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#1 of 56 Old 04-05-2011, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We try these tribal threads, but they usually peter out after awhile.  Anyone interested in participating in a thread for fat mamas or not yet mamas, or fat dads?  Basically a size acceptance, fat positive and HAES supportive kind of thing, not a weight loss thread.  If so, introduce yourself here. smile.gif

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#2 of 56 Old 04-08-2011, 11:59 AM
 
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I'm interested. wave.gif

 

I'm Beth. DW is also fat (although she's gained a lot since becoming a SAHM and is trying to lose a little bit so she feels a bit better).

 

I've been dealing with my mom and her issues a lot lately. She's always been fat and had bypass surgery two years ago and is now very egotistical and constantly concerned with her looks. It seems like EVERYONE around me is getting surgery to lose weight. Beautiful, amazing women. I hate it. *sigh*

 

I had a homebirth and my midwife didn't bat an eye at my weight. She knew how healthy I was. But even my dad questioned if I could give birth at home. Shouldn't I lose weight first? eyesroll.gif My midwife said, "Girl, you're not the first fat woman to give birth. If you were then the human race would have never survived!" thumb.gif

 

 

 

 

 

 


Beth- WOHM slinggirl.gif  -Madly in love with my Wife- SAHMhola.gifandbabyf.gifSophia, born 11/2/10, at home! homebirth.jpgExpressing love, one ounce at a time!  1pump.gif

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#3 of 56 Old 04-08-2011, 02:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My sister had WLS a number of years back.  She had wanted to have it a few years before, but had gone to all these websites with the people who described all the negative effects, and she decided not to do it.  She called to tell me about it at the time.  Then about 2 years later, in 2006, she decided to look into it again. I was really busy when she called, so I was mostly just listening and uh huhing.  Then I thought I at least owed it to her to be more honest and share my opinion, because she obviously didn't call me just to have me say, yay great.  So I asked her why she had changed her mind, and what about all the horror stories she had read.  And she decided just to be positive this time, and only read the positive stuff.  

 

I expressed misgivings at what she was doing, and then she got mad and didn't know why I wasn't happy for her, and said everyone else she talked to thought it was great.  I was annoyed because I was in my garage, trying to sort through all this stuff for this big LLL garage sale, and I didn't really care what she did, I didn't have time to talk to her about it, really, but I was *trying* to do my duty and mention the risks, and I guess she really just called up so I would agree with her and cheer her on?  Annoying!

 

Anyway, my sister had the Roux-en-Y.  It went well for her.  However, she wasn't losing as much weight as they thought she should.  She had to count calories and get to under 1,000 a day in order to lose weight.  She did this for awhile, then she went on some drugs that helped keep her appetite down.  She tried weaning off of them, but she kept gaining weight, so she'd go back on them.  She finally decided to go off of them and deal with the weight gain.  She's also had a lot of problems with anemia, but she had a hysterectomy which helped with that.  Her iron was so low, that in order to qualify for the surgery, she had to get iron infusions before hand.  Then afterwards, when she was so anemic and really sick, the doctors wouldn't see her anymore because she owed them $40 which she couldn't pay.  I sent her the money so she could pay them off and they'd see her, and then she had to have a hysterectomy right away after that.  

 

Her health problems are minimal compared to what many have had, but she's not thin.  She's gained weight back--and the weight gain process after a loss is associated with cardiovascular risks, so even if she was healthier for having lost weight, I feel like she's negated it.  I forget the exact number, but I think WLS is considered successful if you keep 10-15% of your body weight off after 5 years.  But we surgically alter ourselves, mutilate our gastrointestinal systems for that, and it doesn't even make you healthier. It's so frustrating to me!

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#4 of 56 Old 04-08-2011, 02:45 PM
 
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I feel ya. My mom also had the Roux-en-Y done. And THEN she convinced every fat person she knows to get it done. :( Her sister, her two friends (also my friends). It's worked really well for her. But she's always talking smack about fat people now. Um...HELLO!!!! I'm right here! She also constantly tells me that she's now a size 29 waist and size 6 jeans, etc. She really thought her issues would disappear once she was thin. I told her the truth, that she would still be the SAME person, just in smaller clothes, but she didn't listen. All she cared about was "looking good" without the constant work. *sigh* Now she wants plastic surgery for the loose skin and a facelift for the wrinkles (I love how fat fills in the wrinkles!!!) Now she's just a skinny person with the same issues. *sigh* Meanwhile I'm HAPPY and love my body and can enjoy delicious food. orngbiggrin.gif


Beth- WOHM slinggirl.gif  -Madly in love with my Wife- SAHMhola.gifandbabyf.gifSophia, born 11/2/10, at home! homebirth.jpgExpressing love, one ounce at a time!  1pump.gif

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#5 of 56 Old 04-13-2011, 11:09 AM
 
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hi there!  I tend to go from loving my shape and not caring what other people think, to "oh my goodness, I really need to lose some major weight NOW"  lol

 

 

 


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#6 of 56 Old 04-14-2011, 06:02 AM
 
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I'm a fat mommy. I also had a homebirth without my midwives caring. They weren't "supposed" to if I was over a certain weight during the pregnancy but I was allowed to decline weighing myself and just go on my first visits weight (because honestly? Not gaining weight during a pregnancy is NOT a good idea!)

Everything went fine and my daughter's healthy :)

I am currently trying to lose weight (for my own health) but not trying to get skinny. I love my curves, I want to stay curvy... I just want to hurt a little less when getting up from the floor and getting out of the tub.


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#7 of 56 Old 04-14-2011, 08:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello, everyone! smile.gif

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#8 of 56 Old 04-20-2011, 07:53 AM
 
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wave.gif

Hello.  I am a fat mama.  I have been large for as far back as I can remember.  Even in high school when I was doing two sports a year and was pretty healthy I was still considered obese.  I really would like to get back to being more healthy so that I do not tire so quickly playing with my children, but I really do not care at what weight or size the healthy feeling comes.

 


oAlisha- eternal companion to mike:, mother to three energetic boys (02):, (05), and (07) and one sweet little girl 3/13.  Two in heaven.7/21/2010, 11/05/2011 mecry.gif.

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#9 of 56 Old 04-20-2011, 10:10 AM
 
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I'm another one whose sister had WLS. After the surgery she landed back in the hospital to have her gall bladder removed and then spent 9 mos or so in a wheelchair relearning how to walk (both as complications of surgery). I was never comfortable w the idea of surgery to begin with, but after that I *really* wasnt comfortable with it. Although i must say that nowadays i have my days of considering it. I just have so many issues around my body image.

I also had a HB w a MW who didnt blink, and i was regularly weighing myself. I gained less than 20 lbs though. I did a lot of educating her though about my particular set of medical issues, thankfully she was open to learning.

I married a man who loves my size, thankfully. While i'd like to lose 50-100 lbs, just to be more comfortable, he wouldnt want me losing much more than that, which is good for me. He's willing to support my desire to lose that much, but just for my gemeral health and not because je wants me to be thinner if that makes sense.

I will say that at almost 35 i still get carded. The fat really does help to keep my face young looking.

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#10 of 56 Old 04-20-2011, 10:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by cristeen View Post



I will say that at almost 35 i still get carded. The fat really does help to keep my face young looking.



I don't usually get carded (I'm 30) but I do have a hard time convincing people that I'm older than my dh!!  (only by a couple months, but still.  he is 29, b-day in a couple weeks, people frequently assume he's in his late 30's early 40's)

 


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#11 of 56 Old 04-22-2011, 10:46 PM
 
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Hello! I also am fat and pregnant! I am at 12 weeks, still clocking my roughly 250 pounds and feeling fine. For my physical well-being, I plan to keep up the daily walks and twice-weekly swims throughout the pregnancy, eat frequently, and hope gestational diabetes doesn't strike. 

 

I practice size acceptance and HAES, and intend to go to the NOLOSE conference in Oakland this year to share some fat community and support. As a fat pregnant lady, I have a lot of fear over receiving poor or hostile medical care, since there are so many studies documenting doctor prejudices against fat women and showing that these prejudices are even more pronounced in obstetrics and gynecology. I am trying to protect myself by rigorously interviewing healthcare providers and always taking a support person to appointments. I do this normally anyway, but it feels even more important now that I'm pregnant. 

 

I would love it if this could be an ongoing thread for fat positive and HAES moms & moms-to-be to support one another. I was searching for just that when I stumbled in here.

 


First baby due Oct/Nov 2011. Slowly finding my way...

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#12 of 56 Old 04-23-2011, 11:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Very cool, welcome!
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#13 of 56 Old 04-28-2011, 11:31 AM
 
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Nmouse - i highly recommend you read up on gestational diabetes. Henci Goer's website has some great info. I would also recommend looking for non-OB practitioners, whether thats a family dr or a midwife.

For me, one of the most important questions while interviewing midwives was asking for their feelings/requirements in regards to the GTT. I had a few tell me they required it. I had a few tell me they recommended it and a few who didnt care about it. Guess which group i showed the door and which ones i actually chose from. My mw was far more interested in discussing actual diet with me. She also was completely open to listening and learning from me about what i know about my body. She wasnt interested in pushing an agenda. Ultimately i asked to borrow a glucometer from her for a few weeks. I wanted to know what was going on, and it was very interesting. Chances are that if id taken the GTT i would have failed, but using the glucometer showed me that im hypoglycemic - many GD protocols would have made things worse. Ask whether a glucometer is an acceptable alternative to the GTT if you cant find someone who is open-minded.

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#14 of 56 Old 04-28-2011, 11:40 AM
 
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CONGRATS nmouse on your pregnancy!!! joy.gif

 

I agree with Cristeen- find a provider that is open-minded regarding GTT. My midwife straight up told me she doesn't believe in GD! She doesn't use the regular sugar drink test, even if you wanted it. She asks if you want to use a glucometer for a couple of days and check your sugar before and after normal meals. She's absolutely fine if you decline. If the #'s are slightly high, but not alarmingly, she will even not write them down in the chart until the #'s are more normal after experimenting with different foods and sugar intake levels. I decided to go ahead and do it, just because I was curious. Of course my #'s were perfect. Fat doesn't equal GD. This was such a stark contrast from a previous OB I saw over 10 yrs ago just for regular check up. She said that I would 100% get GD when I got pregnant and it would probably continue after pregnancy if I wasn't planning to lose weight first!!! eyesroll.gif The fat bias among the medical community is beyond belief!!! Grrrrrr

 

 


Beth- WOHM slinggirl.gif  -Madly in love with my Wife- SAHMhola.gifandbabyf.gifSophia, born 11/2/10, at home! homebirth.jpgExpressing love, one ounce at a time!  1pump.gif

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#15 of 56 Old 04-28-2011, 10:49 PM
 
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Thanks for the advice. I will add gestational diabetes and attitudes toward the gluten tolerance test to my list of questions when I go interviewing midwives next month. Maybe I will buy some test strips and start using my glucometer too. I bought it ages ago in a fit of enthusiasm for self-monitoring, but then didn't enjoy poking my finger enough to continue. 


First baby due Oct/Nov 2011. Slowly finding my way...

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#16 of 56 Old 04-29-2011, 05:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have you visited the Plus Size Pregnancy site?  It hasn't been updated recently, but the author has another blog, The Well-Rounded Mama.

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#17 of 56 Old 05-05-2011, 10:39 PM
 
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I like both of those sites so much, plus this article that I think is by the same author: http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/size_friendly.asp


First baby due Oct/Nov 2011. Slowly finding my way...

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#18 of 56 Old 05-17-2011, 06:56 PM
 
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When pregnant with my daughter, my midwives GD test was having me having a breakfast of protein (eggs and bacon lol... gotta love it!) an hour before I came in... and then did the glucometer when I got there. The numbers were fine. They said they almost are when done that way.


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#19 of 56 Old 06-01-2011, 06:42 PM
 
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Oh yay, I am glad to see this here! I'm a fat mama, "obese" according to the AMA. Healthy by all the usual medical standards for middle-aged persons, and four normal pregnancies and homebirths.

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#20 of 56 Old 06-03-2011, 09:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome!

 

I just saw this, kind of depressing: 

 

Quote:
In a nation with 93 million obese people, a few ob-gyn doctors in South Florida now refuse to see otherwise healthy women solely because they are overweight. Fifteen obstetrics-gynecology practices out of 105 polled by the Sun Sentinel said they have set weight cut-offs for new patients starting at 200 pounds or based on measures of obesity — and turn down women who are heavier.

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/health/some-ob-gyns-in-south-florida-turn-away-1479897.html

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#21 of 56 Old 06-05-2011, 04:47 AM
 
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Good that they're outting themselves, just have to hope that these women don't just automatically accept that they need to go to a specialist.

 

I've been thinking about health care and fat people in general -- the fact that they're less likely to be involved with things that promote health in the first place because there's such a stigma. Especially with alternative care, it seems to me. So many of these "alternative" practitioners are people who are conventionally beautiful and thin (because that's a big part of what it's about in our culture, so those kind of people find it encouraging to get involved) and what are the chances they are going to be fat-phobic? Probably pretty high. Although they may for various reasons not be upfront about it, so there's the danger now of negative energy and bias coming through in treatment. And suddenly it feels heavy and difficult to seek out care, rather than something you look forward to because it is good for you.

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#22 of 56 Old 06-08-2011, 11:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have to admit I feel a level of frustration that the alternative ideologies don't coincide more.  I've met people who are perfectly willing to not buy into the mainstream ideas of homebirth is dangerous, circumcision is necessary, not vaccinating is irresponsible and dangerous.  But if you want people just to look at some of the studies around fat issues, it's a no go, because there is no need.  I've gotten into huge debates about this on other boards with people who seem pretty funky and alternative, but then pull the "you deserve more, you deserve to be thin" crap on me, without really looking at the hard data of how weight gain and weight loss work.  And then being told, "Oh, it doesn't really matter how fat you are, even if you are thin you feel fat."  Well, sure, and poor body image is a horrible thing, but it's a different thing from being in a group of people against whom there is more and more legal discrimination.  Oh well...

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#23 of 56 Old 06-14-2011, 07:03 PM
 
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Hello,

I have been lurking and haven't found my place yet. What is HAES?

Thanks!

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#24 of 56 Old 06-15-2011, 06:33 PM
 
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Hello,

I have been lurking and haven't found my place yet. What is HAES?

Thanks!



I believe it stands for Health at Every Size but I don't know anything else about it.

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#25 of 56 Old 06-16-2011, 04:56 AM
 
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Thanks!

I am a big momma and am disturbed by the prejudice against those of larger size. I have been big all my life except for a few years in my 20's when I tried to keep up with what I felt I should be. I never felt like it was enough, I was still the fat girl. Now with DD & DS I just want to be healthy. I feel I need to slim down a bit but then again DS is only 18 days old. Did anyone else see an OB thru pregnancy that forced glucose tests on them? I guess I was afraid to refuse them. But with my last pregnancy I was subjected to them 3 times, for no reason I think other than my size. Always fine too. nut.gif

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#26 of 56 Old 06-18-2011, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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How many glucose tests did you have to take?

 

With my first pregnancy, my OB felt like I was large and she worried that I had GD.  So I had the GTT at one point, and I passed.  But later on she said I looked huge and my GTT was right on the edge, so she sent me for a fasting blood draw to test my blood sugar.  I don't know why it had to be a draw, honestly, but in any event, it was fine and she relaxed about it after that, although she did say I would have a big baby and that I might need a c-section.

 

Yes, HAES is health at every size.  It's a bit different from fat acceptance or size acceptance, but I think of it as the idea of making healthy choices and living a healthy lifestyle at your current size without the emphasis on exercising and eating a certain way to reduce body size.  There is an organization, The Association for Size Diversity and Health, and they are going to have regular blog posts, they claim.  http://www.sizediversityandhealth.org/index.asp 

 

Just to explain how I came to HAES, I was a chubby child, and I was born in the 60's.  There was no thought in the way I was raised other than fat is a flaw, it's something you need to fix, it's something that means you are inferior.  My mother would say she was worried about my health, that the fat was squeezing all my organs and my heart would give out.  When I was 9.5 years old, I broke the 100 lb barrier and weighed in at 103.  My mother freaked out and took me to the doctor for diet pills.  They were the mildest pills she could get, and the doctor had a firm talk (like, I don't like to do this, but if you are sure this is what you want); everyone, including me, seemed to think this was the answer.  They had amphetamines in them, btw, so they actually depressed my appetite and gave me more energy, which I enjoyed.  Also around that time, she started buying Ayds diet candies.  She'd get angry that I wanted to sit in the house and read more than go outside in the hot humid summer to wander around, but she didn't really actively try and encourage me to exercise by going on walks or bike rides or whatever.  It was all, "Lose weight, get under 100 lbs, then we'll buy you a trampoline" kind of thing.  Like maybe if we had a trampoline that held people over 100 lbs, we'd have been outside more.  :D

 

Anyway, by the time I was 12, I was 189 lbs.  I was about 40 lbs heavier than my sister who was also overweight.  At 13 she started us all at Weight Watchers, but when I was successful and lost 35 lbs, she suddenly pulled us out, saying she couldn't afford it.  Later she told me she was just tired of going, I could have kept going if I wanted.  But all the time she continued to lambast me about my weight, and say cruel things (I'm embarrassed to be seen in public with you, no boy will ever want to date you).  Thinking back on it, I feel like she was actually trying to sabotage my weight loss attempts, which surprises me because it seemed like the most important thing in the world to her.  Weight Watchers at that point in time was probably pretty healthy for me in terms of diet and exercise, because I started making better food choices and paying attention to exercise, but then she pulled me out and again started harping on me about my weight when I gained. I lost weight again when I was 18 with a strict diet and exercising 40 minutes a day, 7 days a week for about a year.  Eventually, though, I stopped losing weight, I couldn't get down to what was considered a healthy weight, I got very discouraged, I was also hungry and my thinking about food wasn't normal by then.  I couldn't eat a bowl of soup AND a salad for lunch, because I knew I'd go over my 800 calories a day, but trying to limit it more was impossible, so I got into a cycle of "well, let me quit for awhile and start over again."  Eventually I decided that this kind of dieting was pointless, and if I kept it up I would just keep gaining weight each time.

 

I felt like exercise was important, however, and healthy eating so I kept trying to do those.  I did want to lose weight, but I figured it would happen if it happened, I couldn't do the strict calorie diets anymore--they didn't even seem to work now anyway.  I think for me, the idea of HAES was that I could be a good fatty, someone who at least made healthy choices about food and exercise.  I think a lot of people are drawn to it because they feel like they have to live the right way to be accepted and valued.  So sometimes size acceptance almost goes against HAES principles to say, "I don't have to be thin to be a worthwhile person, I don't have to be healthy to be a worthwhile person, I don't have to be considered acceptable only if I made good decisions."  So there might be some rejection of HAES as being oppressive, but I think, really, that most people want to do some healthy things just for the sake of feeling better and feeling happier, so even if they don't feel like they have to do these things to be accepted, people realize they are worth doing anyway.

 

I know a lot of people reject the idea of health at every size and say it's a kind of deep denial, that you can't possibly be fat and healthy.  I won't talk to the ideals, because I didn't have a lot of choice about how to live my life in the healthiest way when I was a kid.  I can only try and do healthy things now, and I know that trying to lose weight does not make me thinner nor healthier.  Which isn't to say I couldn't have a healthier diet, I could.  I could exercise more than I am right now, and I strive for those things, so I like to read and talk about it. 

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#27 of 56 Old 07-12-2011, 01:19 AM
 
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So sometimes size acceptance almost goes against HAES principles to say, "I don't have to be thin to be a worthwhile person, I don't have to be healthy to be a worthwhile person, I don't have to be considered acceptable only if I made good decisions."  So there might be some rejection of HAES as being oppressive, but I think, really, that most people want to do some healthy things just for the sake of feeling better and feeling happier, so even if they don't feel like they have to do these things to be accepted, people realize they are worth doing anyway.

 

 

Viola I didn't see your post before but I think it's so interesting that you bring this up. I love HAES and especially Linda Bacon's book about it, and HAES is the reason why I take gentle 20 minute walks nearly every day, in a way that nourishes my body and heart, even if I don't have the energy or time for an aerobic workout. It's also why I devote extra money to fruits even when I don't feel like eating vegetables, so I can keep putting upping the plant foods in my diet.

 

I was just at a workshop where folks were discussing fat acceptance and HAES together. One person made what I thought was a beautiful point that HAES is about activities that promote health, but it doesn't necessarily mean that a person will attain the state of "healthy." A person can still practice HAES successfully without eliminating all "unhealth" from their being, and it's important to acknowledge that given genes and the inevitable events of aging, we are really not in control of every outcome in our health. A fat person with a neurological condition or incurable disease might not ever be "healthy" by medical definitions, but using HAES she can still do the things that promote her health, such as exercising gently in a way that doesn't harm her other conditions but does promote better metabolic processes for managing blood sugars, blood pressure, etc. Figuring out what promotes health for each of us is individual too, especially since mental health is part of overall health and we're all pretty unique mentally as well as physically. I think some people like to think there is just one way to promote health and it's dieting and punishing exercise for weight loss, but HAES shows us this really viable alternative that's much more holistic and attainable.

 

Also in this workshop, people were discussing how not everyone can pursue "good fatty" status by eating all their vegetables and exercising 3-5 times a week, but that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, not just the "good" fatties. If we feel the only way we can prove ourselves worthy of respect and good treatment is by swearing up and down that we eat our vegetables, exercise, and have no health problems whatsoever, we are letting ourselves get sucked into an arguing stance that, in a way, sells out our future, less perfectly healthy selves and also dismisses other fat folks who have disability or reasons why they are just plain human and can't live up to those ideals. It is tricky because it is so tempting to argue against prejudice that "fat people can be perfectly healthy too," and back it up with all the science and research that are out there. But the fact that this is an argument we CAN have doesn't mean it is the one we SHOULD have when people are trying to dismiss or abrogate the basic humanity and dignity of people who are fat. 

 

Oh and on a less theoretical note, I have been using my home glucometer and found a midwife who thinks this is the best way to keep track of blood sugars. So far so good. I still eat chocolate. :)

 

 


First baby due Oct/Nov 2011. Slowly finding my way...

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#28 of 56 Old 07-12-2011, 11:56 AM
 
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I'm a beautiful, lovely, fantastically plump lady ;)

 

 

I'm 19 weeks pregnant.. feeling pretty good about where I am. :)

 

I'm a big proponent of HAES... :)


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#29 of 56 Old 07-12-2011, 06:21 PM
 
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My sugars never were bad and I was over 300 lbs with both of my children. I really don't believe overweight must automatically mean bad sugar levels.

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#30 of 56 Old 07-12-2011, 06:47 PM
 
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I've never had issues with my blood sugars, and I've also not had issues with my blood pressure.


creative crunchy christian wife to J stillheart.gif, Mama to three boys and one baby on the way!  chicken3.gif  doula in training love.gif

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