Mama's Without Kids ~NEW~ 2009 Thread - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-22-2009, 07:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The Mama's without Kids Tribe is a group of women who have found themselves at MDC for various reasons who do not and have no plans to have children. We're part of the MDC community, too, and have particular issues that have, in part, to do with carving out a place that's about mothering for women who don't think that they will mother.

Share with other women without children and who don't see them in the future. We discuss our lives, loves, careers, hobbies, partners, travels, and on goings. We also discuss issues and topics related to not having children and what impact that has on our lives.

Feel free to check out our 2008 thread here.

For those planning children or waiting to TTC there is a Not Mama's Yet tribe here.

-Rachel

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Old 01-22-2009, 07:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For those that might be new maybe we can start by introducing ourselves again. If your comfortable share you situation on why you're not having or aren't planning to have children.

I'm Rachel and turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. I'm married to Terri, 34, and we have a beautiful good boy named Rascal. I work in marketing and Terri is a production manager at a small sign company.

We started TTC in 2007 and after much investment made the decision to stop and to move forward without children. It's been a difficult but very good decision for us. After that decision it left me in confusion as to how I would fit into this community. I decided to carve out a tribe for women like me and was surprised there were others. We've all shared so much in the last year and I hope we'll continue to grow, learn, and embrace each other as women as well as add some new tribe members.

-Rachel

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Old 01-22-2009, 08:33 PM
 
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Hi Rachel! :

Thanks for starting a new thread! I'm Julia, married to Robert. We have 2 dogs, three cats, 2 birds and 8 guinea pigs. I'm a graphic designer and he's a photographer/web designer.

I'm in a different place than Rachel, in that I'm 100% undecided on whether I WANT kids. Robert has said he does, but I can't make up my mind. One moment I do, the next I see someone with their screaming toddler and I don't. I'd like to get to a point where I can say yes or no. But I'm not sure how to get there!

~Julia
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Glad you made it over, Julia!

So what is everyone (<-- postive thinking) doing this weekend.

Tonight we are putting together the bottom part of the entertainment center DW is building. We should be able to take that part home tonight. SO excited! Tomorrow we're watching the nephew's basketball game and volunteering to plant some trees! : Sunday we'll probably relax but might do a hike if the weather stays nice. Today it's supposed to get into the 60's!

-Rachel

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Old 01-23-2009, 01:47 PM
 
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No firm plans yet. We might go tour a house for my parents, but the owner hasn't gotten back to me yet. Parents live in AZ, and want to get a second house out here, so we've offered to check them out if they're not too far away. Other than that, the house is scary, so maybe we'll (finally) do some sort of cleaning.

Robert's back! : he's tired, but he had an amazing time. it's really interesting, because his experience of the inauguration was really different from what they were showing on tv, mainly in regards to people's reaction to both Bushes. It seems like a bunch of people snuck in this huge colapsable sign, and when the Bushes and Cheneys were leaving on Marine 1, they put it together and pointed it at the helicopter, reading "Get the F@#! out of Washington". Not the nicest of sentiments, but I can totally understand why people feel that way.

He also said that it was akin to a religious experience for many of the people there, people just overcome with joy, crying because they were so happy and so proud. My mom sent this to us in an email: "I just wanted to share, that just before Pres. Obama was sworn in, I had a flash from when I was a child watching (in black and white, natch) on TV the civil rights demonstrators in Alabama having the police turn fire hoses and dogs on them. It was vicious. There’s no other way to describe it.

Several of us had chills as he took the oath of office. So much has happened in baby boomer lifetimes."

And Robert said they were showing those exact same clips on the jumbotrons, I guess doing a recap of the civil rights movement. He also said that the crowd just went insane any time the Obama girls were shown, all the flags went up waving, everyone cheering and clapping. In general, just happy excited mayhem. And apparently, everyone was in a good mood, polite to everyone else, no fights, etc.

We looked through some photos, but not all. He took 20 GIGS worth. We'll need to pare that down some!

oooo, and he got me an Obama shirt, with the logo done up in sparkly rhinestones! (I love sparkles ).

I'll def. post links to the pictures when we get them online.

~Julia
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Old 01-23-2009, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Julia, WOW! What an experience. I can't even imagine what the energy was there. And I had no doubt that he would fill up several memory cards, lol. All the photographer friends I have would do the same thing. Better to have too many than not enough, lol. Should be fun going through them with him. And I'm totally envious of the sparkly Obama shirt!

House hunting with someone elses money sounds like fun! I love shows like House Hunter and My First Place.

-Rachel

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Old 01-23-2009, 02:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just so I'm clear, *snicker*. I just saw your status on Facebook, Julia. And am I wrong in saying that NONE of us (me, you, or Grace) is the cook in the house? Our partners are the kick-butt chef's of the family? That's hilarous! If all of us ever get together (which I'm really hoping will happen one day) we're screwed! 1800-take-out please.

-Rachel

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Old 01-23-2009, 03:37 PM
 
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Hey, I'm Grace! I'm a nearly-30 year old woman, partnered to a man, Mark. We're undecided about kids--Mark leans against, I lean towards. Strongly towards. So it's something that we talk about some and are sort of waiting on.

I currently work at a university but am changing jobs in two weeks to go back to my former career--technical writing.

Mark and I have two dogs and three cats, as well as a rotation of foster dogs. Currently, Mark is interviewing for post-docs and in a few months we'll be moving somewhere, but we don't know where yet, which stresses me out.

And I don't cook. Unless I have to. I'm trying, though!
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Old 01-23-2009, 04:18 PM
 
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Just so I'm clear, *snicker*. I just saw your status on Facebook, Julia. And am I wrong in saying that NONE of us (me, you, or Grace) is the cook in the house? Our partners are the kick-butt chef's of the family? That's hilarous! If all of us ever get together (which I'm really hoping will happen one day) we're screwed! 1800-take-out please.
Yup, Robert's the main chef! I like to bake, but don't do it very often.

See, if we all get together, our partners can just send us with food! And we can all pretend we cooked.

~Julia
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yup, Robert's the main chef! I like to bake, but don't do it very often.

See, if we all get together, our partners can just send us with food! And we can all pretend we cooked.

~Julia
laughup :

OMG, that was hilarious! I also love baking but don't do it much because of the waist line. Also, I totally forgot you had 8 guinea pigs. How does one acquire 8 guinea pigs? Do they have names?

You know we could use a neuroscience guy in SC! *hint-hint, poke, giggle*

-Rachel

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Old 01-23-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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Hehe. I wish.

Right now, it's between Virginia (outside D.C.) and the East Bay.
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Old 01-23-2009, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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East Bay? Is that the one in CA? If so my vote is for the East Coast! DC is drivable for Julia and I and we can meet in the middle. So I think you and Mark should plan your move, careers and life around us being able to hang out, drink wine (beer for Julia), and giggle like school girls once a year or so. You good with that, Julia?

-Rachel

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Old 01-23-2009, 05:58 PM
 
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East Bay? Is that the one in CA? If so my vote is for the East Coast! DC is drivable for Julia and I and we can meet in the middle. So I think you and Mark should plan your move, careers and life around us being able to hang out, drink wine (beer for Julia), and giggle like school girls once a year or so. You good with that, Julia?
I am totes good with that. Doooooooo iiiiiittt.

And you get 8 guinea pigs by starting out with 2. Then you suddenly have a lot more. Then when a pair of boys break into the girls sections, you have A LOT more. I think at our height, we had almost 20. which is a lot. Our current ones (in order of age) are: Arizona, Tigger Yum Yum, Flower, Brillo's Baby, Pepe Lopez, Dobie Jr., Chub Tub, and Little Bit. (we like weird names).
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Old 01-23-2009, 06:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LMAO! I : the names! Especially Pepe Lopez and Chub Tub! Ok, too many exclamation marks...sorry.

So it's all decided and Julia and I approve the DC move. Whew. Now that that's done we can create world peace.
Seriously, which place would you prefer to live, Grace?

Man, I'm in a good mood today.

-Rachel

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Old 01-23-2009, 06:48 PM
 
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LMAO! I : the names! Especially Pepe Lopez and Chub Tub! Ok, too many exclamation marks...sorry.

So it's all decided and Julia and I approve the DC move. Whew. Now that that's done we can create world peace.
Seriously, which place would you prefer to live, Grace?

Man, I'm in a good mood today.
Pepe Lopez is actually named after a bottle of Tequila. Chub Tub was a slip of the tongue when Robert got Photobucket and SmugMug confused with each other. It was hilarious (to me).

We also had a foster stray cat named Chalupa and a rabbit named Gordita. Yes, we are weird.

Yeah, where would you like best, Grace?

~Julia
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Old 01-23-2009, 06:50 PM
 
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Berkeley. But it's complicated. The offer in Virginia is probably a better one. We'll see.
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Old 01-23-2009, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Julia, you are seriously cracking me the h@ll up! I'm sure someone is going to walk past my cube and ask why I'm giggling so much.

Grace, I hope where ever you move you'll be happy and so will Mark. (although I am still placing my vote on DC for purely selfish reasons.) When do you think you guys will be making the final decision?

-Rachel

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Old 01-23-2009, 07:14 PM
 
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Should just be a few weeks. Mark goes to England next week for his last interview. When he gets back, we should have all the information we need to decide.
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Old 01-26-2009, 12:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How was everyone's weekend?

We mostly just hung out at home which was nice. Sat we skipped the game and went to do the volunteer work but when we got to the meeting location no one was there. We were majorly bummed about that. I'm going to email the org to see what happened. Maybe we missed something. Sunday we cooked, played video games and I did some reading. I gotta tell you I just love the magazine Natural Health. I read the whole issue yesterday.

-Rachel

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Old 01-26-2009, 01:39 PM
 
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Hey, I finally made it over here...

Intro, intro, let's see...

I'm Crystal and I'm a 29-year-old gal married to my 39-year-old wife, who has been my partner for over 7 years. In the summer of '07 we got this crazy notion about having kids. We supplemented, charted, tested, doctor-ed, and called it quits a year later. We are on the road to a child-free life, which I am fine with 90% of the time and really angry about 10% of the time (which is probably better than it was 6 months ago, so I guess I'm making progress).

We live in an old continually-being-renovated-schoolhouse in the country, surrounded by hayfield and woodlots. We are grossly outnumbered by our 2 cats and 3 dogs, who somehow always get away with claiming the couch. I'm an ecologist by training, am currently trapped in a cubicle administering federal grants to people doing the type of research I WANT to do, and am plotting my eventual escape back to grad school to do my PhD.

Lately I have been a largely absentee contributor to this lovely group of women who I adore, because I am in a big snit/mood/bummer/somethingorother and I tend to withdraw from people I care about when I'm like that (sorry girls!

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Just so I'm clear, *snicker*. I just saw your status on Facebook, Julia. And am I wrong in saying that NONE of us (me, you, or Grace) is the cook in the house? Our partners are the kick-butt chef's of the family? That's hilarous! If all of us ever get together (which I'm really hoping will happen one day) we're screwed! 1800-take-out please.

Hey! I'll have you know I cook! I made lasagna and chili and stew and an oven roast this weekend, and un-cooked for the dogs, too!!
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Old 01-26-2009, 02:09 PM
 
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We made more house progress this weekend! Our living room is now awesome. We moved a bunch of bookshelves around and edited tchotkes and everything is dust-able now. Yay! We also watched a movie and went out to breakfast and just hung out. It was good. And I went thrifting and only spent $2, which is like the least amount ever.

I'm stressed, though. I want us to make a decision as to where we're going to move so that worrying can becoming planning.
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Old 01-26-2009, 02:24 PM
 
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Ok, see that's our plan. Crystal will just have to cook for all of us!

Weekend was ok. We did end up going out near Athens to look at a house for my parents. It was nice, had lots of room, but needed some updating inside.

Otherwise we were pretty lazy. Didn't work on the house (can you see that's a theme in my life). Started going through inauguration photos, so hopefully those will be ready soon!

~Julia
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Old 01-26-2009, 03:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Crystal, I'd love to see some pictures of your awesome old schoolhouse-house, if you don't mind someday. I bet it's neat living there. Also you are totally voted in for cooking for us! I agree with Julia! And we you and hope you'll take the time you need to get over this bump and be back to us good as new or better, until then we're thinking about you!

Grace, That's awesome that you guys got some things accomplished around the house. How are your allergies today? Any better? I soooo know that feeling of waiting to plan. It's the worst stuck, stagnant feeling! YAY for the 2 buck shopping spree!

Julia, I do love how your mind works, . Sounds like your weekend was as productive as mine.

We did get the bottom of the entertainment center finished and in the house. When I went over to Terri's work (where she's been making it) to help put it together and saw the top for the first time I started to cry. I'm NOT a crier but it was that beautiful. I was just so proud of her and her work was just awesome. I'm not posting any pics until the back part is finished which should be next week but the bottom looks awesome in our living room.

We spent Friday night hooking up the new surround sound system. Man, these things just keep getting more and more complicated. We had Terri's OLD (circa 1989) stereo that was three feet tall and each was a seperate unit. Floor length wood laminated giant speakers. It was time for an ungrade. Now everything is in one tiny unit but much more complicated. The speakers are also so small! We eventually got it working and are getting the hang of the three remote system we've got now.

-Rachel

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Old 01-26-2009, 03:08 PM
 
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We spent Friday night hooking up the new surround sound system. Man, these things just keep getting more and more complicated. We had Terri's OLD (circa 1989) stereo that was three feet tall and each was a seperate unit. Floor length wood laminated giant speakers. It was time for an ungrade. Now everything is in one tiny unit but much more complicated. The speakers are also so small! We eventually got it working and are getting the hang of the three remote system we've got now.
We've been doing that too! Mark got a new receiver for Christmas from his parents (his old one was nearly as old as Terri's) and he rewired everything. It is complicated, but it sounds great. We also got a new cabinet to put it all in. This one. In the black/brown, though, not the white that is shown.
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Old 01-26-2009, 03:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We also got a new cabinet to put it all in. This one. In the black/brown, though, not the white that is shown.
Oooooo, ahhhhhh! That's pretty!

-Rachel

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Old 01-26-2009, 03:13 PM
 
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Yeah, it's nice. And it was inexpensive. We also moved three bookcases out of our living room, so we have much less furniture now and it looks better and feels more open.
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Old 01-26-2009, 03:25 PM
 
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mmmmm ikea…

I'm excited to see what Terri has been building! Robert builds us some stuff, but he's just been learning about woodworking the past two years or so. Probably the coolest thing he's built us has been a shelt that runs around up high in our living/everything room. We have to put up just one more section though.

I'd also love to see school house photos. Sounds neat.

So, here's something I've been thinking about for a while now. I've realized that I've felt pretty directionless in life for some time now. And it's corresponded (but not neccesarily due to) me sort of "loosing" two people that I considered as mentors. I guess I have this desire to have someone in my life that's wiser, more experienced, balanced, etc. It's like I don't have something to focus me, to clarify my thinking and planning.

But then, I'm thinking, why can't I do these things for myself? And I don't feel personally that Robert would be appropriate (as a mentor/mentee relationship is unbalanced power-wise, plus I know he's got stuff to learn as well! ). I'm kind of stuck with the idea of finding a therapist again and paying for my mentoring .

I guess there's no real question there, just ramblings. And I'd like to hear people's thoughts on what i've blah blah blahed about.

Re-reading that, I don't know if I've explained myself very well. hmm.
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Old 01-26-2009, 05:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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*raising hand*
Hi my name is Rachel and I've never been to an Ikea. Although they are opening a new one in Charlotte so I might be going at some point to check it out. I know they have one in Atl also but the only thing in Atl worth a trip is gay pride and to hang out with Julia someday.

Julia, I here you. My boss (and mentor) died in 2007. I'm still not over that loss. I see him everywhere around my workplace. I'm also not a self-motivator when it comes to some things so motivation is lacking in a big way. Deadlines help though but it's rare I have a deadline for anything. I got no advice, not that you asked for any, but I do hear you.

Grace, since your ms. super crafty bath-lady I have a question I hope you can help answer. You know those candles you can light and when it melts you can pour it onto your partner (without too much pain) and it turns into massage oil? I would love to make some of those, have you any ideas, tips, recipes, etc along this line?

-Rachel

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Old 01-26-2009, 05:46 PM
 
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I'd also love to see school house photos. Sounds neat.

So, here's something I've been thinking about for a while now. I've realized that I've felt pretty directionless in life for some time now. And it's corresponded (but not neccesarily due to) me sort of "loosing" two people that I considered as mentors. I guess I have this desire to have someone in my life that's wiser, more experienced, balanced, etc. It's like I don't have something to focus me, to clarify my thinking and planning.

But then, I'm thinking, why can't I do these things for myself? And I don't feel personally that Robert would be appropriate (as a mentor/mentee relationship is unbalanced power-wise, plus I know he's got stuff to learn as well! ). I'm kind of stuck with the idea of finding a therapist again and paying for my mentoring .

I guess there's no real question there, just ramblings. And I'd like to hear people's thoughts on what i've blah blah blahed about.

Re-reading that, I don't know if I've explained myself very well. hmm.
I can TOTALLY relate. I'm a pretty confident person, but I thrive when there's an experienced and steady hand providing guidance, support, and kudos. Dunno why. Yeah, it's obnoxious too sometimes.
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Old 01-26-2009, 06:27 PM
 
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Grace, since your ms. super crafty bath-lady I have a question I hope you can help answer. You know those candles you can light and when it melts you can pour it onto your partner (without too much pain) and it turns into massage oil? I would love to make some of those, have you any ideas, tips, recipes, etc along this line?
Yep, you can do that fairly easily. There is actually a tutorial here that makes sense.

Oooh, I should offer some of those up in the craft swap for V-day...
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