folks wanting to give me a baby shower--this absolutely ticked me off because I HATE being the center of attention. Bad to say but luckily I went in the hospital on bedrest and avoided this situation. Unfortuntaly that led to another issue--folks wanting to come see me in the hospital

Also--since I had the baby 6 weeks ago--folks wanting to come by and see him or bring me food....Luckily so far I've put them off but know I will eventually have to give in.

An example of how bad I am--When Dh and I were married he wanted his family there--I told him the only way he would marry me was if it were just he and I.

I'm going to have to look that book up....
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#183 of 804 Old 07-21-2009, 06:40 PM
 
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I ought to take the Myers Briggs profile again; I did it about 10 years ago, and can't remember what I came out as... INTJ, maybe.

I have to agree with previous posters - nap time is a good and joyful thing. I am so thankful my son still (usually) naps for at least an hour and a half. That's my sacred Me-Time, and if he decides against napping, he's usually pretty good about staying in his room until I tell him rest time is over.

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I do have a question--do you think being and innie comes from genetics or possible the environment?
I'm guessing some of both, but I think environment plays a big role. When I was young, I was an only child and content to play or read on my own if my best friend wasn't home. So I was, I think, technically an introvert, but I was not especially shy, I enjoyed being with other people and I don't recall much, if any, anxiety about meeting new people. When I was 11, we moved to a different state, and I can pretty well date my painful shyness and social anxiety to that time. Kids that age can be rather mean, particularly to "the new kid," and I got my feelings hurt enough times that I started to withdraw.

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Curious too, what types of movies/books/topics we like, as introverts... and if anybody else has struggled / struggles with depression or other mental health problems. I read somewhere online tonight, too, that INFPs often have difficulty with anxiety/depression/etc.
Movies (and TV) - I like romantic comedies, a very limited amount of sci-fi, some documentaries, some drama. Looking at my Netflix queue, I see a lot of British TV and foreign films.

Books - I like reading travelogues (living vicariously through people who thrive on meeting new people), as well as mysteries and general fiction.

I haven't been diagnosed, but I think I probably have at least slight depression.
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#184 of 804 Old 07-24-2009, 02:30 AM
 
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Wow--I'm soooo glad that I came across this thread.


Also--since I had the baby 6 weeks ago--folks wanting to come by and see him or bring me food....Luckily so far I've put them off but know I will eventually have to give in.

Congrats on the babe!

And LET THEM BRING YOU FOOD! And then smile and say baby needs to nurse or isn't well or you were up all night or whatever and tell them to go home. I found having a babe to be the ultimate buffer between me and everyone else. I could excuse myself and anytime for any reason and the outies HAD to understand. It was great!
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#185 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 02:15 PM
 
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I have been beating myself up for years that I am not more social, hate entertaining, don't like going out of the house much, avoid parties or any occasion requiring small talk with strangers like the plague, etc. I pulled my kids out of public school two years ago in part because I got tired of the constant stream of little friends and their moms wanting playdates and my children constantly wanting to have friends over. I homeschooled for two years and now I am afraid I've come to the tipping point again--I need some peace and quiet in the house (still have my 3yo at home of course) and will probably put my three girls in public school again. I feel terrible about giving up on full-time homeschooling (still plan to work with them afterschool) but I feel like I am going bonkers having to talk and deal with my own kids all day long. My hubby works long hours, so it is just me and the kids about 85% of their waking hours.

My husband is somewhat introverted, although not to the degree I am. I have to consciously remind myself to tell him what I am thinking about--just sharing what is going on in my brain--otherwise he thinks I am silent because I'm mad at him or something!

I am constantly shushing my kiddos--there is only so much noise and chatter I can take. There are definitely some challenges being an introverted mom with a larger number of children. I feel like my introversion is getting stronger these days, maybe because of my exasperation with homeschooling them.

I am not shy at all but often get tongue-tied trying to think of things to say in small-talk situations. I'd rather not answer the door or the phone, talk with neighbors or even stick around for coffee and donuts after Mass, all things which my husband and children loooove doing. Sometimes I feel like I am this curmudgeonly eccentric that the rest of my family has to make apologies for.

Did anyone see that tv movie with Drew Barrymore recently? She was playing an eccentric recluse who lived with her mother in a tumbledown mansion--relatives of the Jackie Kennedy on the Bouvier side, I believe. I am not *that* eccentric, but sometimes I feel like people perceive me that way due to all the little things in my life that add up to making me an unusual person, introversion being one of them.

Glad to join the discussion. I'm looking forward to reading "Introvert Advantage."

"For me, You have created the skies scattered with stars...and all the beautiful things on earth." ~St. Maximilian Kolbe
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#186 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 02:57 PM
 
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Hi to all! I'm an ISFJ (very high marks on the introversion) and just wanted to mark a place in this thread so I can go back and read all of it.

This year has been an acceptance year for me. I've always seen being introverted as a socal stigma. I can fein being social but it drain me near to death.

I'm happy there's a thread for this!! :

**Sometimes I take the test and it's ISTJ and other times is ISFJ. ????

Introverted (I) 93% Extraverted (E) 7%
Sensing (S) 77% Intuitive (N) 23%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 55% Perceiving (P) 45%

~ OOOOOHHH!!! I'm so glad that hating to talk on the phone isn't just me!!! I abhor talking on the phone and will avoid it by using text/email at any given cost!!!

I'm all teary eyed because, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel alone...like I'm the weirdo of the group...it's like "coming home"! Lol. Does that make sense!!?!?!

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#187 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 04:33 PM
 
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Any other introverts here spend a good amount of time typing up responses on websites like MDC or FB and then just delete them in the end?
Ugh! Yes. All the time. With text messages too. :

I get mad at myself sometimes for being such a "pansy".

Lol.

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#188 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 04:59 PM
 
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I remember as a teenager, my friends would call me and I would always get my mom to tell them I wasn't available. To this day I will not answer the phone unless it's absolutely necessary. Also, when I'm home alone I won't answer the door if someone drops in.

Yesterday I couldn't get out of it and had to open the door because my 18 month old was standing next to it crying. So my evidently my husband had told this person to drop in (knowing how I am). I get soooo irked with him thinking/trying to 'fix' me. He is an outie and thinks he can socialize me.

I'm reading the book 'Introvert Advantage' and so many things are coming to light--I wish I could get my hubbie to read so that he would understand me more and quit trying to fix me.

I guess if not for him I would become a total recluse....
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#189 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 05:51 PM
 
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So my evidently my husband had told this person to drop in (knowing how I am). I get soooo irked with him thinking/trying to 'fix' me. He is an outie and thinks he can socialize me.

For a time, my husband and my mother were both saying that I needed to get out of the house more. I would ask why, they'd say, it will be good for you. I said, I am happy with the way things are. My mom still thinks I need more friends in order to be happy. She thinks a higher number of friends produces a higher level of happiness.

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#190 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 07:53 PM
 
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Wow . . . I'm the only introvert in the house! My husband thought he was for years, but then I called him on how he needed to touch base and verbalize to work through whatever he was carrying. My teenagers need to talk things out -- usually verrrrry late at night for a couple hours a pop -- and I'm the go-to because . . . I got a very high score on the Highly Sensitive Person questionnaire and happen to be good at helping those around me get comfortable. Especially emotionally and psychologically. Which I can only get for myself by being alone!

Saw more than one of you fellow introverts mention you prefer to email or text. Me, too! I really need to be able to control the flow of intensity, pace, give myself time to think (foot-in-mouth sufferer here).

Still find myself staying up late to get back to myself.

So great to find all of you! :

Empty-nesting SAHM to DS1 (1989), DS2 (1992), an underachieving Bernese Mountain Dog (2006-2014), and an overachieving mother (1930).  Married to DH since 1986.
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#191 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 07:56 PM
 
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Hi to all! I'm an ISFJ (very high marks on the introversion) and just wanted to mark a place in this thread so I can go back and read all of it.

This year has been an acceptance year for me. I've always seen being introverted as a socal stigma. I can fein being social but it drain me near to death.

I'm happy there's a thread for this!! :

**Sometimes I take the test and it's ISTJ and other times is ISFJ. ????

Introverted (I) 93% Extraverted (E) 7%
Sensing (S) 77% Intuitive (N) 23%
Thinking (T) 70% Feeling (F) 30%
Judging (J) 55% Perceiving (P) 45%

~ OOOOOHHH!!! I'm so glad that hating to talk on the phone isn't just me!!! I abhor talking on the phone and will avoid it by using text/email at any given cost!!!

I'm all teary eyed because, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel alone...like I'm the weirdo of the group...it's like "coming home"! Lol. Does that make sense!!?!?!
I went through a MAJOR change in perspective when I found this tribe. It's been almost a month and I tell you, it's been basically the best month of my life. So yes, you make total sense.

I'm an INFP with a pretty solid balance of T, so I can totally relate to the testing as an F or a T sometimes. I think perhaps as women our F comes into play just per our nature, hormonal cycles, etc.

SOOO : : : for this thread!

SAHM to Chloe (02/28/08) & Samantha (10/06/10)... not quite crunchy - think of us as al dente, finding our way to self-sustainability & full-out crunchy living ... trial and error, one day at a time! 
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#192 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 08:56 PM
 
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Hey all,

I'm not sure if I posted my intro yet or not but I'm going to dive in now. I always test at INTP but lately I've met some other intro mamas and I feel like I am more extraverted then they are so it's making me question my introvertedness. I mean I feel like I'm always the one to ask them to get together, etc...

I've never been one to have a ton of friends, just usually one or 2 max close friends. But now that I'm older, a mama, and have moved dozens of times, I've lost that closeness with all of them. Anyways, I know I've pushed myself to be more outgoing, being a military mama, I'm always moving and now that I have a dd who likes hanging out with other kids, I have made the extra effort to get out there for her, yk? So, I feel like I'm introverted naturally but it takes extra effort on my part to be social. I do like being social though.

Maybe you ladies can help me sort this out.

I really don't like the meet and greet type of parties where I don't know anyone or only know a couple of people. I am not a social butterfly, canvassing the room to talk to people. I will position myself in a corner and chat with whoever is around me. If I know them well, we can have deep and meaningful conversations. Otherwise, it's painful to do the mindless chit chat and I end up running off early.

But with close friends or family, I can be gregarious, and funny, joking and sarcastic. I talk forever about deep subjects with people I know well.

But I am a SAHM and I find that I get bored easily and have been looking for other mamas to hang out with. I really would like to find that magic combination of a person (or 2) to hang out with. I prefer to hang out with extraverted people because they bring me out of my shell and I have more fun with them. But I find most of them flighty, and have better conversations with intros. So....anyways..what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, am I extra or intro? I know the standard question, is where do I get my energy from. Am I recharged through solitary time or through other people. I've never understood this question. I know that after hanging out with large #'s of people (even strangers, like at the mall) I HAVE to get home and be alone. But after hanging out with close friends, and good conversations, I feel like it gives me a boost. But like I said, I solidly test at INTP. The only thing that's marginal is the P, which is sometimes J, but I think I know why that is (I've been working on being more decisive and sometimes that is reflected in my test scores).

Anyways, I'm learning lots from this thread!

Living Simply and Enjoying Life
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#193 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 09:14 PM
 
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<marimara>

You are SO INTP. LOL... I would say definitely an introvert, from your description... keep in mind it varies in terms of percentage and "functions" - as an INTP your dominant function is Ti - Introverted Thinking... which means your head is busy, busy, busy... But yes. Extroverts gain energy from socializing... doesn't sound like you do (maybe I'm mistaken). Introverts regroup, recharge their batteries by being alone. As you know...
Here's this for you, if you haven't seen it already: http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

Welcome to the - um, err - party? lol.

SAHM to Chloe (02/28/08) & Samantha (10/06/10)... not quite crunchy - think of us as al dente, finding our way to self-sustainability & full-out crunchy living ... trial and error, one day at a time! 
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#194 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 10:02 PM
 
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Hi ladies!! Another introvert dropping in to say "hi!"

I've always been very introverted and very sensitive to sounds and smells so being social is a lot of work for me. I remember needed to ask the teacher a question in class but not wanting to because I didn't want the attention, the physical closeness and the smell of their breath if they came over to my desk.

I'm on vacation right now and I find them tough because I'm away from my homebase! I need quiet time at home to be able to recharge and wanted to cry when my dh wanted to extend our vacation by another day. *sigh*

Gazing furtively at you from under my siggie!
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#195 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 10:10 PM
 
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Hi ladies!! Another introvert dropping in to say "hi!"

I've always been very introverted and very sensitive to sounds and smells so being social is a lot of work for me. I remember needed to ask the teacher a question in class but not wanting to because I didn't want the attention, the physical closeness and the smell of their breath if they came over to my desk.

I'm on vacation right now and I find them tough because I'm away from my homebase! I need quiet time at home to be able to recharge and wanted to cry when my dh wanted to extend our vacation by another day. *sigh*
Oh dear, I totally know what you mean about homebase. Vacations are almost painful for me! My home is my sanctuary.....

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#196 of 804 Old 07-28-2009, 10:54 PM
 
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It's neat to run into so many of you who ARE gregarious with those you know well. I often use sociability as a shield. The cocktail-party chat terrifies me, so I just ask other people about themselves. They're off and running, think I'm brilliant, and we're all more comfortable.

Home is my favorite place, too. Some of our nicest vacations have been a house rental in a small coastal town. Sort of a sanctuary that would do until I got back to the real thing.

How do those of you partnered with outties handle the differences in what you need? DH has me as a sounding board, then wants to help me the same way, but all I want to do is catch my breath somewhere peaceful. I kind of feel bad telling him the best thing he can do is leave me alone.

Empty-nesting SAHM to DS1 (1989), DS2 (1992), an underachieving Bernese Mountain Dog (2006-2014), and an overachieving mother (1930).  Married to DH since 1986.
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#197 of 804 Old 07-29-2009, 01:05 AM
 
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Wow, this thread seems to have exploded today, which is cool!

I am totally relating to how people are saying they prefer to be home, rather than at a gathering filled with friendly, social chit chat. I don't mind people or socializing, provided it is meaningful and spaced with nice introverted intervals.

MariaMadly: Regarding being partnered with an outie, I find it really helpful to describe what can be expected as to what I can give and what my needs are. This conversation can be an ongoing process until you have reached an understanding. Also, because outies and innies can be so different there may need to be subtle reminders from time to time to help maintain the equilibrium. In my experience outies don't like to guess what you need, they want to be told, so don't feel bad about telling him what you need.
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#198 of 804 Old 07-29-2009, 09:18 AM
 
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The Hidden Life, thanks for posting. Parenting/Homeschooling can be so hard for me. Many of our friends decided to homeschool years ago, it's working well and I am happy with the decision. I only have 2 kids, but they are getting older and the house is much quieter now.

But I am worrying more and more, am I am doing enough for them? There are times I need to say home, so they have no choice but to stay home with me. Some friends may be going swimming or to a state park, but my kids miss out because of me. Someone may offer to take them along, but I say no thank you because I cant stand to not be with them, watching them myself. I would be home nervous and anxious the whole time. I don't want them running around the neighborhood because it makes me nervous. :

We do see friends every week, usually two or three times a week. And my oldest is like me, he would rather stay home. My youngest is more outgoing, but he is happy at home too. But I still beat myself up every time I pass on an outing or avoid a playdate.

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#199 of 804 Old 07-29-2009, 11:27 AM
 
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I went through a MAJOR change in perspective when I found this tribe. It's been almost a month and I tell you, it's been basically the best month of my life. So yes, you make total sense.

I'm an INFP with a pretty solid balance of T, so I can totally relate to the testing as an F or a T sometimes. I think perhaps as women our F comes into play just per our nature, hormonal cycles, etc.

SOOO : : : for this thread!
Phew, good. I'm just tickled pink that there are people out there that do understand and now I have a book to read about it.

I love reading about everyone's experiences here and just nodding my head saying, "Yeah, yeah. Me TOO!!"

It's hard for me just because I have an EXTEREMLY extroverted child. I take great pains to keep him socialized and feel gulity when I need my hour for reading to recharge.
Thank goodness I got rid of the extroverted husband I had...he was the most draining of all and made me feel like a total weirdo for how I am.

Ahhh! I love you guys. ROFLMAO.
I'm def in a "feeling" frame of mind today! ::snicker::

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#200 of 804 Old 07-29-2009, 02:22 PM
 
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I get soooo irked with him thinking/trying to 'fix' me. He is an outie and thinks he can socialize me.
Mine does this too, although not as much as he used to. It used to be that when we'd have people over or go to someone else's place he'd remind me that I needed to do my part to "keep the talk going." Somehow, though, whenever there was a lull in the conversation I'd "find" that I had just taken a bite or a drink of something, and so was unable to speak up - after all, it's bad manners to talk with your mouth full!

He still definitely doesn't get my aversion to the phone, and thinks that if I get enough "practice" calling someone whenever a call needs to be made for the household (bills, banking, doctor, etc.) I'll "get used to it" and won't have this issue anymore.

A MAJOR annoyance has come up related to this lately. Everyone knows to email me to get in touch with me, but my aunt doesn't use email. When she calls (which she's doing more frequently) and I don't feel like talking (which I'll admit is a lot!) I'll let her leave a message, and since I hate the phone it sometimes takes me a while to call back. Well, she's started calling DH's phone and asking for me! (He works from home, so he's pretty much always here during the day.) This is really annoying for both of us, albeit for different reasons. :

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#201 of 804 Old 07-29-2009, 08:48 PM
 
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I'm all teary eyed because, for the first time in a long time, I don't feel alone...like I'm the weirdo of the group...it's like "coming home"! Lol. Does that make sense!!?!?!
: This makes complete sense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tana'smama View Post
Maybe you ladies can help me sort this out.

I really don't like the meet and greet type of parties where I don't know anyone or only know a couple of people. I am not a social butterfly, canvassing the room to talk to people. I will position myself in a corner and chat with whoever is around me. If I know them well, we can have deep and meaningful conversations. Otherwise, it's painful to do the mindless chit chat and I end up running off early.

But with close friends or family, I can be gregarious, and funny, joking and sarcastic. I talk forever about deep subjects with people I know well.

But I am a SAHM and I find that I get bored easily and have been looking for other mamas to hang out with. I really would like to find that magic combination of a person (or 2) to hang out with. I prefer to hang out with extraverted people because they bring me out of my shell and I have more fun with them. But I find most of them flighty, and have better conversations with intros. So....anyways..what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, am I extra or intro? I know the standard question, is where do I get my energy from. Am I recharged through solitary time or through other people. I've never understood this question. I know that after hanging out with large #'s of people (even strangers, like at the mall) I HAVE to get home and be alone. But after hanging out with close friends, and good conversations, I feel like it gives me a boost. But like I said, I solidly test at INTP. The only thing that's marginal is the P, which is sometimes J, but I think I know why that is (I've been working on being more decisive and sometimes that is reflected in my test scores).

Anyways, I'm learning lots from this thread!
Most people are a combination of introvert/extrovert. I like being with people in limited amounts. And according to "Introvert Power" many introverts like deep conversation and hate the small talk. I think you qualify as introvert enough for this thread! :-) Welcome aboard!

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Originally Posted by savannah smiles View Post
Hi ladies!! Another introvert dropping in to say "hi!"

I've always been very introverted and very sensitive to sounds and smells so being social is a lot of work for me. I remember needed to ask the teacher a question in class but not wanting to because I didn't want the attention, the physical closeness and the smell of their breath if they came over to my desk.

I'm on vacation right now and I find them tough because I'm away from my homebase! I need quiet time at home to be able to recharge and wanted to cry when my dh wanted to extend our vacation by another day. *sigh*
I am also very sensitive to sounds and smells. When I was in gradeschool, the boy behind me smelled funny to me and every time he passed my desk to go ask the teacher something, I'd hold my breath. How's that for weird? lol

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Originally Posted by mich View Post
The Hidden Life, thanks for posting. Parenting/Homeschooling can be so hard for me. Many of our friends decided to homeschool years ago, it's working well and I am happy with the decision. I only have 2 kids, but they are getting older and the house is much quieter now.

But I am worrying more and more, am I am doing enough for them? There are times I need to say home, so they have no choice but to stay home with me. Some friends may be going swimming or to a state park, but my kids miss out because of me. Someone may offer to take them along, but I say no thank you because I cant stand to not be with them, watching them myself. I would be home nervous and anxious the whole time. I don't want them running around the neighborhood because it makes me nervous. :

We do see friends every week, usually two or three times a week. And my oldest is like me, he would rather stay home. My youngest is more outgoing, but he is happy at home too. But I still beat myself up every time I pass on an outing or avoid a playdate.
I hope you can stop beating yourself up about this. I think it's important to find the right balance for you and your kids. I'd ask them if they feel like they'd like to be more active with other people more often or not. They may be perfectly happy, or maybe they do feel like they're missing out. Is there a particular family you'd trust to send them with for activities? (I have a hard time letting go as well.)

We homeschooled our DD this year for K and live in an area with lots of homeschool activities and groups. It's just too much for me and not enough for her, but she's very extroverted. We decided to enroll her part-time in a private democratic school so she can see people and I can be alone for awhile. I still feel guilty about this once in awhile, but I think as long as we can afford it, it will be a good move for our family.


And to the poster who wants her DP to read "Introvert Advantage" -
try this: Put it in the bathroom and remove all other reading material. That's how I got my DP to read pregnancy books.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#202 of 804 Old 07-30-2009, 10:00 AM
 
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He still definitely doesn't get my aversion to the phone, and thinks that if I get enough "practice" calling someone whenever a call needs to be made for the household (bills, banking, doctor, etc.) I'll "get used to it" and won't have this issue anymore.

: My dh actually said the exact same thing to me yesterday!! My girls' riding stable called yesterday to confirm (for the 1000th time!) when their lessons were and when I grumped to my dh about having to call them back, he rolled his eyes and said that I just needed to get used to it and get over it. Grrr!!!

Gazing furtively at you from under my siggie!
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#203 of 804 Old 07-30-2009, 02:27 PM
 
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Ta-dah, your personality type is ISFJ!
Introverted (I) 86% Extraverted (E) 14%
Sensing (S) 55% Intuitive (N) 45%
Feeling (F) 55% Thinking (T) 45%
Judging (J) 64% Perceiving (P) 36%

Kelly, :Mama to Kevin, 10/1/05 & Seth, 7/7/06. ::
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#204 of 804 Old 07-30-2009, 05:22 PM
 
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this is soo me

i'm either an intj or an infj (depending on the time of the month ?!)

i really hate talking on the phone; i imagine myself posting on here, but never do

i'm an extrovert in my head, but it doesn't come out like that? also, no one believes that im an introvert b/c growing up i was super nerdy and attended bigtime functions and conventions and could speak infront of really large crowds, but i am deathly afraid of small social groups.

my main problem is that i have an intense fear of failure that if i post something, it will be wrong, other mom's won't want to come over for a playdate, that i will be laughed at if i talk in a group/party.

it's hard for me b/c my husband is a social butterfly with lots of close friends-they all say he never comes to parties anymore-and i know it's my fault b/c i hate them and i feel like no one wants to be my friend and i just stand on the outside looking

nice to have this thread!!

I'm Kelly, Mom to Merryn 7/28/08 and twins Luke & Thad born 9/26/2011
Can It Get Any Better Than This? Well, I guess it just did!joy.gif

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#205 of 804 Old 07-30-2009, 05:56 PM
 
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Hi fellow introverts! I can't remember if I posted to this thread before (and too lazy to go back and check, lol)...so nice to see all the new posts!

I'm an INFJ and I can relate to so much that has been posted lately. I hate the phone - caller ID is the best invention ever! DH and his entire family are extroverts and (my MIL in particular) think being an introvert is some kind of personality defect. : I don't know how many times I've had to explain that I am much happier at home than ANYwhere else. It's not a problem! I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!

Thanks for this thread, mamas.
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#206 of 804 Old 07-30-2009, 06:21 PM
 
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I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!
: The bolding is mine. I feel this way too.

I am a 40 year old unschooling, belly dancing, artist-mama of one almost 8 year old. I just had brain surgery and blogging.jpg about it a bit because it's just so surreal.
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#207 of 804 Old 07-30-2009, 06:25 PM
 
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If anybody wants to friend me on facebook here's my link (I think - still sorta new to facebook). Maybe we can have a introvert moms group there too!
I'd join the group.
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#208 of 804 Old 07-30-2009, 06:42 PM
 
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Apparently extroverts and introverts primarily use completely different pathways in the brain... the biology theories in the book I'm reading (Introvert Advantage) are really intriguing. Here's a quote I found in a review of the book.
"While extroverts mostly use their short-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with sensory impressions, introverts mainly use their long-term memory and the parts of the brain that deal with solving problems, planning, and internal thoughts and feelings. The two brain pathways require different neurotransmitters. The pathway that extroverts use is activated by dopamine, which is identified with alertness, attention, movement, and learning. Extroverts require lots of dopamine to be happy, and activity and excitement increase dopamine production, so extroverts enjoy being busy. Introverts, on the other hand, use a brain pathway that is activated by acetylcholine, which affects long-term memory, the ability to stay calm and alert, and perceptual learning. Acetylcholine produces a happy feeling during thinking and feeling, so introverts enjoy contemplation. Laney also links these biological differences between introverts and extroverts to introverts' increased sensitivity to temperature, odor, sound, visual stimulation, and blood sugar level." A quote from the book:
"Our physiology is linked to the rest-and-digest side of the nervous system... so every part of our body is attempting to preserve our resources. We are made for contemplation and hibernation... Moving our limbs takes more conscious thought. We have a tendency toward low blood sugar, low blood pressure, shallow breathing, sleep difficulties, tension headaches, and occasionally feeling drained and discombobulated." Some other things I remember from the book... we have a lower body temperature, sweat less, take longer to think of what we want to say, have lower energy levels, go deeply into thought and have trouble finding a place in our thoughts if we get interrupted, get easily overstimulated, and can focus and concentrated deeply when left alone.

It's fascinating to me that so much of my character could be explained by this primary chemical pathway that is genetic and that I was born with.
I read that book a couple of years ago and related SO MUCH to the part you posted above. Now if only I could get DH and my MIL to understand.
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#209 of 804 Old 08-01-2009, 02:53 AM
 
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INTP here. I have one introverted kid and one extrovert. The extrovert is going to need serious therapy. We keep trying to teach him how to play independently but he has this weird idea about playing with other people being more fun.
The innie and I like to read next to each other. It's sort of weird parallel playing with one's kids. I need to read that book. I could use the validation.
layne

“ it was her habit to build laughter out of inadequate materials....She seemed to know that if she swayed the family shook, and if she ever deeply wavered or despaired the family would fall.”
 -Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath (I frequently ask myself, 'what would Ma Joad do?')

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#210 of 804 Old 08-03-2009, 11:00 AM
 
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I do have guilt over not meeting my extrovert dd's needs, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it. She does get social time with kids in the neighborhood and at school...so it's not like I'm forcing her to be a hermit. There has to be a balance between meeting her needs and meeting mine, and I'm never going to be the mom who has the kids in a bunch of activities where I'm going to have to chit chat with all the other moms. It's not that I'm scared of talking with people....it's just so tiring!
I could have written this.

I enroll my kiddo in flag football and soccer for littles, but, man, I get tired just listening to the other parents chitty-chat.
I just kind of stand off to the side, nod/smile at their comments, and watch mine play/practice....and sigh with relief when the coach has the parent/child practice portion and we all go to our own child to kick the ball around with.

I also force myself to take my kid to the park in the evenings to play with others and get some more interaction, but I dread the days when there are strange parents there. I almost audibly groan when one of them comes to sit next to me and strikes up conversation.

Part of my mind is yelling "they think you're weird cause you don't want to talk to anyone!!! TALK TO THEM!!", but the other part is just CRYING for the peace of solitude.

It's like a constant battle between interaction and solitude with me stuck in the middle being pulled both directions...
Can't wait to get my copy of that book from Amazon; the validation will be S-w-E-E-T!!

Center
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