Is there a tribe for people who tend to alienate others? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know how to keep female friendships going for longer than a few years before I do something boneheaded to make them mad at me.

Even relationships with my sisters and mother are often strained. I usually am pretty okay with it, but sometimes it truly is stinky. I do get lonely with just me and my kids and my husband.

I try not to sit in judgment of others, but if I think there is another perspective (usually an AP, gentle discipline, natural health alternative kind of things lately), I will offer it. I tend to be a bit of an intellectual (not really doing much atm other than reading a lot and thinking about lots of different things), though I don't go around spouting out about the things I think about too much. Nobody would really care.

I've got pretty high standards for myself, but really, I'm easygoing on others. I do not act superior at all. I do look into the heart of a person and can usually make friends with certain people quite easily (keeping them going over the years is much, much harder). The only long-term friends I really have are men. I have 5 male friends I've been friends with. One is 24 years, one is 20 years, one is 10 years strong. Not bad, I think.

The only rule I have with regards to relationships (friend or family of origin)is: don't ever attack me or my kin, particularly without provocation. I will not sit quietly by without defending my own. But apparently, even though I think I have well thought-out POV, dh tends to think I am harsher and less accommodating when I feel attacked. It could be, all those years of being emotionally abused by my mother and two of my sisters could have a lot to do with it.

I've always tried to go for what I think are logical responses to things. And I tend to analyze way too much, but I also really am highly sensitive too. Yet at the same time, I have to be right. This having to be right may have cost me some friendships.

Sigh. So, is there a thread for women like this? Or something similar?

Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
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#2 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 06:29 PM
 
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If you get that tribe can I join? I know I'm a guy and all, and I do have some close friends, but a majority of people can only take me in small doses for the very same reasons you stated. The only difference is, it's not just me and my kin I'll defend. If anyone gets attacked, even verbally, particularly without provocation, I will come down on you hard. "I don't agree with what you say, I will defend to the death your right to say it." is how I live my life. Even people who are attacked for voicing an opinion that goes against everything I believe, will end up with me defending their right to say it. That tends to be the end all for most of the friends who decide to cut me out, because I won't let them verbally attack someone who thinks different then them. Now if it's a regular debate and going well and no name calling or personal insults, that's fine. But as soon as you start getting nasty with someone, watch out cause I will call you on it.

I've been labelled the official stirrer of sh** with some people I talk to regularly because of it.

I have also been referred to as a know it all. I don't try and I don't really think I know it all, but if I do know something is wrong or not quite accurate then I find it nearly impossible to keep quiet.

I'm not overly sensetive though, but I have been discribed as empathic. Which never made sense to me but oh well.

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#3 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Musician dad -
Sure you can. I think I will change my title to be more inclusive of everyone.

I remember you from another forum. I've always liked the way you think.

Yes, empathetic is how I view myself too. That being said, I have a very strong sense of justice and it gets me into trouble. While I'm fairly smart, I'm not that able to see when I've crossed the line from being logical to being rude. Most people don't want to be wrong (heck, not even me). I could be right on every point I've made, but as my dh has told me, he perceives it as being personally attacked. Yet, I only see it as being logical.

You know, I really, really like the character of Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory. He was never apologetic for his need to be right. But he also didn't care either if people didn't like him for it either.

When I worked (in forensics and then medical genetics), I had a lot more opportunity to relate to others. I had a lot of opportunities for practicing being tactful, I think. Now that I'm a SAHP, I am down to a mere few. And the mere few is suddenly disappearing.

Sigh. I was warned I shouldn't have quit my career. But I was weak. I just couldn't maintain a full time career and be gone 11 hours a day from my little ones. Now I just don't have that many people to really interact with, and definitely not on the level I need. And I managed to alienate one and possibly another (who is a mutual friend of the one).

Anyway, "thanks for stopping by (and stay classy San Diego)" *. Hopefully others will wanna join too.

*****

Anyone know what movie that's a quote from? 10 points if you know the answer.

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#4 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 06:35 PM
 
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Yay! Thank you! And I promise I won't get mad if you call me on my crap.

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#5 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 06:41 PM
 
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Oh, and my puns don't help me make friends either.

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#6 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 07:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and my puns don't help me make friends either.
Did you know there are many different pun formats? You probably did, but for others reading...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pun

Formats for punning
* Bilingual pun
* Daffynition
* Feghoot
* Knock-knock joke
* Malapropism
* Shaggy dog story
* Spoonerism
* Tom Swifty
* Transpositional pun

I'm so stinkin' bored, lonely and starved for intellectual stimulation I'm off on a diversion on Wiki reading all about the different types of puns.

I'm a lover of humor, so have pun all you want!

I love self-referential statements:

This sentence has no period


I love language. I love word play. "I love lamp" (10 points for knowing what movie this is from - hint: it's the same movie as the one above).

"I palindrome I" (10 points for knowing who sang this song).

I haven't been this silly in a long time. So thanks my friend.:

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#7 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 07:18 PM
 
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I'm really bad at tact. I tend to drive people away IRL because I say things before I think about how they might be heard by others. Most people think I'm really weird. I just don't have a brain to mouth filter. The other day my neighbor asked to borrow the phone. I said sure and happily handed it over. Later he brought it back and without thinking I said "So when are you getting your phone turned back on?" He looked at me oddly for a second and replied that he didn't know, times were tough at the moment and he just needed to call his mom to ask for help with his electric bill.
It wasn't until MUCH later that I realized he might have thought I was annoyed at his borrowing my phone. I really, truly was happy to help my neighbor and felt absolutely no irritation at his use of the phone. I was really just wondering if they were going to have to live without a phone for a while and instead I came off sounding like a big ol' meanie.

Just one prime example. Way to go!
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#8 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 07:27 PM
 
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"I love lamp" is from Anchorman isn't it?

"I palindrome I" is by They Might Be Giants.

Here's a gramatically correct sentense for you

"Colourless green ideas sleep furiously."

Other interesting sentencest:

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog."

and the same type in French:

"Voix ambiguë d'un cœur qui au zéphyr préfère les jattes de kiwis."

I love palindromes too:

What palindrome did Adam use to introduce himself to Eve?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"Madam, I'm Adam"

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#9 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 07:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital View Post
I'm really bad at tact. I tend to drive people away IRL because I say things before I think about how they might be heard by others. Most people think I'm really weird. I just don't have a brain to mouth filter. The other day my neighbor asked to borrow the phone. I said sure and happily handed it over. Later he brought it back and without thinking I said "So when are you getting your phone turned back on?" He looked at me oddly for a second and replied that he didn't know, times were tough at the moment and he just needed to call his mom to ask for help with his electric bill.
It wasn't until MUCH later that I realized he might have thought I was annoyed at his borrowing my phone. I really, truly was happy to help my neighbor and felt absolutely no irritation at his use of the phone. I was really just wondering if they were going to have to live without a phone for a while and instead I came off sounding like a big ol' meanie.

Just one prime example. Way to go!
Maybe your neighbour has a difficult time understand some body language associated with curiosity.

I've had that happen before, but it happens when I fail to express my meaning physically as well as verbally so they miss read what I'm trying to say.

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#10 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 08:25 PM
 
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As a focused discussion, this belongs in personal growth, so I am going to move it there.

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#11 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 10:34 PM
 
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I could wear out the nodding smily here:

overly empathic: Check
too many obscure references: Check
unwilliness to tolerate unkindness: Check
too intellectual: Check
knows the words to old TMBG songs: Check

Yeah. I'll be back.
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#12 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 11:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As a focused discussion, this belongs in personal growth, so I am going to move it there.
Um...okay, but I don't understand why? What does focused discussion mean? Did I manage to alienate us from the finding your tribe forum ? I guess I don't know the rules of the tribal area.

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#13 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 11:22 PM
 
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FYT is for discussions not hosted in other areas MDC. based on your OP, this seemed like a topic best hosted in Personal Growth. Feel free to PM me with any other questions.

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#14 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 11:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, I guess I understand that. Though, being put here this assumes I want to grow and actually make changes to my fundamental nature. I'm not so sure I'm the one that needs to, or even wants to change. I am who I am, and for the most part, I like me, warts and all. I've decided that I'd much rather make friends online and forget real people. Okay, not really. But sort of.



Just was looking for commiseration, I guess. Not so much ideas on how to change, but basically find others who are like me that have trouble in the friendship department because we stand pretty strong on certain values/beliefs etc.
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#15 of 144 Old 09-27-2008, 11:52 PM
 
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OK, I couldn't sleep because I was stressed out over this. I'm going to go ahead and move you back to FYT. Sorry for any inconvenience.
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#16 of 144 Old 09-28-2008, 12:25 AM
 
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OK, you're back. Have a great night!

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
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#17 of 144 Old 09-28-2008, 12:44 AM
 
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OK, I couldn't sleep because I was stressed out over this. I'm going to go ahead and move you back to FYT. Sorry for any inconvenience.
Thanks, we do appreciate it.
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#18 of 144 Old 09-28-2008, 01:38 PM
 
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hi there~ i read the posts and i feel like i relate in the sense that i don't easily make friends...I think maybe I purposely alienate myself...I am introverted and dont need to be around people all the much...I do have some need and feel more confident socially but also tend to shy away and want my own space...I have no idea if this fits this tribe or not and I feel like i am blabbing now...

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#19 of 144 Old 09-28-2008, 02:18 PM
 
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I think it probably fits. Others definatly tend to stay away from people who need their own space regularly. It's not a bad thing, but it's something your friends really have to understand really want to stick around. Apparently because humans are social creatures, we're supposed to want to be social all the time.

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#20 of 144 Old 09-29-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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Me! Me! Me! Can I join?

I saw this thread and said to myself "Oh yea...". Interestingly enough I recognize some of the posters here and I only visit a few forums.

Apparently I alienate people without even trying. I have learned that my personality type is in direct opposition to some others. I am direct, with a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I do not handle overt exclusionary behavior well and I have a strong reaction to statements of judgment stated as fact. I love to discuss, research, debate. I do not have social phobias of any kind and have been know to strike up conversations with complete strangers. Many times I am accused of being argumentative because I ask "why, how, or what information do you have to back that up?" kind of statements. I am a critical thinker and a skeptic. I have been told that I am intimidating and mom-friends (YK, the relationship based solely around the kids) tell me they don't like to discuss things with me because I have too much information on different subjects. It's pretty much a given that if someone is passive-aggressive we won't get along, if they also happen to be a judgmental or insecure mother then it seems I will most likely become their nemesis. (We're back on the playground here....)

Can I join? DH and I have a few close friends who all happen to be similar in personality to us, some with even less social grace. I long for the day I meet another mom who doesn't assume my knowledge on any subject isn't a judgment against their choices.
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#21 of 144 Old 09-29-2008, 01:22 AM
 
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Miss Information, can Xeloxe join? Please!?

I tend to be very anti-social because I find people who consider me knowing things to be a bad thing to be, well, a bad thing. I don't think less of someone because they aren't the studious type, but when they judge ME for doing lots of research about just about anything I have a hard time being nice to or even wanting to talk to them.

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#22 of 144 Old 09-29-2008, 01:53 AM
 
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I think it probably fits. Others definatly tend to stay away from people who need their own space regularly. It's not a bad thing, but it's something your friends really have to understand really want to stick around. Apparently because humans are social creatures, we're supposed to want to be social all the time.
omg YES!


I have a hard time thinking that I alienate people, but I've lost two friends (very definite *end of friendships* with letters/emails sent to me detailing that they didn't want to know me anymore) from "real life". The second friend took a whole group of people with her. Although the first end-of-friendship had to do with other issues, the second friendship end was very much based on my needing to take time *away* for *me*. On MY end I just needed some time to regroup, not get into dramas, let the group all talk about epidurals and baby-related surgeries (when they KNEW my story and KNEW that I had serious issues with those subjects, and in fact those people were a part of what got me through the dark times from those subjects) without my seeing them (so I would stay in my own journal and not go "visiting" where conversations would be free-flowing, and I avoided parties and meet-ups). To them they just thought I was ditching them, judging them, ignoring them, and mostly, to the friend who took everyone away from me, not "being there" for her when she "needed" me.

She thought I should medicate myself instead of taking time away from stressors, and getting out of the house for some fresh air and sunlight and walks, and focusing on my family. That's what she had done, so she thought I should do the same (and yes, she said this).


So I figured that there are those I alienate.

But I also have a strong core of forever-friends. They met me, got to know me, and liked me, and they have stuck. I can go years without speaking to some friends, but if we see each other or someone sends an internet joke or there's a reunion, we're there for each other. These people know the real me and like the real me, so even if sometimes what I say comes out wrong (like the one time I told ALL my reasons for wanting to homeschool, went a bit too far, and too-late remembered that my friend's husband is a teacher, whoopsie!) they know I mean no harm and continue on (after I apologize).
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#23 of 144 Old 09-29-2008, 11:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Me! Me! Me! Can I join?
I saw this thread and said to myself "Oh yea...". Interestingly enough I recognize some of the posters here and I only visit a few forums.

Apparently I alienate people without even trying. I have learned that my personality type is in direct opposition to some others. I am direct, with a dry, sarcastic sense of humor. I do not handle overt exclusionary behavior well and I have a strong reaction to statements of judgment stated as fact. I love to discuss, research, debate. I do not have social phobias of any kind and have been know to strike up conversations with complete strangers. Many times I am accused of being argumentative because I ask "why, how, or what information do you have to back that up?" kind of statements. I am a critical thinker and a skeptic. I have been told that I am intimidating and mom-friends (YK, the relationship based solely around the kids) tell me they don't like to discuss things with me because I have too much information on different subjects. It's pretty much a given that if someone is passive-aggressive we won't get along, if they also happen to be a judgmental or insecure mother then it seems I will most likely become their nemesis. (We're back on the playground here....)

Can I join? DH and I have a few close friends who all happen to be similar in personality to us, some with even less social grace. I long for the day I meet another mom who doesn't assume my knowledge on any subject isn't a judgment against their choices.
Oh, yeah definitely!!!!!

You sound a lot like me, actually. I don't know about you though, but I do feel very hurt when a friendship goes sour because of some really fundamental differences (like parenting style differences in this last instance).

I research quite a bit and try to share some of what I know. But, at the same time, I've come to realize that there are some people who don't want to try on a new way of doing things.

They'd rather, in fact, stick to the "old ways" (the outdated, the unsupported or outright provent to be bad for you) and will blindly trust their doctor, their mother/father, their siblings, their other friends (because it worked for them, of course) or anyone else without actually discovering that really, the old ways really aren't always the best ways.

Now, in some cases the old ways are better (like eating unprocessed foods, like using natural remedies first, letting the body build up natural defenses before rushing for the antibiotics at the first sign of a sniffle). But, generally when new information proves to be better, then I'm going with the new information.

Oh, and that being said, I am sensitive to personal choices such as breastfeeding/formula feeding (I could only partially bf my first two do to low milk supply and having to return to work because dh was laid off). I do what I can to inform, but if someone decides they don't want to bf, I back off of it. But I do know that I was really intense for a while when my SIL wanted to try bf, and she was having difficulties. I sent her a whole slew of information, but in the end, she felt I was overwhelming her with tips, and it really came down to the fact that it was really too hard for her not to be able to schedule her infant. She snapped at me and said she'd figure it out on her own, and then she ended up formula feeding after 2 months.

But it's precisely the reason that I ended up being too intense for her and for my sister that I decided I'm not ever going to want to be an IBCLC. I was only trying to help, and I got snapped at for it by both of them over different things.

It's the same thing with regards to parenting. Many people just want to spank or use time out. I have found first hand that it doesn't work with my highly sensitive dd2 (and I tried both), then researched the heck out of why it doesn't work for some children like her. So I don't do them. I try to set up the kids for success in the first place so that I don't have to. It's a work in progress though, because at 5, my sensitive dd still needs to be worked closely with.

It is so surprising how little people really want to be enlightened.

Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
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#24 of 144 Old 09-29-2008, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by milkybean View Post
omg YES!


I have a hard time thinking that I alienate people, but I've lost two friends (very definite *end of friendships* with letters/emails sent to me detailing that they didn't want to know me anymore) from "real life". The second friend took a whole group of people with her. Although the first end-of-friendship had to do with other issues, the second friendship end was very much based on my needing to take time *away* for *me*. On MY end I just needed some time to regroup, not get into dramas, let the group all talk about epidurals and baby-related surgeries (when they KNEW my story and KNEW that I had serious issues with those subjects, and in fact those people were a part of what got me through the dark times from those subjects) without my seeing them (so I would stay in my own journal and not go "visiting" where conversations would be free-flowing, and I avoided parties and meet-ups). To them they just thought I was ditching them, judging them, ignoring them, and mostly, to the friend who took everyone away from me, not "being there" for her when she "needed" me.

She thought I should medicate myself instead of taking time away from stressors, and getting out of the house for some fresh air and sunlight and walks, and focusing on my family. That's what she had done, so she thought I should do the same (and yes, she said this).


So I figured that there are those I alienate.

But I also have a strong core of forever-friends. They met me, got to know me, and liked me, and they have stuck. I can go years without speaking to some friends, but if we see each other or someone sends an internet joke or there's a reunion, we're there for each other. These people know the real me and like the real me, so even if sometimes what I say comes out wrong (like the one time I told ALL my reasons for wanting to homeschool, went a bit too far, and too-late remembered that my friend's husband is a teacher, whoopsie!) they know I mean no harm and continue on (after I apologize).
That was really unfair to lose a whole group of friends because of that one friend. I can say group dynamics can be very tricky to navigate, particularly if the members are sticking to the decisions of one person, rather than coming out independently to find out what is really going on.

I do understand how you can still have a core group of people that you manage not to alienate. I have very 3 long standing friends. The secret to our success? They are married males, and not prone to hurt feelings. They have their families, but we do get to chat at least twice a month on the phone. But at the same time, we just don't discuss things like breastfeeding, child discipline, etc. There's no comparison going on between what my kids are doing and what their kids are doing (mostly because only one of them has children my kids age).

I do much better with friends who are older than me as well. I'm 38, but I have a friend who is 43, whose son is my dd1s age. But the great thing about it is that she already has 1 grown up daughter, and so she is much more relaxed about the parenting thing, and isn't into comparisons with other kids.

One thing that losing friends does for me is make me evaluate what's really important to me. If, after I do some introspection, I find that I still stand by my position, then I'm really okay with the loss. I'm not going to back down on my values. Especially when it comes to my kids. Those are things that are not negotiable, even if it costs me a friendship.

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#25 of 144 Old 09-29-2008, 08:13 PM
 
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I really don't get why somepeople can't be friends with someone who has some big difference of opinions. I can understand something being non-negotiable. But of the friends I have that have stuck with me, there are some big differences we have that we respect in each other because there are some big sames in there too.

My core group of friends are either really weird by society standars, very gifted, or both. But their the best bunch of friends for me and even if we don't always keep in touch, I still know they will be there for me and they won't ditch me just because I can't shut up about stuff I know or try and find out about stuff I don't know.

I often get accused of trying to cause trouble when all I'm really trying to do is learn. I ask why and the other person thinks I'm judging/questioning their opinion. That gets really frustrating.

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#26 of 144 Old 10-01-2008, 03:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know, I've been thinking ever since I started this thread.

Right now, I'm in a season of my life of young children. All of whom are smart, but one of whom who seems even more so, and yet really needs a lot of guidance. It's my middle child who is 5, but who has been tested to have some cognitive abilities as high as an 8.5 year old. Yet, she's behind even my 3.5 year old with regards to social fluency and adaptability with change. She has social anxiety thrown into the mix.

I went to see a social worker to speak with her today about dd2. It was suggested that I try some strategies with her. One of which start doing visual based "social stories". Basically, I have to come up with common scenarios of where we have difficulties with. The social worker helped by printing out some pictures of emotions and objects and things to get me started. This is so that I might have a chance to teach what hasn't come naturally to her. So that maybe she won't react with tantrums and meltdowns when things don't go her way. She was doing much better over the summer, but school starting up again has disrupted the forward growth and we are regressing in a lot of ways.

Relating to people when you have half an idea how to do it is hard work. Trying to teach someone (in this case my emotional 5 year old child) who doesn't know at all how to do it it is EXCEPTIONALLY hard work, especially when you can't focus all your energies on it (because you have other kids, work responsibilities, etc), or if you find yourself frequently failing in your own relationships.

Some days, it's all I can do to get through the day. I sometimes just want to write off other people because I've got too much going on. Sometimes I wish I was strong enough to only need computer interaction to keep me happy. But then, what happens to me, is that I really isolate myself too much and then I'm really depressed. But reaching out doesn't always do much either because no one really knows what it is like. It is like constantly having your nails plucked out slowly one by one when you are dealing with crisis after crisis after crisis (and everything is potentially a crisis to a very emotional child).

Having no one to talk IRL to about how hard this is really, really stinks. The most common advice is to stick the child in school, spank them, stick them in their rooms, get out and do something for yourself (get a job is usually the most common one there). None of which really solves the problem of how to teach an emotional/anxious child how to relate well to other people and deal with disappointment.

This becomes especially hard when you yourself have issues relating to people for whatever reason. In my case, I'd rather walk away from a friendship than do what it takes to make it work. I'd rather be "right" than be forgiving on some things. I still make the excuse that I "had" to "right then" say my peace, almost regardless of the outcome. That's not a very gracious way of living. No matter how tactful I try to be, I tend to come off as judgmental. But I also find that people really don't want to be enlightened. They really don't.

Just about every single day for 2 months I've dealt with issues with dd2. When things are bad, I almost don't mind alienating others with children my kids don't get along with well, because then I don't have to deal with the inevitable complications that ensue (usually toy sharing/friend sharing issues). It's incredibly draining for me to deal with the screaming meltdowns that ensue because something didn't go right with the friends. It's like, if the kids can't all get along, I'd rather not have to deal with the fallout.

The neighbor situation seems to have partially resolved. At least we spoke and hopefully things will be better. But of course, we both will be less open with each other. At least now, we have cleared the air, so we can move forward, and I know that the friend in common hasn't had to choose between the two of us.

I'm not sure what to do for myself. I really wish I had some gifted/"strange by society's standards" type of friends still like I used to. I had some really deep conversations about life in general and some problems in specific that I knew I could always talk over. Those are the kinds of people where if you have a problem, you can wax philosophical over it til 1 am and after all is said and done, realize that even if things aren't fixed, you sure had someone who cared to listen. Those are the kinds of people with whom you can be yourself with, warts and all, and they still accept you as friend. Who actually encourage "To thine own self be true". And still like you for it.

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#27 of 144 Old 10-01-2008, 10:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
I think it probably fits. Others definatly tend to stay away from people who need their own space regularly. It's not a bad thing, but it's something your friends really have to understand really want to stick around. Apparently because humans are social creatures, we're supposed to want to be social all the time.
wow, great observation, I have never thought of it in this way. I definitely dont want to be social all the time. At times I feel I can be very social and others very unsocial I guess this can be a turn off to perspective friends. I dont care, I am who I am....I dont feel I need to push friendships with anybody I'm just being who I am and the friends I need to meet will cross my path this is what I figure.

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#28 of 144 Old 10-03-2008, 04:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just came back to edit my other post but add something different too.

Not only do I realize my potential to alienate other people, but I have advanced kids (one who is probably 2E), so I have to be extremely careful how I phrase things about other parents. I always have to be on my toes and watch what I say, because even now, in first grade, dd is being pulled out for reading enrichment, and in talking with other parents about the kids homework assignments/reading abilities, etc, I notice dd is far different than other kids her age.

I have absolutely no one around who's kids are advanced. I can't talk to anyone about any questions I have without worrying I'm going to alienate them.

It's hard not only to downplay your child's abilities only to make someone else feel better, but to not have anyone to ask when you have real questions.

Partly I don't mind alienating some people, so that I don't have to talk about my kids abilities especially when there are wide differences. I wish I did have parents whose kids did excel, that way I wouldn't be worried about how I come across, and can help guide the way.

Mama of 3 girls: 7.5 , 6 , and 4.5
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#29 of 144 Old 10-03-2008, 04:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Oh, and my puns don't help me make friends either.
I love puns. One of my best friends used to trade bad puns with me to make annoying people go away when they were bugging us at work.


To a pp: tact is for weenies.

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#30 of 144 Old 10-03-2008, 05:47 PM
 
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DreamsInDigital, I think I have the same problem as you. Actually I seem to have an uncanny knack for picking out the one thing that shouldn't be said... Often managing to seriously insult people or at least pick on their one sensitive spot... and then I don't even realize it until much, much later.

Then I obsess about how I stuck my foot in my mouth.

anyway. Can we all be tactless here together? Did you find a cure for that mole/wart/lice/impotence/infertility problem yet?

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