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Old 02-16-2009, 02:41 PM
 
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ha ha! cool! I personally love the Major's character in the TV series. She never needs saving, which I think is great. What didn't you like about the first movie? I'm just curious. I don't know if I remember enough about the first one as it compares to later movies and the series.

~Julia
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Old 02-16-2009, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, really good tip to know. I've never made any kind of candles before so I'm really not sure what I'm doing. Wax then wicks, got it.

Julia, you mentioning cleaning out the shed reminded me of some thing I read on a blog last week and LOVED. It linked this slide show of prefab sheds turned into extra living space. I LOVE this concept. It's like adding more square footage at a fraction of the price. Of course the ones they show are really expensive but I think there are definitely some cheaper alternatives.

-Rachel

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Old 02-16-2009, 05:01 PM
 
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Ok, really good tip to know. I've never made any kind of candles before so I'm really not sure what I'm doing. Wax then wicks, got it.

Julia, you mentioning cleaning out the shed reminded me of some thing I read on a blog last week and LOVED. It linked this slide show of prefab sheds turned into extra living space. I LOVE this concept. It's like adding more square footage at a fraction of the price. Of course the ones they show are really expensive but I think there are definitely some cheaper alternatives.
ooo! thanks for the links Rachel! I know that's what we need to do to our house, bring a lot of the living space outside. We really need to get at least part of our yard fenced in so the dogs can run more and figure out some kind of screen door so we can leave the doors open, but not let the kittehs outside. I'd love to put in more of a patio area as well. ah, if only i had more time and money! and probably the vacant lot next door to us!

~Julia
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Old 02-17-2009, 01:19 PM
 
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Anyone alive? Rachel how's the pottery class going? I must see pics of your finished fired pieces! How's the job Grace? Great job on blogging, now I have to catch up!

And hi Crystal! post whenever you feel like it! oooo, i should go check your blog as well!

~Julia
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Old 02-17-2009, 01:51 PM
 
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I'm alive! Ex.****.ted. Though. DW and I did some marathon renos. She's been working since Thursday, I started Saturday. It's worth it though, we're about a week away from having a functional spare bedroom. I can't wait! I finally got around to fixing up the kitchen cupboards, and we painted the downstairs bath/laundry. I need to get some pictures. I think we're actually starting to see the light at the end of the reno tunnel. The only room that needs to be totally done now, and not just touchups, is the main bedroom. Ok, I lied the main bath needs to be gutted, but that's going to be the one room we let someone else does. Paint and drywall cannot save that monstrosity of 80's hideousness. A blowtorch might, but not paint and drywall. We're going to get a contractor in to lay carpet upstairs and gut the bathroom.

soooooo sleepy.
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Old 02-17-2009, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Definitely alive over here. Last night my BFF and I did the massage candles, they rocked the house. We did about 10 candles in the baby food jars in various scents. Can't wait to try them out.

I made the mistake of stepping onto the scale today. My eye's just about popped out of my head when I saw the number. Do you guys weigh yourselves? If so how often? I should have never gotten on it. WHY! Why did I do that. BLAH!

I've been lurking over at TheChildfreeLife dot com. They've got some pretty interesting articles. They also have a forum but I haven't decided if its too radical for me or not.

I'm really trying to change my perpective of my career. I've taken Grace's cue and bought some art and nice picture frames for my cube. I'm hoping to add a few more touches for a cube makeover. When it's finished I'll post a before and after pic on the blog. Grace, I'd love to know what you're doing with your cube issues.

I'm trying to treat my job with more respect, and in turn treat myself that way as well. I think as women we're always taught that we aren't good enough. For instance, my title at work is Digital Media Producer. When I first started working here I thought it was just way too over the top for what I did. I used to say, "Well, my fancy title is Digital Media Producer but what I really do is..." Now I realize the title really fits. I really do handle all the digital media that comes and goes from this place and I need to start treating my position with a little more respect.

I'm also working on my "image" which is something my inner defiant teen is cringing over. I really don't care what these people think of me, I do my job and I do it well so bite me if you don't like me. But I'm trying to act more professional. I'm adding a little makeup (gasp!) and am looking at how I present myself. This is more for me than for anyone else. My thoughts are that if I can treat myself with respect and professionalism, I'll start acting like my job is important and purposeful and not just treat it with distain and disregard. I spend WAY too much time here not to feel good about where I am.

So far, only day two, it's working a little. I need to work on my daily schedule, focus, and goals because I just get too side tracked with browsing online sometimes. I'm planning on staying late tonight and cleaning my cube and adding the art and frames I bought.

Julia, alive enough for ya, :

-Rachel

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Old 02-17-2009, 02:16 PM
 
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Definitely alive over here. Last night my BFF and I did the massage candles, they rocked the house. We did about 10 candles in the baby food jars in various scents. Can't wait to try them out.

I made the mistake of stepping onto the scale today. My eye's just about popped out of my head when I saw the number. Do you guys weigh yourselves? If so how often? I should have never gotten on it. WHY! Why did I do that. BLAH!

I don't too much these days, maybe every few weeks. I was weighing almost every day or every other day about 8 months ago when i started actively working on being more active and eating better. But if I've been "cheating" like around xmas, I don't bother 'cause I know that the number won't make me happy, and I don't want to get hung up on numbers. I can tell where I'm at by how my clothes fit now.

I've been lurking over at TheChildfreeLife dot com. They've got some pretty interesting articles. They also have a forum but I haven't decided if its too radical for me or not.

I'm really trying to change my perpective of my career. I've taken Grace's cue and bought some art and nice picture frames for my cube. I'm hoping to add a few more touches for a cube makeover. When it's finished I'll post a before and after pic on the blog. Grace, I'd love to know what you're doing with your cube issues.

I always have to have a few personal items in my work space, it's usually the first thing I do when I move to a new cube...pics of the dogs, DW, and my nephews, that sort of thing.

I'm trying to treat my job with more respect, and in turn treat myself that way as well. I think as women we're always taught that we aren't good enough. For instance, my title at work is Digital Media Producer. When I first started working here I thought it was just way too over the top for what I did. I used to say, "Well, my fancy title is Digital Media Producer but what I really do is..." Now I realize the title really fits. I really do handle all the digital media that comes and goes from this place and I need to start treating my position with a little more respect.

I'm also working on my "image" which is something my inner defiant teen is cringing over. I really don't care what these people think of me, I do my job and I do it well so bite me if you don't like me. But I'm trying to act more professional. I'm adding a little makeup (gasp!) and am looking at how I present myself. This is more for me than for anyone else. My thoughts are that if I can treat myself with respect and professionalism, I'll start acting like my job is important and purposeful and not just treat it with distain and disregard. I spend WAY too much time here not to feel good about where I am.

So far, only day two, it's working a little. I need to work on my daily schedule, focus, and goals because I just get too side tracked with browsing online sometimes. I'm planning on staying late tonight and cleaning my cube and adding the art and frames I bought.

Julia, alive enough for ya, :
Image at work it an interesting subject. Personally, I feel better when I look better. I used to HATE clothes and HATE thinking about what to wear, but I find that if I take some care in my appearance, it makes me feel better and empowered somehow...now this is very contradictory to how I've always felt that it's the inside that counts. But dang it, I look pretty awesome in a pencil skirt, sharp sweater and heels, and it subconsciously changes how I carry myself, and present myself to others...I feel good and in control and like I don't have to take anybody's -hit. I don't feel like that necessarily in jeans and a turtleneck. I keep those "power outfits" for days when I need a pick-me-up or when I know I need to make a good impression.
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Old 02-17-2009, 02:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Image at work it an interesting subject. Personally, I feel better when I look better. I used to HATE clothes and HATE thinking about what to wear, but I find that if I take some care in my appearance, it makes me feel better and empowered somehow...now this is very contradictory to how I've always felt that it's the inside that counts.
Exactly my thoughts. Good to hear the theory works!

-Rachel

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Old 02-17-2009, 02:31 PM
 
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As usual, Rachel, we're struggling with a lot of the same things.

So far, my cubical decor consists of:
-bright geometric floral cork placemat under the monitor
-bamboo expanding pencil holder with new pens, mechanical pencils and chocolates in it
-coordinating red and cream file folders and message pad
-mouse pad with my dogs on it

When the calendar I ordered comes, I'll put it up as well. And I went all out and ordered a fancy one-cup coffee pot (the kind with those pod things), which I plan to set up up on a tray with mugs in one corner, like a little coffee station.

The broader issue, though, of taking yourself and what you do seriously and not assuming you are overtitled/overpaid/etc. is one I really struggle with. It's hard for me, for whatever reason, to wrap my head around the idea of myself as a professional who deserves professional respect and professional compensation. And I think it is largely one of those "fake it 'til you make it" issues--act and dress like a professional and eventually you can conceptualize yourself as one, you know?

But I'm still sloppy. Khakis, long-sleeved plain tee, clogs. I put the casual in business casual...I've been wearing makeup lately, but I'm not today. I just bought two new great pairs of heels, but I haven't worn them...
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Old 02-17-2009, 02:39 PM
 
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woohoo! super alive!

Crystal, what you're doing sounds awesome, post photos in your blog! (can you tell I'm obsessed with blogs?)

Rachel, I totes understand you. For the past few months, I've been looking at my wardrobe and going wtf? I don't think I used to dress poorly, but man, some of my outfits…plus, with my lateness I'm not always very put together looking.

It's really interesting to me, because in high school i was SO image focused. I had to shower, blow dry my hair, curl my hair, find just washed, non-wrinkled clothes, etc. and I did that EVERY DAY i had school. I got up at 5:30 in the morning so I could do all that. And it was because of some weird notion, that if I didn't do all those things, "someone would know" and they would…tell everyone? be mean to me? I have no idea what, as I have never been bullied over having straight hair, wrinkled clothes, etc.

Then in college, I realized that was all insane and I loosened up a lot. But now I feel like I went to far, I need some of that structure back if I'm going to be working in office settings.

And THEN (omg) I start thinking about why we have these standards of look and professionalism, and why are they like that, and are they good or bad? and and and… can you tell I over think things? I do have to admit, that I've always been fascinated by standards that are set by society, but seem to have little actual necessity when it comes to people being happy and successful. I've done a fair bit of art around those concepts as they relate to gender roles, haven't gotten into appearances yet! But maybe now I will.

Sorry for all of that rambling! I'm bored with my current project and procrastinating!

~Julia
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Old 02-17-2009, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Love the coffee station idea, Grace, not that I like coffee but I bet it will be adorable when you get it all set up. You wanna take the right side of the brain and I'll take the left?

My problem is definitely not overcompensation. I'm underpaid by, at the very least, $10,000 which I think contributes to the lack of career-esteem. I know I'm worth more but apparently my company doesn't think agree, so why bother.

I totally hear you on putting the casual in business casual. Yep, Right there with you. I have a few nice pieces but over all my wardrobe is lacking...a lot. And it doesn't help that I detest heels. I will not wear them except on special occasions or once in a blue moon to work. I normally kick my shoes off at my desk but I just can't handle having to walk around in uncomfortable shoes, nope, not happening.

And I can speak from experience on the "fake it till you make it" concept. It works in a lot of area's of one's life.

Crystal, I agree with Julia. I'd love to see some pics of the house on your blog. Bet it's going to rock when you guys get done!

Julia, OK what that hizzle is totes?

I've never been one to worry too much about my appearance. I mean, I like to look nice and presentable but nothing is or was getting my azz out of bed at 5am. I do agree that beauty and appearance standards are very interesting subjects and I'd love to see some of the art your talking about but for me it's more like what Crystal was saying, "Personally, I feel better when I look better." As much as I hate to admit it, that's so totally true and right now I'm all about feeling better, feeling more confident, feeling positive.

-Rachel

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Old 02-17-2009, 03:08 PM
 
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I promise to get pics up tomorrow. Cross my heart.
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:10 PM
 
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Oh, and I was the total opposite in HS. Out of bed, rumpled, cords and oversized t's. Can you say "invisible?" That was my disguise. I guess part of me dressing up as an adult (didn't today, for sure, too tired is 1. me beleiving that putting some effort into myself is worth it 2. being comfortable NOT being invisible
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:11 PM
 
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Totes=totally

I'm frustrated, because I feel like I've spent a ton of time and money trying to update my wardrobe in the past couple of months, and I STILL look sloppy!!
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:31 PM
 
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I understand that feeling Grace. I used to shop and grab peices here and there that I liked but it never came together right.

What I do now is, there's one or two stores with clothes I really like, and since they put out stuff that's meant to coordinate, I powershop in only the one store. So I may only come out with one or two bottom peices and three tops, but they all mix and match really well. I think the other key is understanding your body type and what works. One thing I had to get used to was wearing more form-fitting clothes. I used to hide under ginormous stuff, but all that does is add "eye-pounds" and make you look frumpy. So I figured out what size I actually am, and started dressing that body, rather than the 4-sizes bigger I imagined myself. I learned that v-necks and collared shirts look way better than a scoop or round neck. I learned that it's better to pay a little more for good quality materials because they hang better and last longer. I learned that tapered legs on pants are a big no-no and pleats are just wrong. Oh, a properly-fitting bra is an absolute MUST, it's amazing how it can affect how your clothes fit/look (can you say, "gaping buttons at the bosom"? : I also am a shameless watcher of "what not to wear". It's goofy, but the tips they have are really, really practical and useful.
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:40 PM
 
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Totes is short for totally. I picked it up in another forum and have become OBSESSED with it. So much so that Robert made me an xmas ornament that said Totes. Because he's nice and talented.

forgot the weight question! i swear somedays i don't know where my mind goes…

Anyway. I weigh myself when ever I think to at work. (we have a small scale for when we mail bigger boxes). We don't own a scale at home and i think that's a good thing.

Weight is another weird thing for me. Up until college was super skinny, like people asking me if I was anorexic skinny :eyeroll. (and now that I've met people who were, I wasn't nearly that thin!). But I just had a crazy metabolism and was decently active. In college I was on the swim team and I gain a bit of weight, but stayed fit by swimming 3 hours a day, 6 days a week! Since I've been out of college and have stopped all swimming type activities, gotten a desk job, etc. I've gained about 20 lbs. I'm not overweight at all, but my body is different that what I've lived with my whole life.

It's also weird, because I've always felt that women worry about their weight way too much. That it's some magical indicator of success and happiness. And I still feel that way, but now that I find myself weighing more (and wishing I didn't), I don't know how to get back in that mind set personally.

Thanks for writing about this Rachel, you've reminded me of a lot of topics I used to think about often, but that have been set aside lately.

~Julia
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:42 PM
 
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I also am a shameless watcher of "what not to wear". It's goofy, but the tips they have are really, really practical and useful.
I love that show! And Stacey and Clinton. Though I don't like how the blonde lady is always trying to convince women that they should ALWAYS wear at least a little make up.
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Old 02-17-2009, 03:47 PM
 
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You mean the blonde one who tries to put herself on the same plane as, say, Sting or Cher by only having one name? :
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Old 02-17-2009, 04:18 PM
 
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Ha ha! Yes, what's her name… Carmandy? She's very talented, but dude, it is not a requirement that you can only look good when make-up-afied.
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Crystal, I wish I had the problem of buying clothes too big but I understand what your saying. Especially this: "being comfortable NOT being invisible". I was an outgoing prep/jock in high school but after I graduated a lot of things changed. Actually it all kind of happened when I came out. ummm. Never linked all that stuff together...

I do the same thing as Crystal now. I shop at one store for my work pieces. It's expensive and I can normally only get a few pieces at a time but they are high quality and look great. As a plus-sized woman these two things are hard to find at the same time. I still have a lot more to get. It doesn't help that over the past few years I've gone up and down a range of sizes. Hard to collect clothing when you never know what damn size you're going to be this time.

Which brings me to the weight issue. Julia, you are so right! Most women do view their weight as a reflection of their level of success and happiness. I admit to falling into the category as well. It's a hard habit to break, believe me, but I'm trying. I think I'll ask DW if we can move the scale out of our bathroom.

and I am cracking up over "make-up-afied".

-Rachel

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Old 02-17-2009, 05:35 PM
 
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Yeah, ditch the scale. It lies most of the time anyways. DW, for example, is 2 inches shorter than me, but weighs 15 lbs heavier than me, but wears a size smaller than me. Muscle mass, bone mass, water weight etc etc all play a big role. If you MUST measure something, use a tape measure. It will actually measure body fat, not random weights that fluctuate wildly depending what time of the month it is.

I'm interested in what you said about the effects of coming out on your self-image...am I reading it right that you had a harder time being "visible" AFTER you came out?
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:36 PM
 
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ETA: I asked our admin assistant earlier today to pdf-if-fy a document for me
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:44 PM
 
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So what are these stores you all buy all your work pieces at?

I've never really been a shrinking flower, so I don't think I'm trying to blend in or anything. I've just gotten so damn lazy about my appearance. And I used to think it was a depression-related thing, but I'm not depressed now and I'm slobby slobby slobby.
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Old 02-17-2009, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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at PDF-if-fy because I think I've used that one myself.

And yea I had a rough coming out phase, at first. Mostly coming out to myself and realizing I was indeed in love with my best friend (which latter turned into a seven year relationship). Living in the south, I had prided myself on being a good bible thumper. I beat the shit (figuratively) out of myself for this "issue," this "sin" that wouldn't go away. I was still in high school and XP and I were dating in secret. I was scared shitless of people finding out. I totally recoiled into myself. XP was a grade ahead of me and when she graduated and went off to college my senior year I dropped out and started going at night instead. I was a starter in varsity volleyball and softball, I had reached my goal of being asked into the highest choral class in my school, and I was also in honors Drama, all things I loved so much and worked so hard for and gave up with that one decision. I still graduated with my class but I didn't have to face them until graduation day. In reality I wasn't running from their judgment, although it would have been painful, I was running from my own.

I no longer have that kind of shame anymore and have rectified my religion to reflect my true beliefs, which has helped, but it took a long, long, long time to get to that point. To really figure out what was happening, who I was, and where I fit in the world now. I've since connected with a lot of those people on facebook and it's been healing for me to come out in such a safe way.

-Rachel

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Old 02-17-2009, 05:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Grace, I *heart* Lane Bryant. I love that I can go in there and buy really great looking clothes without much effort. For me, it's an emotional investment to walk into a store where I don't have to worry about them not carrying my size or trying on clothes that were made for a skinny person but are only sized up, cause those never look good on a fat-girl. I like that I can leave the store feeling good and confident instead of deflated and gross. So that's where I get most of my clothing from. It's not the most eco-minded store/option but it's one of my vices

-Rachel

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Old 02-17-2009, 06:09 PM
 
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Grace, I *heart* Mexx right now. That's my fave for work gear.

Wow, Rachel, you really went through the ringer! s: I can relate a bit on the religion front...while I personally had decided I was an atheist when I was about 16, I grew up in a very church-going, christian family, some more hardcore than others, and received less-than-christianly outporings of "ew, gross" and hell-speak and "why is god punishing me?" from some of them when I came out It bothered me some, but they've all since gotten over it.

Otherwise, my experience was totally opposite. I was the invisible girl in HS, then figured out why all my crushes had been on women (duh) in first year university, gradually started coming out to family and friends over the next year...and it brought me totally out of my shell. Funny, in a way, it forced me to be less invisible, make myself heard, take chances and trust other people to like me for me, and let me be kind of like: "you don't like me? well tough cookies for you, I could care less" but in a more empowered way. Oh, and for some reason it gave me an excuse to peirce things and shave my head, but like, you know, that was a phase
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Old 02-17-2009, 06:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Shut Up, Crystal, you shaved your head!!!! That totally rocks, sister!

When I came out to my mother the first thing she said was, "Well, you know your going to hell, right?." Ahhh that motherly love and comfort.

-Rachel

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Old 02-17-2009, 06:25 PM
 
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I didn't come out, but I did shave my head...growing out here.
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Old 02-17-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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Yeah my stepdad told me that's where I was headed too.

Yes, I shaved my head. A few times, actually. And died it blue, black, bleach blonde, fire engine red...apparently I equated "queer" to "LOOK AT ME"

Having a shaved head is fun. No hat hair, minimal consumption of hair products, and everybody wants to pet you.
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Old 02-17-2009, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Grace you look so much like Demi Moore from Ghost in that pic! Whoa!

-Rachel

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